Title: No Sex On The Jolly Roger
Rating: T
Summary: Just Hook Laying down the law. This is after Henry is safe of course and hopefully asleep bellow deck with the Charmings.
A/N: Hope you laugh
Disclaimers: I don't own
Ladies and gentlemen.. of the Jolly Roger
I have one piece of advice for you
No matter what a savior tells you
There's no sex on the Jolly ROger.. NONE!
Oh there's Rum on the Jolly Roger
But you don't want Rum.. you want sex
And there's NO sex.. on the Jolly Roger
Don't go to parties with magic detectors
Sure it feels safe inside; but what about
all those trolls waitin outside to eat ya ass?
They know you ain't got none..
If a woman tells you she's 20 and looks 16.. she's 12
If she tells you she's 26, and LOOKS 26.. she's damn near 54
Take off that silly-ass hat
The evil Queen couldn't have possibly committed all those crimes
Snow did some of that shit
Young pirates - if you go to a movie theater
and someone steps on your boot, let it SLIIIDE
Why spend the next twenty years in jail
cause someone smudged your leather?
Rum - ain't nuttin wrong with that
No matter what you think of what I'm sayin
Remember this one thing: there is no sex, on the jolly Roger
[Rumple]
Ooooohh...
No sex on the Jolly Roger (6X)
Absolutely, positively, no sex on the Jolly Roger no-ohhhhh...
[Killian Hook]
If a homeless person.. has a funny sign..
he hasn't been homeless that long
A +REAL+ homeless person, is too hungry, to be funny
Red has a pierced tongue - she'll probably suck your dick
[Rumple: That'd be great..]
Sidney has a pierced tongue - he'll probably suck your dick
[Rumple: I don't want that, no..]
Here's a horoscope for everyone:
Aquarius: You're gonna die
Capricorn: You're gonna die
Gemini: You're gonna die TWICE
Leo: You're gonna die
Scorpio: You're gonna die f**kin
[Rumple: Ohh yeah..]
No one goes to Grannies for wings
[Rumple: No no no..]
If you've been dating a woman for four months
and you haven't met any of her friends, you are NOT her fiancée!
Some of the things I've said may not apply to you
Some of the things I've said may offend you
But no matter who you are, you must remember this one thing
No matter what a savior says
There's no sex on the Jolly Roger
NONE
[Rumple]
No sex on the Jolly Roger
no sex on the Jolly Roger
No sex on the Jolly Roger
No no sex on the Jolly Roger
No sex on the Jolly Roger
Can't get none, uhh
Can't have none, nah
on the Jolly Roger
Said there's absolutely, positively
no sex on the Jolly Roger
Said no.. no..
Said no-ohhhh..
Said Hook said..
There ain't no sex
on the Jolly Roger.. no.. no.. no..
Can't get none, ahh
Can't have none.. *fades*
" Fine, Regina care to go for a swim in the moonlight?"
"Love to dear. After all Hook's bed would be to cramped any how."
" Ah Ladies wait! I might been a little to hasty. Agh thanks a lot crocodile."
"Well dearie if want 'em to come back it'll cost ya"
Slight laugher
"Deal"
