Okay, first off. I don't own the rights to MLP friendship is magic, Marvel Comics, Steven Lynch, or the movies or shows that I poke fun at. I'm a graduate student/cosplayer to my money is nonexistent.
Also for new time readers
*** these by themselves means one of Deadpools personalities is talking. If you see them in the dialogue then it just represents an action taking place
( ) these are the second personality's markers for their dialogue.
Chapter 5
My Little Deadpool.
When we last left our mercenary, he was being arrested by the Teen Titans while facing Slade, a mercenary who framed him for the murder of a soldier. Taking down Slade gave Deadpool a chance to explain his situation to Robin, but he still left a city dumbfounded and paranoid after the public learned of his exploits. Eris transported him back to her kingdom of Tarterus before Robin had a chance to cuff him. She thanked him for reminding Jump City that anyone can be a victim of chaos , heroes and villains alike. Not a moment after, Eris sent Deadpool back to work, ironically in the same circumstances , falling from a portal and ending up in the care of the new worlds harmonious beings( the main characters, READ A DICIONARY AND PISS OFF). This time however he lost the face that Raven had given him after healing all of his scars, and ended up in a whole new pony…..errrr…body. He ended up in Ponyville Hospital where we left him having a nervous breakdown.
Deadpool: " Give it to straight doc, how bad is it?"
Dr Stable: " Umm, I'm not sure what you mean * Checks charts* from what I can see …all you suffered from was a case of vertigo when you fell."
*We tested positive for Vertigo, but we didn't pee in a cup.*
( Maybe we wet ourselves)
*? Who collects pee like that?*
Deadpool:" I could care less if I tested positive for SUPER CANCER. At least I'd know what the heck is wrong with me. "
Applejack : " Hey Mr. What he's sayin is that yur just peachy keen. *pulls a mirror out* Take a gander."
The mirror's image revealed that Deadpool ,the once great mercenary with a silver tongue, was now a four legged red and black pony. His suit was even anatomically fitted to his new shape.
Deadpool: " …..I look like the gay version of Shadowmare from Skyrim…now it's why i'm suddenly attracted to Shadowmare. "
Applejack: " What in duh name Equestria is uh Skyrim"
Rarity: " Good sir, you must relax. Aside from your questionable attire, you're in perfect health."
*We turned into Mr. Ed's special cousin*
(Correction, a pony, the comic relief in a midget cowboy western)
Deadpool was at a loss for words. It's one thing to be sent to a dimension where the locals get a 65% on the " Humanoid" exam, but the local somatotype in Equestria is foreign to Deadpool. His progress would be slightly hinder due to the encumbering task of learning how to do simple task , such as pick up his katana. The worst was that his trigger finger is now replaced with a hoof…..bummer.
That realization alone made the legendary merc go into a mild panic attack right in front of the mare 6. Best course of action would be to collect yourself, assess the situation, and plan accordingly…..that's not going to happen. Deadpool's penchant is improvisation.
Deadpool:"Ladies….err mares?...ummm not sure what to call female ponies"
*CHECK THE UNDERCARRIAGE *rimshot* *
( We've established they're female, it's a matter of semantics now)
*Semantics, you kiss my ass with that mouth?*
Deadpool:" I need to be alone for a bit, I can't even remember what I ate before I got here….*HMM* but I'll find out soon enough *HMMM covers mouth*"
Rarity:" Oh dear " * heads for the door*
Applejack: " ya'll allright hun?"
Deadpool:" I just need to collect my thoughts"
Pinkie Pie: " Really, where did they go? What do they look like? I can find my thoughts in two shakes of a mares tail, although my thoughts usually contain frosting so I may have eaten them …BUT DON'T YOU WORRY SIR * pulls out Sherlock cap* I'll find those pesky thoughts , the game is on….and it's a scavenger hunt* dashes out of the room*
Just outside of the hospital door, Pinkie Pie went into blood hound mode. In addition to the cap, she draped a small barrel with a rope around her neck and labeled "glucose." Then her super sniffer went on full blast as she cased the entire hospital floor, like a pink Kirby vacuum…the irony was picture worthy.
Twilight Sparkle: " Pay no mind to her. She has a working theory that there're are physical manifestations of thoughts and memories."
Rainbow Dash: " Losing your marbles, that was the idea she pitched to Twilight. Thanks for nerding it up Egghead"
*Losing marbles theory, I like the pink one*
Fluttershy: *walks over to Deadpool's bedside* " Umm sir, I completely understand what you're going through. I can't imagine what it would be like to fall from such a high altitude"
Rarity: " Darling you have wings"
Fluttershy: " Well..I remember one time when I was just learning to fly, I was being bullied in Cloudsdale when I was pushed off my cloud.
Rainbow: "1. The butterflies saved you 2. You know I would've saved you from an impending doom"
Flutter: " very true, and i'm glad those vocabulary lessons are paying off Rainbow dash"
Rainbow Dash: " Thanks, hey what….I KNOW WHAT IMPENDING MEANS. :P"
Deadpool: " OK, this has been a wonderful trip through embarrassing moments, speaking of which, I'm about to disrobe and do the Me. Elephant dance in front of the audience of urinals , so if you wouldn't mind I'd like to rehearse"
Not wanting to e spectators, the rest of the mare 6 exited his room. Dr. Stable took this time to ask a couple of routine questions.
Dr Stable: " Could I trouble you for a name son, I can't put down "John mare"
*did he just call us John Mayer?*
( We do have a new "Baaahhdaaaay ")
Deadpool: " Later Doc, ummm refresh my drink .. I mean memory. My ummm stuff that I came with , those were collectables."
*good save*
Dr. Stable: " That's actually the current "Elephant in the Room" I'd like to address."
*how does he know about the Mr Elephant dance?*
( Maybe he's a fan and wants a preview)
Dr Stable: " A couple of items caught are attention"
*CRAP*
( We're dead)
*I refuse to die in a Hospital where the nurses aren't even hot, IMPROVE !*
Deadpool:" That reminds , can I just point something out"
Dr. Stable : " Of course"
Deadpool: " you have a fistdo on your chin"
Dr Stable: " What's a fistdo?"
*this one is for you Beastboy*
Deadpool: " *POW* Knock you out"
*Hooves hit harder than knuckles, huh, who knew)
(Perhaps we can liberate someone legs and make hoof gloves. )
*Or brass hooves*
Dr, Stable went down after a quick right hook across his chin, making time for Deadpool to find his gear, although it didn't take him long. They were placed in a bag in his hospital room closet , guess security is pretty lax.
Deadpool: " Alright, time to unleash the MacGyver inside all of us and find a way out of here *Checks the window* okay,uhhhhh, I think I found where happiness, rainbows, and airport gift shops come from."
Deadpool could see a good portion of Ponyville from the window.
Deadpool: " Fantastic, look at the towns folk, I'm still in my suit so naturally I'll stick out like somebodies sore thumb I broke."
*A thumb would be an improvement right now*
(or at least an erect spine)
*HAH….you said spine*
Deadpool:" *bonks head* Silence your mouth tubes you two. Hmm think, think , THINK, AH BRAIN-EXPLOSION."
*Jimmy Neutron , Really?*
Deadpool:" I said explosion…PPfft, anyway this place must have a supply closet.
( It's called a pharmacy, and the last thing we need to do is get high)
Deadpool:" I meant a supply closet for the maintenance and janitorial staff, just be on the lookout for Mexicans cowering in a door. "
Closing the door with his mouth, which was his first new learned skill, Deadpool marched his way through the hospital crowd, He came up to a door that said "Personal Only"
Deadpool : " Jackpot" *opens door, then locks from the inside*
Deadpool started to salivate at the sight in front of him, shelves of chemicals and tools from wall to wall.
Deadpool:" Wah Wah Wah, it's the spice rack of my wet dreams.*WEEN* where the hell did that come from ?
*The ween, IDK, but on another note, when did we have wet dreams about spice racks?*
( That stripper in New Orleans during mardi gras, her name was cinnamon, with a big "rack")
It was your typical chemical store room. Blue metal framed shelves, organized from disinfectants, virucides , fungicides, bactericides, emergency first aid, etc.
Deadpool:" hmm, let's see what we have to work with * scans* fertilizer CHECk …
Authors note, lets just assume anytime Deadpool grabs something , it's with his mouth or bear hugs it from now on.
Deadpool:" ….Ooo, *grabs road flare* Hello my old friend. "
After getting a few other items, Deadpool saw a rack of clean uniforms from the other staff. One stood out, a double breasted chefs coat and a white toque. Donning his new disguise, as best as he could with the new body, Deadpool takes all off is "ingredients" in his new bag ( jeez, redundant much writer?) Anyway, Deadpool heads towards the kitchen and begins cooking.
Deadpool grabs a bucket and pokes holes at the bottom with a apple core blade, pours the fertilizer into the bucket, when an unsuspecting earth pony starts rubber necking and makes his way towards the mercenary
Hors D'oeuvre:" My word, do you plan on serving that to our patients or the worms in their pottered tulips?
Deadpool:" oh this, it's a prank I'm pulling on Dr. Stable. I'll fill all the bedpans with this stuff and tell the Doc that he's on "Dooty" tonight."
Hors D'oeuvre: *chuckle* Oh what a novel idea sir, I can't wait to see the look on his face, carry on."
Deadpool:" Note to self: remember this prank if we're ever admitted to Mercy General hospital. "
*NOTED!*
From then on, hot water was past through the fertilizer and drained through the hole onto a skillet, heated until simmering. He then added 1 cup of sugar and 3 packs of gelatin, stirring until the granules dissolved. After letting it cool down sawdust was added until it became a hard paste . Deapool used a mortar and pestle to gently grind together the contents of the road flare, sulfur, powdered milk, and potassium chlorate. Using string he had found in the closet, Deadpool soaked it in the gelatin mixture before everything else, and reached into his bag to one of his pouches to retrieve a shotgun shell. He emptied it out over the string until it was saturated. Combining all the ingredients in a coffee can( I won't tell you how, that would be dangerous in case anyone is stupid enough to make this in their own :P).
Security:" *intercom* Attention Hospital staff, be on the lookout for a patient in a red and black suit. He's considered violent so contact any patrolling officers."
Deadpool: " The fuzz has gotten furrier, I guess they found the Doc. "
Hors D'oeuvre: " IT IS YOU , SECURITY!"
*Awwman , I wanted to take a picture with it*
(we didn't even get a chance to taste it)
Deadpool turned up the gas oven and lit the fuse on the flames, then tossing it out the kitchen doors. From there, a blinding red light came from the can with a cloud of black smoke covering all areas of the hospitals. Every pony was coughing and nearly blind, giving Deadpool a chance to head for the emergency exit, but not before dipping his hooves in sterno fluid and painting something on the floor. He then bolted to the exit door since the smoke was about to come in the kitchen as well. From there Deadpool ran out with his bag on his back, and a huge grin on his face.
*hmm we're not really running, so are we trotting?*
( Nope , we're running)
Deadpool was heading towards an alley way in the middle of town, but not before yelling ….
Deadpool: " HIGH HO MEEE AWAAAAAAAAYYYYY!"
_Back at the hospital_
Twilight Sparkle: *uses her horn to cast a dispersion spell, driving the smoke out of the windows*
Applejack: " *couch* unless ya'll ur charbroilin caramelized apple slices that stink of rotten eggs, somethin fishy is goin on. "
Rarity: " Your penchant for making food analogies is spot in Applejack."
Rainbow Dash:" WOAH, how did this happen?
Pinkie Pie:" AAHHH Twilight, why did you that , I almost had those pesky thought right where I wanted them?"
Dr Stable: *runs over* "Oh thank Celestia Twilight, that stallion we just treated escaped. "
Twilight: " Wait…Pinkie you may not be far off, that smoke screen spell must have come from him"
Pinkie Pie: " Well DUH… I figured out that there's no way he could've have lost his marbles, his belt had pouches on poaches on top of pouches to hole all of his marbles, so I thought of the only possible solution, COLORED SMOKE! I may use that for my next fire safety party, although that may send the wrong message."
Rainbow Dash: " Can it Pinkie, apparently we have a fugitive on the loose, and it's time for Equestria favorite hero to swoop in and catch the culprit."
Dr Stable: " Yes , call Mare Do Well"
Rainbow Dash: " WHAT? I was talking about me…
Pinkie Pie: " I'll GET THE MARE SIGNAL!"
Flutter Shy: " umm excuse me"
Rainbow Dash: " You do know that's Mare Do Well wasn't real right, it was a lame plot to get me off the "pedestal" I apparently put myself on, but I'm too awesome to let pride get the way my epicness. "
Fluttershy: " Ummm, I think that"
Rarity:" A lot of good that did everyone darling, we shan't be needing anything until I can get the repugnant smell off my pelt. "
Flutter Shy: " look, we don't actually"
Applejack:" Come on fussbudget, wait just a gosh darn minute, a stallion just dang near turned this place into smoke house and all you can think of is
Flutter Shy: " *STARE* "
Everpony gasps
Applejack: *nervous* Did ya'll have something to say sugar cube , floors all yours"
Flutter Shy: " Thank you, Doctor do you know why he did this, I don't think he would do this on purpose without good reason"
Dr. Stable:" girls what I forgot to mention was that his attire included numerous weapons that I'd never seen before, I was confronting him when I sucker punched me. "
Twilight Sparkle: " Hmm, Pinkie Pie stop sniffing for thoughts,marbles, or whatever"
Pinkie Pie:" Something smells funky *sniff* I know that smell. It reminds me of the time we did the Chocolate Fondue fundraiser at Sugarcube Corner ..Ooops"
Pinkie Pie's tail knocked over a hot skillet from the stove. As it fell, you could see a faint trace of blue and yellow light. When the pan hit the kitchen floor, flames started to coil around like a serpent. It stopped spreading once it cover all of the concentrated fluid. The flames weren't big enough to start a huge fire, and would go out in a few minutes since the sterno fluid was thinned out, but it was there long enough for the mare 6 to raise an eyebrow. The flames were actually letters, with a message
"YOU'VE JUST BEEN POOLED"
While everpony was contemplating the reasoning behind Deadpool's elaborate escape plan, a familiar voice burst through the hospital doors.
Spike: " TWILIGHT *running* *pant pant pant*
Spike was out of breath and reeked of smoke, Rarity took notice of the pungent odor and ran towards Spike cupping his head in her hooves
Rarity : " MY POOR SPIKEY WIKEY, you must have been engulfed in those horrid smoke clouds"
Spike: *blushing*" ahh, nothing I couldn't handle my lady, I needed to get to Twilight ASAP to *BURP*
A scroll suddenly appeared from Spike's emerald green flames, falling in front to the group. Twilight immediately used her magic to open the letter and read.
Dear Princess Twilight Sparkle
I'm afraid I come with dire news. I sensed a great power looming towards Ponyville. When I heard back from one of my envoys I sent to investigate , he reported seeing a portal. A powerful portal that apparently brought an unknown guest. The portal in question felt like the one in our castle , the one you bravely stepped through to retrieve your crown. However, only dark magic could conjure such a spell. I'm unaware of any pony powerful enough to accomplish this. At this point I can't be sure who conjured it, or the intentions of our new guest. I need you to bring this traveler to me. I must inquire to its intentions, but I fear the dark magic behind this might bring danger to Equestria. Good luck princess, and to the rest of my little ponies
Princess Celestia
Twilight could already tell this was going to get ugly. Already this pony escaped a hospital using unknown magic to avoid his artillery from being discovered.
Twilight Sparkle: " Okay everypony , I have an order to apprehend this menace and bring him to Princess Celestia. I know this is asking a lot since he may be dangerous and unpredictable. I don't want anypony to put themselves at risk…
Applejack: " Hold on there, don't get all protective of us Twi. I don't give a hoot if Princess Celestia gave you the green light to this. If you're going , we're going.
Rainbow Dash: " That's right I'm not letting my friends go hunting for a fugitive without me. Right girls?"
Rarity: " This is just another lesson in friendship darling, Princess Celestia may have the authority and outfit to match it, but I follow you deary. "
Fluttershy: " Of course, besides, it couldn't be a humongous fire breathing , treasure hoarding dragon , in disguise..that would be just silly…unless it was …*gulp* but even so, I'm too"
Pinkie Pie: " Oh yeah, hey , this would be like a gift for the princess, maybe we should wrap him up in streamers , ribbons, bows, so he'd looks like a present. Then we can have a party in celebration for his capture, but would that mean he'd be invited to . Oh of course he would. Who am I to deny anyone a party….who would I be…..wow that would be like not me, who wouldn't make parties , or dress ponies up in gift wrap who can't …
AppleJack: " Let's just start hoofin it to Ponyville before this varmint has a arty of his own"
Pinkie Pie : " AHHH no fair , he's having one without us? "
Twilight Sparkle: "*sniff * thank everpony. I believe with the power f our friendship, we can take down this malevolent creature from another world."
_Ponyville main streets_
Deadpool: " ACHOOOO, FRIKIN ERIS, I'M ALLERGIC TO FUR"
*or it could be that other thing*
(the Anime rule if someone is talking about you, how apropos)
Deadpool , figured he had time to kill before word got out about how he turned the Hospital into a steam room for Demons and people making jerky. Getting his bearing around ponyville would be the first priority. Luckily he mastered his new body in terms of mobility. He walked through Ponyville as if he was a Travel channel host making color commentary about every thing that rubbed him the wrong way in the wrong spot *pfft , virgins* First he made his way to a couple of the stores. When in Rome after all.
_ Carousel Boutique._-
Deadpool: " Okay I think I got, they have a marry go round on top , so they can put kids on it, crank up the speed, since it's at a high altitude, they'll fling the kids across town and hit buildings during times of economic war. "
*Or they might be statues of the dame that lives here*
( No one would be that conceited about their work to make statues of themselves and put them on top of their place of business, this isn't Gargoyles the animated series. )
_Ponyville Day Spa_
Deadpool:" I've never seen a spa design by circus Gypsies. Creepy"
*What would Gypsies need a spa for*
( Steam room chambers for Nazis)
_ Sugarcube Corner_
Deadpool:" I'm getting diabetes just from looking at this place. When do they have time to decorate a firkin ginger bread house, during Christmas Season or Cabbage night?"
*ok Christmas I can wrap my hoove around , great now they got me doing it, but why cabbage night*
( Give the local trouble makers icing bags and "TP" The building with "RI" , Royal icing for those of you getting ideas in the real world.)
_Market place_
Deadpool:" So what's are next move?"
*we need to talk to Eris and get our body back *
( Walking like this makes me feel submissive….and I'm starting to like it)
Deadpool was also scouting potential threats. So far, everyone was smiling, being polite, everyone seems know one another, and they didn't even notice the merc walking down to the fountain.
*So what do you think DP?*
Deadpool: " Terrorist cell, just like cats. Always plotting right out in the open regardless of how cute they look. I mean, have you seen their tattoos.
*Umm , kind of sending the wrong message*
Deadpool:" Then what are they trying to get across?
(They figured out how to make a tramp stamp look tasteful, who knew it was by putting it on both side of the barn)
Deadpool:" The barn, really, that's how we talk now…Brilliant!
Twilight Sparkle: " Don't take another step, by orders of Princess Celestia , ruler of Equestria, I'm here to take you Canterlot to be placed under the supervision of her majesty for threat evaluation and confinement for crimes against Ponyville. "
Pinkie Pie : " YEAH WHAT SHE SAID , THAT'S SOME TRUTH YO WITH SOME FROSTING ON IT!
Deadpool: " Really now, here I am minding my own business peeping at the local ink , while the local purple fuzz is trying to get me in hand c…hoof cuf…okay this is going to get at me all day, what do you use on criminals to keep them from escap…AHHHH
Deadpool was encased in a purple force field
Twilight Sparkle: " That's how we roll in PV yo"
Rainbow Dash:" *FaceHoof* you just became 20% less cooler Twi. Just stick with being the upstanding book work we all love before you become the poser we send to a shrink, I mean come in that's something that I would do"
Twilight Sparkle: " Sry"
Deadpool:" Perfect, HAHAHA, all you need is some glasses and a guitar riff, Because, when you act like someone you're not, we might be looking as a case of *puts sun glasses on* Miss-Taken- Identity *THE WHO GUITAR RIFF WITH SCREAM*"
AppleJack:" Oh for the love of fritters, are you completely of your rocker?"
Deadpool: " TOTALLY!"
Rainbow:" Hey, you just blew up a hospital, and you're cracking jokes, make one more and I'll bring you to Celestia my airmail you poor excuse for a clown. "
Deadpool:" Hey , do I look like Patch Adams, all I wanted to do was get out , it's not my fault the Doctors chin was so close to my fist…or hoof. I didn't know if he was trying to ask me questions or check my prostate. I don't mind if parks his car in the rear entrance with a rubber glove and some lit candles, but with that hoof, pfft, you'd need a crane and a priest for that job."
*Yeah, a crane to lower you on it*
( And the priest to operate the crane, at least he'll be merciful , unless he was doing it)
Deadpool:" Yup, I must insist on fingers, then he can use one and maybe two."
*The second one is actually not that bad*
(yup, in case you need a second opinion)
Deadpool:" But then again…
Applejack :" STOP IIIIIIIITTTTTTTTT.
Pinkie pie at this point was that one not talking, just listening, but laughing her tail off.
This was going nowhere fast, so Fluttershy had to step in. She walked towards the violet colored force field Twilight had raised( SHIELDS). She found her center and took a deep breath. This was her first time interacting with someone that had the potential to be extremely violent, that wasn't an animal. She was indeed out of her comfort zone, but the strength of her friendship with Twilight and her loyalty to Princess Celestia gave her the drive she needed. Plus she was about the give Deadpool something that she only gave to Discord , Kindness to someone who needed it, because they never really experienced such a wonder.
FlutterShy:" Excuse me sir, I'm sorry but I don't even know your name, I would hate to disrespect you by calling you something you're not comfortable with. "
Deadpool:" Uh huh, you first. *face to face* because I want to know what to put on your name tag after I go Sweeny Todd on all of you, cause I want your loved ones to at least be able to spot you out in the ditch I'm going to leave you in because they might think you're a wounded dog that was mangled when someone tossed his favorite chew toy filled with razor blades in a box of steak knives, salt, and diluted rat poison"
The townsfolk were shocked. To say something like that to Flutter Shy. Not only did that image sink in, but Deadpool knew she would probably imagine an actual dog being mangled by those methods. The last bit of laughter from Pinkie Pie quickly vanished. The rest of the mare 6 were ready to take him down if he made good on hits threat. All Twilight Sparkle could think of was how to get her friend out of that situation…until
FlutterShy:" *shy voice* my….name…is fluttershy…
Deadpool: " I'm sorry what?
Fluttershy:" *clears throught* My name is…fluttershy.
Deadpool:" *Little John Impersonation* HU-WHAT-TAH!
Fluttershy:" My name is Fluttershy."
Deadpool:" FlutterShy, HAH! You guys remind me of Little John from Robin hood"
*Wait, wasn;t he Andre The Giant big?"
( Strike that , reverse it mo-fo)
Flutter Shy: " Possibly , I'm not sure who you're referring too, but I'm sure it's accurate.
Deadpool:" Thank you Fluttershy, you deserve a gift basket of assorted jams, preserves and rubber dicks to put them on, but anyway, My name is Wade Wilson. "
FlutterShy:" Well it's a pleasure to make your acquaintance. Now, I understand that you may be upset by putting you in a cage I wouldn't leave my bunnies, but we have good intentions for doing."
Deadpool:" Yeah, Hitler had good intentions when he turned jews into slaves by day and cookie dough by night. You wouldn't want to make a cookie out me, it'd be like biting into a dog biscuit designed to make an anorexic poodles vomit and then abstain from biscuits all together, do you own a dog.
Flutter Shy: " Why yes I do"
Deadpool:" ? you like animals?"
Flutter Shy:" Nothing brings me more happiness then spending time wih my furry friends. "
Deadpool:" Wonderfull, I just through up in my mouth"
FlutterShy: " Oh I'm sorry. If you're sick then I'm sure they're plenty of medical supplies at Princess Celestia's castle. Come with us and I can make sure you are treated with the upmost respect. "
Deadpool:" Under one condition. Don't use magic to bind me while we go. I have a thing about people "all up in my grills yo, dey has beef all up in dhere and I don't want dat touching my chicken"
Rainbow Dash: " WHAT, do you think we're that stupid?"
Deadpool:" only 20% of you"
Rainbow Dash: *GRRR*
AppleJack: " Flutter shy, ya'll thinking this pony can be trusted"
FlutterShy:" Ladies, all this stallion has done is escape from someone he's not familiar with , in a slightly violent way, all because of the items he wears. For all we know, he could be a soldier, but you wrote him off without considering his feelings. If I was in the same situation , I'd want to leave ASAP. He's tired, hungry , and lost, trapping him and the threats are not helping. "
Rarity:" Oh dear, I guess we jump to conclusions. I'm sorry Fluttershy."
Fluttershy: " *cough* Ahem *point to the floating Deadpool*
Rarity:" Why yes of course, Wade please except my sincerest apologies for assuming were an deranged criminal "
AppleJack:" Me too partner,
Pinkie Pie:" Hmm, Answer me this , cupcakes or muffins?
Deadpool:" Trick question, both. Use a muffin top to sandwich the frosting with the bottom portion of the cupcake. " I call it the "muff-diver"
Pinkie Pie: " GENUIES , REALEASE THIS MAN NOW!
Twilight was contemplating her options as she walked toward the force field. With her friends valid points and the fact he didn't really put anyone in danger, made her decision trifling. She stared right at the merc, letting him know what was about to go down.
Twlight Sparkle:" First, a few rules. Spike , take a note. Title it " Transporting a cooperative person of interest". 1. Hooves must be bound to the chains , but only to hinder the chances of escaping, more will be needed if the subject is uncooperative. 2. Any acts committed by said person of interest that could be interpreted as hostile will be subject to further confinement. 3. Personal items will be processed before departure and after arrival. 4. Walking distance will be designated by first commanding authority pony…...Wade do you understand the bylaws that I've just given you and that any violation of said laws is punishable to further investigation and possible prison time?"
Deadpool:" ….What, sry I was watching a balloon go by, it took every oz. of strength not to pop it. That's their destiny folks, the suffering needed to stop."
Twilight Sparkle: *Teeth grinding* do you agree not to do anything that Fluttershy would consider bad."
Deadpool: " Yup, Sweet. You'll be my interpreter .
Fluttershy:" It would be a pleasure. "
Deadpool: " but first I have a request, first let me out of here. "
Twilight Sparkle quickly dispelled her force field. Leaving Deadpool free as a doobie on 4/20.
Deadpool:" ok , this has been eating at my mind brain….yes those exist …..what's with the kindergarten tribal tattoos on your ba donk a donks?"
Rainbow Dash:" What's it too ya blank flank."
Deadpool" Did you just insult me, Fluttershy"
Fluttershy:" Sardonically, yes"
Deadpool" Well, I was going to ask what they're for, but thanks to Rainbow Bright's future source of colored glue , I've got something to Say"
Who wouldn't want a big musical finish? After being let out of the magical barrier, Deadpool agreed to be escorted to Princess Celestia's Castle for his "interrogation," but not before committing his first chaotic act. Stirring the pot so to speak before returning to see what kind he's dealing with. A chef always screws up the first time he/she cooks something unheard of. To Deadpool, regardless of the turnout , would come back for seconds.
_Musical Interlude _
Deadpool Jump was doing a little bit of a jig. A mix of styles depending on who he was heading towards. But now let's listen to the docent sound of Deadpools first song in a Equestria . Just imagine Deadpool Dancing in pony form all around Ponyville like Aladdin in Agrabah and giving a little twist on the great American past time of tattoo art.
Deadpool:"
"Violet stars, Butterflies, Rainbow Bolts going down your thighs.
Queer tattoo, those are queer tattoos"
" Party Balloons , Violet Jewels, Apples to apples , not the game card rules,
But it's a queer tattoo, they're still got a queer tattoos. "
" You got candy heart and an apple slice, best to give you some free advice,
Those are queer tattoos, some very queer tattoos"
"Ya think that Silver Spoon means nobility , or style and class….filly please,
It's a queer tattoo, a pretentiously queer tattoo. "
"Any food tattoo is really queer, it might as well say
"unload condiments here"
That's a tramp tattoo , an anorexic tramp tattoo."
"The barbell tat on your quadriceps, you got from squatting 1000reps
That's a sweet tattoo, Bro that's a sick tattoo."
"You got the 1/4th of a slice, he scored the rest of the wedge, you must of rolled the dice, when you made that pledge,
For the queerest tattoo, the lesser of the queer tattoos."
"A Treble Cleff helps you read a song, but sporting a cello makes it so damn wrong, weren't you watching when they put that on?
You got the wrong tattoo, but the Bass cleff's still a queer tattoo."
"You love your smiling flowers tat, but that's just them laughing at
Your queer tattoos, so many laughing tattoos"
"I guess you got that spiral sun, from the tribal talisman
Of queer tattoos, the tribe of queer tattoos."
"You've got snails and scissors all over the place, it used to mean boys , but that's not the case.
They're just queer tattoos, some rowdily queer tattoos."
"And by queer , I just mean bad, it wouldn't mean gay unless you had,
A PINK TRIANGLE ON A RAINBOW FLAG WITH A BEAR WEARING LEATHER AND A RED BALL GAG…that's queer tattoo
A literally queer tattoo."
The carriage from Canterlot had just arrived after Deadpools musical number. He stepped off the fountain to hop in, but not before hearing some feedback, especially from the ponies he was directing the lyrics at.
How will they respond? What does the Princess have in store for Deadpool? Id Discord off somewhere watching and laughing his horns off? What of Deadpool's plans to wreak some havoc? All will be answered in the next chapter.
P.S.
If anyone can guess all of the ponies I referenced in that song, they can suggest the next world I'll be sending Deadpool to.
Again, If you read this, please send some non flame feedback. I want to know if I'm at least causing some chuckles from you. I love to entertain people, I do it at cons as Deadpool all the time, but I need to know if I'm on the right track.
Thank you for reading everyone.
Twilight Sparkle: " Hmm, Dr. Stable, could you give us a minute."
Dr. Stable: "Of course. I'll draw up the discharge papers and you'll be out of here in two shakes of a ponies tail"
On that note , the doctor left the room, giving the floor to Twilight.
Twilight Sparkle: " You aren't from Equestria are you?"
*Ok get it together buddy, we new this was going to happen. I bet Eris changed you. To kind of get grass roots experience if we ended up in a Universe with non humanoids. I say we play innocent until we find more about this place, find it's weak point , then poke the weak spot until it bleeds*
(Then poke it some more to see if it's dead, and cause it makes me giggle)
Deadpool: " If Equestria means a place where I wouldn't be caught dead drunk on a bet, then yeah. "
Pinkie Pie: " I thought so, I know every pony in Ponyville and I'd think I'd notice a pony in a red and black superhero outfit, unless your secret identity is one of the ponies I know and you haven't introduced your because you busy fighting crime. "
Deadpool " …I'm a pony?"
Rainbow Dash:" Dude do you have amneisia or something?"
Deadpool: " You're asking me if I have amnesia…..that's like asking someone if they have something on their eyesocket, but for you I'll check…"
You couldn't have painted a better picture, Deadpool rolled his eyes to the back of his head. What he was checking for..is anyones guess.
Pinkie Pie: " Oooh Ohh me next! "
Pinkie followed Deadpools example and rolled her eyes as well.
Pinkie Pie: " I can see my head from up here *WEEN*"
Rarity: " Charming as ever Pinkie darling *hint of sarcasm,* what I think what Twilight and Rainbow Dash were insinuating was that you're not from this world. So where are you from then if you don't mind me asking."
*That's it earn their trust, then just play it cool until we can at least get our gear*
( Hopefully our pouches didn't follow suit and get turned into a saddle)
Deadpool: " Ya know , I'd be able to explain it better if I had my pouches …..and my swords….right now"
Twilight Sparkle:" Sure, I don't see why not."
Twilights horn glowed as she was able to summon Deadpool's gear. Deadpool jump out of the Hospital bed and let her help him put them on.
Deadpool: " Heh, you some kind of telepath or something?"
Twilight Sparkle: " Of course not, that was just basic levitation magic."
Deadpool:" Magic….you mean you're not a mutant."
Rarity:" Good heavens! A mutant how dare you!"
Deadpool: " Easy there Joann Rivers wannabe, mutants are as common as red heads in an Irish bar where I come from…*stomach rumble*, I guess I missed my breakfast beer, *Irish accent* could ya be a lass and tell me where the nearest pub is?"
Apple Jack:" What the hey is a pub?"
Deadpool:" You guys don't have pubs, it's holy place where mircles can happen. A beer in one hand and a beef pie in the other. Breakfast of mercenaries."
Apple Jack:" Ah shoot sugar cube. I reckon you're as hungry as a squirrel in a bird feeder. Let's get you some grub and we can talk."
Deadpool: " Wonderfull, but no beer?"
Apple Jack: " Beg pardon?"
Deadpool:" *sigh* Nevermind, guess I'll be sober for the next 3 chapters."
On that note, everypony exited the hostpital as soon as Deadpool figured out how to walk on all fours. A daunting task, but as Deadpool would put it " When in Rome, do the Romans." Upon exiting the hospital, Deadpool nearly was blinded by the sight of Ponyville. As if the planet was an entire palette of bright colors, every building , food stand, and statue stood out. The ponies decided to take Deadpool to one of their favorite eateries, Sugarcube Corner.
Twilight Sparkle:" So what do think if of the town"
Deadpool: " I think I found where all air fresheners , gingerbread houses, and rainbows come from."
*Oh good, we can fart all day and no one would be pointing fingers at us*
( *sigh* Breathtaking , literally)
Pinkie Pie: "
