My eyes briefly opened and took in the musty, dank cell I inhabited. The memories rushed back like a flood, now I know why I am here. I killed Coin. Snow planted the idea and I shot her instead of him. I was being punished, they were punishing the Mockingjay. I guess I deserved atleast this much. I can see it now, the symbol of the rebellion turned on her own leader and killed her in cold blood. Yes, that was me. I guess even now Mockingjay's have to be caged.
Hours pass as I am awake but unrelenting to move from the lumpy mat which is supposed to be some kind of excuse for a bed. I hear nothing except the tortures of my own mind. Faces of those I have lost flash before my eyes, as a constant unyielding source of pain. I do deserve this, this pain and confinement in exchange for the deaths of so many who died for me or because of me.
I hear my cell door slide open and shut briefly, I have no interest in who has come to see me.
"Katniss…" a somber voice echoes off the walls.
I know who it is and I can't bring myself to look at him. He kneels in front of me and gently tips my face to his.
"Why are you here, Peeta?" I whisper as I take comfort in the heat his body brings to the permanent chill in my body.
"Isn't it obvious?" He procures a chunk of bread from his pocket and places it in my shaking hands.
Yes. Yes it is obvious. I know he is here because whoever is in charge now must want answers from those closest to me. I've protected them all by acting alone. I let the arrow fly, it is I alone who will bear the full brunt of the punishment.
"You've told them all you know already. Why are you here for information?" I flick my eyes to his face and see the scared, confused boy in his eyes.
He uses the cloth from the bread he smuggled me to softly wipe dried blood from my forehead. I hadn't noticed the swollen injury until now. I think of how the tables are turned now that he is taking care of me as I did for him in the games.
He shakes his head, "You don't get it do you? Do you not understand as we speak, your fate is being decided? There is a room full of people decided whether you die today. I have to go back and listen to their verdict. I am here because I can't live without you Katniss. I have no one left but you." The way he ends his sentence suggest he doesn't understand why I am the only person he has left.
I see before my eyes the hijacked boy struggling to hold onto what is real, "This is real, Peeta. Everything you said is real and it's real that I need you too."
I place my hand over his heart and his hand clutches it, I can feel his body trembling as he makes sense of the real and not real. He stares deeply into my eyes with an intensity that assures me he's found what is real.
"Peeta," I whisper, "Whatever happens remember that this was real. My feelings for you are real, they always have been."
I shift forward and place my lips on his. He responds softly and envelops me into his arms. Reality slaps me in the face when Peeta's words finally impact me. I could die today, I could be taken from Peeta forever.
"Don't you dare talk like that, Katniss. If they take you from me today, I will follow you into the next life. If you care about me, please don't sit here and talk as if you've given up." He hasn't released me from his arms yet, not that I mind.
We sit wrapped in each other's arms, not sure who is holding who. Neither of us is strong enough to support the other, but together we are strong enough to bear the pain. Huddled in his arms brings me back to our first game, when we were entwined in the cave.
"Peeta, what happened after I killed Coin?" I just had to ask, it was the one thing I couldn't remember.
He stiffens, "Chaos. You were knocked out and Snow was shot. I tried to reach you but you were hauled off to this cell before some of the crowd had even registered what happened."
He is running his hand through the mangled remains of my hair, the remnants were to ragged to be braided. So Snow was dead, as was Coin. Maybe now if I get a chance to live again, just maybe I can find some hope in this world.
A loud knock from the door startles us both, Peeta begins to tense again, "I have to go back to the trial."
I let him stand up and I find the will to move off the mat, "Peeta…"
I am at a loss for words now. What do I say to the boy who's risked his life for mine as I have for his. There's not much to say that has already been made clear during the games. I softly kiss his lips again and bring myself to pull away.
"Thanks for the bread." I say.
He nods, "maybe it will save your life again."
