Notes: This is another look at Victoria's acceptance of Heath. Eugene Barkley, the youngest son of Tom and Victoria, does exist, but is not present for the entire story. This story is alternate universe and contains elements of the supernatural.
Wishes Granted
By Susan Bishoff
Chapter 1 – Departure
It was a quiet Saturday afternoon in early fall, Victoria Barkley sat in the parlor holding onto her needlework project. As much as she tried to concentrate on her current project, she found it nearly impossible. Her mind kept wandering off to the chaos that had taken up residence in her home. It had been three weeks since Heath Thomson arrived at the Barkley Ranch and ruined the peace they had finally reestablished following the murder of her husband Tom, six years ago.
The twenty-four year old blond had quickly claimed to be her late husband's illegitimate son. Victoria's mind just as quickly rebelled against the thought that her precious Tom could do such a thing with another woman no less. But a few days later, when she saw Heath riding back to the ranch behind her sons, she could no longer deny what he claimed was true. Heath bore too many of Tom's characteristics, both physical and behavioral, not to be his son.
Although her mind could acknowledge that he was truly Tom's son, and entitled to all, as her own children were, Victoria's heart could not accept the truth. She knew Jarrod had been right when he argued that as Tom's son Heath had a right to be on the ranch, and live in the house. She could not begrudge the young man that right. She tried not to treat him cruelly, but was only able to maintain a cool detachment from him. Anything else was just too painful.
Heath looked and acted so much like Tom. Every time Victoria laid eyes on him, she thought of Tom. But her thoughts were not of the wonderful years of marriage they had shared together, but were filled with doubt as to whether he truly loved her. Knowing he strayed once, she began to wonder if he had been unfaithful at other times during their marriage. She searched her memory for signs that it hadn't all been a lie; that Tom was truly the man she believed him to be in her heart. All her doubts were clouding her mind, and because of her pain and confusion, she no longer found peace and happiness in the treasured memories of their time together.
The matriarch wished her husband were here to put her doubts to rest, but she knew that wishing for something that could not be was not helping anything. She was angry that Tom had kept this from her. She had always believed there had been no secrets between them only to discover that there had indeed been one—a huge one. She wondered what other secrets he kept from her. She wanted to believe that he did so because he did not want to hurt her and the children, but that thought gave her no comfort.
Her children were having a difficult time as well, but because of her own pain, Victoria found herself unable to help them. She felt they would come to terms with the truth on their own, just as she knew she must.
Victoria was troubled by the young blond himself. She knew he was a nice, polite young man, and knew that under different circumstances, she would have liked him. She also knew that he was struggling to fit in; she had often seen the sadness and hurt on his face: pain that her own family had caused. In the intervening weeks there had been a few occasions when she found herself drawn to him, and wanting to ease his pain. She recognized it as her maternal instincts: she wanted to ease the young man's suffering, but before she could act upon it, she would remember why he was here, and it reawakened her pain and prevented her from reaching out to him. The part of her that was hurting felt that he deserved to suffer for the pain he was causing the rest of the family. After all, he'd brought it upon himself by coming to Stockton and the Barkley Ranch.
The small woman could not remember a time when she was filled with so many conflicting emotions. She was angry, sad, confused, frightened, betrayed, and lost. All these emotions had replaced all the joy, happiness and peace that had previously filled her heart and home; all because one young man had chosen to come destroy her family.
She gave up the pretense of working on the needlework, and walked out to her flower garden. She hoped that working with the plants would keep her busy, and not allow her to dwell on the situation.
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Later that evening, Victoria was thankful that this evening's meal had passed in relative peace. At least there had not been a loud outburst from Nick, as had been the case on most nights recently. She had noticed how quiet Jarrod had been, and saw the quick glances he kept throwing toward Heath. Heath sat pushing the food around on his plate, and didn't respond when Nick threw insults his way. His head was partially lowered so his face was mostly hidden from view, but she did not need to see his face to know his eyes were full of sadness. She knew she should say something to Nick to get him to leave the blonde alone, but could not seem to intercede on his behalf. She was grateful when Jarrod distracted Nick from Heath, and the rest of the meal passed without incident.
Later, she smiled as she walked with her children to enjoy a quiet evening. This time of evening was one of the few times of day that held any semblance to life before Heath's arrival. She knew that it was due largely to the fact that Heath did not spend the evening in the parlor with the rest of the family. Although she knew it was unfair to exclude him, she couldn't help feeling grateful that he did not intrude on the time with her children.
Nick did not have a date this evening, and had agreed to play cards with Audra. The matriarch watched as the pair got settled at the table, and prepared to play.
Victoria was preparing to work on her needleworkagain, when she saw Jarrod approach Heath at the staircase. She could not hear what was said, but a few minutes later she saw Jarrod Lead Heath into the study. She knew her oldest son had done some soul searching this afternoon, and believed he was ready to accept Heath as his brother. She had mixed feelings over that development, but had decided she would stay out of her children's relationship with Heath. He was Tom's son, entitling him to part of the Barkley legacy, which included his brothers and sister. But as she watched them enter the study she couldn't help feeling a little betrayed, as if by accepting Heath, Jarrod was saying Tom was not wrong to have the affair. She pushed those thoughts away as she told herself again that Heath was Jarrod's brother, and Jarrod had a right to know him if he wanted.
She sat and worked on her needlework, angrily pushing and pulling the needle and thread throught the stiff fabric, while listening to Audra rattle on about her day. When Audra wondered aloud what Jarrod wanted with Heath. Victoria was quick to tell her pointedly that if Jarrod wanted her to know then he would tell her.
Victoria could also hear Nick grumbling away while he played cards with his sister about Heath perhaps fooling Jarrod, because Nick knew Heath was lying. She was tired of reminding her hot headed son that Heath was his brother, so she said nothing. The constant attention on Heath and the truth of his parentage was keeping her feelings raw, and she was beginning to wonder if it would ever get better.
She understood her children's feelings toward Heath. Audra had been young when her father died, and in her eyes he was the knight in shining armor that always kept her safe. She idolized him and felt he could do no wrong. Audra had a great sense of loyalty to her father's memory; and would not allow anything to tarnish it—not even the truth.
Victoria found her own feelings reflected by her loud middle son. Nick had worked beside his father for years before his death, and was extremely close to his father. He had placed his father on a high pedestal as a role model to live up to—one that would never do anything as hurtful as have an affair. Nick was also angry because he felt he knew his father better than anyone, and would have known if his father was capable of committing such an act. Heath's arrival here at their ranch made Nick feel that there was a part of his father he didn't know. Nick was hurt him deeply and the fact still made him angry. The only way he could keep his father on the pedestal and not feel betrayed by the secret his father had kept from him was to deny Heath and his claim. And like anything Nick did, he did this loudly, and physically. He felt he had to protect his father's memory and his family from this untruth.
Victoria was not surprised that Eugene seemed to be willing to accept Heath, although she knew he was still angry. Eugene was younger than the other boys and his memories of his father were good ones. But he had been partially raised by Jarrod, who instilled in him the ability to look at all the facts first, and then draw a conclusion. He hadn't completely embraced Heath as a brother, but was willing to think about the idea.
Just as Eugene did not surprise her, neither did Jarrod's being the first to completely accept Heath as a brother. Jarrod was older, and more experienced in life. He could see the signs of their father in Heath, and being a thinking man, he would soon realize the truth. She also knew he was a man who believed in responsibility, and felt the need to accept Heath.
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An hour later, Jarrod joined them in the parlor, and informed them that Heath had retired for the evening.
Upon receiving that information, Victoria found she was finally able to relax. Jarrod distracted both of her children from her, and allowed her to push all thoughts of Heath from her mind, and concentrate on her needlework. She heard Jarrod tenderly tell his sister that what transpired in the study was between him and Heath, and then knowing that to say anything to Nick would result in an argument, challenged him to a game.
Victoria spent the rest of the evening listening to her family laugh and enjoy themselves. As she did, she was reminded that this was what it was like before Heath came into their lives. The laughter had faded with his arrival.
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It was early afternoon, and Victoria sat in the parlor, with her needlework in her hands. She was not even attempting to work on it, but was instead grasping it like a lifeline. Her tears fell from her eyes as she remembered the previous evening's meal.
The past week had passed with little change. The only thing Victoria saw that was different was that Jarrod was more supportive of Heath, and his place in the family. Jarrod had been very busy working on his court case he had coming up the next week, and thus had not been present at all of the family suppers. But the few that he had, he had openly supported Heath, and even butted heads with Nick over the issue.
That's just what happened the night before. Everyone had taken their places, their houseman, Silas had served the meal, grace had been said, and the family started eating.
Everyone was quietly eating their meal when until Jarrod broke the silence. "Heath how was your day?" he asked.
"Okay," Heath had answered. His tone led Victoria to believe otherwise, but decided if he wasn't going to say, she wasn't going to push.
"Well, it would have been better if you would have done what I told you," Nick replied. He was angry, and not about to let it go.
Heath said nothing as he knew it would do no good.
Jarrod understood Heath's silence but didn't want him to be pushed around. The lawyer spoke up, and said, "If Heath didn't do something that you wanted, I'm sure he had a good reason."
"Oh, he had a good reason all right. He's not a good liar. He may claim to be a Barkley, but he's nothing but a lying bastard," Nick stated.
"Nick, we've been through this already. We decided that he told the truth," Jarrod started to say.
"No, YOU decided that it was true. I know that Father would never do anything to bring shame to our family. Just because his mother whored around, and laid with some man, doesn't make that man our father. I don't care what you say. He's someone's bastard all right, but not our Father's!" Nick replied his voice and body language making it apparent that he was ready to come to blows over the matter.
Jarrod wasn't happy with the way the conversation was going, and said, "Nick, calm down."
Through the entire argument, Heath had remained silent. Victoria knew he was trying not to cause a scene at the table, and was accepting comments that he otherwise would taken offense. She had seen the cuts and bruises on his face as well as Nick's. She knew he would not let these kind of comments slide like he did in her presence. She also saw the intense reddening of his face, and his hands were clinched at his side. She could see he was fighting for his self-control.
As the arguing continued, Victoria became more concerned over this ongoing development. The last thing she wanted to see was her children fighting over Heath. Her family had always stood together to face any obstacle or trial. But now, the family was becoming divided, with members on both sides ready to fight. She knew her sons, and knew that neither of them would budge from their position. She did not know how to solve the conflict.
Audra was trying to sort out her feelings about Heath, and the constant fighting upset her. She wasn't sure how she felt about Heath, but she didn't like Nick saying awful things like he was to him tonight. She also didn't know how to feel about Jarrod's new position as Heath's defender. That evening she had been quieter than usual, and after a few minutes, she broke down in tears. She stood quickly, and looked at her brothers, and yelled, "Stop it! I can't stand to see you fighting like this all the time!"
Nick and Jarrod fell silent at their little sister's outburst. They were both instantly sorry to see her so upset, and the tears that were running down her face.
Before either of them could say anything, Audra turned to Heath, and said, "See what you've done. They never fought until you came here. They hate each other now and it's all your fault! I hate you!" She then ran from the room sobbing harshly.
Heath had looked up when Audra spoke, his eyes, Victoria thought, could possibly hold no more sadness, suddenly seemed to overflow with it. After Audra had left the table, Heath placed his napkin by his plate. He rose from his seat, and said quietly, "I'm sorry but I'm not very hungry. I think I'll just go on to bed." He quietly walked from the room, leaving behind a nearly full plate.
For a moment as she looked at his untouched plate, Victoria was concerned that Heath wasn't eating properly. She was also worried about the lost look in his eyes just before he walked out of the room. But she quickly told herself he was a grown man, who could take care of himself. Her responsibility was to her children, not this bastard of her late husband, who were in need of guidance. As soon as Heath had left the room, they began to argue again.
"Nicholas! Jarrod!" she said to get their attention.
Both young men stopped talking uponring their mother's voice. They looked to her and waited for her to speak.
"I understand that you don't agree about Heath being here…," she started to say, and was interrupted by Nick.
"You're damn…" he started to say, but saw the disapproving look from his mother, he quickly corrected, "You're darn right I don't agree with him. I can't believe he believes that crazy claim of his. I thought you were supposed to be the smart one having gone to college."
"Nick, if you'd just look at him with open eyes you'd see he is our brother," Jarrod defended.
"That's enough!" Victoria said, forcefully. She gave them both a stern glare to warn them not to interrupt her again. "Now, as I was saying, the two of you are not going to fight over this matter any more at my supper table any more. Is that understood?"
"But Mother," Nick started to argue.
"No, Nick. You saw how upset you made your sister was this evening. She is having her own problems dealing with the situation, and all this fighting isn't helping her. I can also tell you I can't take too much more of it myself," Victoria stated. She rose from her seat, and said, "I'm going to go check on your sister, and I want you to agree not to argue about this at the table. If you feel the need to discuss it, then do so in the study, specifically out of the range of mine and Audra's hearing. Have I made myself clear?" she demanded, waiting for the response from her sons.
"Yes, Mother," Jarrod said without hesitation. She could easily see the remorse on his face for the pain he had caused his sister.
Nick glanced at Jarrod before turning to look at his mother. He nodded, and said, "Yes, Mother."
"Good," Victoria replied, and walked from the room.
She found Audra in her room. Victoria spent the next hour trying to comfort her daughter. Victoria assured her that the fighting was going to stop. Once she felt sure that Audra was no longer upset, Victoria retired to her room to be alone.
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That is how she came to be sitting in her parlor with tears on her face. Victoria felt at a complete loss as to how to help her family. For the first time in a long time she did not know what to do, and the one person she always felt she could turn to was now the problem. Oh, Tom, how could you do this to your family? she thought and felt the, now familiar rise of her temper. She wiped her face as she heard the door open, and the quiet steps cross the foyer. She knew instantly that it was Heath.
Victoria looked up in time to see Heath standing there looking at her with eyes so like her Tom. As he looked at her, all she could see was Tom, and thought how it wasn't fair that out of his sons, it was his bastard that looked the most like him. Her feelings of betrayal had reached their peak, and she did not want any sympathy from the one who caused all her heartache. She knew he had noticed her tears, but she did not care what he thought.
Heath lowered his head, and said quietly, "I'm sorry I hurt you ma'am. If I'd known it would have hurt you all so much, I wouldn't have come here."
"What did you think would happen? Did you think we would all rejoice at the news Tom had been unfaithful?" Victoria questioned. She couldn't believe he could stand here and act as if he hadn't known what would happen, and it angered her even more.
"I don't know what I thought. I was angry to find out who he was, and came here without thinking how it would affect you and the rest of the family. I'm sorry for the pain I caused you," he answered.
"Sorry! NOW you're sorry. You didn't care how this would affect us when you came here to destroy the memory of my husband and my children's father. Why should it be any different now?" Victoria asked. Her anger had found a target, and now she was going to unleash it.
"I know it was wrong of me to only be concerned over what I wanted. I didn't know it would hurt you so much," he stated, his eyes betraying just how much he himself was suffering.
Victoria saw the torment in the young blonde's eyes, but it did nothing to diffuse her anger. In fact, seeing his eyes, so like her beloved Tom's, seemed to incite her more. She took a deep breath to say more, but was stopped by Heath's next sentence.
"I've already hurt you so much, and my being here is only hurting you more, so I think I should just leave," he said, and met her gaze directly without fear of incrimination.
Along with the sadness and loneliness that she saw in his eyes, there was something else; something that she could not identify. Victoria ignored the feelings it created in her, and let her anger speak for her. "Do you really think that will undo all the damage you have done?" she asked, and before he could answer, went on. "Because leaving will not undo what you have done to this family. My children can never again hold their father in the same esteem as they did before you came here, because he has fallen from the pedestal they placed him upon. They also cannot trust the lessons he taught them. He emphasized loyalty, honor, standing up for your mistakes, and taking responsibility for those mistakes. Now we find that he had a son he did nothing about; one he did not even acknowledge. That's what you've done to my children. All because you were only thinking of what you wanted. The best I can hope for them is that one day they will accept the fact their father made a tragic mistake." She knew her words were like daggers striking the young man where he hurt the most, but in her anger could not even see the result of her words. It was as if once the words started coming, they were purposefully trying to hurt him as she had been hurt; and Victoria found that she had no desire to stop.
"That's why I think I should go. If I'm not here to remind them…," he started to say, and was cut off by Victoria.
"Yes, maybe then I can accept that the man I loved with all my heart, who swore until the day he died that there was no one before me in his heart, lied to me. But seeing you, and knowing he slept with another woman, and fathered a child, I can never again be sure that his love for me was as true as he vowed. I'll forever question whether he loved another woman in secret, or longed to hold another woman when he was holding me," she said, her voice harsh, and full of her pain.
Neither said anything for a moment, and then Victoria said softly, "I wish you had never come here."
Heath lowered his head, and turned to leave.
As he left the room, Victoria heard his quietly whispered, "So do I." She sat on the settee, and shook from the emotion she had expended. She hadn't realized that much time had passed until she heard the quiet footsteps on the stairs, and then the quietly spoken, "I'm sorry," before Heath exited the house.
