Disclaimer (I'm only doing this once so you get the picture): I, The Maiden of Light, do not claim any paraphernalia of the Johnny the Homicidal Maniac comic series which all property belongs to Jhonen Vasquez. The only property of my work is Sylvia Rosetta Colt, other created characters and places, and the plot.

Judge Judy: That was good.

Maiden of Light: Can I go now!

Dear Die-ary,September 3

I'm sorry that I haven't written in you for a while, but I have a good excuse. I was walking home when some jerks pushed me right into the path of a speeding car. It hurt a lot. Squee and this really pretty girl named Rose saved me and took me to the hospital. Because none of us could afford to fully pay my bill, I had to stay over at Rose's house after the operation. I wanted to kill the nurse that had to keep an eye on me. I just want to slice a new orifice into her bulging stomach, rip out her guts, and strangle her with her own intestine. Something stopped me though.

Afterwards, I started falling for my caretaker. She is amazing in everyway, well, except cooking. Rose could probably burn water. Even so, I couldn't take her off my mind. She changed me. I never thought my character could be so dynamic. One night, I got to dance with Rose. She is an incredible swing dancer. Well, I am too now that I learned. When Rose was out, I snuck into her room and watched a few her past dance recitals on home video. I hope she doesn't read that.

Then this guy named Ned shows up. Whenever he was anywhere near Rose, I couldn't help but get a feeling that hurt my internal organs. It felt like jealousy. They only other time I can really remember experiencing a phenomenon like that was when I envied Mr. Samsa for being exactly what I longed for. Anyways, This Ned turned out to be a vampire that kidnapped Rose and wanted to marry her. Squee and I stole the bat car and rescued her. Don't worry, we gave it back. I died once too. I met Ned's wife down in hell and she sent me back to earth. Then Rose and I confessed our love to each other. Not only that, all my hair fell out. What a crazy life I live.

Dear Die-ary,September 7

Rose has to go back to college now. She goes to a nearby community college only a mile away. By the way, Squee's parents were arrested. The Little guy's dad tried to drown him in the tub, but luckily for him, I stopped by to borrow some hydrogen peroxide. I didn't kill the man. The knife slipped out of my hands. Anyways, now he's in the hands of a caring orphanage. I visit him every once in a while. Those little children are all antichrists!

Dear Die-ary,November 18

My hair is starting to grow back. I'm pretty glad, because it's getting colder every day. I moved in with Rose finally. When I went back to my house, I found a landfill. Everything was gone! But Rose took me in. She bought me this cool fleece hat with an evil penguin on it. I love evil penguins. There is nothing I can do to express my love for her. It's seems like her kindness is almost endless. Right now, she's learning how to knit blankets and stuff.

Dear Die-ary,March 2

I think that there's something wrong with Rose. She looks sick all the time and is really nervous about everything. Yesterday was her twenty-first birthday. An hour or so after eating cake, yum cake, she threw it all back up. I think she's sick. I hope she gets better.

Dear Die-ary,May 3

Two great things have happened to me. I found the strength to ask Rose the most intensifying question in the world. "Will you marry me?" She said yes. I think I started jumping around later. I fell down the stairs too. Now I have a lot of band-aids on my head. It's hard to write in detail when you're so overwhelmed with happiness.

Dear Die-ary, April 30

Today was the biggest shock of my life. When Rose and I went to Club Sonic for a Swing Dance Contest, which apparently we launched the idea for, she wasn't well. I practically had to pick her up and carry her out of her room to get her to go. She kept saying that people might think she was fat. How is that possible? Whenever I look at her, I see a beauty that surpasses that of angels. How can she think that? But when it was our turn to take the floor, she passed out.

We were taken to the hospital because she wouldn't wake up. They ran some tests and stuff. Then I was told that Rose was expected in six months. I asked why and they said that she was pregnant. Rose is going to have a baby! I just pray that this is a blessing of our love and not the harsh consequences of our… actions. But for Rose and this child, I'm ready to be a father.

Dear Die-ary,October 17

My daughter was born today. I felt the coldness of my past days creeping up my spine. But it wasn't from regret. It was from fear. Lots of doctors and nurses add to interfere with this routine delivery with lots of panic. I'm not allowed in the delivery room right now. The child was born fine and without a scratch, but Rose wasn't doing to well. They could not stop her bleeding by what I hear.

I have just been informed that Rose and my daughter are alive and well.

When I saw them, that instant, the little girl in the arms of my soon to be wife, I cried. They were tears unlike any other that had streamed down my face. It was a crying of relief, of joy, of pure happiness. It was a moment of perfection that only my mind could fully understand about now being a father. I asked Rose to name her. My daughter's name is Sylvia Rosetta Colt. And she has the beauty of her mother. My love, my sanctuary, my Rose.

Dear Die-ary, July 29

This journal belonged to my dad. Now it's mine…

The Maiden of Light: Well, I'm getting back into the game.