Here I was… Wasting what I had left of my life. I am sitting in my bed, bawling like a little baby. I just can't take it anymore. The pressure and stress that has unwillingly come upon me has done just that. I feel like the whole world is crumbling around me with it.
Why am I sitting here, you ask?
One reason and one reason only.
I can't choose.
It is as simple as that, but even things that are simple can be complicated at times. There are many examples of that in the world of examples for that matter. Like the fact that all I wanted to do was reunite with my father and that turned into what is the mess making me bawl my eyes out right now.
I need to choose between friendship, love, betrayal, or nothing. I have too many options. I love too many people, and I don't have the strength to hurt one person by going along with another. I just couldn't do that.
I now have to explore the pros and cons of two people; Jacob and Edward.
I love Edward. He found me first. He proposed. I said yes. I can't believe I didn't think before I said yes. If I run away with Edward, a new hole will form. An even deeper hole than the one before it. After all that Jacob had done for me; Pieced me together when I was torn to pieces, been my sun in my times of deep depression, and going through with all he had done – I was just going to say 'Screw You' and run away with Edward.
Not going to happen.
Here's another possibility. I love Jacob, and I know it now. I've been keeping it all bottled up in my system, waiting for it to explode. I think it finally has. He loves me passionately, and I haven't given him the chance to show that he will love me forever and ever.
Forever is a really long time. If I go with Edward and be changed into a vampire, I will forever mourn the loss of Jacob, my Jacob. With all that has happened to me, they do not know how I feel.
There is only one more possibility.
Both of them go away. Both of them leave me, and see what takes form. Of all three possibilities, I think I choose this one. Sure, there will be two holes on my heart, causing me to go into a deep depression, but at least I won't be hurting anyone besides myself. I will go tomorrow to both Edward and Jacob, and tell them that I am giving up on both my true loves. I will say,
GOODBYE.
