Disclaimer: I don't own General Hospital. Believe me, if I owned it things would be much different. However, I don't so that's why I write fan fiction for my own amusement and hopefully someone else.
Summary: Sam just looked at the man who was her husband, but wasn't really him at all. "You love her, don't you?"
Featuring: A mature and understanding Sam.
Explanation: Contrary to popular belief, I do not hate Sam. Most would think so since I'm a Liason, but I only have times where I hated Sam's character. Back in 2007, when she pulling all the stunts she did then blamed in on a moment of weakness. In 2008, when Sam and Liz cleared the air and Liz gave Sam her approval on Lusam (the only woman that Liz has ever approved for Lucky so that's means something, folks), I was let go of that hatred. But in 2011, I start to see the potential in Sam when Sam and Liz were able to sit down and Liz told her about how Helena switched the paternity on Aiden and that she was afraid Nicolas wouldn't believe her because she has lied before. When Sam didn't judge, and was understanding, I freaking loved it because both women admitted they weren't perfect and had made mistakes. Of course, they threw this all down the drain with Liz and Sam fighting over Jason the ridiculous lie that everyone knows Liz wouldn't have told. But I'm staying sort of cannon here, so the lie did happen, but Sam's reaction turns out a little different.
Mostly Cannon: The lie has been exposed, and Sam confronts Liz at the hospital. From there it ends up differently. No Robin in this AU. Samtrick all the way.
Inspired by the song, "This is Gospel" by Panic! At the Disco
IF YOU LOVE ME (LET ME GO)
By ThroughtheMirrorDarkly
A righteous fury welled up in Sam McCall Morgan when she saw Elizabeth Webber standing behind the desk. "Look, who it is," Sam smiled, thinly.
"What do you want, Sam?" Elizabeth said, her tone perfectly polite.
One thing Sam hated about Elizabeth was how perfect she was at masking her feelings. Oh, how she could just walk away and act like nothing hurt her. "I just want to know how you do. Become such a good liar, and hurt everyone around you."
"I don't have time for this," Elizabeth shook her head, and tried to walk away, but Sam wouldn't let her.
"Do you feel proud of yourself, Elizabeth. Of what you did? I mean, how could you do it Elizabeth? How could you do this to Monica? To me? Hell, how could you do it to Danny?" Sam snapped, wanting to see that perfectly composed expression on Elizabeth's face to just crack.
It did. Elizabeth's face darkened, and her blue eyes flew up from the paper she was writing on and met Sam's. "Maybe I had a moment of weakness," Elizabeth snarled, her voice filled with pain and self-loathing. "Maybe I was just so desperate to be happy and to be loved that I let myself be selfish. I hurt the people that I loved most because I just couldn't trust them with my heart again, because look what they did to it before!"
Sam felt her blood instantly run cold. The sentence made Sam think about things she'd rather never think about again, and she felt her stomach twist into knots. Suddenly, she wasn't staring at someone who wronged her, she was staring at someone who she understood more than she wanted to.
"You know what, I'm not going to stand here and let you judge me for my lie. Yes, I made a mistake. I didn't trust Jason's love for me and why would I? Jason might not remember the past, but I do, Sam. Every time I gave him everything, he left my life with an excuse of danger and I had to pick the pieces back up," Elizabeth said, her face flushed with anger as she stared straight into Sam's eye. "I am not perfect, Sam. I made the lie, and I thought it was too late to come back from it. I wanted to tell the truth, I struggled night and day with what I was doing with Jason, but I allowed myself to believe I wasn't worth it. That as soon as the truth came out that Jason would never stay by me, and I was right. Every promise he made, he breaks. So he is all yours, Sam."
Jason walked into the penthouse to find Sam sitting on the couch with a picture frame in hand and the most peculiar look on her face. "Sam, you called and said it was important. What's wrong?" He looked at the tiny brunette who hadn't even acknowledged him.
Sam finally lifted her head. Sam just looked at the man who was her husband, but wasn't really him at all. "You love her, don't you?"
"What?" Jason blinked.
"Elizabeth. You still love even though she lied to you," Sam stated quietly, without judgment or reservations in her tone.
"I…" Jason's brows furrowed. "Yes. I can't just turn that all off. I can't just forget it, lie or no lie."
Sam nodded, then looked back at the picture. "I love Patrick. I truly love him. I can't shut that off, and I'm not sure that I want to."
"Okay? What does that have to do with me coming over?" Jason looked confused.
Sam was silent for several moments. "You know, I thought that I would never forgive Elizabeth for what she did, and then I realized tonight that if I did that…then I was the biggest hypocrite in Port Charles," Sam stated, staring down at the picture of Jason in her hands with a sad look upon her face. "We…were content together. Happy. We knew what kind of world we lived in, and we counted on each other. Truth was…it wasn't what either of really wanted, but we avoided talking about it. "We were always jumping from crisis to crisis and never had to take a good, long look at ourselves and our life. And I was okay with that because at the time, that was all I really knew was the Ride or Die life style. But I know better Jason," Sam told him, with a small laugh. "I don't want to go back to that. I don't want to try and recreate that. I don't think my happiness is going to be found by digging up the past. You see, you reacted to my voice in the hospital room, and I think…that was my Jason's way of saying goodbye. To let go of what we had and what time we had so the new you could allow his heart go to the place it was meant to be," Sam told him, with a smile and tears shining in her eyes.
"Sam…I don't know where this is coming from, but I don't…don't think I can just forgive Elizabeth. All that we shared was a lie," Jason said, the words hurt even as he said them.
The fact that he got Elizabeth from her saying "allow his heart to go to the place it was meant to be" made Sam more firm in her decision. "Don't get me wrong, I am not Elizabeth's fan right now." Sam would forgive Elizabeth with time, but it would take a lot of time. She however, wasn't going to fall into bad habits and judge her and pretend to be a saint. "I am still so mad about the lie, but I get where it came from. I get that for years of being torn down, Elizabeth finally started to believe she wasn't enough. I know what that feels like, to feel like your worthless and unlovable and not trust the person you love because you are afraid that you are going to get hurt."
"I would have never hurt, Elizabeth," Jason said, vehemently. His eyes blazing like they always did when it came to Elizabeth, memories or not, that hadn't changed.
And there it was. Jason loved Elizabeth. This Jason loved her with all that he had, and because of the broken promises of the man he used to be Elizabeth hadn't trust him. Just like Sam hadn't trust Jason all those years ago. "You did though. You justified every reason that she had not to trust you. You see, you walked away from Elizabeth and cut her out of your life to protect her leaving her in a bad way. Leaving her with no support," Sam said, pointing out the awful truth for what it was. Half of Elizabeth's issues came from abandonment issues, much like Sam. They were more alike than they'd care to admit. "You see, when I made mistakes, I had people to fall back on. I had a family to help pick up the pieces, and Elizabeth? She hasn't had anyone truly on her side since you and Emily."
Jason didn't say anything right away. "Sam, what is this all about?" He finally asked, confused. She was upset, and he didn't like that. She was his friend for several months, and the mother of one of his children.
"You know Elizabeth lied for a day about Danny's DNA test? I forgave her for that because I did worse to her and I understood that there was unresolved pain there for her. That she didn't get to air or get a chance to get because she was trying to be the nobler person in the situation. You see, I…I watched Jake get kidnapped when he was just a baby," Sam sighed, not looking at him to see what was written on his face. She didn't want to see what was there. She had to get through this and clear the air. Nine years of things left unsaid about many things, it was time to open up about them and truly let them go. "I didn't say anything. I was so angry I let an innocent child get taken by a woman that could have hurt him, and I knew the truth and I told Elizabeth that we were even because we both lost a child. I wouldn't let her and Lucky put a message out on my show to beg the kidnappers to bring him back because I didn't want Jake to come back. I selfishly wanted whatever connection you and Elizabeth had way before I came into Port Charles to be gone because in my head that was what stood in the way of my own happiness. Truth was, I was standing in front of my own happiness."
Jason's blue eyes stared at her, like he was uncertain of what to make of Sam in that moment. Honestly, Sam was happy he didn't say anything. It made it easier to think and easier to start to let go off all that she held inside for so long. "The truth is the reason I don't like bringing it up is because I can't stand the person that I was then. I can stand to think about her because that would give it foothold in my life again, and I can't go back to that person," Sam said, with a sad shrug of her shoulders. She brushed a dark strand of hair out of her face and tucked behind her ear. "And I understand Elizabeth better than I wanted to. So I can't go on about the injustice it is that Elizabeth cost you time with me or Danny, when I did the same to her and Jake all those years ago. I knew that you two had something special. I knew before we were even together, but you were so afraid that she'd end up hurt because of you that you stayed away. Until…until I made the mistake and slept with Ric the night of the black out."
"Sam, you don't have to—" Jason began, but stopped when Sam shook her head.
"I have to Jason. I slept with Ric, Lucky with Maxie, and you with Elizabeth because we were all hurting in our own ways. If we had all took responsibility then maybe we wouldn't have ended up creating the chaos we did, but it happened. I can't erase the things I did, anymore than Elizabeth can change what she did.
"You see, I was attacked Elizabeth to tell the truth, and I know that I had a right to do that. I was angry at her for the lie, but I think I was more mad because I understood it. That I saw myself standing there from all those years ago and she is better than that. We were both better than that now," Sam said, her voice hoarse as her fingers clutched the picture of Jason and her tighter to her chest. "You see, I had built my life around you. I had no one else, nothing else except my life with you. The only reason people tolerated me was because I was in your life, so I held on too tight. When I saw you slipping away, instead of stepping up and talking with you, I lashed out. I lashed out at you, I lashed out at Elizabeth, I lashed out at everyone except myself.
"I constantly accused Liz of wanting you, constantly setting you up to run into her so you'd admit that Jake was yours. Hell, when we called it quits the second time, I seduced Lucky just because I could and threw the affair in Elizabeth's face. You and her were trying to be noble, trying to do the right thing to avoid hurting everyone, taking the blows and hurt onto yourselves and I didn't appreciated that then. I didn't step up and take responsibility for my part in it all, until it was all over. I think that if I had stayed true to myself, that we…well, we probably wouldn't have gotten back together."
"What do you mean?" Jason asked.
"Well, I started coming back around you after I broke up with Lucky after he kissed Elizabeth. I was more hurt by that than I ever admitted. My confidence took a hard blow because in my heart I felt like I was second choice to both of you, and maybe in some ways I was. At least, you had the deceny to break up with me before pursing something with Elizabeth," Sam said, with a scathing laugh. "But that's not about that, now is it?"
"Listen, Sam, if…if your Jason made you feel like you were a place holder than I am so sorry. He shouldn't have done that to you," Jason stated, with a frown.
"He didn't. It was my feelings. I never spoke about them. I was insecure because I knew that he would share with this connection with Elizabeth, and in my head it would always overshadow what Jason and I had. It was after his death…well, kidnapping, that I realized that if I was so insecure about my relationship than I should have said something because I deserve a man that's there for me. All or nothing," she told him, bluntly. "And that…that just isn't you."
Jason studied for a long moment. "It's Patrick."
Sam nodded, her heart swelling at the mention of the man in her life. When she was with Patrick she felt lighter than it had in a long time. If she still had this much weight on her, than she couldn't imagine that Elizabeth was any better. "Yes. Patrick…I never have to wonder with him. When he looks at me, I'm all he sees and I never once felt like I'm sharing him with memories. I've come a long way, mentally and emotionally since your "death" and I don't think either of us can go back to the way things were," Sam smiled, with a shake of her head. "At first, I was so desperate to have my Jason back, that I forgot that you…aren't my Jason. You are someone else, someone with a new life and new experiences. Even if you were my Jason, I'm not the Sam that I used to be."
"I guess, I can understand why you'd think that," Jason admitted, because truthfully he only saw Sam as a friend. The only woman that had stirred romantic feelings inside of his chest was Elizabeth.
"Look, all this, doesn't mean I'm buddy-buddy with Elizabeth, okay? It'll be a lot time before I can say something nice to her face and actually mean it. But Elizabeth at heart is a good person, who has been through a lot of shit and she deserves someone who is actually going to fight for her because they truly love her. Just like I deserve to have someone fight for me," Sam told him, taking a deep breath. "I don't want to stand in front of my own happiness again, and you shouldn't stand in front of yours. If you love her, then talk to her like I did with Patrick. Actually talk to her, and don't let her use excuses. Get to the heart of the problem, don't let if fester."
Jason struggled with himself for several moments. "I will take that into consideration, and Sam," he smiled slightly, "I wish you the best with Patrick."
"Thank you," Sam smiled, brightly. "He makes me very happy."
"I'm glad because otherwise I'd have to beat him up. Kind of have reputation to uphold and all that," Jason said, before he told her goodbye and walked out the penthouse for what would be the last time.
Sam twisted the picture in her hands. Sometimes, loving someone meant letting them go, Sam thought and put the picture down in the box and continued to back up Jason's things. She finally was going to close that chapter in her life, and start a new one. She had a future with Patrick and she wasn't going to waste it chasing the past.
Elizabeth felt horrible. She felt horrible for the lie, for those that she hurt, and she hated the person staring at her in the mirror when she woke up every morning. How did she let the emotional scars of all her mistakes fester and scar her heart that she could no longer trust those that she loved? She stared out at the distance, leaning on the bridge's railing. Vista Point would always bring her comfort even when her world was falling apart. She heard a noise and turned to see Jason standing there. Her breath caught in her throat, and pain seared through her chest. "Oh, Jason. You're here," she winced at stating the obvious.
"Yeah. I…I wanted to come up here, and think," Jason stated, shoving his hands into his jean pockets.
"Oh. Okay. Well, I should get going," Elizabeth stated, her voice uncertain and her expression downcast. She turned away from slowly, trying to not look like she was running away when she was.
Jason stared at her, and realized that for months when he felt that she was about to tell him something, that would be her expression. Like a wounded animal, beaten down into submission. Jason didn't like that look on her, and if he had been a better man in his last lie perhaps things wouldn't be this way.
But I could be in this one.
"Elizabeth, wait. We need to talk."
Hope you enjoyed.
Author's Note: Just a thought to add, because noscruples pointed out that is sounded like I was blaming Jason for everything that went wrong in Liason's relationship. I wanted to assure everyone that's not what I am doing. I didn't have to flesh out all the insecurities and mistakes that both Jason and Elizabeth made in a one shot. I think Liz should have done what was best for her, and let Lucky hang. I think Jason should have done what made him happy, instead of putting everyone else first. And they should have let others make them doubt their feelings or make them feel ashamed for them! Sadly, I couldn't put this in this short fic. Instead, I focused on Sam realizing that the reason Elizabeth made the lie was because of Jason breaking all his promises when they were trying to be together and shut Elizabeth out of his life in one brutal cut. That is the core of the lie, and why Elizabeth couldn't trust Jason's love this time around.
Rrs are appreciated.
