Disclaimer: Naruto doesn't belong to me...Gaara...sadly, neither...
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Behind the Word
-by Alena S. Anigor
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"Do you know what love is, Kazekage-sama?"
She had smiled at him on a sunny afternoon, glancing at the kanji tattooed on his forehead curiously. Of course, by then, she had found out about his past and the reason behind the word on his forehead that clashed a great deal with his previous nature and actions.
Still, she was looking at him with bright, emerald eyes, curiosity and interest sparkling in them and he was staring at her mutely from his position behind his desk, taken aback with her question and not being able to offer an answer.
After all, how could he give her a satisfying answer when he knew nothing about the meaning of that word? Grimly, he looked away from her, now, almost calculating gaze and directed his attention to a stack of papers below him.
He had thought he knew what love was...but then, it had been brutally whisked away from him in one single night, when the only person he clung to and believed harbored at least a bit of affection and love for him, tried to take his life away before asking him to die...
Oh, how he wished he could've died that night...But, something inside of him had died that night with him instead, disappeared like grains of sand from his shaky fingers and made way for something sinister, a void filled with darkness; something that had resided in him ever since he had taken his first breath and had taken away his mother's life in the process.
And he had allowed the sand to engrave the despised, deceitful symbol into his forehead, wanting to feel physical pain for once, to remind him just how much it hurt, how much pain had love brought upon him, how much it had scarred him to feel love and have emotions...
And the symbol remained, forever reminding him, forever mocking him.
He lifted his chin to see her looking at him with something strange in her eyes; something that resembled pity, but not quite...It was sympathy.
He snorted and his eyes narrowed slightly at her expression. "I don't need to know that."
He saw her lips parting slightly at his remark, ready to convince him, perhaps otherwise; emerald eyes widening a fraction in light disbelief. It lasted for a few seconds, before her expression turned somber and she merely nodded, wise enough not to question the Kazekage further. She was there to train his medic-nins and not to engage in a conversation of personal nature with him.
Still, she smiled a thoughtful smile at him before she bowed respectfully and left him to the solitude of his office; leaving him to stare gloomily at the closed door through the rays of sunlight that had peered through the window...
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The sandy rooftops of Sunagakure were basking in the last rays of the setting sun as he strolled down the streets purposefully, his gourd swaying slightly on his back.
It had become a habit of his to walk down the streets of Suna and watch it come to life when the sun would start to set, the heat of the desert lessening and beckoning the villagers to come out of their houses, temperatures decreasing and a warm breeze playing with his unruly bangs. He would watch people walk past him calmly, opposed to them running and hiding from him every time he would take a walk a few years prior. Some of them would still eye him cautiously, somewhat warily but eyes filled with respect and regard would compensate for the distrust of few.
His scrutinizing gaze was sweeping over the streets and corners, over people covered in long, dusty robes, trying to discern the smallest sign of anything out of ordinary. Suna was, for now at least, a secure and safe place and he intended to leave it at that.
It was late at night when the grains of sand littered the rooftop over his office, followed by his lithe figure beneath the Kazekage's robes.
He sat down on the still warm surface, watching the crescent moon mutely, his face wearing a stoic mask, but his thoughts raging inside his head. A different kind of demon started stirring up inside of him, taking Shukaku's role that was dominant on the brink of his sanity for years. An inner kind of demon that was even, perhaps, worse than the previous one; a demon that wasn't physical, something he couldn't get rid off, or sleep over...
He felt blank, empty from the inside...He felt nothing and that was the feeling, the monster that was occupying his mind and thoughts nowadays. There was something else...something was missing...something so crucial and vital and surely, important and-
"Do you know what love is, Kazekage-sama?"
Her jerked visibly, eyes narrowing in mild annoyance, but glinting with wonder, her question, asked in her gentle, caring tone, haunting his thoughts again.
Gingerly, he raised his hand, rough, calloused fingers brushing against the kanji on his forehead, feeling the scratchy texture under his skin.
Love...Love?
The strange, alien word he had forgotten all about the day he decided to fight only for himself, had come again to mock him.
No, he didn't know what love was...
Did...did he need to know what love was? ...Perhaps...
Did...did he want to know what love was?
The emptiness inside of him stirred again, crawling through his chest, circling around his abdomen until it settled down in the pit of his stomach, clenching its possessive and vile claws at his heart. He took a deep breath, his mask cracking for a second as he allowed his eyes to widen, his head to fall on his chest, his hand to rest against his chest. And he exhaled deeply, hoping to smooth the sudden ache in his torso that had nothing to do with his taijutsu training.
Emptiness ached and clawed and hurt.
And he let out a light chortle, staring in wonder at his hands and the lines scattered over his palm, the thoughts of love and emotions and care and her voice and sympathy somehow, soothing the pain away...
He looked up, gazing at the crescent moon and the dark sky adorned with twinkling stars thoughtfully, wondering about her words and rubbing the tattoo on his forehead absentmindedly.
Did her really need to know what love was? Did he really want to know what it felt like to love and feel loved again?
With a soft chuckle, he let his hand fall down to rest on the warm rooftop, remembering her words.
He was given a second chance at life...Perhaps...he could give a chance to...
Perhaps...perhaps, it was time for him to find out what love really was...Perhaps, it was time for him to realize the true meaning behind the kanji on his forehead. Perhaps...perhaps, she could help him.
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a/n:
GaaSaku is my new obsession! Oh, rejoice, everybody:deadpans:
Anyway, since I like the pairing so much, and after reading some great fics about them written by randomsomeone and Fallacy, I thought I'd write a fic about those two...Now, I know that Gaara may be a bit OOC, but, hopefully, not too much. And, hope you like! XD
