Musings On Matrimony

Summary: After witnessing Max's marriage, two X5s begin talking about possibilities and the lack thereof.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

A/N: I was just looking to write something and this happened.

With his feet firmly planted on the ground, he extended a hand to her. They both knew she didn't need the help getting down, but she accepted it without a word, which was unusual for her. They moved silently to the corner of the church and peered around. Small smiles escaped them as the doors flung open and people started pouring out into the street, cheering for the happy couple. The crowd swelled and they lost sight of the pair they were there to watch and silently wish well.

"We better go before she sees us." He said, his voice quiet.

She nodded and they walked toward the back of the church. They found themselves in the parking lot with a majority of the guests, but weren't bothered. They knew none of the lucky people who got to attend the wedding the traditional way would have no idea of who they really were. No one approached them. No one said a word. They continued on down the street until they reached the car. It was a small thing with barely anything to it, but it took them from point A to point B. They both sat on the hood and stared ahead, running over the ceremony again in their heads.

"It was nice." She said quietly.

He nodded, but didn't say anything.

"She got lucky, I guess." She said. She rubbed the back of her neck, then let her hand fall into her lap.

He looked at her, curious. "Hmm?"

"Max got lucky." She smiled weakly. "She's getting that normal life we all want. It's lucky."

"I guess." He replied quietly.

"You think anyone else is gonna get it too?" She asked. "And have it end up good? Not like...Tinga... you know..."

"Mmm." He was quiet for several moments. "I don't think so."

"Why not?"

"The rest of us don't believe in it enough." He told her. "Not anymore, anyway. Looking at what happened to Tinga, it's like, 'Zack was right, that's what having a life gets you.' I want Maxie to be happy, understand, but she's Manticore. You don't get a life when you're Manticore."

"Then why are we all still trying?" She said. "We're still out there, trying."

He shook his head slowly. "And what does trying get us? What did trying get Ben? Tinga? Brin? Trying gets you trouble."

"You know I like trouble." Her grin was lopsided.

"It's not worth it."

She paused for a moment.

"I think it might be." She said quietly. "You get to be happy for that little while and if you're lucky, you get to do it with someone you love. Max got it, Tinga had it. And Tinga, hell, she was a mom. There's gotta be nothing like being a parent."

"Who are you and what've you done with my cynical Syl?" He joked halfheartedly.

She rolled her eyes at him and slapped his arm. "I'm still here. I'm just saying that I'm sick of running. It just must be nice, is all."

He shrugged. "I guess."

"To have someone there all the time must be a really great feeling. You can do anything, wrong or right, and they'll be there no matter what. You're never alone." She sighed. "Plus, I hear that whole love thing is pretty neat too."

"We've got all those things between us." He said to her. "I'm there for you all the time, you're there for me. I do stupid stuff and you forgive, you do even stupider stuff and I forgive. We just don't have to get engaged and married to prove it. It seems kind of pointless. Plus, we can't have that. It's a risk."

"But wouldn't it be a risk you'd want to take?" She asked slowly.

"Not if it got you - or whoever - killed." He said. He sighed and turned to look at her. "Maybe I just don't get it. Maybe I'm missing the big picture and just focusing on the diamond and the dress and the big stuff. I always miss the details anyway."

Now it was her turn to shrug. "Maybe."

"I do wonder what it's like." He admitted quietly. "To, you know, go around saying, 'This is the person I'm going to marry,' and all that stuff. And I wonder what it's like to watch from inside... or be a part of it. But, I wonder too much."

"You wonder just enough." Her smile was small, but it said volumes.

"I just don't think I could do it." He told her. "I can't commit to something that big. I'd be too worried that Manticore would be right behind me. It's just not in the cards right now."

"You think it ever will be?" She asked. "You ever think one of us is gonna pick up a deck and say, 'Today's the day' and be okay with it?"

"I don't know." He replied honestly. "I would hope so though. I want it to be possible, but I don't know if it is."

"It could be if we make it, I guess."

He just nodded and slid off the hood of the car. Again he extended a hand to her and again she accepted his help without a word. They got into the car and he started it.

"I just wish we could've let her know we were there." She said.

"I'm sure she had a feeling." He told her with a half smile.

They drove off in silence, passing the church and both silently sending a prayer to the Blue Lady for happiness all around.

The End.