A/N: This is based off the evil overlord list, found at www (dot) eviloverlord (dot) com (slash) lists (slash) overlord (dot) html. You can go there and be happy, or something... yeah. So I'll be writing about my favorite tips. Don't be afraid to request one, though that might shift them out of order. Oh well.

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Tip #7: When I've captured my adversary and he says, "Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?" I'll say, "No." and shoot him. No, on second thought I'll shoot him then say "No."

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A bright and jolly looking fellow strode past the insane asylum without a glance. Bright, mind you, was not really the proper term that should have been used to describe the man dressed in a trench coat and hat, with green shadowy stuff and infra-red vision. Infra-red didn't give its user the ability to see people under their clothes, mind you, but he tried anyway. The man in the trench coat continued on his way until he came upon the charred remains of a lodge. It looked to him like a case of arson, or some absentminded Grand Head of the Psychonauts... err, chef, burnt the hamburgers a little too much.

He kept walking, hat blowing off in the wind continually so he had to chase it everywhere--and occasionally step on a squirrel. He usually tried to aim for those squirrels, or at least the ones that hadn't been turned into roast. He was hungry, but all that mattered was the mission. Who is the murderer? Someone had to have killed all those poor kittens in that box.

There were too many questions, too many leads to follow, and he would never get anywhere the way he was going. The man finally gave up when his hat was lifted off by the wind and carried far, far away. Only then did it occur to him that he didn't belong in the crime scene. He was not a very good detective, seeing as he couldn't track down a bottle of milk and its man, but he was still determined to at least go out in style.

Finally the man reached the kid's cabins, which were burnt down save for one. There was a slight murmur and a rustle inside the still-standing building, then complete silence. Being less than concerned for his safety, the man wandered up to the door and knocked.

No response.

He knocked again. Still no response.

Once more, and the door slowly opened.

He readied his voice to speak (it hadn't been used in years) but a thin blue hand reached out and grabbed him by the collar, yanking him in. Unfortunately, the squirrel Nils was using to watch all this had wandered away from the scene, and he didn't dare go and see it himself. All he had was the noise from inside the cabin to go on, and a bunch of jittery children sitting with him in the bushes.

It's kind of hard to rebel when you can't do much besides look through the eyes of a squirrel, though Nils. The group sat and listened.

"So, what makes you think you're going to get away with this stupid... stuff... you call an invest-i-thingy?" Bobby's lisp and poor grasp of the English language echoed throughout the forest. More precisely, he just yelled at the poor agent in the trench coat.

"Investigation, boss," corrected Benny, who soon let out a yelp.

There was a thud on the floor. "Don't twist my words, stupid."

Meanwhile, the children were squirming in the bushes, most of them trying to see inside. Maloof sat on Mikhail's shoulder, and JT stood on his hat. He probably would've been more successful with Mikhail's hat, but the Russian wouldn't hand it over. As for the kids without friends and hats to boost them up, they tried other methods (which were very ineffective). It didn't occur once to them to levitate.

A monotone voice came from inside, most likely the agent. "I am an investigator. I am here to discover clues. Who is the murderer?"

"I'm not telling you, stupid."

"You may kill me when you tell me who the murderer is."

"No," Bobby said. The squirrel had finally crawled back into the hole.

Benny had a gun raised to the investigator's head. Why he needed a gun to kill someone was beyond Nils, but things were just getting stranger. The small boy was having a little trouble holding it steady, and he wobbled quite a bit on top of the stepladder.

That stepladder was bothering Nils. It was painted fuchsia with yellow and green flowers on it. Probably something of Milla's, but he wasn't there to judge. Technically, he wasn't in the cabin at all.

"I am not just an investigator."

"Oh yeah? Well, what are you? Stupid."

"I am..." The man grasped the edges of his trenchcoat and pulled it open. Bobby's jaw dropped, and Benny just stared. The squirrel turned its attention to the acorn in front of it (Nils tried hard not to think of it as a nut.)

"A crossdresser." Lo and behold, the agent was wearing women's underwear and stilettos. Hot pink... with whale skin hubcaps, and... wait, wrong media.

Nils just sat there in silence and shuddered. He was extremely homophobic, and could care less about what went on in the cabin now. Phoebe could have as many episodes as she wanted if she were to burn that man to the ground right now.

But she didn't. A gunshot came from inside. Benny and Bobby tiptoed out like they had seen a ghost, and then ran screaming away very fast.

Vernon, who was cataloging the entire thing for storage inside his mind, silently vowed to shoot first and answer later.