A/N: This is set after Zuko comes to train the Avatar, and after Katara threatens Zuko. I'm SO not happy with how Katara is acting on the show right now...it's not like her to be so nasty. So, here you go. Please review!
Disclaimer: I don't own Avatar or any of the characters.
Reconciling
I'm so tired.
Far below the inverted world of the Western Air temple, Katara sank down onto a soft bank of grass overlooking a deep, slow river. Her fatigued eyes rested on the perfectly clear water, watching it eddy around the green fingers of trees bent low to dip into the cool stillness. For weeks Katara had skulked around the crumbling stones of the temple, intent on keeping close watch over the traitor in their midst. This was the first time she had allowed herself a moment alone with her element in nature, rather than listlessly bending the water piped in through the aqueducts. Water needed freedom, as did she, even at the risk of momentarily taking her eyes off her charge.
Prince Zuko.
Katara rubbed one hand over her eyes. When she had vowed to never trust Zuko again, to never allow the thought of friendship to pierce her heart, to watch him the way a hawk watches a viper…she hadn't realized how terribly exhausting it would be. Katara took pride in being strong, in being the last waterbender of her tribe. She knew that she was brave and tenacious, and that her bending was powerful. But Katara also knew that, in her heart, she was a healer. Her sensibilities lent themselves best to empathy, caring for others…forgiveness. This, she knew, was the ultimate struggle warring within her tired body. This was the notion that kept her up at night, that tied her stomach in knots every time she saw his face.
I want so badly to forgive him, to let him in like the others have…but at the same time, I never want to trust him or open myself to him again.
Katara leaned forward and dipped her hands into the edge of the river, dousing her fingertips in cool water. She would give anything to just talk to Zuko, to understand him, and to believe that he was truly sorry, that he had truly changed. But she felt, however irrationally, that to do so would make her the traitor. Who she would be betraying, she wasn't sure. Perhaps Aang…perhaps herself. But one thing was clear to her…this anger that she was holding inside for Zuko wasn't working.
"There must be some other way," she whispered into her cool, moist palms. To her dismay, tears welled up in her eyes, hanging on her dark lashes like dew on a spider's web. Katara drew a breath deep into her chest. It hung there, suspended, for what seemed like an eternity.
"Katara?"
Her breath rushed out as the heat of anger filled her, and with a great sweeping motion she dragged a wave of water out of the river. Whipping around, she slammed the water into Zuko's body, splashing him up against the trunk of a great tree. She only vaguely registered that Zuko made no move to fend off her attack. His arms hung limply at his sides as she froze the water into an icy case around him, pinning him to the tree. She nearly snorted with laughter at the irony of the reversal, remembering when he had held her captive.
Storming up to her prisoner, she looked up at him with blue-fire eyes. His eyes were lowered, his head hung low as though he was(dare she think it?) ashamed. His breathing was labored, steam issuing with every exhale. He made no attempt to melt the ice, though she knew he could easily escape. Her stomach trembled, and she struggled to hold onto her anger.
"Did you follow me, you creep?" She accused. He said nothing. Her blustering anger was the only weapon she had against his strange quiet, so she pressed on.
"What are you doing out here? What do you want?" Katara wished he would break though the ice surrounding him. She wanted to fight, wanted to feel that her anger was justified. Attack me, she screamed inside, but he remained still inside her cold prison.
"Katara," he repeated, soft this time. She nearly came undone at the way he said her name. Her hand hovered over her waterskin, preparing to defend herself, but she knew it was useless. She couldn't use water to fight this. She didn't know how to fight the gentle way he was trying to weave his way inside her.
"What do you want, Zuko?" She demanded again, but some of the fight had drained out of her voice.
"I'm sorry," he began, lifting his face to seek out her eyes. "I rehearsed earlier, but I'm…not very good at this." Katara dropped her gaze, so confused by everything. She was confused by how quickly the heat of anger had fallen away from her, confused even more by the strange new heat that invaded when he looked at her with those gold eyes.
And had he just said I'm sorry? Katara thought he was saying that a lot these days. Why do I want to believe him, a small voice inside her cried. She said nothing, only waited in the tense silence for him to continue.
Zuko licked his lips, nervous. His mind felt cloudy. It's this damn ice, he thought, but he knew that was only the half of it. The other half was the woman before him. He remembered all too well the threat she had issued on his first night with the Avatar, and he wasn't sure she would ever forgive him. But he had betrayed her and hurt her in a way that shamed him, and he had to try to make amends.
"I know I've already apologized for what I've done to you and your friends. I've done my best to make up for what I've done….the people I've hurt, the months I spent chasing you…" Zuko saw that her whole body had gone still. She was listening…hard. His stomach flipped inside him, but he pressed on.
"But I came here because I wanted to apologize to you, Katara…just you, alone." Katara finally looked up at him then. She felt something inside her crumbling, and she was afraid. She felt like she should turn and run, escape while she still could, while her world was still safe and made some sort of sense.
Instead, she took a step closer, peering up at him.
"Why?" Zuko felt the smallest prick of hope at the question, and he ignored the bite of cold sinking into his limbs as he searched his mind for the right words.
"You showed me compassion, that day in the cave," Zuko began. "Compassion that I didn't deserve. I had hunted you, attacked you, treated you as though you were beneath me. And still you were willing to help me." Zuko paused, and Katara thought she saw a sheen of tears in his eyes. Her heart was pounding as she waited for him to continue.
"My father banished me, Katara. I know it's no excuse; I'm only trying to explain my betrayal. I thought…I just wanted him to accept me, to…to love me. And I thought if I brought him the Avatar, I would have earned his love." Zuko drew a deep breath. His words were slowing, as though he were growing tired.
"After I was accepted back into my home as a hero...I realized what little worth that kind of acceptance has. You don't have to work for the love of your brother, or your friends. They love you for who you are...they expect nothing more. I realized then that my father and sister will never love me that way. I realized that I had made a grave mistake. I had betrayed all the people who had ever displayed that kind of unconditional love…my uncle, the Avatar…you."
Katara's chest felt tight. She didn't know if she was breathing or not, but it somehow didn't seem important. She opened her mouth to say something, but Zuko lifted his head again, and his gaze collided with hers.
"I am sorry, Katara. I'm so sorry, more than I can even…" He trailed off, and Katara knew she wasn't imagining the tears in his eyes, though she could see he was struggling to fight them.
"Zuko," she started, but his ragged intake of breath cut her off.
"Please…please tell me there's something…anything that I can do. Whatever you want me to say, I'll say it and mean it. Whatever you want me to do…however low you want me to bend…" He paused and swallowed hard. When he spoke again, his voice was slower and softer still.
"I don't want you to hate me anymore, Katara. Agni, I know I deserve it but, please…what can I do?" The helplessness in his eyes pierced her so that she nearly cried out. She reached out one hand toward him, but stopped short, looking into his earnest face.
"I…I don't know." Katara wavered. She could feel her heart melting at the look on his face, of utter defeat, of complete submission.
"Kata…" Zuko's voice was so weak now, he couldn't even finish her name. His head slumped, and Katara noticed for the first time that his lips were blue. He was shaking.
"Oh no!" she cried, and with one swift motion she melted the ice and swept the water back into the river. Zuko's body slumped to the ground.
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