It had been
years.
That was
the first thought that popped to mind in Duo's head as he gazed at Wufei. The
two men had been unaware of the other's presence in the grocery store until
they had both reached for the same head of lettuce. Their hands had recognized
each other and they had exclaimed the other's name, starting and backing away
simultaneously. Now they were staring at each other, groping to say something
neutral and untied to their shared past.
"So…" Wufei
spoke first. "Are you still with-," he stopped speaking.
Violet eyes
met black as they remembered the events that had led up to that moment.
…::Mutual Flashback::…
"No, it's
okay. I understand."
"Wufei,
please-,"
"I *said* I
understood!" Wufei turned away from Duo, trying to hide the sudden moisture in
his eyes. "The truth is, we grew apart a long time ago and neither one wanted
to realize it."
"That's not
true!" Duo wanted to die as he saw the slight movement of Wufei's shoulders.
The movement would have escaped anyone's eyes but his. Duo knew Wufei too
well…Wufei was trying not to cry. The sudden thought ripped through him. He was
making Wufei cry. Duo had to grasp the doorframe as a horrible feeling wrenched
through him, turning his stomach. What had he done?
"Yes it is!
We felt out of love a long time ago and no one wanted to admit it!" Wufei
snapped. It wasn't honorable to lie. But then, Wufei thought bitterly. Who gave
a shit about honor if you hadn't anyone to be honorable for? Duo was leaving,
taking with him everything worth living for. Wufei's shoulders twitched again.
"Wufei,
please, listen to me!" Duo pleaded. If he had thought it would help, he would
had have been on his knees begging.
"I'm
listening!"
"I know I
did something wrong-something stupid-oh God, so stupid, but Wu, you gotta know
I won't do it again! I'm never going to screw up again if you give me another
chance! Wu-," Duo talked fast, but Wufei cut in before he could finish.
"I don't
want your apologies! All's I want is for you to accept the fact its over!"
"…Wu…"
"Don't call
me that!" Wufei snarled before storming out of the room…and out of Duo's life.
Duo winced.
…::End Mutual Flashback::…
Duo
swallowed nervously, picking up the conversation from where Wufei had left off.
"No, me and Quatre aren't together anymore…"
"Why?'
Wufei asked abruptly.
"We're too
much alike. He's got the same qualities I dislike in myself and vice versa.
Before we knew it, we were always fighting." Duo shrugged, "We're better
friends then lovers, both of us realize that. What about you and Trowa?"
Wufei shook
his head. "A one-night stand. Turned out he and Heero were having problems and
he-," Wufei paused for a second before going on swiftly, "He only slept with me
to get back at Heero. They worked everything out though."
Duo sucked
in his breath sharply and let out a loud sigh. "At least they're happy."
"Yeah…"
Wufei agreed.
"What have
you been doing," Duo inquired, trying his best to keep the conversation casual
and light-hearted.
"Preventors
stuff. You?"
"I'm taking
photographs for a magazine…"
Wufei's
shoulders twitched as the short sentence brought back a string of memories he'd
thought he'd put behind him.
…::Wufei's Flashback::…
Wufei
tossed and turned restlessly. He reached his arm out, wanting to cuddle closer
to Duo…but found only empty space. Wufei cursed to himself. Duo was out on
another photo shoot. After the war, Duo had discovered a passion for
photography and had started a career. Often his photo shoots took him away from
home-and Wufei-at odd hours and to strange places.
Duo never
told Wufei where he was going, only that he was going on a photo shoot and
would be home late. Wufei accepted this and never questioned Duo. He trusted
Duo entirely and never had the faintest suspicion about Duo's odd hours. But,
even though he trusted Duo and had faith in his love, Wufei couldn't keep the
uneasy feeling from creeping up his spine.
Sighing,
Wufei swung himself out of bed. He couldn't sleep, might as well make a cup of
tea and wait up for Duo. As he padded down the hallway, he was drawn,
irresistibly to Duo's dark room.
Wufei gazed
at the solid wood door. The only thing Duo had ever asked of Wufei was that he
stayed out of the darkroom, explaining light could damage film and photographs.
Wufei itched to enter the darkroom, to see what Duo took pictures of. Finally,
he told his conscience off and entered the room.
Wufei
blinked, accustoming his eyes to the strange lighting of the room. Finally, he
found a stack of photos.
Wufei made
himself comfortable on the floor as he flipped through a stack of recently
developed photos. They were all harmless, mostly scenic pictures until about
halfway through the stack. That's when the bombshell dropped.
The next
twenty or so pictures were of Quatre. Some featured Duo too, some featured one
of Quatre's many relatives. But all were taken by Duo and all were of Quatre.
Wufei felt
sick as he heard the click of the lock and Duo's footsteps in the hall.
Clutching the photographs to his chest, Wufei got to his feet and slowly went to
present Duo with the questionable photos.
…::End Wufei's Flashback::…
By the look
on Duo's face, he knew what Wufei was thinking. Desperate to change the topic,
he said, louder than intended, "So, have you gone to any baseball games
lately?"
Wufei looked
at Duo strangely. Duo knew he had no interest in baseball, that he only went to
games because Duo loved the sport. "…No…have you?"
"No. Work
keeps me busy." The words were out of Duo's mouth before he could stop them.
"Slept with
any more of your photo topics?" Wufei asked coldly. That was uncalled for, he
thought. What the hell is wrong with me?
Duo's face
went white to the lips. His mouth tightened and his violet eyes stood out more
than ever as he whispered, "I told you I was sorry."
Duo cringed
inwardly as the memories came flooding back to him.
…::Duo's Flashback::…
Duo rolled
over and slowly got out of bed, careful not to disturb Quatre. He stood beside
the bed and gazed down on the young Arabian. Quatre stirred in his sleep and
Duo felt a feeling of unmeasured hate rush through him. The hate wasn't
directed at Quatre, or Wufei. Duo was feeling unstoppable, passionate feelings
of hate…towards himself.
Quatre had
no idea he was a victim too. No, Quatre thought Duo was just rooming with Wufei.
Quatre knew they were good friends, and had questioned Duo on the matter. Duo
had answered breezily that he and Wufei had never been lovers.
What a lie.
What a huge, disgusting, unbearable lie!
Duo's hands
trembled, as he slowly got dressed. He was disgusting. Why was he cheating on
both Wufei and Quatre? He loved Wufei…Wufei was the best thing that had ever
happened to him. And Quatre…he did love Quatre, but more in a brotherly way…so
why was he sleeping with him? The thoughts beat themselves mercilessly in Duo's
mind, pounding on the walls of his mind, desperate to be answered.
He was a
coward. The answer came to him with calm, cutting accuracy. He was afraid to
let someone love him. If he loved someone-let someone love him- he was opening
himself up for hurt. Disappointment. Sorrow. And he kept playing games, hurting
himself and everyone else beyond repair in the long run. He was a piece of
human scum.
The thought
remained with him as he trudged up the front steps and into his house. A piece
of stinking human scum. Nice way to be thought of, he thought sarcastically,
dropping his camera bag on the hall table.
"Duo? That
you?"
"Yeah-what
are you doing up Wu?"
Wufei stood
in front of him, his lips pressed firmly together, "Waiting for you," he answered,
revealing the photographs in his hand.
Duo's game
stopped then.
He had
lost.
…::End Duo's Flashback::…
Wufei ached
inwardly as he saw the hurt reflecting in Duo's eyes. "No, I'm sorry. I
shouldn't have said that," Wufei said softly.
Duo's eyes
snapped with vibrant anger, as he said, "No, I deserved that I deserve to be
insulted, made fun of. I deserve everything I get because I've brought it all
upon myself." Duo turned and busied himself by stuffing carrots angrily into a
long plastic bag.
Wufei
gently grasped Duo's shoulders and turned him towards him. "No," Wufei said
gently, his eyes flickering over Duo's face, "You don't deserve that. No one
deserves that…least of all you."
"Wufei…"
Duo pleaded gently, "Please don't say stuff like that. It make me-," What it
made Duo would never be known because Wufei's lips pressed against his, gently
silencing him and unheeding what sort of reaction would be made if anyone found
them.
It was then
Wufei realized something. As he discovered the warm contours of Duo's mouth as
he remembered them, he discovered something else. Something else was burning,
untouched and unchanged by time. Something that had been lying beneath all
other emotions, waiting for another chance to grow and blossom again. As Wufei
and Duo slowly separated, the slowly growing thought hit him head-on. I still
love him, Wufei practically screamed within his mind. He still loves me too! I
know he does!
Duo was
staring at him, trying to work up the nerve. It's been years, he reflected, but
our feelings haven't changed. And if a five-year separation hasn't ended
them…maybe nothing will. Duo spoke, "Wufei…can give me-give us- a second
chance?" Duo's held his breath.
Wufei
didn't seem to need to think this over. "I have always," he answered, "Been a
firm believer in second chances."
Duo smiled,
almost shyly and as they left the store, Duo remembered something.
"Wu, we
never *did* get a head of lettuce!"
…::End::…