Title: Ars Amatoria (Latin: The Art of Love)

Author: Me!

Category: Romance (And I'll try to have some humor in it)

Sub-Category: Slash

Rating: PG-13 for mentions of sexual situations and violence (though not in this chapter)

and language.

Pairing: SB/RL

Disclaimer: Harry Potter belongs to J.K. Rowling, Warner Brothers, and several

publishing companies I can't recall the names of. The title "Ars Amatoria" belongs to

Ovid, even if it became public domain almost two millennia ago. I own nothing but my

plot, and even it has probably been used, the clichéd piece of crap.

Author's notes: Here it is my first fic. I HAVE ARIVED. REPENT, FOR THE END IS

NEAR! MWAHAHAHAHAHA *Cough*Sputter*Cough* Err, sorry about that; it was

extremely stupid, so I wrote it... that looks pretty crappy now that it's on paper. Ah, but I

digress. As said earlier this is my first fanfic, raw and un-betaed, 'cause I'm too good for

that shit, not really. Damn I ramble a lot don't I? Yes, this is slash, SB/RL to be exact. Go

ahead and flame; I'll be highly amused to see what mindless dribble you can come up

with. If, perhaps, you have a coherent, negative opinion then by all means give it. Of

course, rampant praise is accepted as well. Okay, note I've used some parachronism in

this; it takes place fifth year but it has Lily and James together already. It doesn't' show

up much really. I did it because I wanted to have Remus and Sirius younger because it

makes it easier for me to write, as its closer to the age I realized my homosexuality. I

don't know why but fifteen seems a lot closer to thirteen than sixteen or seventeen. Also

note I used ellipses and cut off words liberally during the fic for two reasons. One, J.K.R

uses them herself (not so much cut off words.) And two, I tried to make it colloquial. I

think that's all, on with the show!

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Ars Amatoria

"Wakey, Wakey!"

"Ungh"

"Come on, Sirius; get off your lazy arse!"

James pulled off the covers on Sirius's bed, took one look at him, and promptly

returned them to their rightful place.

"Bloody hell Padfoot, you look awful," Said James, "What were you doing last night?"

It was a Hogsmead weekend and Sirius had been left alone with Remus, as Peter

had detention for managing to... well it's best left unsaid; just know it involved

Transfiguration class, a unicorn, and a suit of armor; and James was off with Lily, who he

had finally corcered into going out with him. Sirius had sworn that he would stay away

from James and Lily during their date and because of this his options of what to do very

restricted. So he did what he always did when there was nothing to do, he got pissed on

fire whiskey at the Hogshead (James and Lily could show up at the Three Broomsticks at

any time.) In fact if Remus had not been with him he probably would be unconscious in

some back alley in Hogsmead right now. Thus, using his own logic that made this

dreadful hangover James's fought.

"You know bloody well what I was doing last night Prongs. Trying to kill me

through alcohol poisoning 'eh? Not a big enough man to do it yourself? Who's paying

you? I bet it's Sna... James? Where did you go?"

During his rant Sirius had sat up, only to find that James was long gone. With a

sigh he plopped back down and pulled the covers over his head.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

"So where is Sirius?" asked Peter when James entered the Great Hall for

breakfast.

"Up in the dorm, looks like he and Moony had a little too much fun last night."

joked James.

"It was Sirius who had all the fun," Remus said, a slight blush forming on his

cheeks at James's comment, though he did not know why.

"Yes of course, we all know that Moony can't have a good time," laughed James.

"Hey, I resent that!"

The Marauders sans Sirius ate their breakfast while laughing over a prank they

had planned until Peter piped in, "Shouldn't someone take Padfoot some breakfast?"

"Yes, I suppose so," responded James. He then turned to Remus and said, "Why

don't you do it, he wouldn't be in this situation if you told him he'd had enough last

night."

"I...but...err...that is to say... Damn you Prongs and your infuriating logic!"

came Remus's half-hearted rebuttal, he found it hard to deny Sirius anything sometimes.

James smirked, "Is that a yes than?"

Remus fake pouted, "Fine, I'll do it."

James and Peter shared a laugh at Remus's expense as he stacked some food on a

plate to take up to their incapacitated friend.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_- _-_-_-_-_-

"Sirius...Sirius...."

"..."

Seeing that he wasn't going to wake up Sirius this way Remus leaned in close to

his ear and....

Thwack!

"Bloody hell!"

Sirius had rolled over and smash into Remus who, in turn, jerked away and

spilled Sirius's breakfast all over himself.

"Why is everyone insisting on waking me up today!? It's Sunday! Can't a guy

sleep in on the weekend?" Sirius yelled.

He looked at Remus and an expression of shock crossed his face, apparently it

had taken him until now to there, his robes covered in egg and pumpkin juice.

"What happened to you?"

"Your breakfast happened to me," said Remus as calmly as humanly possible. (Or

is it werewolfly possible?)

However Sirius knew better, he had known Moony too long not to see that he was

hurt by Sirius's words, he was only trying to help after all.

'Shit,' thought Sirius, 'I hate when Moony gets upset like this. Wish I hadn't

yelled; wish I could do something...' Sirius's thoughts trailed on, '...wish I could hold

him in my arms, comfort him an—what the fuck was that!?'

Luckily for Sirius Remus was walking over to his trunk to get a clean set of cloths

so he could not see the...ah... interesting expressions playing across Sirius's face.

'I Couldn't have just thought that could I?' Sirius thought in dismay, 'It's not like

I fancy him or anthi—shit...shit ,shit, shit, shit, shit.'

As Sirius was facing this inner dilemma Remus had gotten to his trunk and pulled

out some clean clothes. He took off his robe and shirt (luckily nothing had gotten on his

pants.), and Sirius, seeing him shirtless, realized he did indeed heave a thing for the

werewolf.

'Wonderful, I'm a pouf. This is just great.'

"So I said to him; Padfoot are you even listening to me?"

"Lost in though Sirius did not hear Remus's words.

"Sirius? Sirius!"

"Huh, uh, what?"

"You weren't listening to me were you?"

"Ah...sorry about that."

Sirius cracked his most charming grin, at this Remus looked away but Sirius

thought he saw a slight coloration in his cheeks.

'Blush? He couldn't be? Maybe. I've never really see...'

"Well," said Remus, his cheeks now their usually color, "I've got to go down to

the library to get a book for that Charms essay. I'll leave you to get some more sleep."

"Alright then, cya later."

As Remus left Sirius Pondered what newfound feelings meant.

'So the great Sirius Black, desire of most of the population of Hogwarts, likes a

boy. Great, this is just great.'

Sirius rubbed his forehead as if he had a migraine.

'But what was with that blush? Remus couldn't possibly feel the same way. Could

he?'

"Ugh, I can't think about this right now, I need to sleep," Sirius mumbled. He

found that thinking was entirely too exhausting, so he flopped back down on his four-

poster.

Crash!

"God damn it!"

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Horror of Horrors!
A Consciousness Conspiracy!
Will Sirius Ever Sleep?
Tune In Next Time To Find Out!
Same Bat-Time!
Same Bat-Channel!

AN: One question, did anyone else have as much trouble as I did formatting the story so it shows up better in preview? It wasn't picking up tabs for some reason so I had to go back and replace every tab with a bunch of spaces. Well anyway there it is. I think it's a bit rushed and I repeated myself a bit, but whatever. I've always wanted to right fan fiction but never had the time. Thanks to my surgery I have a study hall instead of Gym for the rest of the year so I had time to write this. I'll update as soon as I can.

Hey kid!....... I'm a fan-fic! Start all the reviewing!
(Extra points if you understood that)