Summary: A love triangle...sort of. Sometimes people think they're in love. Sometimes they know they are. And sometimes they know they aren't. (Just some thoughts to ponder.)
Logan's POV:
God, she's beautiful. I know, Logan Reese calling a girl beautiful instead of hot or sexy, must be something wrong with me. Well, maybe it's a problem…yeah I'd say it's a problem. You see, I'm in love with Dana; the beautiful girl who is asleep beside me, her head resting on my shoulder. The problem is…well actually there are a lot of problems, but the main one is she's with someone else. Someone else, someone better, someone else who loves her, who she loves.
That was a bad day; the day I heard her tell him "I love you". Never in my life did I think words could hurt so much. And she's saying this to a guy who is nothing like me. Well, the me I pretend to be, because all I really do anymore is pretend. I pretend to be a guy who's not in love with her. I pretend to want to be nothing more than her friend. I pretend to be interested in other girls. The pretending, it's really second nature now, I've been doing it almost five years, since I met her.
Oh, right though, I was talking about the guy, the guy she say's "I love you" to. The only thing I really have in common with him is the fact that I love her. Okay, so according to the girls he is good looking, but I wouldn't consider him in the same league as me, no one is. He's a year older, graduated salutatorian last year. Yep, he's academic, but not nerdy, and I'm a C average student. I don't see how he concentrates on school when he has a girl like Dana in love with him. I can never concentrate, she's always on my mind, and I think she barely even considers me a friend. He's athletic; but while I'm basketball and track (just like Dana), he's water polo, baseball, and rowing. Yeah, he's kind of preppy, which is so not what I thought Dana's type would be. I know, he's sounding pretty horrible, so why does Dana love a pansy sounding guy like that? Well, as much as I hate to admit it, he's not so bad. On top of all those other things, the guy has a descent sense of humor, he can usually come up with a pretty good prank, and his motorcycle is pretty tight, even if he never drives it above the speed limit. I think that makes it all worse; the fact that he's not a bad guy, the fact that he makes her happy. It makes it more hopeless, more painful.
Despite how absolutely horrible I always feel, knowing us is something that will never be; tonight, hasn't been a bad night. I know what you're thinking; shouldn't I constantly be completely miserable, because she loves somebody else? Yeah, that's right, and I am always pretty miserable, but some moments are less miserable than others. This is one of those moments. We just won the first basketball game of our senior year and we're on a bus back to campus. A bus full of sweaty, smelly, people doesn't sound appealing to most, but she sat next to me. Plus, the seats on the bus are high enough so that the only people who could catch me staring at her are sitting across the aisle from us and lucky for me they are asleep just like her. It's only rare times like these that I can look at her without having to worry about someone catching me. I know, stalker-ish much? But when you've basically spent four years of your life not being able to really look at the girl you're in love with because someone might catch on to your true feelings; these rare moments when no one is looking, when I can just truly look at her, they're undoubtedly the best moments of my life.
Okay, just in case she wakes up I really need to be doing something so that it doesn't seem like I've just been staring at her. That would be bad; she can't catch on to the fact that I'm in love with her, because then she'll probably start avoiding me. Why would she want to hang around some weird guy who's in love with her, who would do anything for her, when she already has that with someone else that she feels the same way for? So, here I am listening to "Jealous Guy" by Gavin DeGraw, it's kind of my theme song now, because that's what I am a jealous guy. I haven't done anything crazy because of the green giant that lives in me, not yet. It's a constant worry though. Luckily, I shouldn't have to see them together much this year, he's at Yale, all the way across the country. So, for right now it's almost like she's not in love with some other guy, she's just a girl that is my friend who I'm not willing to risk a relationship with because it would ruin…everything. It's not really much better, but I'm pretty desperate by nature now. God, I sound like Chase, in the pretend scenario I'm currently trying to live in. He's been in love with his best friend forever, never willing to tell her, I don't really know why, it's not like she's in love with someone else. That's why I'm kind of envious of Chase; he doesn't have to keep quiet for the sake of her happiness, he could tell her, it's a risk, but at least he has a risk to take. I could never tell Dana, it would hurt her, it would make her unhappy, and I could never do that to her.
So, here I am with the girl I'm in love with peacefully sleeping on my shoulder, and this is as good as I can hope for it to get. But, I don't like to think about things like that, like the true present, or the future. I'd rather just sit here and look at her, think of nothing but her immense beauty, because then my life seems far less bleak.
Dana's POV:
In his out stretched hand is a bouquet of glass flowers. I can't see his face, but that's not really the thought running through my mind. Instead, its how did he know to give me glass flowers? I've never flat out told anyone, but I really don't like the idea of real flowers, they're the gift that dies. Glass flowers, are beautiful, delicate, and if always handled carefully, can last forever. Then his body and face came into view and it's…Logan! But I'm not acting surprised, I just smile and give him a quick kiss on the lips like it's something I do every day. Then I woke up.
I was laying on something warm and comfortable. It was Logan's shoulder; that must have been why he was in my dream, just because he's here. I don't actually dream about other guys, I don't dream cheat,…I have a boyfriend and he's wonderful. Before quickly closing my eyes again I glanced at Logan, he's staring out the window into the darkness and listening to his ipod. I quickly looked at the screen to see what he was listening to. I didn't want him to know I was awake, because I didn't want to remain awake. I'm so tired and comfortable. He's listening to "Jealous Guy", again. I've seen him listen to it a lot, I guess he really likes Gavin DeGraw.
It was weird that he was in my dream, but it really just must have been a proximity thing. Okay, so this wasn't the first time that Logan has popped up in a dream, but he's my friend, there's nothing weird about it. I mean, I love Sam, my boyfriend of two years. He's really great. But there was something else weird about my dream. It's just that I really don't like real flowers and Sam is always buying me real flowers for special occasions, and I tried to hint to him once that I don't like them, but he never got it. Glass flowers though, I've never told anyone that I actually really like glass flowers. I guess that's why the only time I get them is in a dream.
I'm sure if anyone ever does get me glass flowers, it will be Sam. He's really just so sweet and thoughtful and just great. We met in Paris, he was in the program too and he was transferring to PCA when the year ended. We got to know each other pretty well, we hung out a lot, but we didn't start dating until we got back PCA, the beginning of my sophomore year, his junior. Honestly, I kind of started to go out with him because there was someone I was trying to forget. Okay, so it was Logan, but it was just a stupid crush and I've been happily with Sam since. Liking Logan was just a phase, an idiotic adolescent crush. I mean, it was so stupid, I actually thought I missed him when I was in Paris. My relationship with Sam is a real relationship, it's not stupid or adolescent, it's serious and mature. I mean, our relationship is so…solid, that even though he's all the way across the country at Yale, nothing's changed. We talk every day and we're doing so good that I don't even really miss him. I think that might have sounded wrong. He's my boyfriend and I love him and he's gone so of course I should miss him, but then I don't really miss him. I…what I'm trying to say is I don't miss him because we just have such a good relationship that he can be across the country and everything is still…great.
Speaking of great things, we just won our first basketball game of the year. Logan played really great tonight, he's become a real team player, even when some of those team members are girls. He's matured a lot in the last few years. It's kind of weird, but I actually consider him a really good friend. He's not even as cocky as he used to be. Don't misunderstand, Logan still has his egotistical moments, but they're just that, moments; it's no longer constant. I don't think I noticed that mature side of him until after I was going out with Sam. Yeah, it was defiantly after, and he stopped hitting on me and just talked to me. Oh, God, how did he creep into my thoughts again! I swear he's so annoying. Well he's not that annoying in person, only when he wants to be, but he's really hard to avoid thinking about. Not that I should feel guilty or bad for thinking about him, I think about all my friends, and that's what he is, a friend.
I have just got to stop thinking and go to sleep already. If we get back and I haven't slept then I've missed out on sleep.
Hmm…my pillow is moving a little. "Hey, we're back," he whispered near my ear. The window must be open because I just felt this little chill run down my spine, but I can also feel his warm breath on my cheek, strange. I open my eyes, normally I hate waking up and I hate being woken up, but I must be in a really good mood or something, because I don't mind so much right now. My eyes met his. Why did we have to get back already? No, no, no, I did not just think that. I've got to get away from him now, there's something weird going on. I must be sleep deprived and delirious. I looked away and stood up. No one else was still on the bus. Everything is okay, okay? Just act normal. I grabbed my stuff from under the seat and walked off the bus, he was right behind me. It would be weird if I just took off and left him to walk back on his own, he's my friend. So I didn't run off.
He made conversation, "You played really great tonight." I can't believe he just complimented me! He never does that. I looked at him absolutely shocked, not breathing, and my mouth hanging open. He looks at me smiling, he's noticed his effect, "What? Can't I tell you you're a great athlete?"
Okay, I seriously can't talk, I sputtered for a moment and said the only possible thing I could think of for why he was saying these things, "Ha ha, very funny Logan, I know you don't actually think any girl can play any sport."
He's nodding and biting his lip and looking at the ground, then he looked up and at me. What is going on with him? He looks so…serious. He said, seriously, "I used to think that, until I met you. Maybe other girls can't play, but you play better than most of the guys on the team."
Against my will, I'm smiling and blushing. Luckily it's dark so he probably can't see the blush. I looked down so he might not catch my smile too. Why is this affecting me so much? Okay , I've got to say something back, "Thanks, you played really good too."
He gives me that cocky, sexy grin and says confidently, "I always do." Whoa, no I did not just call anything related to Logan sexy. Though I am perfectly allowed to think such things; just because I have a boyfriend who I love, doesn't mean I'm not allowed to look at other guys. We've reached my building, "See you tomorrow Cruz," he says to me as he continues walking.
There's a voice in my head shouting, "You have to say something back!" So before quickly ducking into my building I said simply, "G'night." God, what is going on lately? Why was that so weird? And why am I smiling? Why can't I stop my self from smiling? I must just be really happy that we won our first game. Right?
A/N: Hmm...how does guidance counseling come into the story? That will be revealed next chapter, as well as a twist that you won't see coming. Someone is lying, and it's going to forever effect the lives of a few people. That's right, drama lies ahead...
Please review! Thanks!
