A/N:
This will probably be a three-shot at most and my first attempt at an "M" rated fic, which actually starts in the second part of this story. In addition, the last line in this chapter is a quote from Eckhart Tolle.
Sheldon observed her from a distance as she danced with a slightly intoxicated Bernadette and Amy. His hands clenched tightly around the glass of milk as he tried to dismiss the fact that he may never see her again. She was due to leave early in the morning and he could only hope that no significant change would happen to the group.
But in the back of his mind, he knew that something were bound to shift once she's gone.
A lump in his throat formed every time the thought of her moving away crossed his mind. For seven years that woman pushed his buttons and talked to no end about shoes. She would constantly pick an argument and sit on his beloved spot, knowing well it irritated him. Her lack of manners and how unorganized she was baffled him and yet he wondered why he didn't shun her away from the group.
The truth was he platonically loved her. She was the only one that cared enough to stay and take care of him when he was sick. They shared this inseparable bond that no one could break. He valued her friendship and often enjoyed her company. They may fight like siblings but in the end, they would still be the best of friends, always loyal and supportive of each other.
That bond would soon break as a result of the distance between them. Sheldon knew that they may stay in touch for a few months until their lives catch up and they would become strangers living in two different states. He would win his Nobel Prize while she's an acting teacher and maybe married one day. They would have no time to draw up an email to say hello and there would be the inevitable day when they won't give a thought about the other.
He was unsettled with the idea of evolving into strangers. He wanted to ask her to stay and he would help her financially as she continued to pursue her acting career. It wasn't because he was afraid of change, but because he couldn't deal with her moving 1,540 miles away.
Six weeks ago, she broke up with Leonard after getting fired from that awful killer gorilla movie, saying that he deserved someone better than who was a failure at everything. It was hard for Leonard to let the love of his life go and he told her that actress or not, he would love her anyways.
But she had to end it with him. Things weren't the same anymore. She noticed how much more she drank while in a relationship with him to help her forget how her own boyfriend did not support her aspirations and doubted her abilities. She wasn't as happy as before and that was partly the reason why she wanted to break up.
She rarely showed up for dinner afterwards and the one time she finally did, she revealed that she was planning on moving back home. There wasn't much that she could do out in California and she felt that she would be more useful in Nebraska. The group was shocked but understood her decision, even though that they would never want her to go.
Two days ago, she reappeared again at apartment 4A, distressed and sobbing. Sheldon prepared her a cup of coffee as she told him how she didn't want to let go of the people she had met here. She didn't want to leave her tiny place that was across from her best friend but the life she was living at that moment was slowly killing her. She had nothing to prove her worthiness and her confidence in herself was at an all-time low.
Instead of making an inappropriate comment like what everyone else would expect from him, Sheldon held her close as she trembled in his arms. He flinched at her touch but started to ease up when she began to doze off. It was almost as if he was protecting her from all her worries and he knew that she needed someone to comfort her.
No more "Soft Kittys". No more spaghetti with little hotdogs mixed in the sauce dinners. No more arguments about her sitting on his spot or strolling into his apartment uninvited. No more three consecutive knocks followed by her name. There would be no more science lectures or him scolding her whenever she called him "Moon Pie".
He wouldn't anticipate laundry nights as much anymore and the Halo tournaments where the two teamed up together and defeated everyone would never be the same.
"Hey, buddy," a voice spoke and Sheldon watched as his roommate sat on the bar stool next to him. "What were you looking at for a long time?"
Sheldon lowered his eyes and quietly sipped his drink. He never told anyone that he would miss her. He hated being seen as an emotional mess and he tried so hard not to show any signs of it.
Leonard looked at the direction that his friend was staring at before and spotted their blonde neighbor along with her girlfriends. "Were you thinking about Penny?"
He nodded but avoided any eye contact. Sheldon wished to be left alone at that moment but he knew that he needed to vent what he felt before it completely overwhelmed him.
"It's okay to be sad about her leaving, Sheldon. Have you told her that you're going to miss her?" Leonard asked.
Before Sheldon could answer, a small tap on his shoulder and the smell of green apple shampoo caused him to turn his head around. Behind him was the woman he had been staring at all night, displaying a smile that made men's knees weak- including his.
Penny's blonde hair was up in a ponytail and curled at the ends and she decided to wear a leather black dress with red pumps. Sheldon knew how much she loved to go all out when it comes to partying outside and she looked more beautiful than the other ladies in the club. He could feel his heart beat a little bit faster as he tried to stop himself from staring at her for too long.
It felt like the first time he had met her. Even in a blue tee and shorts, Penny managed to capture his attention and he couldn't help but sneak glances of her whenever he thought she wasn't looking. The way her green eyes sparkled and how her smile brightened the room made him bashful that day. Her bubbly personality and hearty laughter would often put a smile on his face.
He had never admitted about how he secretly had a crush on her. He didn't admit it to himself for a long time. Sheldon became attracted to her the minute she stood by his whiteboard and called him a "beautiful mind, genius guy".
No other woman had made him feel that flustered and almost all of them had made fun of his appearance. But Penny never did. She may have teased him but never did she laugh at his looks or how nerdy he was. She accepted him for the way he was and Sheldon loved her for that.
He had to stop himself however. He knew that a relationship would be a distraction to work and he couldn't have that. When she broke up with Leonard, he still didn't try to pursue her. He believed the science came first to romance and frankly, he wasn't as interested as before. He was fine with how things were and had no desire to change anything.
The days leading to her departure made Sheldon realized that those feelings had now resurfaced. They had gradually become more apparent after she announced that she was leaving but he was afraid of the possibilities that may occur if he told her. Growing up, he was constantly rejected by his peers and what if Penny did not find him desirable?
He wasn't like Kurt or Zack with the heavy built body. Leonard, although not as brawny as her two ex-boyfriends, was untroubled by the physical aspect of being in a relationship with her. Sheldon could never hold a person's hand without dashing madly to the bathroom and vigorously scrub any germs that may have transferred onto his skin.
His mysophobia led to the dissolution of the Relationship Agreement he had signed with Amy. It had already been two years since they started dating and Sheldon was still reluctant in giving her what she yearned for; sex. It wasn't that he was ashamed of his body or worried that he may not be able to satisfy one's needs completely, but the thought of exchanging bodily fluids with another person frightened him.
Sheldon found sex to be unsanitary and unnecessary. Its main purpose was only to procreate and with the increasing population in the world, he didn't find the need to contribute in adding more humans to the planet. Sure a progeny of his would be a gift to humanity and he could accomplish it clinically with fertility experts in a lab with petri dishes instead of traditional methods, but he knew he'd be too busy with his research to tend to a future benign overlord.
The memory of him asking if Penny's womb was available for rental made him titter and then-
"Hello? Earth to Sheldon? Are you there?"
Penny waved her hands in front of him and it derailed his train of thought while Amy and Bernadette moved to the where they were clustered at. "I apologize. My mind was occupied with- never mind. What was it that you were talking about?"
"I was telling Leonard how a farewell party for me wasn't necessary. Thank you though for paying my Sangria. Haven't had good drinks at a club for a while since I was always too broke. I promise that this will be the last time I'll use your money," she said as she gave Leonard a grin. "What was so important in your head that you practically ignored our conversation?" Penny playfully poked Sheldon's clad chest with a chuckle. Sheldon stayed silent and glanced down to her shoes. He wanted to talk to her alone and not in a place where the music was blasting through his ears.
"Nothing," he simply replied and drank the milk in his glass.
A beaming Howard and Raj approached the table and slipped their arms around their respective partner's waist. It had been almost a month since Raj asked out Amy and Sheldon could not approve more about the match. He had never seen the two so happy and he was pleased that they weren't lonely anymore. Howard and Bernadette's two year anniversary was in a month and Howard shared his to friends that he was planning on taking his wife to a surprise getaway for the occasion.
Even Leonard was slowly getting back out there. The first few nights since Penny broke up with him included long hours of moping, wailing, and singing to Alanis Morissette and Sheldon had to award him with two strikes after he suffered fitful REM cycles. Three weeks after that, Sheldon's assistant Alex had offered her consolation to Leonard which he gladly accepted. They weren't officially together yet but Leonard knew he had developed feelings for her.
"So Penny how's the party?" Raj asked with pure confidence.
Penny chortled. "Of course it's amazing. I mean a night out to dance and drink at a fancy club? You really have outdone yourself, Koothrappali. Well done. What I'm not used to seeing is Howard actually keeping his hands to himself instead of using lame pick up jokes to get girls."
"That Howard Wolowitz is now retired thanks to this beautiful lady," Howard responded as he squeezed Bernadette's waist.
"Good, or else our kid will wonder why mommy made daddy sleep someplace else," Bernadette blurted out.
A wave of silence erupted among the group before the tiny blonde threw her arms in the air and grinned. "Surprise!"
Howard looked to his wife with shock and love. "Seriously? When did you find out?"
"This morning and I know a club isn't really a place where something like this should be announced but I figured that since this is the last night that we'd be together as a group, I might as well say it now. Again, surprise!"
Howard leaned down to kiss his wife and the mother of his unborn child as everyone else cheered and congratulated the couple. Instead of shaking hands, Sheldon gave them a thumbs up and wished the two the best. In nine months, there would be a new addition to their group, but he knew it wouldn't be enough to replace Penny.
Penny began to tear up and Amy noticed her wiping her watery eyes carefully to not smudge her makeup. "What's wrong, bestie?"
Penny began to sniffle and smiled sadly around her friends. "I'm just going to miss you guys and the way we hang out like this. You're all considered as my family and I love you to bits and pieces. I'm not going to be here to plan the baby shower or help Bernadette pick out maternity clothes. God, I'm so emotional right now and it's ruining our night."
Sheldon placed his hand on top of Penny's which surprised both of them. He looked directly at her and reached inside his pocket to grab his packet of tissues. After handing her one to clean herself up, Sheldon cleared his throat.
"On behalf of everyone here with us today, we are going to miss you, Penny. You had made an impact on each of us that we all cannot thank you enough. You are the glue that holds the group together. Without you, Penny, Howard may have never found love with Bernadette if you hadn't set him up with her. Amy would not be able to express her feelings freely. Raj would not have a place where he could open about himself if you aren't here to plan a girls' night and invite him to one. Leonard may not be able to get over his insecurities without your help."
She couldn't stop herself from crying. Sheldon knew that Penny had always thought of herself as the "dumb blonde" in the group and that was untrue. She was smart and clever in her own way and added something exciting to their group.
"If you weren't my friend, there'd be a hole in my life," Sheldon continued and the others awed at his words. "Kind of like when Firefly was cancelled."
Penny immediately rushed to his side and hugged him. Her tears stained his gray blazer but he couldn't care less. He awkwardly brought his arms around her shoulders and patted her back. "There, there. Sheldon's here."
She pulled away, but not before kissing Sheldon's cheek. "I'm going to miss you the most, Moon Pie."
Penny and the others waited for his usual retort about how his Meemaw was the only one allowed to call him that, but it never came. They all shared forlorn looks before Penny displayed one of her heartwarming and welcoming grins and stood up straight. "I don't want to end the night in crying and with my mascara smeared. Let's just enjoy the company."
Sheldon nodded and watched as the weary blonde pulled her friends onto the dance floor. As the group moved to the beat, Sheldon awkwardly stood behind them and recalled back to all the times he spent with Penny once more. For a brief moment, the two's eyes met and she shot him a loving smile before getting lost in the crowd of other patrons.
He couldn't let her go. He just couldn't imagine himself doing that. It wasn't supposed to end this way. There was still more to their story and he didn't expect an abrupt and painful ending. He couldn't let the woman that made such a difference in his life walk out forever.
But she felt that this was the right thing to do. It seemed to be her only escape through all the problems she had buried herself in and she was in need of a fresh start.
He'd be heart-broken, but sometimes letting things go is an act of far greater power than defending or hanging on.
