Disclaimer: I own neither Ranma or Bleach. I am a college student who is simply trying to have some fun. However, using the characters does not mean that the ideas presented are not my own and would appreciate a shout if you were inspired, insulted ore otherwise enlightened from reading this tail of mischievous woe. Additionally, as long as we're on the subject, I am not responsible directly or indirectly responsible for armies of undead corpses trying to take over the world.
Hiyori 1/2:
a tail of Two minds sharing one body (just not all at once)
By Gabriel R. Lopez
"SPLASH!!!"
"Aiyah! Young mister customer fall into spring of drowned monster. Tragic story of young demon who fall into spring and drown five…no fifteen hundred year ago. Now whoever fall in spring take on appearance of young demon.
"growf?" The panda cocked his head to the side as a what appeared to be the head of a twelve year old girl broke though the springs surface gasping for breath. She had thick blonde hair that clung to her scalp for it was quite wet. After a brief coughing spasm, her brown eyes were wide with shock as she looked down to see her masculine pecks were now freakishly deformed…it took Ranma a moment to realize they were mammary glands in the process of development… this assessment process would have been much quicker for the young martial artist were he more familiar with human anatomy beyond his own personal experience. Quickly, crawling out of the spring in her now vastly over sized Karate Gi. Her mouth appeared to be pulled back in a condescending smirk as she opened her pants to find something missing. However, upon closer inspection one might notice that the smirk was actually a rouge fang protruding from the young girl's mouth. Then there was a blood curdling scream.
This event was both puzzling and perplexing to the panda bear as he was still getting over the shock and confusion of its own transformation. For you see the panda was not a panda, he was in fact a wandering martial artist on the final leg of a seven year training journey that was initially started for the sole purpose waiting out the statute of limitations he had for his arrest warrant…warrants. Apparently, the aforementioned martial arts master was a known criminal mastermind, a notorious thief of ill repute wanted throughout England and France. It should be noted that Genma's only true motivation for leaving Japan was to wait out the extradition treaty the Japanese government made with aforementioned countries to facilitate greater trade between the United Nations…
Ranma, on the other hand, was trying to puzzle together what had happened. His…no her, father after he had slipped and fallen into one of the springs, then while he, that is to say she, was Laughing she was assaulted by a rampaging panda that knocked her into another, or rather the same spring that she had just crawled out of less than ten seconds earlier. Rather than simply accept her cursed fate. Ranma knew the panda must die and started chasing the poor beast around Jusenkeyo…the chase lasted several minutes and ended when the panda zigged when it should have zagged to avoid that guy with a yellow bandanna. There was another splash as the boy, the tourist that is, fell into Mauniichuan. Needless to say Ranma went very still, very fast, the moment the little grey kitten with a bandanna and a pair of goggles burst from the spring, sounding as if it was hacking up hairballs. There was another blood curdling scream as the newly fanged martial artist, screamed like the little girl she was, and started running in the opposite direction of that evil panda that cursed her. Of course Goggles, the kitten with the yellow bandanna, had problems of his own.
Some time later…
A very badly bruised panda bear with a really nasty black eye walked the streets of Nermia in the pouring rain. The beast re adjusted the weight of his unconscious passenger. Spring of drown monster was right, what Ranma lacked in masculine prowess was more than compensated for by his cursed forms aggressive and almost in inhuman strength. The panda coughed spitting up some blood onto the side walk which was quickly washed away by the pouring rain. 'Oh great!', Genma thought 'the boy broke another rib.' Fortunately, his injuries would mend and reset themselves as soon as he was back in human form. Unfortunately, cracked ribs, broken bones and pulled tendons usually hurt when they reset themselves 'stupid curse' Genma thought… although for him it was probably a blessing in disguise. Should anyone come looking for him, including Ranma's mother, Gen could simply pretend to be a "cute widdle panda" although one could argue "cute" and "little" would hardly apply to Mr Saotome in either form. It didn't help that his panda form was female. Genma had to escape from several government sponsored breeding programs before making the decision to finally return to Japan. It took him and Ranma a while to find that tracking device the Chinese had installed in one of his back molars. However, like it or not, Ranma was kind enough to knock it out of his jaw with a well placed right hook while the boy was in his cursed form. As the panda slowly and painfully limped toward the Gates of the Tendo dojo he noticed his passenger was starting to regain some consciousness. 'oh spit!' Genma thought 'this is going to hurt'.
Meanwhile within the great halls Tendo dojo one could barely make out the voice of a young girl coupled with the sound of a four hundred pound panda being smashed against the outer wall of the compound. "I told you already I'm not interested! Picking my fiancé for me like that." If you were in the tendo dojo at that moment you would have heard a loud splashing sound as a humongous panda took a nosedive head first into the Tendo's koi pond. You wouldn't have actually seen anything.
Which is why the most most adventurous member of the Tendo family thought it would be a good idea t seewhat all the commotion was about. They (The Tendo's ) were all interested in what was causing a ruckus outside. Unfortunately, unlike other members of the Tendo family, Akane didn't have the same sense self preservation. And so it was, Akane was the first Person to set eyes on their visitors. She was also incidentally the first to head out into the back yard to see what the commotion was all about.
"I'm going back to China Panda-Baka! You can stay here for all I care." Ranma was prepared to thwart any move the Panda was about to take in retaliation from his prone position in the Koi pond. What Ranma had failed to account for was the girl standing behind her with a soft ball bat willing to defend her home from terrorists. Ranma collapsed like a marionette. This was accompanied by a loud aluminum ting sound that Ranma remembered vividly before slipping into unconsciousness. She was about to get the bear too when it pulled out a sign that said "WAIT!"
Too late. Akane's Softball bat smashed part of the sign, but the panda pulled out second sign from God knows where, and blocked the force of the swing. The other sign said "Stop!" but Akane wrestled with the sign wielding panda without reading it. Akane then broke free of the tangled mess of signs and managed to get in couple of good swings. It was a shame they hit nothing but air as the panda twisted and avoided the clubbing it so justly deserved. If only the bear would hold still. The panda had to dropp the broken sign as Akane rushed at it with her Softball bat. It took Akane half a second to realize why she had landed face first into the grass. She had tripped over the aforementioned wooden sign during her blind swing and lost her balance.
Looking up, Akane could see the panda now looming over her. "OKAY! For real this time!" Akane pushed herself off the ground , bat in hand and did a final rush of the bespectacled panda. It did not go well for the young Tendo. The panda avoided the swing, grabbed the wide end of the softball bat on the recoil, and used it to swing Akane into the koi pond. Genma then roared loudly at the girl as if warning her to stay put. Akane gladly complied as the adrenaline had finally worn off and she could see how much bigger than her the panda was. Any hand to hand combat with her, because Akane could now see the bear was clearly female from her current vantage point, would be like a bee fighting a car head on.
Fortunately Akane's father rushed out of the house in full samurai armor, tears streaming down his face. Well, maybe not tears. It was raining after all and it wasn't as if Mr. Tendo was one of those drama queens that go about crying for no apparent reason. "*sob* *sob* you leave my daughter alone, or I will cutt you up."
"rowr?" the panda barked. But not in a way that was scary.
"Ahhhhh! Don't eat me." Soun Tendo then dropped the sword and crouched over and covered his face to protect himself from the rabid beast…when his death hadn't come as quickly as he had feared the Tendo patriarch slowly, uncurled himself and saw that the panda was holding up a sign . The sign read "Sorry about this. I can explain everything."
