CHARMED ONES GONE WILD

A/N: First of all, I'd like to apologize for the length of my time away from this site. I was really upset with Charmed during Season 8 and I ran away from it for a while. This is a story I wrote immediately after the Season 7 finale. In this fan fiction, Season 8 doesn't exist. In my world, Season 8 doesn't exist, sorry for those who may like Season 8. Everyone has their own opinion, I respect that, I hope you do too. This fan fiction has several opinions in it that others may not experience or view. Remember it's only a fan fiction and we're here to have fun. I hope you all enjoy this story as much as I did writing it. It also features a lot of inside humor, I tried to make it as clear as I could. Thank you for your time, on with the show... er, story!!

Summary: Set after "Something Wicca This Way Goes." Piper, Leo, Phoebe and Paige has a shot at a perfect, normal life. What things could they include to make a life perfect? Will it be all they hope, or will all the hard work they endure be for nothing?

Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING ON THIS STORY EXCEPT THE PLOT, PATRICIA, ANDY, JR. MELISSA, COLLIN, COURTNEY, CONNOR, AND CONNIE. EVERYTHING ELSE IN THIS STORY BELONGS TO SOMEONE ELSE BESIDES ME. I DON'T OWN CHARMED, WJLS, DANNY WRIGHT ALL NIGHT, CITIES, PLACES, SONGS, ROADS, INTERSTATES, ECT…

CHAPTER ONE: SOMETHING WILD THIS WAY COMES

Day 1 of mission: moving

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

Motel

Piper - while talking to her family - We need to do something. We have to move somewhere else. If we stay in California, we'd be sitting ducks.

Phoebe - Where else would we go? All of us were raised in San Francisco.

Paige - What is your suggestion?

Piper - Well, I say we move far away. Somewhere where they'd never find us.

Phoebe - Where?

Piper - You just leave that to me. You guys, go to magic school, get some potions so you can get to the manor and take your stuff. I don't care what they say, it's our house, and it's our things! Bring the Book of Shadows, too.

They all obey, Leo and Phoebe takes Paige's hands and she orbs off. Piper pulls out the laptop and types in something. She continues to type and when she's certifies that thing, she smiles.

Time Lapse

When the girls and Leo orb back in, Piper has the things they have brought packed up.

Piper - Where are the cars?

Leo - Home…

Piper - Go get them? Are we going to walk to our new home?

Paige - No, orb.

Piper - That won't do. We need to strip our powers.

Paige - What! No way! We already did this 3 years ago! I love being a witch and I'm not going back.

Piper - This isn't about you loving being a witch, this is about you being the last Charmed One and every demon and its brother will be out for your blood. I'm not willing to save our butts, fake our deaths, and move just to lose you.

Paige - What about the boys? They need someone to guide them in their future.

Piper - They don't have a future in magic, I'm binding their powers too.

Leo - Excuse me.

Piper - Leo, their mother and their Aunt is powerless, their father fell from grace and their other Aunt is about to be killed unless she strips her powers. How do you suppose we protect them from demons?

Leo - I know, but we decided with Wyatt we wouldn't strip his powers, and now you're gonna strip Chris's powers!

Piper - Leo, it's not only Chris's powers I'm stripping. I'm stripping Wyatt's too.

Leo - Oh my god, you're going to do this. You're going to fake your deaths.

Piper, Phoebe and Paige - Yes.

Piper - I've already got us a house.

Phoebe - What? Where?

Piper - You'll see when we get there.

Paige - How long will it take?

Piper - Six days.

Leo - SIX DAYS!

Piper - It'll take a while.

Paige - I'll say! How many miles are we going?

Phoebe - Which country?

Piper - We're not flying, guys, we're driving. But it's 2,641 miles, give or take. Remember guys; we're driving with Wyatt and Chris. So 6 hours a day tops.

Leo - I can't believe you. First your going to strip our boys' powers without me knowing, second you're driving us halfway around the country without telling us where we're going.

Piper - Trust me, it's going to be OK.

Phoebe - We will be driving 6 hours a day for 6 days without reverse drivers?

Piper - Well, that may not be the case. We all know your suppose to have a little girl in about 3 years, what we need to do is summon your husbands.

Phoebe - What do you think I am, a hooker? Husbands?

Piper - Paige.

Phoebe - feeling embarrassed - Oh right, Paige.

Leo - You know, that might not be a bad idea in the first place. If you guys are meant to meet someone, and your not in San Francisco, then obviously your not gonna meet him.

Piper - So, Phoebe, Paige, get to work on a spell would ya? I need to get them cars. Paige, could you call me and Leo to the manor?

Paige - Sure. Piper, Leo; manor!

They orb away.

Time Lapse

Piper, Phoebe and Paige are standing side-by-side, holding hands and chanting.

Piper, Phoebe and Paige - Love ones we call you near, come to this spot and appear here; ones that we shall meet, show yourselves and let us meet.

Piper looks at Phoebe.

Phoebe - Not my best, but it'll do.

Dust swirls around the room and a man shows up.

Paige - Richard?

Richard - Hello, Paige. What am I doing here?

Paige - We summoned you.

Richard - Why?

Piper - perky - We're faking our deaths. Want to join us?

Richard - Paige goes with me?

Piper - You bet.

Richard - Count me in. Do I have to fake my death as well?

Phoebe - Not really. Just pack up and leave. If you could, not have anyone chase after you. So if you have to, please, but if not, move.

Richard - So pretty much yeah?

Piper - To be safe, yeah.

Paige - Is he my husband?

Richard - What do you mean husband?

Piper - We are summoning our future husbands. I guess you are Paige's.

Richard - Hope so.

Paige - I can't believe you still want me after I turned you down.

Richard - Every no is one more closer to my yes.

Piper - You did what? When did Richard propose?

Paige - About 3 months ago.

Phoebe - And you turned him down, and more importantly, didn't inform the sisters.

Richard - cocky - So how's that missionary school going…

Paige blushes.

Piper - We so don't have time for this…

Phoebe - Nope, we don't. Incoming!

More dust swirls around and yet another man, a woman and 3 children are standing there.

Piper - Prue?

Prue - Who are you guys and how did we get here?

Phoebe - Uh, uh, look at Leo. Leo, over there. Tall, light and handsome.

Prue looks over that way and her memory comes flooding back.

Prue - Leo. Oh, what's going on? - she stumbles over to a chair - I need to sit down.

Leo - Prue?

Paige - The Prue. As in Prudence May Halliwell…

Andy - Trudeau.

Paige and Phoebe - ANDY! Andy Trudeau?

Andy - Paige, is that you? Paige Matthews?

Paige - Yes, it is. What are you doing here?

Andy - I'm Prue's husband.

Paige - I'm Prue's sister.

Prue - What! I have 2 sisters, not 3.

Piper - Mom and Sam had her in secrecy and never told us.

Prue - So I assume you know. I can cut the act. - she walks over to Paige and surprises everyone by hugging her - Welcome home, Paige. I'm so glad you made it back. I always knew it, thought.

Piper - PRUDENCE MAY HALLIWELL!

Andy - Trudeau! I'm married to her!

Piper - You're next.

Andy - Ut oh.

Phoebe shakes her head positively, but negatively for Andy.

Piper - After we deal with everything, I'll deal with you. Who are the three angels?

Prue - My children. Who are the 2 angels?

Piper - My sons.

Andy - Wow, you 2 have more in common than you thought. - they both give him a dirty look - This is me backing off.

Leo - Prue, Prue, Prue, Prue…

Another sweep of dust fills the air. When it clears, two little children appear.

Little boy - Excuse me, where are we? I was being beat by my daddy.

Paige - Well, you're in a motel. We're summoning future encounters. Who are you and why were you being beat by your daddy?

Little boy - My name is Connor Bryant and this is my twin sister Connie.

Paige's eyes fills with tears, as she just stands there shocked.

Piper - Paige… - she runs her hands in front of Paige's face - Paige.

Richard - Hey, you're Cameron Bryant's kids.

Connor - Yes, that's my daddy. Do you know him?

Richard - I'm competition.

Connie - Hi.

Finally Piper slaps Paige out of it.

Paige - hyperventilating - Connor, Connie, it's not possible. Connie's dead.

Connor - Nope, been with me and Dad since day one. I'm the late bloomer. My sister was kidnapped at birth, I was right down scammed from my mommy.

Andy - Same Connor and Connie Bryant?

Paige - I thank so.

Andy - I've got him now. - he pulls out his cell phone -

Paige - catching on - NO! CELL PHONE! - after it orbs to her hands, she turns it off - Sorry, Andy, we're committing a felony here.

Andy - What?

Piper - We're faking our deaths.

Prue - Why are we in a motel? Why aren't we at the manor?

Piper - Well, I'll explain that when we get home.

Andy puts his hands over his mouth and whispers 'oh my god.'

Prue - What?

Piper - We need to get moving as soon as Phoebe's husband gets his rump over here.

Phoebe - He's just lazy, that's all. - dust starts to swirl - See I'll bet he's coming now.

Paige - while holding a restraining Connor and Connie - What else could it be. Do we have any more missing children, presumed dead sisters, or anything?

Piper - Not last I checked.

The dust clears.

Phoebe - I guess there are some more missing children…

Piper - But whose?

Paige - I'm clear, they're found.

Leo - in a daze - Prue, Prue, Prue, Pure, Prue…

Piper - Poor Leo.

Phoebe - He's mortal now. We'd better take care of him. You guys do that and I'll check these kids. - she walks over to where they are sitting, looking around - Hello.

Little girl - Hi.

Little boy - Hello.

Phoebe - looking into their eyes - Guys, I think I know who they are?

Paige - Who?

Phoebe - My children. Collin and Courtney.

Piper - Excuse me.

Phoebe - Mine and Cole's miscarriage. They didn't exactly die. They returned after the seer was vanquished. It was then I realized I couldn't handle them. I started looking for a female who wanted children. I found a young woman wanting a family. She promised she'd take care of them. I was there when they was born.

Leo - after they snapped him out of it - Ok, who's the 4 kids.

Paige - This is Connor and Connie, my children.

Leo - We'll deal with that later, but I know them. They're the children Beta took care of after their adopted mom died.

Phoebe - But Beta died.

Leo - I know. I wondered what Alpha would do to them.

Phoebe - picking up the little boy - Hi, I'm your mommy.

Leo - Ok, we'll deal with that later as well. Has Phoebe's husband made his big entrance yet?

Phoebe - Not yet.

Prue - It's going to be Cole.

Phoebe - Cole died…

Piper - But he's in the Cosmic Balance Realm.

Phoebe - What…

More dust fills the room.

Paige - That better be your husband, we need to get moving.

The dust clears.

Phoebe - with a smile barely containing her enthusiasm - Yep, it's him.

Phoebe jumps around his waist after handing Piper Collin.

Piper - while looking at Collin - We've all got kids, at least two.

Cole - in shock - Hello, Phoebe. Nice to see you again.

Phoebe - throwing her arms around his neck - Shut up and kiss me. - they kiss then she breaks it momentarily - I'm going to my room. Piper, can you watch the twins?

Piper - Oh, no you don't. We're in a 1-room motel, you are not having sex missy. We have a long trip and we've got to be going. We leave now.

Cole - Where to?

Leo - It's a secret that Piper only knows.

Prue - What is the matter with the manor?

Piper - Sweetie, I'd tell you, but it'd upset you too badly to drive… so I'm not.

Prue - Piper Lynn Halliwell-Wyatt! You will tell me what is wrong with our ancestral home.

Leo - There's no home, Prue. They blew it up. We faked our deaths and we're following Piper on a wild goose chase where when we get there, we're binding our powers.

Prue looks at them like their crazy. When she realizes their dead serious, she freaks.

Time Lapse

Prue is in the front drive way of the Manor, with her hands grasping the wheel to her car firmly and her heels implanted on the brake so tight it redefines the sentence "petal to the metal."

Prue - No, no, no! I'm not leaving! You can forget it, I'm not stripping my powers or my kids powers and I'm not leaving!

Time Lapse

Car #1

I-80

They have been traveling 0.12 miles in 4 different cars. Piper, Leo, Wyatt and Chris are in the lead, Car #1. Phoebe, Cole, Collin and Courtney bring in Car #2. Paige, Richard, Connor and Connie are in Car #3. Finally, in Car #4, is Andy, driving Prue, Andy, Jr., Patricia and Melissa. They talk on hand's free cell phones, Piper is driving towards the Bay Bridge, Leo is listening to Prue and Andy bicker, and Cole and Phoebe have some chit-chat about their last few years apart. Paige and her kids have been gossiping non-stop. Finally Leo interrupts their small talk and asks what is on everyone's mind. They naturally don't mind.

Leo - in the phone - Where are we going?

Piper - in the phone - I-80, then U.S. 77. That's all you need to know.

Phoebe - over the speakers - Piper, I think we deserve to know.

Prue - over the speakers - I think we should turn around and go back home.

Piper - in the phone - Sorry, Prue. That's not an option.

Paige - over the speakers - So, how far are we going? Two thousand six hundred and forty-one miles is quite a distance.

Piper - in the phone - Well, the hint is they'd never think we'd go there. It's not the entire United States, but more than half. More like three-fourths. We'll stop around the beginning of Nevada for the night.

Leo - in the phone - Not Carson City.

Piper - in the phone - Not big cities, only little/small, biggest--medium.

Paige - over the speakers - Where?

Piper - in the phone - Around Lovelock.

Phoebe - over the speakers - Where?

Piper - in the phone to Leo - Perfect.

Paige - over the speakers - How far is that into Utah?

Piper - in the phone - Ninety miles.

Phoebe - over the speakers - Damn.

Piper - in the phone - We'll get there. You can drive a while, then Cole and vice versa for everyone. Leo's gonna drive too.

Leo - in the phone with hope to Piper - That means I have to know where we're going.

Piper - in the phone; to Leo - Not quite. I'll just tell you the interstates and the exits.

Phoebe - over the speakers - Is it that bad?

Piper - in the phone - Sweetie, if you all knew, you'd all turn around. Like I said, it's somewhere where we'd never go. So obviously, we won't like it for a while.

Prue - over the speakers - It could be paradise and I wouldn't like it.

Piper - in the phone - I wouldn't like it either. We thought we'd join you before Yesterday was over.

Prue - over the speakers - Just tell me. Why would you want to abandon the manor?

Piper - in the phone - We don't have a choice.

Paige - over the speakers - Watch what you say, the main satellite tapes these things.

Phoebe - over the speakers - Yeah, we do. Ok, so how do we protect ourselves?

Piper - in the phone - Done been done. The cars have spells on them so that nothing can get out. It's kind of like a cloud of bad signals.

Paige - over the speakers - Cool. How do we hear ourselves then?

Piper - in the phone - It's not a real cloud over the car, Paige. Just for the phone service.

Paige - over the speakers - Oh.

Leo - in the phone - So where do we go to eat? Piper hates fast food for a personal reason.

Piper - in the phone; to Leo - Butt out! Besides there is Kentucky Fried Chicken, Taco Bell, Long John Silvers, dinners, and other non-fast food places and I can buy things and cook.

Paige - over the speakers - I want hamburgers!

Piper - in the phone - NO!

Paige - over the speakers - Why?

Piper - in the phone - Personal reasons.

Leo - in the phone - Yeah, real personal.

Phoebe - over the speakers; to Paige - Just drop it. It's just like our destination.

They cross the Bay Bridge completely.

Prue - over the speakers; to herself - Goodbye San Francisco.

Piper - in the phone - Oh, Prue. It'll be ok. As long as we have each other, that's all that matters.

Time Lapse

Piper, Prue, Phoebe and Paige's cars pull up to a rest area around Vallejo. Piper gets Chris, Leo gets Wyatt, Prue gets Patricia and Melissa and Andy gets Andy, Jr. Cole gets Collin and Phoebe gets Courtney, Paige gets Connie and Richard gets Connor. They take the kids to do their businesses and then give them all 5 dollars a piece to get junk food; all but Melissa and Chris. They settle for a warm bottle or a sippy cup. While the kids are munching and/or sipping on their goodies, the adults are talking.

Piper - Ok, guys, the next stop for something planned will be Aumbum. Is that ok for you guys?

Phoebe - I just wished you would tell us where all this will lead.

Piper - I can't. You will see soon enough.

Paige - Soon! Is SIX days soon, Piper?

Prue - I hate to admit this, but suspense has never been one of my favorite genres?

Piper - I can't. I'm already having second thoughts.

Leo - Oh, great. We're in a wild goose chase, following someone who's having second thoughts herself.

Piper - It's not something I'm proud of, but yeah. This place does not spell Phoebe, Paige, Piper… or Prue. This place more likely spells Bobbie Jo.

Paige - So help me Piper, if you take me to Kentucky… I will walk back to San Francisco and turn myself in. I will not live in the bluegrass state.

Leo - What's wrong with Kentucky or bluegrass?

Phoebe - I have nothing against the state, but the music is just…

Paige - Yuck!

Phoebe - forced - Different. - back to normal - It's just different. The voices are high, you can't understand the words, the music is high, and…

Leo - You just explained Rock 'n Roll.

Phoebe - Yes, and I hate Hard Metal, too. I'm more into Country.

Paige - You're what?

Phoebe - Country. It's listen-able. It's clear. It's 'songs about me.' - she laughs -

Paige - Is that some kind of horrible joke?

Phoebe - Songs About Me by Trace Adkins. Heard of it?

Paige - Is it Country?

Piper - Yeah.

Paige - Nope.

Prue - OK. Let's get back to business. How do we pay for motels?

Piper - Cold hard cash.

Prue - But do we have that much?

Piper points to her car trunk.

Piper - In there. Two suit cases.

Phoebe - We robbed P3, took my pays worth from the Bay Mirror and closed down the bank accounts.

Prue - Ok, next Bank 1, I need to close down mine, the kids and Andy's if he wants.

Andy - I don't know.

Piper - I might. There might not be a Bank 1 where we're going.

Andy - I'm not so into so much breaking the law. I'm a lawmaker, not a lawbreaker.

Phoebe - Please, Andy. Don't bail on us now. We've traveled 30 miles already.

Andy - I'm not bailing. My wife and my children are here and plus I promised myself I'd always help you girls, no matter what the cost, it's just I'm not too happy about this unless you girls explain yourselves.

Phoebe tells the story that has been going on the last few hours, Paige tells the story that has been going on the last year and Piper tells everything else.

Large Time Lapse

Prue and Andy - I understand now…

Piper - Now you see why we're faking our deaths.

A couple of tourists walk past. After hearing Piper's last words, they stare back.

Piper - seeing them, and covering with a soap opera act - I have to save him, and in order… oh, can I help you.

Tourist - Oh no. Carry on. Wonderful performance. Almost fooled me.

They walk on past. The girls sigh.

Piper - Ok, have to watch where we say things like that.

Phoebe - Agreed.

Prue - Ok, so the kids are done and Melissa and Chris are out cold. Let's go.

They quietly put the kids in the cars, trying to not awaken Chris and Melissa. Once the kids are secure along with themselves, they pull out with different drivers.

Car #2

Piper - over the speakers - So, how's everyone doing?

Paige - over the speakers - Fine.

Richard - over the speakers - All right.

Andy and Prue - over the speakers - Good.

Cole and Phoebe - in the phone - Okey dokey.

Leo - over the speakers - Is she wearing off on you Cole?

Cole - in the phone - Yeah. Ever since I first met her.

Piper - over the speakers - Okay. We've got 1 heck of a drive ahead of us. Let's make this one memorable.

Phoebe - in the phone - I think it already has.

Piper - over the speakers - Ok. We're leaving Vallejo, and heading towards Sacramento. Thirty miles down, two hundred and forty miles to go today; Two thousand six hundred and ten to go altogether.

Paige - over the speakers - Here we go.

Time Lapse

It's been 3 hours, and the girls have stopped 4 different times for rest areas, 1 time for gas and 1 emergency dipper change in Car #2. Once again, they're pulling off.

Piper - getting out of her car - Finally, a planned stop!

Cole - Sorry, if that dipper didn't go, I would have.

Leo - They can get pretty stinky, can't they?

Cole - Leo, man, to put pretty in the same sentence containing an ugly dipper should be against the law.

Leo - Sorry. So, KFC it is?

Piper - Yeah, everything else was hamburgers.

Richard - We're taking the kids and going to the big yellow M.

Piper - Knock yourself out… but make sure Wyatt and Chris get chicken nuggets.

Paige and Richard nod and take the kids, Connor to Chris, to McDonalds. Piper, Leo, Phoebe, Cole, Prue and Andy walk into Kentucky Fried Chicken.

Time Lapse

Lovelock, Nevada

The cars pull up to a Days Inn and they wait in the car while Piper goes and gets the room.

Piper - while walking to Leo and the boys; whispering - Leo, here's the key. Take Wyatt and Chris to the room, they're out cold. I'll get the luggage.

Leo nods and picks up Wyatt softly. He walks him up to their room and lays him softly on the bed. Phoebe stands in the door, watching while Leo goes to get Chris. When Leo arrives, Phoebe leaves to go get her kids. Each parent does similar actions to those of Leo's.

Piper - to Phoebe - Is all the kids in 1 room?

Phoebe - You're room. Only until we can take the kids ourselves.

Piper - It's Ok. Cole, Richard and Andy are setting up the rooms. Paige and Prue are getting supper, why don't we try to find a newspaper machine around here so we can find one easily tomorrow while Leo watches the kids, huh?

Phoebe - Ok, sounds good.

A few minutes later

Paige and Prue come back with Taco's. Phoebe and Piper walk towards the car.

Piper - There's a newspaper right where the check in/out is.

Prue - Great.

Paige - We know what'll be on the front cover.

Piper - Either our death or Magic exposure. Wonder if they'll expose us? Or will it be their scientific research?

Phoebe - I know I'm not donation ANY of my body for their slabs.

Prue - I copy that.

Leo - So the kids are awake and hungry. Let's eat.

Andy - Room is done.

Richard - Dido.

Cole - Ready.

Prue - We're eating in Piper's room… so we won't disturb the kids that much. You know how they get.

Andy - Right. I think us guys will eat together. Hey, Leo, up for a little B-ball. Pistons vs. Red Sox.

Leo - Count me in. - he kisses Piper on the cheek and grabs the food for the guys - See you later, Piper.

He runs up to Richard and Paige's room.

Prue, Piper, Phoebe and Paige - rolling their eyes - Men.

They enter their room.