My time with M.O.D.O.K. definitely was not my favorite character arc. Being an assassin wasn't fun even if it did pay the bills and I've never been a huge fan of people telling me what to do. But I did get to meet someone pretty cool. Someone who's name rhymes with "sprain" who wasn't very impressed with my seemingly uncanny rhyming ability. A bright white flash of lightning and the rumble of thunder rocked the small apartment I'd chosen as my super secret lair. I should've known something was up- a thunderstorm out of nowhere in a Marvel comic means either one of two people are in the scene- but I was way too distracted ordering assassin equipment online to think about it until she was already on me.
"Ah! Thor! Gentle please, Ronnie will kill me if I damage another suit," I begged, hoping that the hero would do her best not to rip my brand new costume while lifting me off the ground by my throat.
"Aye. You wished to reconvene, pink assassin. So be it." Her eyes were crackling bright white with lightning, her amazing arms not even struggling to keep my weight off the ground.
"Right, right. Reconvene, mhmm. Did we have to pick up where we left off, though? You're kinda choking me," I held onto her wrist, doing the best pull-up I could. My feet were so high off the ground- I never realized just how tall Thor was.
"'Twas mine own folly falling victim to your misdirection. You will not succeed again, scoundrel." Her speech bubbles had always been a super fancy font, but it was different actually hearing them.
"No more misdirection! Scout's honor," I promised, placing a my right hand over my heart hoping it was convincing. She stared at me a minute longer- or glared, hard to tell through the helmet- before finally letting me go. I dropped almost a foot before I hit the ground and waved my arms around to catch my balance. I dusted myself off and fixed my costume, glad she hadn't stretched the fabric.
"If thine word be true, then I seek an answer. You've no sprain before me-"
"Oh! Ow, my ankle! Ow, it hurts so much! The pain of my sprain," I leaned my weight against the wall, reaching down to grab at my leg.
"I'm going to have to call out of work tomorrow, I- iiiep!" Comic characters make a lot of weird sounds when they're in pain, and I guess now I was no exception. Mjolnir had landed on my foot and was now casually resting there, as if it didn't weigh millions of tons.
"Mayhaps I'll take my leave for the evening and reclaim Mjolnir upon the morrow?" Thor walked slowly towards the door, not even looking back over her shoulder and I knew everyone reading would get the perfect shot of her expression, with me whimpering over her shoulder in the top corner of the panel.
"Okay! Okay, okay, my ankle isn't sprained, I lied!" She walked back over to me, placing a hand on the wall above my shoulder. I could feel the stone cracking under her strength- basic intimidation tactic, but damn was it working.
"And why wouldst thou attempt to deceive me." She stepped on Mjolnir, pressing the hammer harder down against my foot. There was lightning in her eyes as she looked down on me, her voice powerful and commanding despite the flowery font she spoke in.
"Bwa baaah… buh." It's really hard to talk when a thunder goddess is turning your foot into dust with her magic hammer.
"Thine fear is expected but mine temper is fleeting, assassin." She scowled and I could feel Mjolnir vibrate before it jumped into her hand. She raised her arm and I flinched away, not a lot of options available to me against the Thunder Goddess of Asgard.
"I said Jane! I said Jane!" Somehow I knew the truth wouldn't exactly set me free on this occasion.
"Aye?" She swung Mjolnir and I tried to run just to be pinned back against the wall. I really hoped that wouldn't stay in continuity after she left.
"Look! Look, it's okay. If I was going to go around telling people who you were don't you think at least the rest of my team would've known!" She snarled, shoving me harder into the wall. I could feel the concrete splintering behind me and was really glad the artists thought the wall would crack before my ribs.
"Ow."
"I ought to toss you in Jotunheim and be done with you," she growled, grabbing me by the front of my costume and lifting me off the ground.
"Not again," I whimpered, desperately wiggling my feet to try and reach the ground.
"Explain."
"That's my superpower! I know who everyone is!" I grabbed at her wrists, practically begging her to let me go.
"Nay. You deceive me still," she slammed me into the wall again and took the wind out of my lungs.
"Okay! Okay just lemme breathe!" She threw me onto the bed and stood over me, tapping her open palm with Mjolnir's face. It'd be super intimidating to anyone who didn't know about who Thor was as a hero. She'd never really hurt a defenseless person- I'd already be dead if she could.
"I'm from, uh… the future-" She growled, tightening her grip on the hammer.
"Okay! I'm from another universe. One where we can study everything about this universe. I know you're Jane Foster, I know Gorr was right, I know what starts Ragnarok, I know everything there is to know about you and Asgard and this whole universe top to bottom!" I was rambling and really hoping that that wasn't all on one panel.
"Hast thou come unaccompanied?"
"Yeah! Yes. It's just me. No one else knows about you. Except maybe Loki but like, come on, he's God of Mischief and you're trying to deceive all of Asgard- okay! Okay!" She sighed, tossed Mjolnir to the ground and sat on my bed, her weight bouncing me up a couple of inches and almost throwing me off.
"Thor? You alright?" I placed a hand on her shoulder, hoping that didn't piss her off any more than she already was.
"I am wrought with melancholy… Many seasons have passed since I've last traded words with someone who knows mine identity." She crossed her arms and looked away, her eyes on her hammer resting on the floor near the foot of the bed.
"What are you talking about. You're Thor. Everyone knows that."
"Aye. Yet they fight to deny me even that title."
"Oh! Is this the part where you look to me for self-confidence! Thor, buddy, you're one of my favorite heroes! Look at the poster on my wall- it's you not Odinson," I tugged on one of her helmet ears and pulled her gaze away from her hammer towards the poster.
"The hearts-"
"Ignore the poster! Look, you're one of the most powerful superheroes in the entire universe! You're one of the most revered and respected heroes in comic book history. Your entire character single-handedly keeps an entire religion from fading into obscurity. You're The Mighty Thor, Goddess of Thunder! And you're Jane Foster. I don't see why you can't be both. Even if a couple bad guys think you're just a Thor wannabe, you bash their head in and make a fun issue out of it." I patted her on the shoulder and hoped she wouldn't think my little speech was too cheesy.
"Aye, assassin. Mayhaps thine word be true."
"Don't worry about it. You ever need another little pick-me-up just dial G for Gwenpool." I smiled and crawled off my be before helping Thor get to her feet. She started reaching for Mjolnir and I interrupted as quick as I could.
"I'll get that for you!" I stepped between her and the hammer- come on, it's Mjolnir! Everyone who's ever picked up a Marvel comic wants to know if they'd be able to lift it.
"You believe yourself worthy of the power of Thor," she asked, the smuggest smile on her face. I knew she was teasing me- like she knew I wouldn't be able to lift it.
"Let's make a deal. I lift this thing, I get to kiss you. I can't do it, you gotta kiss me." She laughed and waved towards the hammer, giving me the okay. I pulled my mask off, ready for the chance to make ten year old Gwen very happy.
"Alright Gwen. Moment of truth." I reached down and wrapped my hand around the hammer. It was cold to the touch but energy flowed out of it like it was just waiting for the chance to send down the strongest lightning bolt it could. I could feel my hair standing up!
I wiggled my toes, straightened my back and pulled!
And was yanked back down. Again. And again. Mjolnir hadn't even budged.
Not worthy after all.
"An attempt as admirable as any" Thor laughed, the hammer flying to her fingers like it belonged there.
"I guess," I pouted, arms crossed over my chest.
"It appears I've won the wager." She took a step towards me and I'd definitely forgotten what deal she was talking about.
"Wait what- yikes!" Thor grabbed me by the front of my costume for the third time that night and lifted me into the air.
The kiss felt a thousand times more powerful than Mjolnir. My heart was racing, my pulse thumping in my ears so loud I was positive it'd warrant sound effects. I kissed back as best as I could before she set me down, gently this time.
"I've a feeling our paths shall cross again, pink assassin."
"Uhh, verily?"
She nodded and stepped towards the window. A flash of lightning and she was gone.
I grabbed my phone and turned on my camera. Thor's black lipstick was smudged on her lips, just in case she needed any more proof that the last couple of panels had actually happened.
"I just made so many people in my universe jealous…"
