Author's Note: This is in response to Tatter Hood's challenge. The requirements were:
1. Folken and Dilandau having a sword battle
2. Allen or Van getting drunk
3. Mearle coughing up a furball
4. Dragonslayers battling Van (all at once)
5. At least mention Hitomi's name
6. Thunder and lightning storm
Read on, my brave friends, and see if I screwed this fic up royally.
Oh, and thoughts are *like this*.
Rain was coming down in sheets outside the house of Hitomi Kanzaki, who was looking gloomily
out the window. She had planned the visit to perfection, but everything went awry. Her original intent was
for only Van and Allen to come on a visit, but both Millerna and Mearle insisted that they had to come too.
Then Folken wanted to come to look after his 'little brother'. And of course, Dilandau wanted to come so
he could get yet another chance to kill Van. The Mole Man had wanted to come too, but Hitomi had to
draw the line somewhere. She had done her best to cope with the situation, making a schedule for the three
days that her friends would be here. Today they had been going to go to the Zoo, but noooooooooo, it just
HAD to rain. Van and Dilandau were over on the couch, having a vicious thumb-wrestling match. Mearle
was next to Van, but had lost interest in the match and began cleaning herself. Millerna and Allen were in
the spare bedroom, doing who-know's-what, but Hitomi could only guess by the noises coming from
within. Folken was having a staring contest with the wall, and he seemed to be winning. All fifteen
Dragonslayers were cheering on their captain, waving around pompoms and shouting encouragement's.
Hitomi buried her face in her hands. *Can things get any worse?* Suddenly, there was a loud cracking
sound, a flash of bright light, and then darkness. There were several shrieks and yells. Hitomi groaned.
*WHY did the power have to go out?? WHY??!* She calmed everyone down, assuring them that
everything was fine, the storm had just caused the power to go out.
"Then how can we thumb wrestle if I can't see his thumb?!" Dilandau snapped, trying to adjust his
eyes to the darkness.
"We can't." Van said, getting up and tripping over the Dragonslayers in the process. "Itai…"
"Van-samaaaaaaa…I'm scared…." Mearle whimpered, taking the opportunity to cling to Van,
who was struggling to get up.
"Mearle, you're a cat. You can see in the dark. Now GET OFF." Van said between clenched
teeth.
Pouting, Mearle hopped back up onto the couch. She started making strange hacking noises in her
throat, jerking back and forth.
"You're not crying Mearle, so stop it." Hitomi growled, angry that Mearle had climbed all over
HER man.
Mearle let out a yowl, then spit out a large furball. There was a loud SPLAT as the furball hit
something.
"Aurgh…My face…my beautiful face…you puked on my beautiful face…"
"Dilandau, shut up."
Hitomi reached into her pocket and pulled out a handkerchief, fumbling around in the darkness
until she found Dilandau's hand and stuffed the handkerchief into it. There was a mumbled 'Arigato', and
Dilandau wiped the remnants of Merle's furball off of his face.
"Does anyone have anything to drink?" Van asked after finally managing to get up.
"I do…" Chesta reached into his uniform and pulled out a small bottle, handing it to Van. Since it
was completely dark, no one could see the wicked grin on his usually innocent looking face.
"Arigato." Van downed the bottle, then cocked his head to one side. "That tasted funny."
"Chesta," Dilandau said sharply. "What was in that bottle?"
"Vino, Dilandau-sama."
There were collective groans, then a resounding smack as Dilandau's hand somehow found
Chesta's cheek.
"Heeheehee…look at all the pretty lawnmowers…" Van giggled.
"Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyy……" Hitomi moaned, flopping down onto the couch and landing on
Mearle, who yowled and stalked out of the room.
Van's gloved hands reached out and grabbed the head of the first person he found. *Oh,
Hitomi…* He pressed his mouth to the person's, running his hands through their hair.
Dilandau's eyes widened to an impossible size as his mouth was invaded by someone's tongue.
But then again, whoever this person was, they were an incredibly good kisser…
Van and Dilandau set to ripping each other's clothes off, Van thinking it was Hitomi, Dilandau not
knowing who but not caring.
Mearle came bounding into the room, a flashlight clutched in her teeth. "Look what I found!! I-"
She stopped talking abruptly as the light fell on the naked bodies of Dilandau and Van, who were writhing
together on the floor. Mearle and Hitomi started making choking noises, while the Dragonslayers stared
open-mouthed. Folken was still competing with the wall. Dilandau and Van looked up, squinting since the
light was in their eyes. Van frowned in confusion when he saw Hitomi's face, then looked down at the
person under him.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Both Dilandau and Van let out blood-curdling screams as they saw their 'lovers'.
Gatti stood up and pointed an accusing finger at Van. "How DARE you take away Dilandau-
sama's virginity?!!! We will avenge him!!!" With loud battle cries, the Dragonslayers jumped on top of
Van, beating him with their fists.
"Off…now…can't…breath…" Came Dilandau's rasping voice from under the dog-pile.
The Dragonslayers hastily got off of Van and Dilandau, backing up and bowing. "Forgive us,
Dilandau-sama…"
Folken finally won (or gave up) on his staring contest with the wall, and looked over to see what
all of the fuss was about. "Wh-wh-what are you doing n-n-naked and on top of D-d-dilandau??!" He
sputtered.
Dilandau gave Folken a cocky grin, wanting to make the strategos mad.
"Get…out…from…under…my…little…brother!!!!!!!!!!" Folken roared, unsheathing his sword
and charging at Dilandau.
Dilandau quickly got out from under Van and fumbled through his clothes in the dark for his
sword. Finally finding it, he drew it and blocked Folken's thrust. The Dragonslayers quickly surrounded
the two and drew their swords, all pointing them at Folken. Grumbling, he put his sword back, but not
before giving Dilandau a tiny cut on his hand.
That was a BIG no-no.
Dilandau's shoulders trembled with suppressed rage. Van, now with clothes on, backed away
from the Dragonslayer captain, Hitomi and the Dragonslayers doing the same. Dilandau suddenly smiled
warmly, taking Folken by the arm and leading him outside.
Folken, suspecting something was wrong since Dilandau was acting so…normal, looked at him
strangely. "Where are we going?"
"Outside."
"Why?"
"You'll see."
Folken bit his lip nervously, but let himself be led outside. Hitomi, Van, Mearle and the
Dragonslayers stuck their heads out through the door, watching what was happening with confusion.
Dilandau let go of Folken's arm and faced him, a very out of place innocent grin on his face. "Put
your arm up."
Folken raised his arm (the REAL arm), looking at Dilandau quizically.
Dilandau shook his head. "The other arm."
Folken narrowed his eyes suspiciously, but put his metal arm up in the air. Lightning crashed
around them, and Dilandau quickly backed away. The lightning found it's mark, shooting down Folken's
arm. The strategos stood motionless, black and smoking. His other arm held up a sign, which read 'Ow'.
Dilandau laughed maniacally, his pupils dilating to tiny dots. Van and Hitomi rushed forwards and carried
the extra-crispy Folken back into the house, leaving Dilandau where he was, content in laughing his head
off.
"Folken-san, are you alright?" Hitomi asked worriedly.
Folken nodded, the ends of his hair still sizzling. After being laid down on a bed, the strategos
promptly fell into unconciousness, leaving Van and Hitomi alone in the house. (The Dragonslayers were
with their laughing leader.) Hitomi fixed Van with a stern look. "WHY exactly were you and Dilandau…"
She searched for the right way to say it. "Er…doing the nasty?"
((Author's note: I made two endings, because I just couldn't help myself))
Ending One:
Van smirked. "Because Dilandau is just so much better in bed than you are."
Hitomi burst into tears and ran away, eventually running off of a cliff.
Ending Two:
Van blushed. "Well…I…er…thought he was you…I love you, Hitomi." ((Author: ::gag:: ))
Hitomi took Van's hands in hers, looking up into his eyes. "I love you two Van!"
And the fic ended right then and there due to the fact that the author was close to vomiting.
Author's Ending Notes: Well, how'd I do, Tatter Hood? I was very very very hyper hyper hyper hyper
when I wrote this, and still am now, and I think you can tell that. But anywho, Read and Review, peeps!!!
^_^
