Summery: When T'Arath has had enough and decides to get radical, chaos is the name of the day. Especially when she decides to do her own list on bugging Palpatine. Crack-fic. Don't say we didn't warn you!

Driving the Sith...bonkers

Chapter One: The all important list.

T'Arath of Vulcan, Fleet Commodore of Genesis was beyond frustrated. And livid.

Now frustration was nothing new to the young woman as she'd never been a patient person, but her level of annoyance had finally been surpassed. As a Quasi-Dimensional and a Gate-Master, she should have been able to handle the flack of Neo-Armaggedon. However it seemed that once again her arch-nemesis Desiree, was at least one step ahead of her. And her new allies from the 'Wars' alternate just seemed to have the Commodore's number.

"I gotta get radical here. If I keep letting Dirty D set the rules, I'm just setting myself up! But what can I do?" T'Arath said to herself with a sigh. It's that darn idiot Palpatine. Looks like someone who drank a bad batch of Kickapoo Joy-juice and didn't get properly turned to stone. Huh, Pelpyfied! That fits," she muttered softly. The last thing she wanted to do was disturb her son's sleep. After Sidious' latest attack against Anakin, he needed all the sleep he could get! *Hell hath no fury like that of a mother defending her child!* T'Arath thought angrily.

She decided to get on the internet and call up some of her favorite authors just to relax. *If I don't calm down, Ani will feel it and wake up. I don't want that blast it.* she thought sourly. So she scrolled down the list of authors hoping to find a story to take her mind off things. Some of her favorite authors or authoresses where quite creative in the genre of 'crack-fic' and T'Arath smiled, remembering fondly the Chief's creative ability to Visualize the Multiverse and Genesis in particular. Mad antics were usually the order of the day.

It was an ability that she shared although to a lesser degree. And skimming down the list of some of the crazier stories, a idea began forming. The problem was Gate-Space and the fact that Desiree and her ilk seemed to be calling the shots. But they couldn't do that if T'Arath used her Visualizer ability and her ability as a Gate-Master. It was like a light-bulb going off and she quickly called up her writing program and got to work, giggling hysterically at the insanely radical solution. "Madness in my method and method in my madness as the Chief would say, " she said to herself.

She was so involved in the set up that she failed to notice Anakin waking up from his nap. So she was quite startled to hear her son's voice over her shoulder. "What are you up to, Mom?" he asked. "Great Matrix! Anakin, make some effing noise next time! I almost jumped outta my skin there," she snapped as she looked up over her shoulder. Her son looked hurt at her tone. "I thought you knew I was awake. Other wise I would have given you a 'heads-up'." T'Arath sighed as she gestured to the laputron. "Been a bit busy as you can see, Ani. Actually, " she paused and a huge smile split her face. "I'm glad you're up. I think you're going to like this, even though it will be your younger self getting in the middle of this one."

Anakin looked at what she had written already, and she felt his mirth even before he finally cracked up and laughed. Hard. "You've got to be kidding me, Mom. It's crazy!" T'Arath gave her customary snort of a chuckle and raised her eyebrow. "And? So? Your point?" Anakin looked back at her and smirked. "And I love it!" T'Arath just smiled at that. "Nasty, evil, rotten, and those are my good points on a payback like this. I'm going to stop at 40 for the first part of the list and then drop them in as chapters. I'll work on Part II while I'm doing that." Anakin just shook his head. "If you think it will give my so-called 'master' pause, then I'm all for it!"

"So here's part I of my list so far." she told him.

The Ultimate List for driving Sith bat-slag crazy

Special attention to Palpatine BKA - Palpypus, Lord Sidifoo, Dumperor Palpacrud, Pelpyfied

Also includes - Count Dooku - BKA - Count Doobie, Darth Maul - BKA - Dumb Munch, and General Grievous - BKA - Grunty

Part One -

1.) Make Palpy's Sith Lighting turn into static which shocks him every time he uses it.

2.) Get a copy of Vader's respirator sound and make it come from Palpy.

3.) Instead of bowing/kneeling, have everyone burp in his face.

4.) Tie-Dye his Sith Cloak

5.) Make every command he makes come out in Huttese, with a curse at the end.

6.) Every time he says 'Everything is going to plan' have him trip, burp, stumble into a wall, etc.

7.) Remind him that Anakin's unpredictability always ended up messing up his plans, and then show him examples.

8.) Make his Sith Lighting into pink confetti.

9.) trying to Force Choke someone only ends up with him tickling himself.

10.) change his saber into a silly string shooter.

11.) Have a bunch of battle droids follow him around and say 'Roger Roger' after every other word.

12.) Change a group of battle droids into Jar-Jar droids. (As much as I dislike Binks, he doesn't deserve to have to put up with Palpy.)

13.) Let the 'Sith Lords Rule' Fan girls on board.

14.) Put a Freddy Kruger mask on him that he can't take off and tell him it's an improvement.

15.) Turn his refresher into a Gamorean Mud Bath.

16.) Have Anakin take off his Vader helmet when Palpy doesn't notice and then say, "Remember me?"

17.) Every time he uses the comm, have it say 'Sorry, wrong number.'

18.) Have him listen to The Barney Theme Song whenever he tries to sleep or meditate.

19.) Make him look like the cutest little black kitten ever, (Better warn Leia or she'll cream you) and then have him get cuddled like crazy.

20.) Tie in to 19 - Causally mention that black cats are bad luck and then have a number of 'bad things' happen on board. (Definitely tell Anakin ahead of time because the Executor is 'his' ship.)

21.)Every time he tries to use the Dark Side have fireworks go off behind him and say, 'Whoops, that's not suppose to happen is it?'

22.)Tell him you know the ultimate power. When he asks you, tell him it's the giggles (and not his mad cackle)

23.)Make his every move have a rude noise accompany it.

24.)Lock him in a room with Doobie, Munch, and Grunty (No weapons please!) and the only way out is to cooperate.

25.) Put water balloons every where he sits/sleeps

26.) Every time he speaks of the Dark Side, have his mouth get rinsed with soap. (After all, that's a dirty phrase, right?)

27.) Every time someone is suppose to agree with him, instead of saying 'Yes, my Lord' they say something like 'Bite Me!'

28.) Make random sloop buckets show up and dump on him at unpredictable moments.

29.) Have him watch a marathon of the most obnoxious kiddie shows out there, (Barney, Teletubbies, Veggie Tales, and old school Care Bears and Smurfs for good measure.)

30.) Make his favorite cushion a tickle me Elmo doll

31.) When he Force-Pushes something, have it come right back at him as if he was a magnet.

32.) Have Elmo ride on his back like Yoda did with Luke in ESB.

33.) Slather a super hair-grow gel on his face. (Let's hope the beard and mustache aren't too horrid. Course he might end up tripping on the beard.. *Snicker*)

34.) Every time he says something about giving into to the Dark Side, give him a head-slap!

35.) Put him on a Rebellion shuttle (with no comm) with Vader(Anakin) at the controls and have them get on board the Executor under heavy fire. (Let's see how strong his stomach is. Fancy Flying-Boo-ya!)

36.) Force Suggest him into doing the 'Chicken' every time the 'Chicken song plays.

37.) Have the crazy Sinatra penguin follow him everywhere singing 'Doobie Doobie Do'

38.) Every piece of equipment he touches breaks and only Vader(Anakin) can fix it. (Better warn Ani about this one too.)

39.) Reprogram battle droids to renovate his quarters.

40.) Pop up randomly and yell "Whazzup, Wazzupa?"

"And that's why I don't like getting on your bad side, mom, " Anakin said finally as he wiped the laugh tears from his face. "And you know where you get your twisted sense of fun from," T'Arath added. She grinned and rubbed her hands together. "Time to implement this sucker! Pelpyfied is gonna wish he'd never, ever, met you." Anakin just shook his head. "What I don't get is where you learned all of this. Not from the Crack-Fics surely.""Ani, when you've got a demented identical twin who likes to 'one-up' you every chance she gets, you usually learn how to conduct a prank-war very fast." T'Arath told her son.

"And T'Conn and I can cause real havoc when we're trying to out do each other. So Sidifoo's really gonna be in for it."