Hey! Umm, this is my first fic so I hope you like it and please review! =D

Thanks to Hermione Is My Role Model for reviewing and pointing out that Andromeda Black was too old to be at Hogwarts at the time. I've fixed it ^_^ if anyone else spots anything I could improve I'd love it if you could review so that I can make the story better! Thanks! =)

Disclaimer: Our queen and overlord JKRowling owns Harry Potter (so jealous)


Chapter One: Snape's Worst Memory

Lily Evans was sat at a desk in her Defence Against the Dark Arts OWL exam, finishing an answer to a question on identifying werewolves. The exam was going quite well, she thought, she had answered every question. But she was quite worried about this answer, and so was re-reading it thoroughly. Even though she had already given seven signs of a werewolf when the question asked only for five, she felt as though she had forgotten something.

"Five more minutes!" Professor Flitwick called from two rows away, where Emmeline Vance sat twiddling her quill between her fingers. Lily gave her a frenzied look and she replied with a grin, telling her it would be okay.

Putting down her quill, resigned to the fact that she was not going to remember that extra fact about werewolves, and hoping that they might let her off, seeing as she had already given two extra signs, she shook her long auburn curls out of her face and yawned luxuriously. After lunch came the practical DADA exam, and tomorrow, Transfiguration. After that stretched out the glorious prospect of strolling around the lake with her friends in the sunshine, without having to worry about exams or homework.

"Quills down, please!" Professor Flitwick's squeaky voice echoed through the great hall. Lily sighed and placed her quill neatly next to her paper. "That means you too, Stebbins! Please remain seated while I collect your parchment! Accio!"

The parchments zoomed towards tiny Professor Flitwick, their impact knocking him off his feet. Students at the front got up and hauled him back into a standing position. "Thank you... Thank you," he panted. "Very well, everybody, you're free to go!"

Lily picked up her exam paper, putting her quill back into her bag, and walking over to Emmeline. "How did it go?" Lily asked.

"Okay, I skipped the question on Grindylows, my mind went completely blank, but the rest was all right I think." The two were joined by their friends: Marlene McKinnon, Mary MacDonald and Dorcas Meadowes; all of whom thought the exam had gone well on the whole. Marlene in particular had a grin plastered onto her face, to which Lily cocked an eyebrow.

"She was sitting behind Sirius." Mary informed her, winking and dodging an elbow in the ribs from Marlene. "She seemed to be extremely interested in the back of his head!"

As they made their way out into the grounds, Lily once again revelled in the beauty of Hogwarts in summertime; the lake glistened in the sun, the flower beds were in full bloom, and everyone seemed to be smiling.

That was until Lily heard raised voices and turned from the lake to see James Potter and Sirius Black advancing on Severus Snape with their wands out. Snape's wand seemed to be on the floor behind him.

"Impedimenta!" Sirius' voice. Snape fell to the floor, mid-dive towards his wand.

James looked back at where Lily stood, still drawing nearer to Snape, wand raised. "How'd the exam go, Snivelly?" He asked in mocking tones.

"I was watching him, his nose was touching the parchment," Sirius sneered, "there'll be grease marks all over it, they won't be able to read a word."
Snape was struggling to break free from the jinx, but it held him fast to the floor, like strong ropes. Lily's eyes narrowed as she glared at Potter and Black, wondering how on earth they could think this was funny.

"You- wait," Snape panted on the floor, glaring at James like he was the bane of his existence (which he was), "you- wait!"

"Wait for what?" Sirius asked. "What're you going to do, Snivelly, wipe your nose on us?"

Snape cursed and hexed in a mixed blur of hatred, but due to the lack of his wand nothing happened.

"Wash out your mouth," James said brutally. "Scourgify!" Snape's mouth streamed with soap bubbles, frothing up and choking him. This was too much for Lily.

"Leave him ALONE!" Potter and Black turned to stare at her, James running a hand through his already untidy hair making Lily want to rip it out.

"All right, Evans?" James said smoothly.

"Leave him alone. What's he done to you?"

"Well, it's more the fact that he exists, if you know what I mean..." Several people laughed, not Lily.

"You think you're funny," she began, fury bubbling inside her, "but you're just an arrogant, bullying toerag, Potter. Leave him alone."

"I will if you go out with me, Evans." Oh, he had the nerve! The nerve to ask her out when he had just been tormenting Sev right in front of her! Of course her and Sev hadn't really spoken recently, she knew he was into the Dark Arts stuff now, and he knew there was no point denying it, but that didn't mean she didn't still care about him! "Go on... go out with me and I'll never lay a wand on old Snivelly again."

"I wouldn't go out with you if it was a choice between you and the giant squid!" Lily said, looking at James as though he was something she had just peeled off of the bottom of her shoe.

"Bad luck, Prongs," Sirius turned to see Snape picking up his wand from where it had lain on the ground, "OI!" Snape directed his wand at James and after a bright flash of light, a gash could be seen lining the side of James' face. There was blood all over him.

After a second flash of light James had Snape hanging upside down in the air, putting on show a pair of greying underpants. Lily almost smiled, but remembered what prat had done this to Snape and said, "Let him down!"

"Certainly," James obligingly let Snape fall back to the floor where he got quickly back to his feet, wand ready.

"Petrificus Totalus!" Sirius said quickly and Snape fell to the floor again, unable to move.

"LEAVE HIM ALONE!" Lily yelled, pulling out her own wand now.

"Ah, Evans, don't make me hex you."

"Take the curse off him, then!" James sighed, but did as Lily said.

"There you go," he said, "you're lucky Evans was here, Snivellus-"

"I don't need help from filthy little Mudbluds like her!" Lily stopped breathing for a second. It was as though she'd been punched in the stomach. She turned to Sev, pleading with her eyes for him to say it had been a mistake, an accident, anything! But he said nothing, and turned away.

"Fine," her words were cold on her tongue, "I won't bother in future. And I'd wash your pants if I were you, Snivellus."

"Apologise to Evans!" James was outraged!

"I don't want you to make him apologise," hearing the protective note in his voice she inwardly cursed his arrogance. "You're as bad as he is."

"What? I'd NEVER call you a - you-know-what!"

"Messing up your hair because you think it looks cool to look like you've just got off your broomstick, showing off with that stupid Snitch, walking down corridors and hexing anyone who annoys you just because you can - I'm surprised your broomstick can get off the ground with that fat head on it. You make me SICK."

She turned and marched away, ignoring James' attempts to call her back. He was such an IDIOT, she thought, why did he have to be so conceited? He acted as though he owned her, even though she turned him down whenever he asked her out (which was at least twice a week and often twice a day).

Back in the castle, Lily managed to sneak up to the common room without seeing anyone she knew, as most were enjoying the sunshine. Luckily enough, the Gryffindor common room was empty as well, and Lily made her way back up to the fifth year girls dorm.

Once inside, she flung herself onto her bed, and then on second thoughts sat up to close the curtains around the four poster. It was only then that she allowed the tears to flow freely. She wanted to curl up and go to sleep and never wake up again. How could he do that, she thought miserably, how could he call her that? Hadn't he been the one who had told her that she was magical in the first place? Or had he forgotten that? She let out a bitter sob, her nose scrunching up as it always did when she was angry.

"Lily?" The voice made her jump, and it was a few moments before she had composed herself enough to answer.

"Who-" she paused, trying to steady her voice, "Who is it?"

"Emmeline." She pulled back the curtains and sat down on the bed next to Lily, "Oh Lily, I'm sorry. That was horrible."

Lily sat up, looking at her, not knowing what to say. She tried to smile, but her lip trembled threateningly and her pride made her look away.

"Lils..." Emmeline trailed off, but then she wrapped her arms around the softly sobbing girl who buried her head into the crook of her neck. They stayed like that for ten minutes, Emmeline rubbing Lily's back consolingly until she stopped sniffing and looked up again, staring out of the window by her bed.

"Thank you." She said, without looking at the other girl, but fortunately the sincerity in her voice rang true and Emmeline got up to leave, her job done.


Lily turned up late to lunch in the great hall, her eyes still slightly puffy and red. No one commented. She sat gratefully between Emmeline and Mary, smiling wanly at both before tucking in. All that crying had made her rather hungry.

Down at the other end of the Gryffindor table, the Marauders were sat in conversation about the oblivious red eyed redhead.

"She's been crying" James said, his voice tense. Sirius looked up to the other end of the table and saw that Lily did, indeed, look as though she'd been crying.

"Not surprising really, after what Snivellus called her-" he was cut off by James' sudden outburst.

"That foul, slimy, greasy little git! Oh I'll hex him into oblivion next chance I get! NO ONE makes Lily Evans cry while I'm around!" He stood up, seething, his stance protective.

"Woah! Prongs! Cool it!" The boy caught his friend's arm, "Later mate."

"Not that! I want to go and talk to Evans!"

"I wouldn't Prongs, did you see her face earlier? She's mad at you as well remember." The boy across the table spoke for the first time. He had straw coloured short hair and warm but weary eyes, along with a general air of bookishness about him.

James glared at Remus, but sat down nonetheless. "I hate this. I can't bear seeing her upset." His tone was of desperation and agitation.

"I know mate, but the girls are great, they'll cheer her up." Sirius reassured him. James wished it could be him who could cheer her up.

"Why's she so upset? Did she fancy Snape or something?" A mousy boy, the last of the four piped up. His comment was met by a warning look from Sirius and a disgusted one from James.

"Snivellus?" He snarled, "Lily's way too good for that slime!" But the truth was, James had been thinking the same thing himself, she couldn't fancy that thing could she? He sat in silence for a while, lost in his thoughts.

"Hey, Moony?" He said finally.

"Yeah?"

"You got Prefect duties with Evans tonight?" Remus nodded warily. "Could you tell her I'm worried about her?" He asked hopefully.

Lupin frowned, but agreed anyway, "I'll give it a go, but if I end up in the hospital wing, it's Bertie Botts every day till I'm better!"

"Deal!" James grinned.


Lily was extremely tired by the time she met Remus on a second floor corridor for Prefect duties. It had been a long day.

The boy smiled a hello. "How are you?" He asked.

"Exhausted," she answered truthfully, "you?" She liked Remus, he was more sensible than his fellow 'Marauders' (as they'd taken to calling themselves) and cared about his schoolwork, but also very kind. He would always listen.

"Well, I'm glad we've only got Transfiguration left." He admitted. They went on their patrol in a companionable silence, both lost in their thoughts.

Then Remus said, "Umm, Lily," he paused biting his lip, "James is... James is worried about you."

Lily cocked an eyebrow, "is he now?" She said with a tone of spite in her voice. Remus winced.

Then the girl smiled, "Did he, by any chance, ask you to tell me this?" Remus looked at her guiltily. She laughed and said, "Was there anything else?"

"No, I think he's learnt to be a bit more subtle." The boy grinned, they both knew James Potter would never be subtle. "He really is worried about you though Lily."

"He has no right to be," Lily said matter-of-factly, "it's his fault. If he hadn't just been hanging Sev upside down in the air, he never would have called me a..." Her voice trailed off.

Remus looked at her, warmth emanating from his deep brown eyes. "Look, I know you don't want to hear this, but James has his good points. And no he didn't tell me to tell you this," he added at Lily's raised eyebrows, "I know he can be a total idiot, and thinks quite a lot too much of himself, but everyone has flaws. And he really does care about you."

Lily was doubtful of that fact. She had always thought that Potter was only interested in her because she kept refusing him. He only wanted her because he couldn't have her. If she ever accepted he'd suddenly happen to lose interest.


When she got back to the common room with Remus it was empty but for a few fourth years. It seemed that the rest of the fifth years had decided to get an early night ready for the Transfiguration exam tomorrow. The two said goodnight before heading up to their respective dorms.

Up in the fifth year boys dorm Remus was greeted by his fellow Marauders who were all sat up on their beds chatting. So much for an early night.

"Did you tell her?" James asked hopefully. Remus nodded. "What did she say?"

"She seemed quite sceptical. And she realised pretty quickly that you'd asked me to tell her."

Sirius laughed, "Of course she did, Evans isn't stupid, Prongs!"

James groaned, "Oh, and don't I know it!" He belly flopped back onto his bed.

"All right, everyone in bed!" Sirius ordered, "we've gotta give Prongs some space to be hung up and lovesick!"

James propped himself up on one elbow and glared at the boy, but didn't deny anything. "Wait, Moony? Did you talk anymore about me?"

"Yep. I believe I said that you can be a total idiot, and think rather too much of yourself!" Three of the Marauders laughed at this, "but I also said that you had your good points and really did care about Evans."

There was a pause, "Did she believe you?"

"Now that, Prongs, is a different matter."

In the fifth year girls dormitory Lily was also finding it hard to sleep. She couldn't help but play the scene over and over in her head, it was like torture. She lay curled up on her bed staring into space, not wanting to accept that anything was real.

Then she heard the creaking of the door and a voice whisper, "Lily?"

"Yes?"

"It's Mary. I just thought you should know, Snape's waiting outside the common room. He won't leave. He says he needs to see you and he's staying out there until he does; even if it means sleeping there."

Lily took a deep breath. "I don't care."

Mary pulled back the curtains like Em had done earlier that day and knelt at the edge of Lily's bed looking into her pale face, "You do." She said simply, and Lily knew she was right. Slowly, she got up, put on slippers and dressing gown and left the room.

It was with a heavy heart that she stepped out into the corridor and saw that it was true; Sev was sitting cross legged on the floor with his head in his hands, but he looked up at the noise of Lily's footsteps and then got to his feet quickly.

"Lily, I'm so sorry, you know I didn't mean it I was just angry, and I was so wrong for taking that out on you! I'm so, so sorry, please forgive me, I'll never do it again, I promise! Never! Just please..." He trailed off and lowered his gaze so that he was looking at his feet. "I'm sorry." He repeated helplessly.

"I'm not interested." Lily's words were slow and the pain in her voice was almost tangible. Snape winced.

"I'm sorry!" He was pleading now, but something in Lily made her say coldly, "Save your breath." It was as though a door inside her had closed and everything she had ever felt towards the boy in front of her was trapped behind it: the warmth, the earlier anger and the hurt from just a few seconds before. Emptiness. That was all she felt. Or didn't feel. "I only came out because Mary told me you were threatening to sleep here."

"I was. I would have done. I never meant to call you Mudblud, it just -"

"Slipped out? It's too late." The words came without Lily having to think too hard, which she was glad of. "I've made excuses for you for years. None of my friends can understand why I even talk to you. You and your precious little Death Eater friends - you see, you don't even deny it! You don't even deny that's what you're all aiming to be! You can't wait to join You-Know-Who, can you?"

He opened his mouth as if to say something but no words came out. Lily knew why. He agreed; he realised that there was no argument he could give because she was right! "I can't pretend anymore." She continued in his silence, "You've chosen your way, I've chosen mine."

"No - listen, I didn't mean -"

"- to call me a Mudblood? But you call everyone of my birth Mudblood, Severus. Why should I be any different?" And with that, she turned and climbed back through the portrait hole, leaving Severus Snape in overwhelming remorse and regret that would last the length of his life.


The time after exams was quite overshadowed, for Lily, by the fact that she was not allowing herself to visit the library. This was because she knew that Sev was most likely to be in the library or his own common room, and she had been avoiding him since he had called her the m-word.

It also didn't help matters that Potter had taken to asking her out whenever he saw her. Even so, Lily was enjoying her last few days as a fifth year, spending them as she had imagined she would, outside talking with her friends.

On the second to last day of term, a group that consisted of Lily, Marlene McKinnon, Emmeline Vance, Mary MacDonald, Alice Prewett, Dorcas Meadowes and Amelia Bones were gathered under the usual tree by the lake. All of the girls were fifth years apart from Amelia, who was a sixth year, but all were Gryffindors.

"Oh yeah, I got poor in Divination. There's really no point unless you've got the 'inner eye'!" Amelia said, emphasising the last bit spookily.

"I'm glad I didn't take it," Dorcas commented, "I took Arithmancy instead." She added for Amelia.

"Oh, but I'm sure I messed up in Charms!" Lily fretted.

"Why? What went wrong?" Alice asked.

"Oh, well, nothing really went wrong. It's just... the examiner in the practical, she kept giving me these dirty looks!" The other girls all laughed at this, Lily couldn't see why.

"Lily, she was probably jealous! Merlin! You've got to be the best at charms in the school and you're only in fifth year! I seriously doubt she was this good at your age." Mary said, still laughing. Lily frowned and turned red, but did not pursue the subject.

"So, what do you think the Marauders have planned for their end of year prank?" Marlene questioned the group excitedly.

"Ooh, I don't know! It'll be something big though!" Mary seemed also to be extremely excited.

"Oh yeah," Alice started, "last night I was in the common room. It was quite late, umm, it was just me and Frank. Just talking!" She screeched when everyone had started winking or raising their eyebrows at her, "Sirius literally fell through the portrait hole. I could see he was carrying something, it looked like a book, but it seemed to be... smoking. Maybe he was in the restricted section getting a book that would help with the prank! They have weird stuff in there."

"Talking about us?" A voice came from behind the group. It was Sirius.

"We need to be more careful Padfoot!" Came another voice, "They might ruin the surprise!" James strolled out from behind a tree, stopping in front of Lily and bowing courteously before her. Then he quickly took her hand and kissed it. Lily snatched it back and wiped it on her robes. "My fair and radiant lady, please accept my proposal of a stroll around the lake on this fine day."

"No." Lily said flatly, turning away to see her friends in fits of laughter, and rolling her eyes.

"Nice try Prongs!" Sirius comforted.

"Evans," Potter was all seriousness now, "at least accept my apology for the other day. I realise now that I am somewhat to blame, and I have decided to change my ways." The group gasped, including Lily, though she closed her mouth quickly.

She considered the boy for a moment, his head down, she could still see his eyes, and they were sincere. "I accept your apology." Lily said with a small smile.

James bounced up, grinning. "I thank you dearly," he said, putting on the act again, "and bid you all good day! I hope you will look forward to tomorrow and the surprises it shall bring!" He winked at Lily before grabbing Sirius by the elbow and pretending to gallop off towards the castle.

"That boy is crazy." Lily said chuckling.

"Crazy for you!" The girls chorused, still giggling.


Lily woke up with a mixture of emotions the next day: happiness, at the prospect of seeing her family, sadness, at the thought of another year passing, and apprehension, towards the ideas of what the Marauders' later prank might be. It seemed she was not the only one, as everyone was moving in packs as though they didn't want to be caught alone by the Marauders' antics.

Lily liked to get up earlier than the rest of the girls in her dorm, and so she pulled on a pair of jeans and a green and red plaid shirt that matched her hair and eyes, combed out her hair and draped it to one side, and then headed down to the common room. There she met Amelia, who was also an early bird.

Heading down to the great hall, the girls talked of what they might find there. Last year, the entrance to the great hall had been charmed to shoot down spurts of water (or bubo-tuber puss in the case of the Slytherins) on anyone who passed under it.

As they reached the entrance to the great hall, the girls both stopped, neither wanting to risk it. Then a Slytherin first year walked into the hall and nothing happened, so the girls knew it was safe. They sat down together at the Gryffindor table and Lily helped herself to some toast.

After five minutes, the Marauders entered the hall, Remus and Peter smiling, Sirius and James looking smug. They sat next to the two girls and began buttering toast or pastries.

"We aren't all soaked! What's up with you guys?" Amelia asked of them.

"You'll have to wait and see, Amy." Sirius said mysteriously, tapping the side of his nose.

The rest of the girls reached the great hall half an hour later, chatting animatedly, and trying to flirt with the Marauders. Lily did not join in with this, right now, books were more important to her than boys.

"Oi! Evans, go out with me!" Came the daily morning call from James. Lily didn't even bother answering, just turned to him, gave him an extremely bored look, and turned away again.

Sirius gave a bark of laughter and said, "Look how dull you're being Prongs! A girls gotta have some excitement!" Lily cocked an eyebrow at him while he continued to laugh.

"Ah, we won't disappoint will we Padfoot?" Potter asked in mock tones of seriousness.

"Oh of course not!" Sirius and James both winked at her, and then the Marauders departed the great hall, leaving her bewildered.

After breakfast, Lily went to pack her bag so that she wouldn't have to rush it tomorrow. The other girls grudgingly came with her, but far from packing, they spent the time gossiping.

"Lil, he's refused to go out with anyone but you since third year!" Emmeline tried to persuade Lily to no avail. She did not reply, pretending that she had not heard.

"Don't you remember everyone being shocked when he announced that if he couldn't go with you, he would be going to Hogsmeade, on Valentine's day no less, with his friends? Don't you remember all those girls (including Dorcas) crying because he would rather not have a date at all than go with them?"

Dorcas blushed, "It was just a third year crush! I only liked him because he's good at Quidditch!" Dorcas, loving the sport, was a chaser on the team, alongside Potter. Sirius was also a beater for Gryffindor.

"But won't you give him a chance?" Mary brought them back to the subject.

"If I did he'd just think, 'well, I've tried the forbidden fruit, and to be honest it wasn't all that great!'" Lily argued.

"Oh, Lils!" Marlene gasped, "you can't think that! I know it sounds stalker-ish, but he's basically watched you for five years! He knows a lot more about you than you know, the good and the bad, and he still wants you!"

"He only wants me 'cause he can't have me. It ruins his image, a girl turning him down. He'd have one date or something, just to show he could have any girl he wanted, and then wouldn't be interested anymore!"

"Lily, he's not that type of guy-"

Lily cut Emmeline off, "Em, he is that type of guy! He hexes first years!"

Mary smirked, "Maybe if you went out with him, he could be persuaded to grow up a bit."

"I am not going out with him to stop him being an idiot! I'll go out with him when he stops being an idiot!" The girls gawped at her, "So never!" Lily added, glaring at them all.

"I think, maybe," Alice began. She had avoided the conversation so far, as she knew how much it annoyed Lily, but now she spoke, "I think you should get to know him a bit more before you judge him too much."

"I agree." Em said firmly, "I mean, Remus is good friends with him, and he's really nice!" It was common knowledge that Emmeline and Remus both liked each other, but neither had the courage to ask the other out.

"Look," Lily said, shutting her case with her wand, "if he stops hexing innocent people and starts caring about them, instead of just himself, then I will reconsider." The girls frowned, but knowing that this was Lily's final answer, did not push the subject.

Instead, they decided to head down to the great hall for some early lunch, but as they came down the stairs to the entrance hall they met a scene of great chaos and hilarity. Peeves, hovering by the ceiling, was throwing what seemed to be an endless supply of water bombs down onto the students below. However, as it was such a hot day, none of the usual complaints had been made, and the students had joined in this great water fight. Water spurted out of the ends of wands, water bombs were being transfigured from old, unneeded text books, and Lily, despite of herself, caught sight of a mop of black hair in the middle of the scrum.

Ah, she should have known that the Marauders were behind this. Around Lily, her friends were bounding down the rest of the steps to join in. Lily hesitated, she was a Prefect after all, but then she thought, 'what the heck, it's the last day of the year' and dived into the fray.

"Aguamenti!" She called, directing the spurt of water at a sixth year Hufflepuff boy that she didn't know, making him yelp. This seeming to be a good method she ran to find some people she knew. She saw Frank Longbottom, And sent a jet of water into the back of his head, then dived behind some fourth year Ravenclaws before he could see who had done it. She turned round to see Remus and Em throwing water bombs at each other, laughing, and smiled for her friends. This was when freezing water flowed down her back, making her jump and squeal! She turned to see James Potter, grinning cheekily and taking his wand from her neck. She half glared, half laughed and sent a great flood of water up his nose making him cough and jump away. Lily couldn't help but giggle guiltily at him spluttering.

"The ginger's feisty!" He laughed, wiping his eyes.

"What can I say?" Lily shrugged, before dashing off; she had seen Marlene shoot water down the back of Sirius' robes, very similarly to the way Potter had done to her moments before, and knew this would not be a scene to miss.