A/N: I don't own anything, but I wish that I did. This story was born from my unwillingness to stay off of Tumblr and for being a sucker for good ideas. And also for my huge toner for Chaubrey in New York.
This is also for Jack E. Peace, who made me ship Chaubrey to begin with and who deserves a million fics written for all of her lovely ideas. I hope that it's at least a little close to what you had imagined and thanks for story title. Enjoy!
Let The Rain
If I owned this city
Then I'd make it behave
And if I were fearless
Then I'd speak my truth
And the world would hear this
That's what I wish I'd do
Let The Rain - Sara Bareilles
Here's the thing about Aubrey Posen, she's not a huge fan of change. She likes when things make sense, when they always work out, when she can expect what's going to happen. That's why she likes ordering in instead of cooking and watching her old favorite movies instead of going out to the cinema with Chloe. It's boring, but there aren't any surprises and the chance of failure is pretty much nonexistent. So, when Chloe came to her and told her about wanting to move from Duluth to New York City, she felt like her heart was going to implode. She could handle moving to a larger apartment or even into the city itself, but this was different and there was just no way that she could handle that.
Here's another thing about Aubrey Posen, she loves Chloe Beale. She loves when she makes a mess when she's working on a painting or how she'll put her dirty clothes and towels anywhere but in the hamper. She's grown to love magazines strewn across dinner tables and the smell of burnt dinner when Chloe tries to replicate what she sees on the Food network. She loves the frustration when Chloe comes home from the job that she hates at Starbucks and wrapping her arms around her body, nuzzling her face into the back of Chloe's neck and kissing the spot just below her hairline.
She loves it all. And that is what makes it impossible to say no.
Their place in Duluth is adorable and she's loved every moment of the past three years that they've spent there. She knows every nook and cranny of the apartment, from the chipped blue tile in the bathroom to the broken cupboard door in Chloe's room, a product of a story that is far too embarrassing for Aubrey to tell. Just know that it involved five stitches and a very miserable trip to the hospital. But, that is digressing, because there are a million other perfect little stories that she could remember. And if you would let her, Aubrey would pour a cup of coffee and tell them all. Smiling when she remembers their first Christmas and the tree that didn't fit through their front door or the time when Chloe barricaded herself in the bathroom after facing off with a spider. First kisses and first times, nights listening to the record player or watching awful TV movies. Fireworks lighting up the sky through the tiny window in their living room and the awful smell of all of their scented candles combining when the power went out after a bad thunder storm.
She doesn't want to let go of those memories. She doesn't want to leave this place that's wedged in between love and forever. She doesn't want New York, but she wants Chloe so this means good bye.
She doesn't mean to be snippy, but Chloe just gets in the way of the inevitable. She had been packing all day, shoving clothes and books into boxes and pausing every so often when a memory became too much. The pauses only lasted momentarily before she moved on to the next box and kept to her system. Fall clothing is in a box on the kitchen table, utensils went in a plastic container on top of the counter in the kitchen, and she hadn't even begun to touch her books. She had four big cardboard boxes for the fiction novels, two for the nonfiction, and one for her old books from college. She's not sure that they're going to be enough, but there's always room for more in the moving truck and they have tons of boxes that Chloe stole from work. Ultimately, she's just not certain if they'll all fit in the apartment when they get there, but that's another argument for another time.
The system would have worked if Chloe would have actually tried to abide by it. Instead of reading the labels and filing her stuff correctly, she chose to close her eyes and throw her stuff anywhere that she could. Aubrey found her heavy winter coat in a box marked "Jeans" and her favorite coffee cup, the weird one with a faded photo of The Brady Bunch on it, shoved into the box that was clearly reserved for their pots and pans. She tried to keep her cool as she unpacked Chloe's junk and repacked it in the correct places, but it didn't last long when she eventually found Chloe sitting on their bare bed, taking pictures out of the "Photo" box and holding them in her hands. Before they both had fancy iPhones and albums full of digital photos, they filled their real cameras with photos and got them developed once a month, cramming in front of a machine at CVS and pointing out and printing all of their favorites. There are ten from Chloe's 21st birthday party and a dozen from a Bellas party from the fall of their junior year. And countless ones from Christmas and Halloween, with pictures of presents and gaudy costumes peeking out from under the others. And Chloe was sitting in the middle of it all, smiling as she held a single Polaroid in her hands and blinked back tears.
"Do you know how long it took me to put all of those away?" Aubrey asked while approaching the bed, not even trying to hide the edge in her voice as her body ached from the labor of the day. "I had to take them out of all of the frames and organize them and you just ruined it!"
"I'm sorry", Chloe replied while shifting on the bed and patting the spot next to her, "but I just couldn't help it! We made a lot of memories here and I was tired of packing everything up. Do you remember this?"
She held the photo out to Aubrey and she took it carefully in her hands, looking down at the image and trying not to smile as it all flooded back. How could she possibly forget that night?
Chloe had dared the little boy who lived upstairs that she could skateboard better than he could and as they took turns gliding up and down the road on the wooden board, Aubrey watched from their doorway and tried not to roll her eyes. It had been kind of cute at first, but when Chloe attempted a kick flip at the end of their street and smacked her jaw off of the pavement when she miffed the landing, all of the fun went out the door. Instead of eating pizza and watching an awful movie, like they had planned, they spent the night huddled in the bed with Aubrey pressing an ice pack to Chloe's swelling face and Chloe sniffling as she tried not to bawl. And when Chloe finally drifted off to sleep, stuffed with popsicles and aspirin on a mountain of pillows with her favorite teddy bear under her arm, Aubrey couldn't stop herself from snapping a photo with the vintage camera that she coveted.
But that was in the past now and as Aubrey wordlessly passed the yellowed picture back to her girlfriend, Chloe could only frown and look down at her lap. She knew that Aubrey was dreading this move and that her poor mood over the past month had been a result of all of this, but she just wanted her to be happy again. She hated feeling like she was hurting Aubrey when all she wanted was a chance to be better than all of this. She deserved it. They both deserved it.
"Bree, I know that you're upset, but please try-"
"-Put the pictures down and help me put this stuff back in some kind of order. I don't even know why we're taking so many, it's not like the new place is going to have enough places to hang all of them up!"
"Aubrey…"
"What!" Aubrey shouted, flinging the box out of her hands and glaring at Chloe as she looked back in shock. "This is what you wanted. Don't start talking about all of these stupid memories that we have from here, when you made the decision to uproot our lives. Do you think that I want this?"
"You told me that it was okay! You helped pick out the apartment and you rented the moving truck. What do you want me to do, Bree?" Chloe looked down at the bed, fiddling with the photographs and starting to put them in little piles so they could be put back into the box. "Tell me what to do and I'll do it. I'll quit the job in New York and I'll go back to Starbucks, if that's what you need. I just…I-I can't do this alone."
"Well, it's not like I can just keep you here, can I?!" Aubrey asked while blinking back her tears and picking the box up off of the floor. "I can't make you stay where you're not happy and I can't live without you here, so the decision isn't really mine to make. Just…let me pack this stuff. I kinda want to be alone for a while."
Chloe nodded gently and got off of the bed, pressing her back against the wall as Aubrey sunk onto the bed and started to pile the pictures in neat piles inside the box. Her fingers brushed carefully over each one, not wanting to damage or wrinkle them, and her eyes lingered on the images before she let them fall into the box. Her eyes welled up at memories of the life that they had created here, sniffling at a memory from their first Thanksgiving, her back trembling when she spotted a picture from their very first yard sale, and her body folding in on itself when she found a picture of their very first kiss. It had happened on New Years Eve of their junior year and as all of their friends piled into the tiny apartment and drank and celebrated, Chloe pushed her into a corner as the ball finally dropped and kissed her for what seemed like an eternity. Alice had caught them and snapped a photo, teasing them with it when they were drunk enough to care and finally handing it over when Aubrey threatened to rip her throat out. How could she say goodbye to all of this?
Chloe stepped forward and placed a hand on Aubrey's back, touching the clenching muscles and trying to calm her down but Aubrey wasn't having it. She leaned forward and away from her touch while brushing her hand across her eyes and trying to stop herself from breaking down. She hated when she got like this and she hated it even more when Chloe was the witness to her self-destruction. It had been okay in college, nice even to have someone there that cared so much that it ached, but it wasn't okay now. She was a big girl and there was no use in crying over something so stupid. It wasn't like she was going to lose the memories by moving away and she would still have Chloe by her side to create more. She just couldn't understand why moving on hurt so much.
"Go and get dinner, Chlo. Something from that little Chinese place in town, anything you want."
And as Chloe simply nodded and stepped out of the bedroom, Aubrey finally allowed herself to break down. To cry herself out before finishing her work and saying goodbye to all of this. To get through this night before morning came and everything changed.
She never wanted this night to end.
She must have fallen asleep, because when she opened her eyes it was dark in the bedroom and there was a blanket over her body. Sometime between crying and finishing up with the repacking, she must have passed out from her exhaustion and ended up like this. Her shoes were off of her feet and there was a pillow under her head, but Chloe wasn't there. She couldn't feel the familiar dip in the bed or the body close to her own or the warmth of breath hitting her neck. Chloe wasn't there and there was no getting back to sleep now.
She slowly sat up and stretched before looking down at the bed and gasping. The pictures were missing and the box was gone and she knew that Chloe had probably packed them and made a huge mess. Her sleepiness was instantly gone and she pulled herself out of her bed, mumbling as she placed both feet on the ground and stumbled forward. The bedside lamp was packed up though and in the darkness of the room, she couldn't see the box that was neatly placed at the bottom of the bed and tripped, falling onto her stomach and sighing as the pain jolted through her hands that broke her fall against the rough Berber carpeting.
She crawled over to the light switch and turned the ceiling light on, blinking a few times as her eyes burnt and gazing down at her throbbing hands. They were red and sore, but not bleeding which was good enough for her. Before she went to search for Chloe and find the damage that she had done, she looked back over at the box that had been her enemy a moment before and frowned when she saw the word "Memories" neatly printed in black Sharpie that didn't resemble her own scrawled handwriting. She slowly shuffled away from the wall and kneeled down in front of the box, the tears pooling in her eyes when she saw that Chloe had scratched out the word "Photos" before taping the box up. And even though she knew it was wrong, she slid a finger underneath the tape and carefully pulled it up so she could look inside. The pictures were piled in perfect little towers and none were out of place. There was one for holidays and one for birthdays and each one made Aubrey fall more and more in love.
She had done this for her. Chloe had ignored the way that her mind worked and pushed past the annoyance and took the time to get this right. She hadn't made a mess or screwed everything up and in fact it was…it was perfect.
She was perfect.
She wanted to run from the bedroom and apologize to Chloe, pulling her into her arms and telling her that she was sorry for being a fool. For being so mean and making her dream seem like some kind of burden. That she just wanted to be sure that she wasn't going to lose her to the bright lights and the people and the clichés. That she would always love her back. But, when she got to the tiny living room, she found Chloe curled up between two boxes on the couch and simply smiled. She wished for the camera so she could take a photo of how cute she looked, but maybe it was better to just make a memory.
She pulled a warm blanket out of the box labeled 'Bedding' and placed it over Chloe's body, tucking her in and pushing her hair off of her face before walking to the kitchen to get a glass of water. She couldn't believe that this was really the last time that she would ever do this, but she shook her head and pushed the thoughts away. It was starting over, not saying goodbye. There was no need to get wrapped up in the details when it would all be okay.
She poured some water from the tap into one of the plastic cups that she had picked up a few days ago and took a few greedy sips before tossing it back into the sink. Her thirst was satisfied, but there was still an unsettling want that lingered in her chest. She could see Chloe from across the room and she wanted nothing more than to hold her one last time, twirling her around the kitchen in their bare feet like they always did, but she couldn't bear to wake her. There was plenty of time for that when they arrived in New York, even if the wooden floors of their new place wouldn't feel nearly as good as the cheap cold tile felt right now. There was plenty of time to make that place a home, but it still hurt, if only just a little.
She looked away from the girl that she loved with all of her heart and smiled when she saw the kitchen table. Everything had been carefully packed away, but there were still two places neatly set at the table. The coffee maker had been unpacked too and as she leaned over the table and ran her fingers over the silverware and the cute little plates they had bought together, she couldn't help the tears that rolled down her face. Chloe's mug was sitting next to her plate and her own favorite was next to her own. It had been a present from Chloe when they were just getting to know each other, a gift during freshman year when they had been given each other's names during the annual Bellas gift exchange. She had taken the time and bought Chloe a cute scarf and mittens set that matched the plaid jacket that she always wore and she had been given this…nightmare of a mug. It was pink with a grinning cartoon kitten on it and the words "Be Paws-itive" printed neatly under it. She had hated it from the moment she saw it, but the eager smile on Chloe's face was enough for her to grin and lie. She never had the guts to tell Chloe the truth and every morning since then she had drank coffee out of it and tried not to frown at the ghastly cat that stared into her eyes when she raised it to her lips.
Chloe loved it, so she had to like it too. That's what it meant to be in love. Chloe loved New York and maybe she would love it too. Maybe.
Chloe could hear the shuffling of feet on the thick carpeting and opened an eye to watch Aubrey creep by her and into the kitchen. The water was turned on and a few moments later a cup was dropped into the sink and Chloe just smiled. She knew that if Aubrey was serious about getting a drink, she would have sat down and savored it. She was never half-ways with anything and especially not with getting out of bed in the middle of the night and interrupting her dreams. She had come out to check on her and somehow, that made Chloe feel a little sad.
She hated when Aubrey was restless like this, but it was even a surprise to herself that she had been able to fall asleep either. She was just as torn about moving as Aubrey was, but it wasn't worth it to have two upset people under one roof, so she kept it to herself. She loved this place and all of the memories and details that made it home, but growing up meant moving on and that was okay with her. And she was just about to close her eyes and slip back into her dreams, when she heard a sniffle and knew that this wasn't just about checking up on her. Aubrey was sad and there was no way that she was just going to let her cry alone. She was angry, but she was still in love.
Sneaking up behind Aubrey wasn't exactly the best way of comforting her, but she didn't want to interrupt the moment that she was having with their mugs. And so, she slowly leaned down and wrapped her arms around Aubrey's back and pulled her against her chest. The girl jumped a little and nearly dropped the mug, but recovered at the last second and simply sighed. It felt nice and as she placed the cup back onto the table, Chloe knew that it was okay.
She kissed the exposed skin of her shoulders that wasn't covered by the tank-top that she had worn all night and smiled into the little patch of skin behind her ear that drove her crazy. She blew warm breaths against the pieces of hair that didn't get gathered into her loose ponytail and slipped her hands under the waistband of her sweatpants, stroking the soft skin of her abdomen and giggling when she squirmed as it tickled. This was her favorite shade of Aubrey and even if she was sad and angry, the way that she started to laugh and reached for her hand let her know that she was forgiven.
Aubrey leaned her head back and rested it on Chloe's shoulder, looking up into her eyes and smiling gently as she held her a little tighter. And when Chloe leaned down to kiss the top of her head and sighed in contentment, Aubrey knew that New York would be filled with moments like this. They didn't need the balmy summers or the weekend trips to Savannah. All they needed were each other and they could create a thousand perfect memories anywhere that they went.
"I'm sorry about the pictures, Bree", Chloe whispered while turning her around and facing her. "And I'm sorry about the packing and being no help at all. It wasn't fair to push it all off on you."
"It's okay. You made up for it with the box of photos and I'm not mad." She kissed the top of her head and pulled her in for a hug, her arms holding Chloe close as they stood there for a few quiet moments and just relaxed. "I could never stay mad at you."
"I'm sorry about New York too. I know you're not looking forward to it."
"Don't be sorry for wanting to do something amazing. Do you know how jealous I am of you for making a decision like that?"
Chloe pulled away and held onto Aubrey's arm, running her fingers from her wrists to her elbows and staring up into her green eyes that were swimming in tears. Aubrey looked hesitant, like she was afraid of divulging too many secrets, but Chloe didn't let her go. She couldn't let her keep this inside when it was clearly something that needed to come out. She wanted to hear those words.
"Why would you be jealous of me, Bree?" Chloe asked softly while sinking onto a chair at the table and motioning for Aubrey to join her. "You're coming with me. We're doing this together and it's going to be amazing for both of us."
"You're dragging me along with you. If we weren't dating, we both know that you would go off to the city and I would stay here and we would forget each other. I'd work for my dad and eventually die of boredom while you'd have adventures."
"I like dragging you along."Chloe smiled and took Aubrey's hands in hers, squeezing them tightly before raising them to her lips and pressing a kiss on each finger. "I couldn't go without you and I wouldn't want to. We did so many things here and I have a heart full of memories, but that doesn't mean that we have to forget about all of that when we move. I loved you here and I'll love you there. I'd love you anywhere."
"When did you become Dr. Seuss?"
"Oh, stop it!" Chloe laughed while shoving Aubrey gently and shaking her head. "Here I am, pouring out my heart to you, and you have to ruin it."
"I'm sorry!" Aubrey exclaimed while taking Chloe's left hand between her own and squeezing it. "And I understand. I'm just…I'm terrified that we're going to go to the city and you're going to fall out of love with me. I like to stay at home and read the newspaper and listen to NPR and I know that you don't. New York is going to be so amazing for you and there's so much stuff that you love there that I'm worried that you won't need me anymore. And I know it's selfish to hold you back, but I just can't stand the possibility of losing you. You love me here. What if…I keep loving you and you move on?"
"Bree…" Chloe trailed off, the tears pooling in her eyes as she squeezed Aubrey's hand a little tighter and tried to think of something that would make this whole situation better for her girlfriend. She had never heard Aubrey admit that she was afraid and now, she was terrified.
"Please don't look at me like that, Chloe", Aubrey mumbled while biting her bottom lip and looking down at her lap. "If you cry, then I'm going to cry and what good is that? I just look at you and I see how happy you are and it worries me because I'm not nearly as happy as you are. What if New York doesn't make me happy at all?"
"Then we'll leave. Aubrey…there is nothing that can make me fall out of love with you." She raised Aubrey's face with her fingers and rubbed her thumbs over the tears that had started falling before continuing in a whisper. "And I'm just as scared as you are. New York is big and it's busy and I'm worried that if I put all of my hopes into this one place, I'll just end up disappointed if it's not as great as I make it out to be. The thing is though, we could stay here and live in this apartment and never try to be better than we are. We deserve to actually try to be happy and I can picture myself doing a thousand things with you in that city and falling more and more in love with you every day."
"But-"
"No buts. I love you and you love me and we're going to be okay. I'm never going to love anything more than I love you."
"Not even Manhattan or Times Square or the Broadway plays?"
"None of those things could mean more to me than you do." She pulled back a little and ran her hands through Aubrey's messy hair before standing up and extending a hand to her. "Are you ready to go to bed now? It's late and we have to drive all of tomorrow and I just want to lie in that bed with you one more time."
"Okay", Aubrey simply replied while giving her a small smile and taking her hand to pull herself up. "What's with the mugs and the coffee maker? Are you planning on making Jesse and Beca breakfast when they come over to help us load everything?"
"God no; if I fed them, they'd never leave. This is for you. We're going to wake up early and read the newspaper together and drink awful coffee one last time." She took Aubrey's hand in her own and squeezed it while turning off the light in the kitchen and leading her back to their bedroom. "And tomorrow morning, we're going to do the same thing before we go down to Central Park and act like tourists!"
"I love you."
"Well, I love you too and now we're going to bed. Grab some blankets while I lock the front door, okay?"
Aubrey nodded and walked over to the bedding box, opening it up and reaching in to grab her favorite blanket to cuddle underneath. When she pulled out a pair of wool pajama bottoms and a ratty tank-top though, she couldn't help but scowl a little and just shake her head. Chloe must have finished packing up the rest of their stuff and she could only imagine what she would find tomorrow when they got everything moved into their place and had to unpack it all.
But when Chloe turned from the door and gave her a sheepish smile, all of her anger and agitation seemed to just slip away. Some things would never change, but maybe that was okay. It would just bring a little reminder of Georgia to their new home and then they could begin to create new memories every day.
She couldn't wait.
