Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Author Note: Written originally as the answer to a prompt on LJ's hobbit_kink. Warning: contains explicit sibling incest.
A FINE FIGURE OF A DWARF
When Fili was very young, one of his father's favourite jokes was to laugh that Dis, Fili's mother, must have tumbled with an elfling prince because that was the only possible explanation for their son's fine form and bearing. Dis would always thump her husband and tell Fili that he was the handsomest dwarf this side of the Blue Mountains and that his father was rottingly jealous.
They spoke of his fair hair and slight figure, Fili knew, and a certain delicacy about his features that he assumed would disappear once his childish years were behind him. It was not until he grew older that he realised the depth of how wrong he had been.
His form remained slim, no matter how many years passed or how abundant his hair and beard grew, hair that was always thick and silky. His hips continued to remain billowed, a shape more akin to a dwarven lass, no matter how well he strained in the forge. The elegance of his features did not weather away. He could be mistaken for a maiden, he was reminded every day, first by children his own age, then later it was customers and those with too much ale in them. Never his parents, or Kili, who looked at him with such blind adoration that it made Fili's heart ache. He tucked that feeling away deep inside of himself where no one could touch it. He put the cruel comments there too, and the self-loathing that sprung from them, and quickly learned to build a sturdy armour around himself. He would not appear weak or affected. He was heir to the king under the mountain, no matter his shape.
It was a shape that he tried to change though, through fierce frequent sparring, through doing more than his fair share in the forge's fires. He became highly killed with knife, sword, and dagger, and learned much from walking miles with his uncle, learning all the wisdom that Thorin had to offer. Fili worked hard to meet his uncle's expectations, to prove his worth, that only his deeds mattered and his shape did not. A shape that was not changing, no matter what he did.
The heartless words did not stop. They piled up, ever heavier, and they stung deeply, behind his armour. He never let the pain show, but he felt it. He learned to vent it during sparring and on some occasions, when a despairing melancholy overtook him, he hunted alone for hours, deep in the forest where he could snarl and shout out his mood. Whatever tears he shed were washed away by blood and rain.
Kili never commented on his figure. He teased Fili about many things, about the red-headed dwarven maid who visited the forge three times in one week and asked always for Fili, about how clumsy he was with a bow and arrow, about the rare times Fili had gotten them lost. Kili's figure was dwarven. He was teased about the stubble on his chin that would never become a beard, about the braids that always untangled in his hair, about the way his cloak used to trip him up. Fili often teased him, but he treasured up in his heart all that he saw and loved in Kili. It was a great many things to treasure.
Then, one day, their Uncle Thorin asked them to join his quest to reclaim Erebor and all other thoughts flew from Fili's mind. He was heir of Erebor, he would fight for it. Thorin thought he should. And he would have Kili at his side. His brother looked at him with shining eyes. The sight made those treasured feelings in Fili twinge once more and all he could was smile back and sharpen his knives.
Fili knew all the dwarves in the company and it wasn't long before the teasing started. He wasn't alone in receiving mocking words; everybody except Thorin suffered them and everybody slung insults back with laughter and song. Fili was as able as the others in this, but the words he received cut him deep. He could armour himself all he liked; he still could not escape those hated words.
He gazed into the river as he bathed during one of their night rests. There was his trim form, his wide hips that caused him to walk with a sway that Bofur always laughed at. Despite the muscles and the beard, the delicacy was still present. It was part of him and it wouldn't disappear, no matter how hard Fili tried to make it. Something cold and hard rolled in his stomach. He dashed a hand through the water and quickly dressed.
Kili looked at him strangely when he returned to the warmth of the fireside. Fili settled his features into something that hopefully appeared contented. For all his youthful energy Kili was as perceptive as their mother when the mood took him. Fili hoped that the mood wouldn't take him now. He got himself settled beneath blankets, making it obvious that he was going to try grasping for sleep as the others continued their talk and songs.
"Ah, young Fili needs more sleep to retain that fine figure and face of his."
Fili closed his eyes at Gloin's words and bit his lip until it bled.
The next day, Fili made sure to keep his armour locked tight around him and answered any teasing words with plenty of his own. He killed a brace of hares and kept a keen eye out for any hint of orcish presence. He was sharply aware of Kili's eyes on him. He didn't look back at his brother.
That night, Fili was sent for firewood and it was only when he began to gather branches that he realised that Kili had followed him. Silently he cursed his clouded mind and vowed to lock his armour tighter still. He could not let himself be distracted or affected by his disadvantages – what if an orc had waited in the night's shadows?
"I've seen that look on your face before," Kili noted, quiet and determined. "You've always thought I don't notice, but you've often worn it, just for a moment before tidying it away to where no one can see it. You wear it all the time now."
Fili shook his head and grasped more firewood. "This quest affects us all, brother. Nothing more."
"And now you're lying to me." There was hurt, thick and deep, in Kili's voice now, causing Fili to close his eyes. He never wanted to hurt Kili. "Why?"
Fili inched further away, busying himself with his task, refusing still to meet his brother's gaze. "Some things must stay hidden. Allow me mine."
It was a plea more than an order and somehow, a trace of his carefully locked-away hurt threaded into his tone. Kili, always Kili, undid him. He always had. Now he immediately rushed closer, hands gentle on Fili's back and arms, gentle and loving. No one but Kili touched him in that way. They had always been tactile together and Fili had folded away many of those innocent moments, so like this one, to treasure and hoard like a dragon. Now, under the weight of his own hurt so recently inflamed and the sheer loving nearness of Kili, the other hoard he kept – the mocking, the pain, the bone-deep hatred - was fluttering, growing steel-tipped wings and threatening to take flight.
Kili forced the firewood from his hands and cupped his face, his breath warm on Fili's skin. The look in his eyes made something great shudder in Fili. Things were shaking free, unlovely things, and he could not stop them, could not swim against the torrent.
His shoulders slumped. "I...Kili...I cannot...I am not..."
"Fili," Kili's voice was rent with pain and he wrapped his arms tightly around his brother. "Whatever you bear, we bear together."
Fili choked out a laugh, an ugly indelicate thing, and pushed his kin away. "Oh, we do not, brother. We never have."
Kili looked as though he'd been kicked but Fili's words continued to pour out. "Perhaps at times I seem it, but I'm not unaffected, I'm not made of stone. Words, brother, attach themselves to me, each time I am laughed at for my maiden figure, my hips wide enough to bear children, my swayed walk. I know I look more like a lass than Durin's heir."
Self-hatred dripped from his words and Fili covered his face, covered the shame and whatever else welled thickly behind his eyes. These were things that Kili should never hear. Now Fili would lose that adoring gaze. It was what he'd always feared. Something howled deep in him, a pain he'd always vehemently suppressed. It was free as an unchained dragon now.
Fingers insistently pulled his own away from his face. Kili had not run or thrown words of his own. He stood still before Fili, a look of deep compassion and heat upon his face. It made Fili's breath catch and threw his mind into confusion. Why was Kili still here?
"Do you know what I see?" Kili's voice was low and raw and he barrelled on before Fili could speak. "I see fine features, a beautiful face."
Such words had been thrown at Fili before in mocking insult but the way Kili uttered them was like worship, his fingers brushing over Fili's cheekbones and trailing down his beard. Fili's pulse jumped and he slackened under Kili's touch. Why would Kili offer him such praise? How could he believe it of Fili?
Kili tugged at his coat and began unwrapping the layers of Fili's clothing, dropping them to the ground, his hungry eyes firmly on Fili. Fili was soon down to his smallclothes, then even less, unable to move or look away, mesmerised by his brother's intense gaze and the loving sweeping touch that accompanied it.
Kili smoothed a hand down Fili's bared chest, fingers embracing scars and memories. He leant in and kissed the very corner of Fili's mouth. Fili loosed a harsh gasp.
"Kili..."
Kili briefly pressed a finger to his lips. "I see a very comely mouth, a mouth I've very often dreamed of."
He kissed Fili's lips, light and quick, before sliding his hands down his brother's body to rest on the pronounced curve of his hips. His touch was so reverent that a tremor ran through Fili. It became a full-body shudder when Kili dropped to his knees. What was he doing?
Kili raised his head and a choked sound escaped Fili at the sight of his brother so positioned before him. Lust and want scorched through his veins and he almost raised a hand to touch Kili's hair. Kili's fingers tightened at his hips. The pressure made Fili moan, causing Kili to dig his fingers in more. Fili's hand fell to Kili's head.
"I see beautiful rolling hills." Wet lips mouthed at Fili's left hip, then travelled to his waist. "And a narrow valley."
There was no laughter to his words, only adoration. Fili watched, his eyes blackening with desire as Kili moaned against his skin. He seemed overcome by the experience, a fact which made Fili's own want spike. His hand tightened in Kili's hair. Kili jerked, his teeth grazing skin for a moment, then he pulled back. Ah, he had remembered truly who he was supping on. Fili closed his eyes, a sick feeling already beginning to return to his stomach.
But there were no hurried footsteps away into the dark. Instead, there was a great rustling of cloth and when Fili opened curious dreading eyes again, Kili was on his feet, unclothed and unashamed, a vision in the moonlight. He paused only a moment before embracing Fili, their hard lengths touching and causing both to exclaim. Kili buried his face in his brother's neck, kissing, muttering words, before arching up to take Fili's mouth with his own, tongue questing and insistent. Fili could not help but respond, his treasure hoard of folded feelings for Kili uncaging themselves and bursting free. Truly Kili knew everything of him now.
The kiss went on for some time, fusing them together in a way long dreamed of, until at last Kili parted their lips and rested his forehead against his brother's. Their eyes met and breathless giddy laughter tumbled out between them. Kili's hands dropped to the curves of Fili's hips and squeezed.
"I see you, Fili."
The statement burned through Fili, through everything, and he looked at his brother in wonder and love. He was overwhelmed by it, mute with it, and he allowed Kili to lead him to nearby softer ground where Kili laid him down and covered his body with his own. Kili paid attention to each part of Fili, whispering words of praise and love as he touched. He carded caring fingers through Fili's hair and beard.
"I've often thought of this as I braided for you," he admitted, stroking a thin intricate plait that hung past Fili's shoulder. "I made wishes and promises with each twist."
He dipped to kiss the hollow of Fili's throat and ran his hands over Fili, over all the things that Fili'd learned to hate since childhood. Kili didn't hate them.
Kili pressed his fingers into Fili's mouth and Fili moaned around them, in anticipation and want and amazement. Kili nipped at his shoulder, removed his fingers, and kissed Fili with intent as his fingers travelled lower to begin working Fili open. Fili cried out, unable to stop himself, the combination of Kili's intense care beneath his waist and the focus of his lips undoing him even more. His head spun and he gripped Kili tight as his brother slid one, then two fingers into him with such gentleness. It felt so much like a dream, like an impossibility.
"Yet here I am," breathed Kili, smiling against Fili's lips. "And you're my waking dream also."
Fili realised he must have spoken his thoughts aloud and more words stumbled out at his brother's speech, unleashed in his amazed disbelief. "How can you touch me? How can you desire this?"
Kili's movements became more insistent and his kisses travelled across Fili's face before returning to his lips once more. "This, as you call it, is what I reach climax to. I want this, nothing changed or different. I want you."
His fingers slipped free and he wet his cock as best he could with spit. Fili could only watch, astonishment overcoming him at his brother's strong words and the fierce spirit contained within them. His brother loved his flared hips, his narrow waist, the delicacy that had haunted Fili his whole life from behind his self-imposed armour. Wonder filled him anew and he touched Kili's hair softly, as though checking no magic infected them.
Kili positioned himself and pushed steadily and carefully home. Despite the fire raging in both of them, Kili seemed determined to keep the pace gentle and loving, each thrust a declaration of his desire. Fili could only lie back, one hand anchored in his brother's hair, and roll his ample hips. He noted Kili's quiet adoring sounds, the way his eyes never left Fili's face; movement, noise, and gaze all speaking clearly of his loving thoughts. He was not pretending to bed another behind his eyes; he saw only Fili.
Overwhelmed, Fili came with a hoarse cry, spilling between them both, and Kili thrust only a handful more times before reaching his own completion. He kissed Fili once, twice, a few times more, gasping into his mouth. His youth was suddenly plain on his face and Fili stroked his cheeks, swiping a thumb across his eager lips. He had so much of their mother's wisdom in him, thank Aule.
Kili smiled down at him. "I'll do that a thousand times if it chases sadness and pain from your face again."
"Just for that reason?"
Kili kissed him hungrily once more, tongue plundering and greedy, before answering. "For a thousand reasons, brother, starting here."
His hands stroked lovingly at Fili's hips and waist, taking in his slim form. Fili's insides twinged, his self-loathing was not so instantly destroyed after years of hoarding, but Kili's face held only love. Fili wanted to stare at him forever, and dismiss such undeserving worship too.
"The others will say you bed a maid," he reminded his brother, forcing words past the hardness in his throat.
Kili made a dismissive noise and did not let Fili go. "The others can say what they like. They cannot have you."
Fili snorted and managed to dislodge Kili enough for them both to sit up. Now that their union had ceased, his body was beginning to chill and his fevered thoughts did too. "They will chip away at you, Kili. You will regret this, should it ever continue."
Kili made a noise and grasped Fili's chin. "Your feelings are not my own, brother. I want you, every way I can, no matter what dwarf, orc, man, or elf says. This is no whim."
Fili gazed at him, admiring the fire in his brother's eyes, the love and lust that still mixed there, the determination to make Fili see the truth of his words. Fili had seen that look before in Kili's face and he knew what it meant. Kili would not be swayed, he believed that much. Fili's heart quickened; Kili continued to astonish.
Fili placed his hand over his brother's. "You feel enough for me to take you?"
Fresh flames lit up in Kili at the challenge and he leaned in to speak direct into his brother's mouth. "For you take me a thousand times over."
Fili let out a breath at the images Kili's words conjured. Kili truly believed them equals, loved Fili's form enough, perhaps for both of them. The edge was gone from Fili's anger and pain, but it had not all vanished.
He pressed a kiss that lingered to Kili's lips. "You see what I do not. For me...time, brother, is needed, much of it, if I am ever to see myself with your eyes."
"You have it," came the quick vehement reply. "And you have me."
They stayed huddled together, naked and sweating under the stars. So much had been released between them, so much love and pain. And still they held each other, both unable to let go.
Fili sighed with deep resignation. "The party must wonder on us."
Kili shook his head. "Thorin told me to seek you out; he saw what you kept hidden and what I did not."
Thorin. Their Uncle who had never mocked Fili himself, but had never spoken words of comfort either. Fili had never expected him to. His Uncle wanted a strong company to reclaim their home. Fili and Kili had always been strongest at each other's backs.
Kili pulled him to his feet and they gathered their clothes, washing sticky skin in the nearby stream before dressing and regathering the firewood. Kili was touched by moonlight as he held out a hand to his brother. Fili's heart thumped and he managed a glance in the water before twining his fingers with Kili's.
Back at camp, all was quiet and Dwalin looked at the returning brothers with great knowing in his eyes. Balin muttered something likely insulting about their characters but for now, the group was silent with sleep – if you discounted Bombur's snores. Perhaps they were being given a night's grace. It was unlikely to last.
They dropped the firewood close to the blaze and hunkered down in their previously-claimed spot. Fili lay back, considering the stars spread out above. He rested a hand on his own hip, then dropped it to his side. Time. Kili curled up next to him, his head resting trustingly on Fili's chest, tucked under his chin.
"You think too much," he whispered around a yawn.
"Never been your problem."
Kili sniggered and pinched Fili's side, then wrapped an arm around his waist happily. Fili tried not to shift uncomfortably. Kili was already dropping into sleep, content and comfortable tangled up with his brother, his love. Fili pressed a wondering tender kiss to his brother's head; sure he himself would be unable to sleep after such a night of revelation. But the drag of tiredness and sated hunger was too great and his eyes fell shut, despite their determination to stay on Kili. Their hands remained intertwined.
Fili's dreams were filled with water, water that he could not swim against; it nearly flowed over his head. Then Kili was beside him and there was a boat that they clambered aboard. They began to dry out on the deck, under the sun. Kili dragged him closer, pulling wet clothing away, and worked himself onto Fili's cock. He rode Fili, both with and against the waves around them, damp hair flying and mouth open, spilling laughter and cheers. Even in dreaming, their hands did not part.
When he woke, Fili found Kili beside him with a hunk of hard bread and a cup of something strong. His smile was only for Fili, as was the intimate press of his hand to the curve of Fili's hip. Fili also found that a chunk of hair near his right ear had been woven into a complex braid overnight. It matched the new band of plaited cloth Kili wore on his right wrist, both tied off with familiar leather strip and done by familiar hand. Kili's gaze did not waver, caressing Fili, drinking him in with such love and greed. Fili still wanted to hide himself away behind armour, but he also found he wanted to revel in his brother's heated gaze, to invite Kili behind the barrier. Something new to hoard, in time, together.
-the end
