THE RANMA HORROR PICTURE SHOW
a Ranma 1/2 fanfic by quantum witch © 1999
Rating: R for language and adult situations, slashes just about everyone to a degree
Summary: An alternative fantasy, featuring Ranma and crew, in 3 acts, with mild kink and poetic license. Absolutely NOT a songfic or a musical.
Disclaimer: Characters lovingly perverted, but still owned by Rumiko Takahashi. "RHPS" format owned by R. O'Brien and 20th Century Fox.
Note: I'm using the Americanised spellings for everyone's names. Live with it.
Cast of characters:
RANMA SAOTOME - a Scientific Pervert
AKANE TENDO -a Temperamental Heroine
RYOGA HIBIKI - a Clueless Hero
MOUSSE - a Verrry Handyman
SHAMPOO- a Foreign Domestic
UKYO KUONJI - a Cute Groupie Chef
GENMA SAOTOME - a Pervert's Father
the KUNO'S (sort of) - an Annoying Creature
TSUBASA KURENAI - a Quasi-Brain Donor
1 : THE BEGINNING
The wedding had been joyous, the bride Kasumi radiantly beautiful, the groom Dr. Tofu giddy and laughing with delight. Kasumi's family, the Tendos, were alternately smiling (sister Nabiki), glowing (sister Akane), and crying uncontrollably (father Soun). But everyone was truly happy.
Akane had invited her dear friend Ryoga to be her date for the event, and he was fidgety in his rented suit and bow-tie, but pleased to be present. He had secretly been in love with Akane for longer than he could recall, but always had trouble expressing himself emotionally. He'd always felt like a bit of a stranger in a strange land anyway, never quite fitting in with other people, and so was mostly a loner. Akane, however, had always tried to make him feel a part of her family and was a great friend. Today he hoped being at such a personal, sentimental occasion would help give him the nerve (and excuse) to bring up the possibility of advancing their own relationship as well.
Kasumi threw her bouquet and Akane caught it, quite by surprise. At first she blushed brightly, then giggled and danced around, pink dress twirling and white broad-brimmed hat almost falling off her short black hair, which ruffled in the breeze. Ryoga, watching from below the steps of the temple, felt his heart skip a beat, then thump in perfect time with the temple bells chiming. He was certain it was a sign from above that today was the day. At last, he must have the courage to speak his mind.
When the bride and groom had left for their honeymoon, Ryoga asked Akane to accompany him for a quiet walk. He again had trouble speaking his feelings. He chatted inanely about the wedding, how lucky a guy the Doc was, what a great cook Kasumi was... Then he lost all words, and began blushing profusely, babbling incoherently, stabbing heart-shaped holes into an innocent boulder with one fingertip. But he finally spit the words out. "Akane, I love you! I always have! I... I know you... might not feel totally the same... but I'm sure you feel something for me..." She smiled and nodded, having known for some time how Ryoga felt. "Would you... like to be my girlfriend...?" He said it with such open feeling and hopefulness, standing in his familiar pose, one hand caught in his thick dark hair as if to hold his head up while his thoughts went around.
Completely sure of her tender feelings for her longtime friend, sure also that she could very easily come to love him as well, she smiled warmly, kissed his cheek and agreed. Ryoga's mind and heart (and darn near his skull) exploded with bliss, and he felt sure that someday he would even be able to share everything he was with her.
o - o - o
They continued to walk through the lovely woods, until an hour later they realised they were hopelessly lost... which worried Akane a little, but caused much frustration and guilt to Ryoga. He had a terrible habit of getting lost no matter where he was trying to go.
Then suddenly there came rumbling thunder and lightning, and Ryoga turned pale. He had an abnormal fear of rain, which Akane had always found odd, but she respected his feelings anyway. He always carried a large umbrella for such occasions, and they both huddled under it as they walked. Still, he was getting almost frantically nervous, and when Akane sighted a light in the woods she quickly suggested they head toward it.
Coming to an iron gate, they saw the light came from the high tower windows of a huge castle. Even though it seemed an odd structure to be in Japan, they felt it had to be safer than the storm which was getting stronger, and better for Ryoga's peace of mind which was rapidly fading away to hysterics.
Unknown to them both, a tall figure watched them from one of those windows, having known they would arrive soon enough.
It was fast becoming a night out they were going to remember for a verrry long time...
o - o - o
The closer they got to the door, however, the more edgy Akane felt. It looked... well, spooky. She didn't care for spooky. No telling what or who was inside. But, scared as she might be, Ryoga was worse off now. His eyes wild, body shaking, he rang the doorbell, pathetically grateful for the overhanging stone that kept him dry. He shivered at the thought of getting a single drop wetter than he already was... especially in front of his beloved Akane.
Creaking on its hinges, the massive door opened. The barely lit interior revealed only an outline of the person holding the door handle. A sudden flash of lightning showed it to be an almost frighteningly gorgeous tall young man, with flowing waist-length black hair, wearing a white robe with huge sleeves, cut in something like a tuxedo-style, but left open to show his bare chest, and dark blue flowing trousers. His expression was reserved, yet his dark eyes, behind thick glasses, were piercing.
Akane gasped and clung tightly to Ryoga, who steeled himself. "Hi, uh, my name's Ryouga Hibiki, and this is my girlfriend Akane Tendo. We're a bit lost... do you have a phone we might use?"
Still staring at the couple, perhaps blankly, perhaps thoughtfully, the tall youth finally spoke. "You're wet," he stated.
"Yes, it's raining," Akane said in return (thinking, What a weirdo).
"Yes," the tall one drawled. "Perhaps you'd better both... come inside." His mouth turned up at the corner in the slightest smirk, as if at a private joke. He moved aside and let them enter the hall.
Watching him warily, Ryoga held Akane's arm possessively as they passed him. "Oh, Ryoga, I'm scared," she said shakily. "What kind of place is this?"
"Maybe some kind of private getaway for perverts," Ryoga laughed a little, "but I hope not..."
"That's not really funny," Akane said dryly.
As they neared a tall staircase, they could hear the sound of merrymaking from somewhere indefinable. "Are you having a party?" Akane asked, hoping she didn't sound as nervous as she felt.
"You've arrived on a rather special night. The Master is having... an affair," said the tall youth. Tucking his hands into his massive sleeves, he retrieved a candelabra with the candles already lit, and waited by the stairs for them to approach.
Eyes wide at the seeming magic trick, Akane simply said, "Oh... lucky him."
A voice from the stairway startled the young couple. "You lucky, he lucky, I lucky, we all too-too lucky!" A curvaceous girl, stretched out on the banister like a cat, slid down to greet them, calling out, "Nihaoooo!" happily. She had the longest hair (an amazing shade of blue-purple that somehow looked completely natural), biggest eyes, and shortest hot-pink maid's uniform either of them had ever seen. She landed daintily on her slippered feet at the bottom of the stairs, curtsied by lifting the corners of her tiny white apron and giggled bouncily.
There was, however, a look in the eyes of both the girl and the young man that Ryouga didn't trust - something corrupt, and way too eager to expand on it in ways that would probably break every law and moral code ever invented. He began to back away from them, dragging Akane... but he took a wrong turn and wound up going through a totally different door. The very door the two strangers had been intending to take them through anyway. (Must be fate, eh?)
The source of the party noises were discovered inside, where approximately two dozen people in wild costumes were dancing and drinking and carousing in a generalised illicit manner. Akane was somewhat taken aback by the shameless display, and Ryoga felt himself choking up on nervous tension. He would have turned back and gone out the door, but the two strangers from the front door were now blocking the way, looking like satisfied spiders who'd just caught a pair of juicy flies in their web. He wondered if he could just fight their way out (he was after all, an accomplished and amazingly strong martial artist)... but no one was overtly threatening them, and he was greatly outnumbered if it came to that. Better just to play along for now, and pull out the fancy punches when the time was right. Akane just stared around with wide eyes, slightly horrified, yet slightly fascinated.
A jukebox played loudly, and a girl (or maybe it was a guy, it was hard to be sure) sat on top of it, happily gyrating to the music, and after a few minutes jumped down and began dancing on very long shapely legs clad in black tights, tossing off the boy's blue jacket worn over it, shaking long brown hair loose from the confining ponytail. The tight strapless rainbow-sequined top and the amount of cleavage that showed now proved gender, and it seemed suddenly odd that she'd ever be mistaken for a boy at any time.
Ryoga spoke up then, trying to get anyone's attention. They didn't seem to hear or care. After a couple attempts, he finally lost his temper and shouted at the top of his lungs, "Come on, already! Will somebody just show us where a phone is, OKAY?"
The party fell silent and everyone turned to look at them, with an expression that said, Castles don't have phones, you moron... Then the group slowly began advancing toward them, smiling in an overly friendly, even slightly hungry, way. The sense of being entrapped increased tenfold. Ryoga, knowing when a fight was impossible, grabbed Akane's arm and retreated from the room backward. Unfortunately he went the wrong way again and slammed into an ornate wrought-iron elevator shaft, and could go no further.
Akane was getting truly frightened now. "Please Ryoga, let's try to just get out of here...!" Her words were interrupted as she came face-to-face with the occupant of the elevator, which had been descending all along. The face was an attractive one, somehow both masculine and feminine at once, the body totally covered with a long black cape. Akane was shocked to silence.
The caped one slid between them, unobtrusively stroking both of them along the hip with warm hands. Ryoga barely stifled a scream, but a tingling of uncertain emotion jolted through each of the young couple, and they found themselves magnetised. They followed the caped person back into the room they'd just departed, eyes on the dark hair and long pigtail that bobbed before them. Upon reaching the center of the room, the cape was flung off dramatically, revealing the person to be a slender, muscular young man in a red Chinese-style vest (or was it a corset?) and black pants. Turning and smiling, he accepted a glass of cold water from the purple-haired girl, then promptly dumped it over his own head, instantly transforming before everyone's eyes into a slender, muscular young girl in a red corset (or was it a vest?) and black pants.
Akane was frozen to the spot, and yet her body suddenly felt uncomfortably hot. Ryoga found his throat tightening, the blood draining from his face. Who was this person? How was this accomplished? More to his alarm however, he found his pants stretching a little too tightly in the front. He blushed hotly and tugged his suit jacket closed and downward. This was an unexpected reaction, one he'd prefer no one else know about.
The now-girl sprawled over a large throne-like chair which stood on a platform at the far end of the room. Her retinue, the tall young man, the purple-haired girl, and the girl in rainbow-and-black surrounded her, making her the living centerpiece of a pervert's smorgasbord. She gazed coyly at the confused couple, smiled and said, "So, you're lost and need a place to stay for the night, I'm told? No problem. But first, why not come up to my lab and... join the festivities?" She took the tall youth's chin in her fingertips, licking his cheek, though he never changed his flat expression. The purple-haired girl, winking and giggling with glee, stood behind the chair, her bosom peeking provocatively over the edge. The rainbow girl fondled her Mistress' leg with obvious devotion, a blissful smile on her lips. Then, laughing with full-throated delight, the now-girl leaped gazelle-like from the chair and flounced out of the room, leaving Ryoga and Akane in the clutches of her servants.
Coming to stand behind the couple, the tall young man pulled out towels and kimonos from the sleeves of his robe, and he and the purple-haired girl began to dry off and undress their startled guests.
"Hey!" Akane yelped, and tried taking an indignant swing at the tall one, but he evaded her hands skillfully and had already stripped her to bra and panties before her fist even recoiled. Too shocked now to fight, she let him drape the kimono over her shoulders without protest. Ryouga, meanwhile, was pinching off a nosebleed, caused by the sensation of the purple-haired girl's hands roaming all over him as she removed everything but his boxers.
The rainbow-clad girl stood watching, having caught all the dampened clothes tossed into the air on the flat of a huge spatula. "You know, you're very lucky to be invited up to Ranma's laboratory. Some people would give their right arm for the privilege," she said with a smile.
"People like you maybe?" Ryoga asked, pulling his kimono tightly around himself, and standing protectively closer to Akane.
"Hmm, been there, done that, got the t-shirt, Sugar," she replied. Taking the couple's clothes, she skillfully flung them off the spatula and onto the jukebox to dry, then followed them and the servants out to the elevator.
"Aiyaa! Come-come, Ranma no like we keep waiting," chirped the purple-haired girl as she pushed Akane and Ryoga forward.
With it's cage-like shape, the elevator felt like a prison and Ryoga held Akane's hand tightly to reassure her that he'd keep her safe. But deep inside he felt sure it was going to be harder than he'd imagined, and that they had somehow stepped into a situation which would change things in ways neither of them were ready to understand.
He didn't yet know how right he was.
o - o - o
The elevator door opened into a circular tiled room, with a balcony on one side, a curtained stage area on the other, and a domed ceiling with paintings of strange constellations. In the center of the room was a large tank of coloured liquid with something indefinable floating inside it. Ranma posed excitedly before the tank, wearing a lab jacket. She smiled at the party-goers standing upon the balcony to view the event, and addressed her servants. "Shampoo... Ukyo... Mousse... prepare the equipment."
The three went to the tank and a large control panel, and performed their appointed tasks, while Ranma more properly greeted her guests. "Welcome, Ryoga... Akane..." She took Akane's hand in her own, lightly kissed it, locking gazes with her warmly.
Akane flushed slightly and felt her heart thump in a way she'd never experienced, wondering just what it all meant. This person was obviously a pervert, but Akane herself didn't swing that way... did she?
Ryoga gasped in surprise, clenched his teeth and imposed himself between them. "Listen, you, we just needed to use a damn phone! What in the hell is going on here?"
"Ryoga, it's okay, really," Akane assured him, though she wasn't certain of it herself.
"How forceful you are Ryoga... so protective and manly..." Ranma let her gaze drop just slightly, causing Ryouga to blush beet red and back away. "You have nothing to fear."
"I'm not afraid, damnit!" Ryoga shouted, his voice pitching a little too high to sound convincing.
"Of course," Ranma said sweetly, batting her lashes, smiling at Ryoga in the same provocative way she had at Akane, "you're such a big, strong, brave thing... Akane must be awfully proud of her man..." Running a fingertip down Ryoga's arm caused him to tremble and break into a sweat, but he stood his ground.
Akane wasn't sure whether to be angry, jealous, hurt, or just... turned on by the exchanges taking place. So she bit her tongue.
Rolling his eyes slightly, Mousse approached Ranma from the control panel. "Mistress, everything is ready."
Ranma smiled widely, eyes shining. She grabbed a microphone from somewhere up Mousse's sleeve and took her place on the stage. "Tonight, my friends and colleagues, you will be witness to a break-through in DNA research!" The roomful of people cheered loudly. "Yes, Paradise is to be mine... not to mention maybe some kind of Award for Achievement and big cash prize," she giggled. "I have successfully found a way of combining two different but similar species, creating an amazing amalgamation! Tonight my beautiful creature is destined to be born!"
Practically dancing down to the tank, she instructed Mousse to adjust a few knobs and switches, causing the liquid inside to bubble slightly, change colors, and then to glow. When she was sure everything was complete, a jolt of electricity shot through the tank, and the thing floating inside began to move, alive now and breathing. Mousse helped it to stand, and Ukyo and Shampoo carefully removed the protective wrappings from its head and body. It seemed very human.
The face was an incredibly good-looking male, as was the body, tall, lean and muscled and clad only in shorts, with wavy dark hair falling over his brows. He had a nearly blank look in his exotic eyes, but when he saw his Creator they lit up with passion. Sensing automatically he'd been made just for this person, he rushed toward her on long legs, powerful arms wide and ready to crush her against his firm chest, howling with incoherent delight.
Not quite the reaction Ranma had anticipated, she yelped and went leaping up the ramp to the balcony, the creature hot on her heels. "Whoa, big fella! Down, boy! Sit!" she shouted as she ran, jumping over people who didn't dodge out of the way fast enough as they both rushed by. "Mousse! Water!" she yelled as she skidded down the opposite ramp back to the floor of the lab.
Sighing, Mousse picked up the end of a hose, spraying Ranma with hot water as she approached. Instantly transforming to a man again, he slid to a halt and turned to look at his creature.
The reaction was incredible. Not even being doused with water, the creature had also transformed at that same moment, into its opposite gender, and was now female, smaller in stature, long dark hair barely covering her perky breasts, and still very attractive. Somehow the creature's eyes seemed the same as before.
"All RIGHT!" Ranma hooted in delight, seeing that his experiment had been a success. The party-goers were also astonished and applauded wildly at this scientific innovation. Akane and Ryoga clutched each other tightly, completely freaked-out and annoyingly aroused by turns.
The now-female creature squealed at the sight of her now-male Creator and leaped at him in the same way her other half had done, knocking Ranma to the floor in her fervid embrace. Ukyo and Shampoo pried her off, but once released the female creature launched herself again. Metal cuffs flew through the air and manacled her ankles. At the other end of the chains crouched Mousse, who had produced them from up his sleeves.
Ranma smiled gratefully at his servants and stood up, laughing and beckoning all his guests closer to admire and praise him, assuring them all that it would be safe now. He knew his creature would need training and discipline... and he so looked forward to providing it.
Partiers were standing close by now, admiring the creation. Ranma held court for a while, describing the techniques using his own DNA and a partial brain from a donor, in his desire to make another being capable of gender transmogrification. Several noted how very similar the creature appeared to a brother and sister pair from their... homeland. Ranma expressed that had been exactly his intention, to make them appear that way (however he was incredibly glad the creature had not yet learned to speak, otherwise he would never get a word in edgewise with either side of it, if they were anything like the original pair). He announced then that the creature would be called Takacchi, a combination of the nicknames of the brother and sister it resembled.
Leading the excitable creature into a room behind the stage curtains, Ranma bid everyone goodnight with glee. It was pretty obvious to everyone that he wanted to... break in his creation. So the rest of the party wandered out of the lab to find whatever empty rooms they could in which to continue their revelry.
Ryoga and Akane were still speechless, and Ukyo guided them again to the elevator, leading them to another floor and to separate bedrooms for the night. She reassured them that they would be safe from harm. Since she seemed to be the most normal (by comparison) to anyone they'd met so far tonight, they preferred to believe her.
