All for You
"Robin?"
I roll over, knowing it is her sweet face I am about to see. It is always her who wakes me in the night, usually after she's had a nightmare.
"I am most sorry to disturb you, but I have had another mare of the night. I cannot go back to sleep…"
I knew this was coming. She is so utterly obvious, wanting my comfort, but I do believe her when she says she's had another bad dream. Starfire doesn't lie, especially not to me.
"And I know you need your sleep, as well. You are always working so hard, Robin. For the city and our friends-"
'Not quite, Star,' I think. She doesn't know, but it is her I work so hard to protect. I have such a soft spot of her, it's ridiculous…
"And it is most important we get adequate amounts of rest-"
"Star," I gently interrupt her. I pull the bedcovers away from the edge of my bed and pat a spot beside me. "It's OK, you can sleep in here."
Her face lights up and she crawls into bed beside me. "Thank you, Robin," she murmurs, planting a deliciously soft kiss on my cheek.
Starfire's body is pressed against mine, and I can tell the periwinkle camisole she is wearing is made of silk.
"You're welcome, Star," I mumble in response, turning onto my side.
Starfire yawns in an oddly cute sort of way and curls up. "Goodnight, Robin," she says sweetly.
She closes those brilliant emerald green eyes of hers and rests her head next to mine. Having her so close is both relaxing and thrilling, like a huge adrenalin rush.
I think she is asleep a few minutes later, but her arm snakes around me, and then I am not sure.
"Starfire?" I ask quietly.
There is no response, and I know that her arm wound around my stomach tightly is not really under her control.
I manage to turn in her rather protective grip. Her ruby red tresses are fanned out on my pillow, and with her eyes shut, she really looks like an angel. At least to me she does.
The alien princess's mouth twitches and I realize she must be having a nice dream. Maybe she is dreaming about me the way I dream about her. I am certain our resident princess has feelings for me.
In my dreams we are together. She's happy, which means I'm happy. Every spare moment is spent together.
Sometimes I dream we're married. I can see myself proposing to her, the sparkle in her eyes.
She always says yes and I whisk her off, the destination unknown even to me.
Then I wake up. Usually I am covered in sweat, for some reason, after these dreams. I wish I could tell Starfire how I feel about her, but I can't. I would fumble with the words, I know it.
But even if I could find some way to describe my love for her, it would never be good enough. She's a princess. And I know she loves me.
This is the problem.
I've seen what I do. I hurt her before and I couldn't stand to do that again.
Flashback
"Attack, Robin, or my probes will."
Suddenly Starfire's delicate body is twisted in pain. That psychotic madman Slade has released his probes on my friends, but most importantly, my Starfire.
She cries out, and begins to fall…
Right into my waiting arms.
She is visibly shaking, making it hard to hold her in my arms.
"Please," I beg.
"Attack," Slade orders coldly.
"I'm sorry," I mutter, placing my best friend down gently on the gargantuan letters that spell out WAYNE.
"Robin," she murmurs…
It breaks my heart.
End Flashback
We had a long talk about that incident. Starfire, being how she is, didn't blame me in the slightest. She knows it was Slade's fault.
She is still sleeping peacefully. I look at her sleeping figure, wishing I could hold her back. I wish she knew how much I love her.
Because I do.
I love her so much it hurts. I don't know what I'd do without her. But I can't let her know that, ever.
I'll just hurt her. Again.
If I think about it for a long time, I can picture our kids. There are three, two little girls and a boy.
The oldest girl's name is Rose. She has red hair, just like her mom, and my blue eyes.
Our boy is the middle child. His name changes sometimes, depending on what mood I'm in. It is Richard, Christopher, or Bruce. He looks just like me.
The baby of the family, and my princess, is Rachel. She has my jet-black locks and Star's eyes.
It hurts thinking about this perfect family Star and I could have, but never will.
I take that back. She can have the perfect family. It's me who can't.
It is best that I keep my feelings to myself, in all actuality. I always bring pain to those who love me. I can see myself ignoring my Starfire, totally by accident. I can see her crying in our bedroom. I can see my kids growing up without a father.
My angel stirs beside me, but doesn't wake.
"I'm so sorry," I murmur to her. "I love you."
I turn over again, and try to get some much-needed sleep.
"I love you too, Robin," Star whispers behind me. She kisses my cheek again and leaves her face right behind the back of my head.
Her breath is warm on my neck and it tickles me.
"Why is it that you inform me of your feelings when you think I am asleep?" Star inquires sweetly, nuzzling my neck with her nose.
"I don't want you to be stuck with me for the rest of your life," I mutter, my cheeks flushing cherry red.
"Maybe I want to be stuck with you," she replies, tugging on my arm so that I am on my back again.
Starfire scoots her body downwards and rests her head on my chest, trapping me.
"No you don't-" I begin, but she has moved again.
Her mouth is pressed over mine in a sweet kiss.
This is a different kiss than the one she gave me to learn English. This has passion in it. I can feel it. And soon I am kissing her back.
And maybe I won't hurt her after all.
Fin
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