A/N: This is the first part in a two-part series that deals with gender identity issues. While I am not transgender or genderqueer, I have done a lot of research for this story. If anything in this story is offensive or inaccurate, please let me know and I will do my best to fix it.

I will post the second part of this story tomorrow.


The thing is, Finn found out by accident.

He'd forgotten his cell at school after practice and once he got home and realized it was missing, well, he had to go back for it. So he'd asked (begged) Kurt for a ride and the two of them were back at McKinley just as the sun was setting. Practice had been over for at least an hour so Kurt wasn't worried about running into Karofsky so Finn just jogged into the school and went straight to the locker room. He figured that where he had to have left it because he distinctly remembers texting Rachel about not being able to go to her house that evening to study and her response had been a little heated.

So Finn had jogged into the locker room and begun searching for the missing phone without even paying attention to his surroundings. It's only after he's found it and checked the missed texts (Rachel'd sent at least four and Puck another two) when he noticed the showers were running. He's going to ignore it, just head home because Kurt's waiting out in the parking lot and even though its late there's a chance someone's around to hassle him, but then someone starts singings.

And okay, Finn's not an idiot and he can recognize voices so he knows its Sam. And yeah, Sam's had a rough time of it lately, so all Finn wants to do is say hey and ask if everything's alright because it's late and he shouldn't be here, shouldn't be showering, but it's probably better than the motel for privacy. So Finn ducks around the corner and is about to say hi when he actually sees Sam.

Finn stares for a second and then he turns around and leaves without saying a word, without making a sound, and as soon as he's out of the locker rooms he's running towards the car and Kurt because if anybody can make what he saw seem normal it'll be Kurt. As he's running Finn checks his pocket to make sure he still has his phone (because there's no way he wants to have to go back to the locker room and see Sam and have to find the phone again) and it's there.

He pushes the doors to the school open and sees Kurt and he's running faster and then he's there and opening the car door and Kurt's looking at him like he's crazy and Finn acknowledges that he might just be crazy because seriously, seriously, he just fucking saw Sam Evans and he had a pussy.

"You alright Finn?" Kurt asks him and he sounds concerned, which Finn supposes is normal because if Kurt had come tearing out of the school like hell hounds were chasing him he'd be concerned too.

"Yeah." Finn gasps out in between deep breaths.

"What is it? Did your phone get lost?"

Finn shakes his head, pulls his phone out of his pocket and shows Kurt and Kurt smiles.

"Good, then we can go home."

And Finn's about to say yes, but when he opens his mouth all that comes out is: "Sam was there and he was showering and I was only going to say hi, you know? I didn't want to spy on him or anything! I swear! And I saw him naked and hedoesn'thaveadick." and that last part comes out kind of fast and Kurt's staring at him because Finn knows he sounds insane, knows he's fucking crazy, but he was there in the locker room and Sam Evan's did not have a cock.

"Um, alright." Kurt says. "Take a deep breath and let it out." Finn does as he's told. "Another one." Finn obeys. "Now, say whatever it is you just said again."

Finn takes a deep breath and then says, slower: "Sam was there, showering, and I went to say hi. I swear I wasn't trying to spy on him!"

"I know Finn. It's okay." Kurt says and now Kurt's hand is on Finn's lower back and he's rubbing it gently.

"He didn't have a dick, Kurt. Just-nothing." Finn says this part slower now, more clearly. He looks at Kurt and sees a look of surprise on Kurt's face but nothing else.

Kurt doesn't say anything else, just looks at Finn and then at the school and then back at Finn. Finally he opens his mouth and says: "You are not going to tell as single soul about this, Finn Hudson. You are going to forget exactly what you saw. You are going to forget you told me. You are going to go home and do your homework and eat dinner with Burt and Carole and nothing about this is going to pass through your lips. CORRECT?" Kurt's voice is intense, angry, and Finn's nodding because Kurt's fucking scary.

"But-"

"Not a word, Finn Hudson. NOT A WORD." Kurt takes a deep breath. Finn stares at him because he's never seen Kurt like that; never seen him so scary.

"You can choose the radio station on the way home, if you want." And now Kurt's voice is normal, like he hasn't just spent the past five minutes scaring the ever loving shit out of Finn.

"Alright." Finn agrees mildly.

"And Finn?" Kurt says. Finn looks at him expectantly. "I know where you sleep at night. Whatever you think you saw, that's Sam's secret and it's obviously an important one. If you don't want to end up castrated you will keep your mouth shut. You might be my brother but this-" Kurt makes a slitting motion across his throat. "If you fuck this up for Sam, I swear I will never forgive you."

Finn gulps. He pushes the power button on the radio once and the car is suddenly quiet. He looks out the window so he doesn't have to see Kurt's reaction to what he's about to say. "Can I ask a question at least?"

Kurt sighs and then pulls over to the side of the road. "What?" And Finn's surprised because he'd thought Kurt would just cut him off again.

"Um," And Finn's nervous because what he's about to say isn't *right* but he doesn't know how else to say it, either. "What is he?"

Finn looks at Kurt for a second before looking out the window. He's staring at the trees, has been for at least a minute, when Kurt finally answers. "I don't know. I mean, I suspect he's trans but its not like I've talked to him about it, I didn't know anything until you told me. So, yeah."

"Trans?" Finn asks because he hasn't heard that word before, doesn't know what it is.

"Yeah." Kurt sighs. "Transgender." Kurt doesn't say anything for another minute.

Finn stops looking out the window and looks at Kurt instead. "I still don't understand," he says and his voice is shaking a little. "Like, he's a dude but he has a pussy."

"I'm not a fucking expert, Finn!" Kurt yells. "Just-he's Sam. He's a fucking guy and you have to keep *treating* him like a fucking guy and you can't tell anyone that he doesn't have a dick! That's what he is!"

"But he's *NOT* a fucking guy, Kurt! He doesn't have a dick! He's like, a she-he or something."

"He's fucking SAM. The same guy you've known for the past year. This is just-" and Kurt pauses, looks at Finn and Finn looks back at him and the anger is rolling off of Kurt in waves. Finn's almost shocked at how angry he is, he's pretty sure he's never seen Kurt this angry before. "This is just icing, Finn. Okay, it's just icing. You like cupcakes, right? And they're tasty and delicious and yeah, they're better with icing but if they don't have icing you'd still eat it, right?"

Finn nods, uncertain where Kurt is going with this.

"So, a cupcake is still a cupcake even if it doesn't have icing. Yes, it tastes better with icing but its not a requirement. And just-Sam's still a cupcake, okay? He just doesn't necessarily have icing."

Finn's pretty sure that's the most ridiculous thing he's ever heard but he thinks he kind of gets what Kurt's saying. A little.

"But Finn-" Kurt's looking at him, really intensely. "You know how people want to hurt me because I'm gay? It'd be worse for Sam if anybody found out. Much worse. Like, he could get killed worse."

Finn stares at Kurt, the words not processing in his brain. "Killed?"

"Finn, Kurofsky wanted to kill me because I want to kiss boys. What do you think he'd do if he knew about Sam?"

"Oh." Finn's quiet because that thought is more than a little scary.

Kurt doesn't say anything, just pulls out from the curb and continues to drive home. He doesn't turn on the radio, and Finn doesn't even notice.