Disclaimer: I own Harry Potter and Alan Rickman…tehehehehehe… (run's into a door frame). Sorry JKR owns Harry Potter and, as far as I know, Alan Rickman is owned by himself… and his girlfriend of course.
Author's Note: This just came out of the blue when I was watching T.V.
Hurt isn't just for you
Harry had been so preoccupied with his own emotional pain that he didn't bother to take any notice of anyone else around him anymore. Dumbledore had decided that the Dursley's home was no longer safe enough and so Harry was made to spend his summer in his dead godfather's house. It was now nearing the end of July and he had barely moved from the study, except to go to bed, let alone talk to anybody.
The first time Snape had seen him at the start of the summer in Grimmauld Place, he has just sneered at him, not that Harry had even noticed.
The second time Snape was in the study looking for an amulet of some sort. His was in a hurry and was getting a bit frantic. The only place left to look was the bookcase behind the chair Potter was sitting in. And the boy wasn't even paying attention to him!
"Potter. Either help me search for it or go somewhere else. Either way you're going to have to move." He gave up and pushed the chair out of the way with Harry still in it. Snape was muttering to himself until he finally found what he was looking for and stormed out without a word to Harry. Again Harry didn't notice.
This happened a number of time until the end of July when Harry was once again moping about in Grimmauld Place when Snape came into the study looking for Dumbledore, who had been spending a time with Harry whenever he could.
"Potter, where can I find the Headmaster?"
Harry didn't seem to hear and Snape had no patience at the moment.
"Potter," Snape snapped at him. "What are you doing?"
"Nothing, Sir," Harry sniffed. He couldn't be bothered to hide that he was hurting – badly – because of his godfather's death.
"Precisely. You should be studying or training not moping about over Black!"
"Sir, I don't feel like studying right now. And I don't want to train."
"Tough luck Potter. I don't feel like visiting Voldemort regularly for information. Nor do I want to come back with considerably less blood in my body. They are the cards we are dealt, however, and we must continue with what needs to be done," the Potions Master said firmly.
Harry stared at him. He hadn't noticed that Snape was bleeding heavily with hearty bruises on his face and judging from the ripped robes, most of the rest of his body until then. In fact Harry hadn't noticed anything about anything until just then.
"I'm doing what I need to do, Professor. I'm mourning the loss of a loved one. I'm truly sorry if you've never felt loss. You probably have never had a loved one to loose anyway," Harry spat.
Snape's eyes flashed. He walked quickly to where Harry sat and, with his hands resting on the arms of Harry's chair, he brought himself to Harry's eye-level with his face close.
"Are you so self involved that you think you're the only one to ever loose someone close or do you enjoy the ignorance of believing that I've never had someone close to loose?" he snarled. "Or are you as selfish as I always thought you to be, thinking that your feelings are the only that matter?"
Snape stood up and stared at him. When Harry just stared back with a hard expression Snape sneered. "I thought so. You'll always be selfish and self involved." With that he walked out. He decided to stay for the night considering they were out of Floo Powder and his was too weak to apparatus (A/N: Could somebody please tell me how to spell that properly?) back to Hogwarts. The dimwits in the house had also failed to inform him that they were out of healing potions so he could brew more. This meant a very uncomfortable night for him.
'At least I can shower' Snape though bitingly.
Meanwhile Harry thought about his encounter with Snape. He had to apologise. He wasn't exactly sure if it was guilt making him do it or the fact that Snape would give him an even harder time at school then before.
Whatever it was, he had to do it. 'I wonder if Snape even stayed her,' he thought.
Harry went to see if he was in the kitchen. Snape wasn't but Mrs Weasley was.
"Harry?" she asked, surprised. "Is there anything I can get you? A drink? Dinner? Some tea?"
"No thanks Mrs Weasley. I was just wondering if Professor Snape is still here?"
"Professor Snape?" she asked. She didn't know if Harry had already Severus when he came in. He was in pretty bad shape and Mrs Weasley wasn't exactly sure if he would appreciate Harry seeing him like that.
"Yeah. I saw him a while ago and I need to ask him something."
"Yes he's still here. I think he stays in one of the third floor rooms."
"Thanks Mrs Weasley." Harry was about to go find his professor when Mrs Weasley spoke up again.
"Did you actually see him when he came in?"
"Yes," Harry answered.
"Well, all things considered, I think you should give him at least a few more minutes to fix himself up."
"Okay. I'll go back to the study for a bit."
"Are you sure you don't want any tea?" she enquired.
"I'm sure. Thanks anyway."
Harry sat in the study for ten minutes before heading to the third floor.
He knocked at the first door. "Professor Snape?" he called. He saw no harm in checking when there was no answer. He opened the door but nobody was in the room.
Harry repeated this with three other doors until he saw someone a room.
"Professor?" he whispered nervously.
Snape got out of the shower and wrapped a towel around his waist. He sat on a chair and examined his wounds and began to cover them with bandages now that they were cleaned out. Tears started streaming down his face in pain. This pain was not physical though. The emotional pain he was feeling was far worse then the cuts and bruises he had.
A minute or two later he heard Harry called his name. He decided that if he ignored it, the boy would go away.
This didn't happed however. The door opened and Snape froze. He hadn't locked it with magic as he was too weak and now the brat would see him like this.
"Professor?" he heard Harry repeat nervously.
Deciding that the boy would not simply go away he answered. "What do you want, Potter? Come to tell me I have no heart and should suffer like you have."
"No, Sir." He walked into the room and closed the door behind him.
'The nerve' Snape thought angrily. It was fortunate that the room was dark because Harry couldn't see him from where he was standing. Unfortunately Harry walked right up to him.
"I came to apologise." He stopped when he seen his Potion Master's tear streaked face and open wounds that the towel did not cover. Snape was still struggling to tie the bandages on his right arm. Harry reached over to help but the older man backed away. "I can help, Sir," he stated simply. When he reached over again the man did not back away. When all the wounds were covered, Harry went in search for some of Professor Snape's clothes, since he could barely get out of the chair. When Snape was dressed Harry helped him to the couch. Snape accepted his help grudgingly.
When they were both seated Snape spoke up. "So where is this apology that you came to give."
Harry gave a small smile. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to insinuate that you never felt loss. Or that you were heartless. Your tears when I came in were evidence enough to show that you do feel pain."
Snape said nothing, having no defence to Harry having seen his tears.
"I was just hurting," Harry continued. "I still am. Sirius was the closest thing I had to a parent. I knew him for only two years but I was close to him."
Snape nodded. "I know," he whispered. "So was I."
"What? You and Sirius were friends?" Harry asked, shocked.
"If you must know, Potter, we were more then friends when he died." Snape closed his eyes and turned so Harry couldn't see his face.
"I'm so sorry. I had no idea," Harry was apologising.
"No one did… Except Remus." Snape sighed. "So you see Potter. You aren't the only one who feels the loss of Sirius. Many, many people miss him, including me. Everyone was trying to help you but you shut them out. Keep that up and there will be no one left to shut out."
"I'm sorry Professor!"
"Don't apologise to me again. I think you should be apologising to everyone else you shut out and snapped at. I believe Remus is in his room here and Molly is downstairs. You can start with them," Snape ordered.
Harry smiled and nodded as he got up.
"And Potter," he called as Harry reached the door.
"This conversation is not to go any further than the two of us or you will be punished severely!"
"Yes, Sir."
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