Not sure about this one. Hard to write something with so many characters crammed in – so it feels a little wishy-washy as a result. Urrrr, but I thought I may as well publish it anyway.

I've called Cheryl's mum 'Maggie', but I just made that up. It starts in Ste's POV, and then switches back and forth between his and Brendan's. Should be straightforward enough, I hope.

Ste and Brendan are a couple, and the Brady's have come over for Christmas…

XOX

He's nervous as he tucks the shirt he's wearing haphazardly into his jeans. His fingers are a little shaky, and heart beating a little faster than usual. He's not sure what to expect. Brendan's family… they've always been somewhat an enigma to him. A force that intimidates him somewhat.

Brendan is nervous too, he can tell. Not that he's said anything to confirm that theory.

"Just shut up about it." He'd muttered late last night, as the two settled down to sleep; Ste's head slumped sleepily against Brendan's chest, "I'm sure they'll love ye."

He'd been trying to ease Ste's worry, but still, Ste suspects Brendan has been putting off this meeting for a long time. Lets face it, the last time Ste and Eileen were face-to-face, it hadn't been all smiles and handshakes. And Brendan's family are Irish Catholics… what if they have a problem with Brendan being gay and they're waiting to meet Ste before speaking up about it? What if they hate his guts? What if they think he's common, beneath them, white-trash?

Brendan has bought Ste the outfit he's wearing as an 'early Christmas present'. Just a plain greyish shirt, but it's dead smart and expensive. Brendan's wearing a black shirt, with short sleeves that emphasise his muscles. He looks absolutely amazing, but it worries Ste slightly that he's put so much thought into their outfits for the occasion. Clearly this isn't the casual family get-together that Cheryl tries to paint it out as.

The doorbell rings at about 12:30pm, and Ste hears Cheryl bounding down the stairs. He stays in Brendan's bedroom, checking and re-checking himself in the mirror as he hears the squeals of:

"Mum! Ahhhh, it's so amazing to see you! How ARE you?!"

"Oh Cheryl love, don't you look beautiful?! Oooh, crackin' place you've got here!"

A few other voices too. One of them is Brendan's as he greets the guests, but Ste can't make out the others over Cheryl's loudness. Her mum seems just as exaggerated and joyful. Perhaps she'll be nice… perhaps she'll be like Cheryl… easy to get along with…

Ste chooses them moment to leave the bedroom and stands awkwardly in the kitchen, watching the family reunion. Behind Cheryl's mother is Declan, who Brendan has embraced intensely. Behind Declan is Eileen, with a younger boy wrapped under her arm who must be Padraig. There's a man in a suit with his hand on Eileen's back… he must be her boyfriend. And behind him… the man who makes Ste's stomach knot nervously… Brendan's father.

"Oh! Oh, mum, this is Ste!" Cheryl suddenly chimes. She rushes forward towards him and Ste feels himself being pushed eagerly forward into Maggie, Cheryl's mum. "This is who I was telling you about!"

"Hi Ste." Maggie looks him up and down. Ste can't really tell what she's thinking and swallows nervously. "Cheryl tells me you're a cook?"

"Oh, um… yeah. I got a deli… just round the corner." He stammers back.

Over Maggie's shoulder, Ste watches as Brendan comes face-to-face with his father, Seamus, and it only serves to make his stomach knot even tighter. He and Brendan have talked about this – over and over. They agreed Brendan would be on his best behaviour… today is about making Cheryl happy and integrating Ste into the Brady family, properly. It's not about stirring up trouble.

"Oh that's grand." Maggie chimes, "So no burnt spuds this Christmas then, eh?!"

"Mm, Ste's been showin' me these recipes that he's gonna be serving up Christmas eve, and they look amazing!" Cheryl gushes, "Ste, you'll have to show mum – dead impressive!"

Ste can barely hear what Cheryl's staying as his eyes remain fixed on Brendan. With the family moving away from Brendan and into the kitchen, Ste sees his façade fall slightly – his eyes gloss over momentarily, almost too quickly for anybody to see. Then he stiffens himself up again, smoothes down his moustache, straightens his own collar.

Ste's so busy watching Brendan, he barely notices that Cheryl is still talking. Not only that, but Eileen has joined the rally around him. He blinks. Remembers he's supposed to be making a good impression…

"Hiya…" he addresses Eileen uncertainly.

"Didn't realise you would be here." Eileen states bluntly.

"Oh, did Brendan not tell you?" Cheryl asks, "Oh yeah – Ste practically lives here now, don't you love?"

"Well…" Ste feels his face going red, "Kind of. Sometimes, yeah."

And then a low Irish drawl from behind him as Brendan swoops in, and his hand reaches up to Ste's shoulder and squeezes it tightly.

"Steven's the chef behind this whole operation, Eileen, so play nice, yeah?"

Ste feels his breathing slow slightly; relieved. He feels stronger with Brendan here – less exposed and vulnerable and out-of-place. Even as Eileen's eyes trail over him with dislike. Even when he feels Seamus's eyes boring into him from his predatory position in the kitchen…

"Um… I made some sort of snack things, actually." Ste mutters, "I'll bring 'em all over…"

"Yeah, come on everyone – sit down!" Cheryl bustles excitedly, "We have got SO MUCH to catch up on!"

As Seamus follows Cheryl into the living room, his shoulder pushes against Ste's slightly, and Ste feels a shiver cross his spine. He feels the way Seamus's presence holds the room – same way Brendan's does, but different. This is the man that hit Brendan… that caused him pain. Now he's sat on Brendan's sofa, casual and unremorseful as you like, chuckling away at Cheryl's story. He watches his daughter with adoration in his eyes; like the sun shines out of her. He has barely looked Brendan's way once.

"Are you alright?" Ste mutters, noticing that Brendan is watching his father with the same scrutiny.

Brendan blinks out of it, turns back to Ste, and says plainly "Told ye they'd like you."

"Err… what gives ya that impression? Didn't look like it to me."

"Ignore Eileen; she's always been a cow."

"Brendan!"

"Jus' keep doing what you're doin'. We'll get through it."

Even as he says it, Brendan takes an extra large swig of whisky. Ste hadn't even seen him pour the glass… but it's a little early for that kind of liquor. Still, he says nothing. He grabs some of the plates he prepared last night – they're filled with all of the deli's most posh snacks and tasters. He takes them into the living room, where the female Brady's all cackle and shout excitedly over one another. He lays them down on the table, and squeezes on the edge of the sofa, leg pressed against Brendan's for comfort. He tries to ignore how tense Brendan's body feels against his own, and the way he and Seamus stare at each other with hatred that crackles coldly in the surroundings.

XOX

Brendan can barely hear what his family are saying for most of the evening. They all gossip and chatter among themselves – only ever including Steven in their conversations when Cheryl purposefully involves him. Steven, for his part, does his best to laugh along with their inside jokes that he doesn't understand. He does his best to answer their passive aggressive questions with politeness that doesn't quite suit him.

"Got Brendan well and truly under the thumb have ye?" Eileen asks.

"Er… well someone's got to, ain't they?" Ste attempts to joke back to a frosty reception.

"You're not spending Christmas with your own family then?" Maggie asks.

"Um, well, my kids are in Manchester. Me and Bren are gonna go up there on Boxing Day, spend the day with 'em."

"Ste is a part of the family here." Cheryl saves him, "Best brother-in-law a girl could ask for. Well… you know… not technically my brother-in-law yet but…"

Their voices fade in and out of focus for Brendan. He's angry that his family haven't accepted Steven with the willingness Steven needs from them. He's embarrassed on Steven's behalf that he has to keep answering for himself. He's angry at himself for not stepping in more…

But the reason behind that is he can't concentrate. Not with his father here. He thought he'd be okay. He'd got himself worked up and worked up for this day – knowing for a good month that it was coming. Both Cheryl and Steven know full well that Brendan and Seamus don't get along, and they've been understanding of it, but neither of them know the full truth. He couldn't put either of them through that – the sickness and anguish of it.

He'd thought he'd be okay, but he isn't. He can feel his heart hammering, his palms sweating, his throat constricting, his fists clenching. He hates and loathes that man more than he ever felt possible – and yet there is nothing he can do about it. Everybody else here loves him. He's Cheryl's hero. The boys respect him. Maggie – for all the shit she puts up with from him – still for some reason loves him. None of them know. None of them know what he did. What a monster he is. How he destroyed Brendan, and how long it took for Brendan to build himself back together bit by bit, and mostly thanks to Steven, who they are now shunning.

He gulps back another glass of whisky.

At around 4:00pm, Declan asks Steven outside for a kickabout. Aside from Cheryl, he's the only one giving Steven the time of day – and Brendan's proud of him for it. Steven goes out with obvious relief and willingness, and Brendan watches through the kitchen window as he, Declan and Padraig kick the ball between each other, taking turns to go in goal and taking turns to take penalties.

"Cheryl says he makes you happy."

Brendan turns and faces Maggie, who's bringing some dirty plates over to the dish-washer. Seamus stands only centimetres behind her, also gazing out of the window at them. Brendan feels his heart-rate quicken.

"You could try giving him more of a chance then." He says quietly. He doesn't take his eyes of Seamus for a second.

"That's exactly what I am doing!" Maggie protests, "It's nice… seeing you with someone. Even if it is a … lad."

Brendan's teeth clench. His fingernails dig into his flesh as he clenches them inside his pockets; his muscles visibly flexing.

"Bit young for you, isn't he?" Seamus drawls.

Ignore it, a voice says in Brendan's head. Steven's voice – from those dark nights they'd spent together when Brendan had openly fretted about his fathers arrival. Ignore it, count to ten, don't let them get to you. Please.

"He's legal." Brendan hisses pointedly, barely audible, suppressing emotions.

Seamus shrugs. "Seems like a sweet enough lad. Responsive. I like that in a man."

"Don't push me." Brendan whispers, venom clear in his tone, moving up in his fathers face, eyes bulging. Anything to get Seamus's eyes off Steven and his boys in the garden. Anything to stop him talking about him. Steven's name should never come off of Seamus's lips – he should never breathe a word about him. Brendan had never wanted the two of them to meet – never.

He squares up to his father; neither one of them taking their eyes off the other – they size each other up. They've been here before. Seven years ago… when Brendan punched his father square in the face. Deep down, he knows it's all bravado. He's old enough now to have mastered intimidation and threat… but when it comes to his father, that's not what he really feels. If he truly truly thought about it deeply enough – he'd admit to being scared. Terrified even. A thin line of sweat layers his skin at all times, and it's not the anger – and that's the worst thing about all of this.

How can he protect Steven from the toxic aura of this man, if he can't even cope with it himself? This man shouldn't even be sharing the same air as Steven.

"Brendan," Maggie sighs, "Calm down, come on."

She doesn't see Brendan's hatred for her husband as any more than petty father/son rivalry. Stupid, ignorant woman. Brendan doesn't know whether to hate her or pity her. In actual fact, he feels a strange fondness for her he can't bring himself understand. He supposes it's because she bought Cheryl into the world.

"All he's saying is, we like your boyfriend – okay? We'll give him a chance."

Brendan blinks, backing away from his father, taking a deep breath. "Steven's not here for your approval." He says sharply. "He's here cos I want him to be here."

"Oh, I can't win!" Maggie exclaims, exasperated, "Stay on your defensive if you want, Brendan – I'm here for a relaxing Christmas, okay?!"

And with that, she struts away. So like Cheryl in many ways. Like all the Brady women; feisty, short-tempered, self-righteous.

Seamus is still looking out the window at them.

"He's got a funny way of talking, that queer of yours." He says matter-of-factly, as if he's embarking on shamelessly casual conversation.

"Shut the fuck up." Brendan hisses under his breath. He draws close to his fathers ear, and threatens lowly, "If you so much as contaminate the air around him, I will kill ye – do you understand me?"

Seamus laughs lowly, keeping still so as not to draw attention from the rest of the family.

"Whatever you say, Brendan."

He says it with such ease, such lack of emotion. He's not affected by Brendan's words in the slightest. He's not afraid of him. To him, Brendan will always be the child that cowered in fear… the child he beat the tears out of, the child he covered the mouth of. The child he destroyed, and mocked for it afterwards.

Brendan feels like that child now.

XOX

"Brendan?"

Ste crouches on the bed… looking into the vacant expression of his lover.

He'd returned from the football game to find Brendan nowhere to be seen. Cheryl and the rest of the Brady's seemed not even to have noticed his absence. Ste wonders how long he's been here… sat here like this, not moving… just staring straight ahead of him.

"Brendan?" He croaks again, growing worried. "Hey… speak to me."

Brendan blinks slowly, he turns his head to meet the wide blue concerned eyes that belong to the lad he loves.

"What time is it?" He asks.

Ste swallows, "About 6:00."

"D'you know when they're leavin'?"

"Not for a while, I don't think. Cheryl just got champagne out."

"That champagne was supposed to be for tomorrow." Brendan's voice is flat. Monotone and robotic – like he's not really feeling.

"Brendan, are you alright?"

"I told her – that's the expensive one. It's for tomorrow, not today."

"Brendan, forget the champagne." Ste urges, shuffling towards Brendan on the bed. "You're scarin' me."

Brendan sighs, and pulls Ste against him. As Ste's head rests against Brendan's chest, he can feel his heart beating fast. He can feel the small yet distinctive tremble of his body.

"What's the matter?" Ste whispers. Hushed. Intimate. "Tell me."

"Did you win the football game?"

"Brendan…"

"No offence, but it looked like Padraig was kicking your arse."

Ste pulls away from him and looks Brendan dead in the eye. He's at a loss. Brendan is notoriously difficult, but now Ste feels completely devoid of any idea of how to deal with this. More than anything, he wants to Brady's to leave. He doesn't like to see Brendan like this… can't stand it. And he so wanted this Christmas to be perfect. Their first Christmas as a proper couple.

He leans forward, and presses his lips against Brendan's – soft, yet firm. Assuring. He pulls back and presses his forehead against Brendan's, and whispers "I love you" because he feels Brendan needs to hear it.

Brendan sighs. The colour seems to be coming back to him… the soul returning and replacing the coldness that marked his eyes just moments ago.

"Thanks for bein' here." He murmurs; genuine and open for just a minute.

"We can leave if you want." Ste says, "If you want we could… we could get a hotel couldn't we? Spend Christmas just you and me?"

"I need to be with the boys."

Ste nods, understanding. "We could just go to bed now though, couldn't we?"

Truth be told, Ste doesn't want to go back out there. Declan and Padraig are fine – but there rest make him feel uncomfortable. Eileen with her sarky remarks and Maggie with her dismissive attitude towards him. Eileen's boyfriend responds to any of Ste's questions with a mere grunt and Seamus… Ste doesn't like the looks he's getting from him. He wouldn't dare tell Brendan so though… not right now.

"Yeah." Brendan breathes, "Yeah… lets go to bed."

"You look knackered." Ste kicks his shoes off gratefully, pulls his jumper up over his head.

He's not expecting it when Brendan pulls him half across the bed. Before he knows it, Brendan's lips are full on his neck, his hands snaking up the inside of the grey expensive shirt. Ste responds to him immediately, as he always does with Brendan - even back in the days where he tried his upmost not to. He pulls Brendan's shirt over his head, kisses his lips, his moustache, his neck, collarbone, chest.

Brendan lays him back on the bed, and his lips are everywhere. Ste feels his own breath hitching, the sensations tingling underneath his skin, and he bites down on his lip to stop himself crying out – that's the last thing the Brady's need to hear.

His trousers are pulled off him and discarded on the floor, and their bodies are pressed together, rocking against each other, preparing each other. As Brendan pushes inside, his tongue enters Ste's mouth – muffling any noises Brendan pre-empts him making.

Ste's eyes are clasped shut as he concentrates on not shouting out; breathing deeply with the efforts as Brendan fills him. It feels amazing. Skin against skin, sweat against sweat, Brendan's hands in his hair as if he's cradling him away from the whole world. It's intense and hot, but it's intimate… Ste's hands clasp to Brendan's back and his legs fold tightly around his waist; keeping him closer and closer – as though they can never be close enough.

It isolates them from the goings-on outside the bedroom; makes them forget completely as they loose themselves in the sensations.

Until the sound of laughter fills their ears. Light and effortless laughter, which echoes from just outside the bedroom – the sounds of Cheryl and Seamus doing the washing up together.

Ste feels Brendan immediately tense and still above him. He glances upwards, and sees Brendan staring into the distance, his eyes wide… almost wild.

Ste reaches his hand up and strokes Brendan's cheek tenderly. His fingers shake slightly as he does so… he doesn't know whether it's from the sex or a symptom of the fear he's suddenly feeling now.

"B…Brendan?" He whispers softly.

Seamus and Cheryl are talking outside the door – her voice loud and enthusiastic, his is low and full of confidence. All Ste can hear now is them. Them, and the sounds of his own heart hammering nervously.

"Brendan?"

Brendan blinks out of his daze. He glances back down at Ste beneath him… he seems to remember where he is. He pushes his mouth hard against Ste's and drives his tongue inside. He starts to thrust again… but it's not the same… it's not natural, it's desperate.

"Are you okay?" Ste whispers, his voice strained as he tries not to react to the build up of sensations.

"Yeah." Brendan breathes. But he's not. He's not even looking at Ste much anymore; he's looking dazed into his shoulder, and he's driving into him with concentration he's never had to exercise before, and Ste doesn't like it…

"Wait, stop a sec…" But his voice is drowned out by a particularly loud burst of laughter from outside the door; Seamus's tones ringing through both their ears.

And Brendan's nails are digging hard into the skin of Ste's neck. Harder and harder, as Brendan's eyes clench tighter and tighter shut, and it's like he's losing it, pounding into him without feel or emotion, and Ste knows he can't get through to him…

"Brendan," he croaks. And Ste finds he's struggling to breathe with the surreal and scary mixture of pleasure, pain, fear, concern. He feels like Brendan is drifting further and further from him, quicker than he can comprehend in his current state, and the pain in his neck worsens as Brendan's grip tightens, "BRENDAN!"

Brendan starts. He blinks… and it's like before his eyes, Ste sees his mind return… Brendan's spirit return to the room. His grip on Ste's neck immediately slackens, and he pulls out… separating himself immediately.

Ste doesn't want that either… he feels cold from the lack of contact. His body literally shivers as he stares into the horrified and scared expression of his lover. He's never seen him look so scared. It petrifies him.

"Brendan, what's wron…"

"I'm sorry." Brendan looks sick. Completely pale and disgusted in himself.

"No, it's alright." Ste croaks sincerely. He hurries towards Brendan, cradling his face in his hands, "It's alright…"

"Shit, I'm sorry. I didn't… I didn't mean to…"

"Shh. You didn't do anythin' wrong..." Ste soothes, his heart hammering uncomfortably as he stares into Brendan's openly traumatised eyes. "Please tell me what's wrong."

"I'm sorry."

"You've got nothin' to be sorry for…"

"You should sleep now."

Brendan is climbing out of the bed. Moving away, putting his clothes on…

"Come back to bed." Ste pleads, but he already knows it's useless. Brendan looks like a caged animal… like his thoughts are the prison bars rattling inside of him. Ste knows instantly that he's leaving, and that he won't come back tonight, and that he'll fight whatever it is that's inside of him alone, because he doesn't want Ste to be dragged down with him.

"Please!" He sniffs, regardless.

"Go to sleep." Brendan says again. His voice is croaky and dry and barely audible.

When Brendan pulls open the bedroom door, Ste catches a brief glimpse of Cheryl and Seamus in the kitchen. Brendan pulls the bedroom door shut behind him, concealing Ste from their eyeline. But even so, Seamus catches a glimpse. As Ste wraps the bed-covers self-consciously around his naked body, he swears that Seamus's eyes PIERCE into his own – even just for that tiny second they're within eyeshot.

It's long enough to make Ste feel sick to the stomach. He feels his own body rocking; dizzy, reeling, shocked. He doesn't know what just happened with Brendan, but he's shaken from it. His fingers tremble as he reaches down for his boxers. He figures what he's feeling now is only an inkling of what Brendan is feeling… and in his gut he knows it's because of that man. He knows there's more to this than what Brendan originally had him believe.