AUTHOR'S NOTE:
The following is a somewhat ascerbically toned letter from Arthur Weasley to his wife moments before his (self-inflicted) demise. I realize that he may seem TOTALLY OOC to those of you who read my humble little offering made here, but I thought (at the time of writing) that it would be really interesting to speculate as to what this seemingly mild-mannered man would have to say if, one day, he just finally snapped....hope it gives you a bit of a sardonic giggle...
DISCLAIMER: I own nothing.
Dearest Molly,
I don't know if you'll even find this...hell, I don't know that you'd even really care if you did. I'm just the guy that brings home the pay-cheque after all, that you've managed to have a few kids with over the years....
A 'few' kids—ha! That's a joke! I just had to go and pick the most insatiable woman in all of wizardom for a wife, now didn't I? If only I could have finally figured out the great mysteries underlying that wonderful Muggle thing called 'ekeltricity'—then maybe we could have brought something called a 'telly-fission' into the house and you would have finally left me alone...
But back to the kids now, eh? Because you don't really want to be on the receiving end of this all alone now do ya'? I thought not, so let's start with Bill:
Tell me, oh wife (soon-to-be-widow) of mine, who's the adult parent here—you or him? Sure the pony-tail is kind of cool and makes him a bit of a magnet for the affections of the ladies, but sweet Merlin woman! Do you REALLY want him to end up like me? Trapped at too young an age in a marriage as rife with rocky pitfalls as ours has been? Next time you see that boy, do everyone concerned a favor: tie that little nancy-boy down and cut the blasted thing off (and YES woman—I'm referring to the PONY-TAIL!!)!
Now on to the others: Charlie we just won't spend too much time on—he never really was a favorite son of mine and he's got his work and traveling to occupy him, so he'll be out of our (I mean 'your') hair for a good long while yet and presents no immediate cause for concern...
Percy—now that's a slightly different story there. Definetly marching to the beat of his own drummer that one, isn't he? Are you ABSOLUTELY sure they gave you the right kid when they handed him over to you in the hospital? Never really seemed to fit in at all (a point on which I can somewhat relate) and the sooner he just 'comes out' and admits to his love for Voldemort and shags the Dark Lord senseless, the better off I think all of us (I mean 'you') will finally be.
Fred and George—or 'Gred and Feorge' as I know they like to call themselves. I honestly believed you were trying to do me in BACK THEN woman, the day we found out about the twins. But then we brought these little hellions home and I have to say here at the last that, despite all the trouble and mischief they've caused over the years, they were actually worth it...I will miss those little mayhem makers dearly.
And then there's Ron—the whiny, ungrateful little prat. Though I suppose he's acquired those qualities from you darling...after all, I know that I don't like being poor! You no longer have the excuse of 'having to be there for the kids' to fall back upon anymore, Molly—in case you haven't noticed, they've all finished with school (or nearly) now and have lives that are somewhat their own (even if they do still insist on foisting themselves upon us randomly and periodically)...so on that note I must ask you here dear, would it have killed you, Molly-love, at any point of our mutual travesty of a life and marriage, to have gotten off of your rather overly- large ass and at least gone LOOKING for a damn job?
In closing, as to Ginny—well she can bloody well GO AHEAD with her plan to marry Lucius Malfoy's kid when they both finally graduate! And don't YOU dare go crying about it! After all, YOU'RE the one that wanted to keep trying for a girl, remember?!!?
And as it is this last bit which has been the final straw to break my figurative camel's back, so to speak, I'm off to 'Avada Kedavra' myself...so have a real nice fucking rest of your life without me!
Sincerely,
Arthur Weasley
(the husband and father who just finally couldn't take his family's shite anymore)
The following is a somewhat ascerbically toned letter from Arthur Weasley to his wife moments before his (self-inflicted) demise. I realize that he may seem TOTALLY OOC to those of you who read my humble little offering made here, but I thought (at the time of writing) that it would be really interesting to speculate as to what this seemingly mild-mannered man would have to say if, one day, he just finally snapped....hope it gives you a bit of a sardonic giggle...
DISCLAIMER: I own nothing.
Dearest Molly,
I don't know if you'll even find this...hell, I don't know that you'd even really care if you did. I'm just the guy that brings home the pay-cheque after all, that you've managed to have a few kids with over the years....
A 'few' kids—ha! That's a joke! I just had to go and pick the most insatiable woman in all of wizardom for a wife, now didn't I? If only I could have finally figured out the great mysteries underlying that wonderful Muggle thing called 'ekeltricity'—then maybe we could have brought something called a 'telly-fission' into the house and you would have finally left me alone...
But back to the kids now, eh? Because you don't really want to be on the receiving end of this all alone now do ya'? I thought not, so let's start with Bill:
Tell me, oh wife (soon-to-be-widow) of mine, who's the adult parent here—you or him? Sure the pony-tail is kind of cool and makes him a bit of a magnet for the affections of the ladies, but sweet Merlin woman! Do you REALLY want him to end up like me? Trapped at too young an age in a marriage as rife with rocky pitfalls as ours has been? Next time you see that boy, do everyone concerned a favor: tie that little nancy-boy down and cut the blasted thing off (and YES woman—I'm referring to the PONY-TAIL!!)!
Now on to the others: Charlie we just won't spend too much time on—he never really was a favorite son of mine and he's got his work and traveling to occupy him, so he'll be out of our (I mean 'your') hair for a good long while yet and presents no immediate cause for concern...
Percy—now that's a slightly different story there. Definetly marching to the beat of his own drummer that one, isn't he? Are you ABSOLUTELY sure they gave you the right kid when they handed him over to you in the hospital? Never really seemed to fit in at all (a point on which I can somewhat relate) and the sooner he just 'comes out' and admits to his love for Voldemort and shags the Dark Lord senseless, the better off I think all of us (I mean 'you') will finally be.
Fred and George—or 'Gred and Feorge' as I know they like to call themselves. I honestly believed you were trying to do me in BACK THEN woman, the day we found out about the twins. But then we brought these little hellions home and I have to say here at the last that, despite all the trouble and mischief they've caused over the years, they were actually worth it...I will miss those little mayhem makers dearly.
And then there's Ron—the whiny, ungrateful little prat. Though I suppose he's acquired those qualities from you darling...after all, I know that I don't like being poor! You no longer have the excuse of 'having to be there for the kids' to fall back upon anymore, Molly—in case you haven't noticed, they've all finished with school (or nearly) now and have lives that are somewhat their own (even if they do still insist on foisting themselves upon us randomly and periodically)...so on that note I must ask you here dear, would it have killed you, Molly-love, at any point of our mutual travesty of a life and marriage, to have gotten off of your rather overly- large ass and at least gone LOOKING for a damn job?
In closing, as to Ginny—well she can bloody well GO AHEAD with her plan to marry Lucius Malfoy's kid when they both finally graduate! And don't YOU dare go crying about it! After all, YOU'RE the one that wanted to keep trying for a girl, remember?!!?
And as it is this last bit which has been the final straw to break my figurative camel's back, so to speak, I'm off to 'Avada Kedavra' myself...so have a real nice fucking rest of your life without me!
Sincerely,
Arthur Weasley
(the husband and father who just finally couldn't take his family's shite anymore)
