Silent Night

The first emotion I felt when my systems came back online was relief, relief that I was still alive for another day. Then I felt pride, for a brief second, for saving the Boss Bot from certain demise by Megatron's attack. Then I felt anxiety when I saw the weathered, tired, utterly sad face of Ratchet in Med Bay. Ratchet never wore that expression before not even when Bulkhead destroyed some precious holo-image of his lost love, Arcee or something, or even when I accidently, it really was an accident, melted his favorite scalpel. I looked at my servos, my pedes, legs, and my visible limbs to make sure everything was intact, only some light dents on the legs and servos decorate my frame. So what was wrong with me? Why was Ratchet so sad? Did I have some disease? Did I have some incurable Cosmic Rust? Did Boss Bot get hurt? Did we lose a fragment of the All-Spark to the Decepticons again? Did Ratchet figure out my parentage? Did he find out that I'm a hybrid mech of a former Autobot and a Decepticon? Did he find out I'm Snowfox's sparkling? Will he tell Optimus? Does anyone else know? These questions were in my mind and out of my mouth the second I started to think of them.

"…." The oddest thing was that no words were coming out my mouth even though my lips are moving. I tried again, and again, and again, and again until Ratchet just shakes his head in disappointment before speaking.

"Bumblebee, it's no use. You're mute now." I didn't believe him, I didn't want to! I just kept talking not even caring if the sentences in my mind are even sentences, still no sounds. No sounds, no sounds, no sounds! This was not happening to me, not to me! I need to talk, talking is like my Energon! How am I going to communicate with Sari? Oh, Primus, Sari…..how is she going to react to this? Will she cry? Will she pity me? Will she make Prowl her new best friend? Oh, Prowl, I bet he's happy! He's probably happy that there'll be silence in the base, no more telling me to shut up.

"Bumblebee, what you did was a brave thing. I am sorry that you had to sacrifice so much." Images of the battle flood into my mind. A department store robot was going ballistic and so I and Boss Bot went to investigate, it turned out it was from an All-Spark fragment, so we were going to get it out the bot when Megatron showed up. It was almost hilarious how Megatron mowed through a row of mannequins to get to the fragment, especially when there was some Earth clothes stuck on his huge, grey pedes. He didn't notice me, or recognized me again, and a fight ensued between Boss Bot and Megatron. I was going to back up Boss Bot, but I figured their fight was a perfect way to retrieve the fragment. I was able to get the fragment, but Megatron was only moments away from slicing through Boss Bot's chest, straight into his spark, so I held the fragment as tight as I could and leapt between them. I was shorter than Boss Bot, so it wasn't my chest that Megatron sliced. He slit my neck, he could've decapitated me but he jerked away at the last second, maybe he remembered me or maybe he was surprised…..

"…." I was moving my lips again, but no sound again. I wanted to tell Ratchet to be a grump that he usually is again, I wanted to tell him that everything will be alright, I wanted to tell him that I could live without my voice…what a lie.

"Bumblebee, you'll never get your voice back. I don't have the right equipment for the job here; if we were on Cybertron I could get you a replacement…..but your voice would be like Perceptor's, one without emotions." In other words, I was slagged and mute forever. Life was not going my way and I touch my chest where my spark was located, the Cemetery Iris was still there and alive. My spark's energy was like the sun for it, while my Energon was its water. I was still waiting to be his Queen (or Prince Consort) to this day, even if he stole my voice….

A week passed before I even ventured out of Med Bay, not because I was tired of the depressive gloom of the place, or the hardness of the berth, or the urgings from Sari and my teammates. It was because today was Valentine's Day, day of love for Sari and her fellow organics. I left the Med Bay because no one was there to stop me; everyone was at some publicity ceremony of the day, no one made me go or told me I should go because they knew I didn't want to. They didn't want to upset me in my "delicate" state; they learned that lesson when Bulkhead tried to make me leave Med Bay a few days ago, I screamed silent obscenities to them and tried to electrocute Bulkhead and it was also that day that Ratchet disabled my stingers. I didn't need the stingers where I was planning on heading; all I needed was my fury and spite for the job. I probably needed my voice too, but I could do without. I'll have to without it now, probably for the rest of my life…

I was heading into the forest, close to the Mines where Megatron and his henchmen used to, probably still does, live, I didn't bother to cloak my spark. I wanted them to know, I wanted Megatron to know. Apparently, Megatron knew I was coming because he was casually leaning against the entrance of the mine. He had no weapons not even his twin sabers or laser cannon; it was like he wanted to see him weaponless, my fury didn't abate from that. He was so tall, maybe taller now since it was night and there were no stars out tonight, he seemed to blend into the woodwork of darkness, of evil. He had a casual expression on his face; he was waiting for me to get my tirade over with like he was ignoring the fact that he ruined my vocals. It was like he didn't care, it was like he truly forgotten about me…..I ran to him and began to punch his stomach. He was tall and I was short, he was formidable and I was liable, his plating matches his personality to the key. He didn't stop me, he just let me "beat" on his frame like it was the least I could do for him. I don't know how much time has passed, maybe a minute or an hour, but I was worn out from trying to physically hurt him. I now wanted to emotionally hurt him, if that was possible at all.

"…" All I could do was move my lips at him and peer into his deep red optics. I cursed him, I cursed his father, I cursed his kind, I cursed my father, I cursed my kind, and I cursed him again. I know he can read lips, I watched him in battle once reading the lips of what Blitzwing was telling about our defenses. All I could do was yell, scream, rant, and rave about him and about how much of a monster he was. He wasn't a monster because he slaughtered many Autobots, frequently tried to kill Boss Bot or Sari, or even for nearly destroying Cybertron. No, he was a monster because he forgot about me. He forgot about our promise, he forgot about my father, and he forgot about how I wanted him to save me. Save me from the Pits of an orphanage, save me from the abuse I took at Autobot Boot Camp, save me the embarrassment of being called Bumbler, save me from being forced to work on a Space Bridge, save me from being hurt, and save me from being hurt by him. I even showed my spark to him and the flower still living off my spark.

"I am sorry." Those words could have ended the war peacefully; he could have saved many Cybertronians from death if he said those words early on in the Great Wars. Those words cut my rage, my pain, and my malice straight to my spark. My optics was filled with water, I was going to cry and I did. I buried my horned head into his stomach and wept like a sparkling. I kept crying and crying until I just couldn't cry anymore like the built-up I had for the past week suddenly vanished. Maybe it was the way that he gently hold me, or maybe it was when his rough servo crept into my spark chamber to feel the flower, but I kissed him on the stomach. He then kissed me everywhere and stole another piece of me, he stole my spark. But he gave me something in return this time. He gave me you. He gave me you, my wonderful little sparkling; he gave me the only piece I have of him. My little Cerebros, you may not know your father, but you will know that you were made in love and on the most loving night of the year on Earth. I love you, your father loved you, and that's all that you need for now…but maybe some more Energon to hush your hungry whines tonight.