Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi at all.

Clare's POV

"I have survived. I am here. Confused, screwed up, but here. So, how can I find my way? Is there a chain saw of the soul, an ax I can take to my memories or gears?" I'm reading Laurie Anderson's words when fists begin to pound on the other side of my front door. I close Speak and stand hesitantly. My feet begin walking slowly as my mind tells me no.

The knocking stops for a few seconds then something or someone slams in to the door and slides down to the poarch. I realise I have stopped two feet from my destination. Coaxing myself to walk again, I find my shaking courage, and place a hand on the knob. "Protect me lord," I whisper then twist the cold metal with a tug. It swings towards me but nothing is there...

Until I look down.

A lump clad in a soaked black jacket, hood up, sits with their arms wrapped around his or her knees. From the sound of sobs wracking the figures body I can guess this person is a girl. And so, with fear striking my core, I poke my middle and pointer fingers out to tap her shoulder. The rain water sticks to the tips of my fingers and a distraught face turns up to me.

A sharp intake of breath later and I have Cece in my arms. Tears soak through my blouse, as does water from her body. I frantically hover my hands over her not knowing where to touch, "Hunny, whats wrong?" I begin whispering soothing things in Eli's mother's ear trying to get her to speak.

Suddenly, she grabs my hand tightly, looks straight in my eyes and whispers, "an ambulance Claare, call an ambulance." That's when I notice them. The cuts scattering her face, the blood dripping from them. It hits me, hard, harder than a hammer could. Eli and Cece were on their way to dinner. He was going to discuss job options with her. But, why would Cece be here with out him? Why would she be bleeding?

I fall away from Cece, something escapes my lips, and I feel my head hit the floor. The world goes black and I am alone in a dark corner of my brain. A part I never wanted to be in. There's no one here. No Eli. No Cece. No god. Just me and the cold grip of death that I am some how convinced has slammed down on Eli's head.

Many hours later...

The clock on the wall states that it's two in the morning but the lights in this room beg to differ. There's an I.V in my arm, a bag with a clear liquid attached to a poll, and a glowing red button with HELP written in white. I don't know what it's for. Do I push it when I wake up because I need help knowing why I'm here? Or is it only for emergencies?

Why in the world am I here? My mind repeats this over and over. I'm refusing the answer to enter.

Click

Quickly, I throw my head towards the sound and squint. The sharp movement, along with these god awful lights, throw splinters throw my mind. "Aah, you're awake!" A women's voice says just as my eyes focus on her. Red stained lips shine in front of porcelain white teeth. Her brown eyes sparkle down to her chart and a peice of blonde hair falls from behind her ear. I note that she has small wrinkles but still looks fairly young. She writes for a long minute before walking to the liquid bag. Next, she looks back at her chart and writes again.

I find my voice, "Excuse me ma'am, but, why am I here?"

Her smile, which departed as she walked toward my bag, returns once again. "Well hun, you passed out!" The happiness, it's fake, I can hear it. She's leaving something out. I need to know what because I'm alomst positive it's the answer to my question.

"I did? Why?"

"Oh, you know..." Her voice trails off.

"Oh, no, I don't know. I'm pretty sure, how ever, that it's your job to tell me." My patients grows weary which surprises me. I'm usually so good with people, but this woman, she knows something about me that not even I know and it's time for her to tell me.

"Well hunny, it is the Doctor's job to tell you, not mine. You're gonna have to wait for him." She twangs away about something else but I've zoned out. I don't even care. All I know is that country accent of hers, the one I hadn't even noticed before, sounds familiar. It probably isn't but that doesn't matter. It unsettles me, waiting, that is.

When a knock sounds at the door I decide that I obviously wont be waiting for long. "Come on in," the nurse twangs. A beautiful man in a white coat slides through with a twist of the knob and walks to shake my hand. Only, I do not offer mine back. I study his face, it's chisled with a dimpled chin. His hair is dark black and sways as he walks, his eyes are a startling green color. His brows seem to be plucked. Peculiar. A man who cares so much about how he looks.

"Your nurse has refused to tell me why I am here. I assume you're going to? Like, now." He is shocked and even a little hurt at my not shaking his hand, perhaps at my remark. I don't care. I don't want to be here and the lights are getting worse and worse. Yet, he takes his time. Pulling his nurse to the side and whispering while reading her chart. She then slips out of the door. Leaving us in the quiet space.

He strides to the sink where a stool is placed. Pulling it closer to my bed he takes a seat, resting one hand on mine. He looks deep in to my eyes and something snaps in me. I don't know what I'm about to hear but I know that I don't want to hear it. I close my eyes and tilt my face toward the ceiling. "What is it doctor?" I whisper.

"Well Clare, do you remember anything before hitting your head?" He asks calmly.

"Honestly? The last thing I remember is reading my book."

"You don't remember Cece coming to your door or talking to her or passing out?"

"I can't say that I do."

"Well, Clare. Earlier tonight Cece came to your home. She was covered in scratches and blood when she asked you to call the ambulance. She says that once she asked for that you sat back, shreiking Eli's name before blacking out. You hit your head pretty hard on the tiled floor." His words swim through my mind and I put everything together, again. I sit up and the world spins. He squeezes my hand, "lye back down Clare. Making yourself dizzy isn't going to help anything."

"So is, is, is Eli? Is he, uh, is Eli..?" I stumble quickly over my words.

"Clare, you know the answer to that, I know you do."

"No!" I scream. "No he can't be! I don't believe you! Take me to him! Now!"

"Clare! Clare, I can take you to him."

"Then do it! Right now!"

"You don't want to see him in the condition he is in... Clare, he's not going to make it..."

"That doesn't matter right now! Take me to him!" The doctor pushes the help button and I swing my legs over the side of the bed. A nurse breezes through and grabs my silver poll. We walk to the door and a tear slides down my cheek. I use the doctor as a crutch. Together we walk but I am not prepared for what I see when we reach Eli's door.