Title: The Dreadful Life of Ivan Karelin
Synopsis: It sucks to be him.
Rating: K+
A/N: I just like Ivan. He reminds me of myself.
Disclaimer: I don't own Tiger & Bunny, its characters or anything affiliated with it.
…
First, Ivan steps in dog poop. It gets all over his shoes. He really likes the shoes, and they were pretty new, too. He'll have to wear them all day, even though they're disgusting and smell.
Second, his sponsors tell him to go to the weight room to train, but he can only get the weight machine next to Keith. Ivan really likes Keith and is a little happy that he can chat with him, but Keith can lift so much more than Ivan can that Ivan can't help but feel a little bad about himself. And when Ivan starts to feel a little bad about himself, the cycle self-loathing starts up and just makes a mess of things.
Third, Blue Rose—or Karina, to people who she'll actually talk to on a regular basis and not just when she's super bored and there's no one else to have a chat with—comes up to him and tells him all about her new perfume line. It's called 'Icy Rose', which she hates and thinks is stupid, even though it makes perfect sense to Ivan. Ivan wonders if they'll ever name a cologne after him. But he knows they won't. He wonders why Blue Rose is complaining in the first place when such awesome things happen to her without her even wanting them to.
Fourth, he goes out to eat with Keith. The two of them go out to eat a lot, not that Ivan really understands why. Keith is social, good-looking—girls ask him if he'd take a picture with them even when he's not in his suit and they don't know he's Sky High—pleasant and well mannered. Ivan isn't any of those things. Keith is the person in the world that Ivan is most jealous of, and yet he is the only person in the world who seems to think of Ivan as being his friend. Ivan realizes he's a terrible friend and Keith really shouldn't waste his precious time on him. And his hamburger has mayonnaise on it. Ivan hates mayonnaise.
Fifth, Ivan comes home to find that his mother—who he still lives with, as much as he hates it—burned herself on the stove when she was cooking dinner that night. She calls Ivan an ungrateful brat, saying that it's his fault she got burned because he spends all his time as a Hero and can't be bothered to help her fix supper once in awhile. When he reminds her that it was her who forced him into the whole business even when he was so mediocre at it from the beginning, she gets defensive and yells some more. He spaces out and pretends that he can fly away like Keith. He realizes that he can't. While she's on her tirade, Ivan leaves the envelope that contains his salary in it on the table and walks to his room so he can get to sleep because maybe tomorrow will be a little better.
The next day, Ivan wakes-up, gets dressed, goes out and steps in bird poop.
…
The End
