Disclaimer: The Harry Potter franchise belongs to J.K. Rowling.
A/N: This will be a series of one-shots revolving around Severus and Lily, beginning at Hogwarts and continuing throughout their lives, touching on important moments in their relationship. The story will not stray too far from the books (or the movies, for that matter), and will be written from Severus' point of view. Enjoy and review!
The Breaking of a Heart
Chapter 1
The Initial Shatter
Don't want to reach for me, do you?
I mean nothing to you
The little things give you away
"Little Things Give You Away" - Linkin Park
The stars twinkled in the inky night, their reflections dancing in the rippling lake. A round, silver moon shone brilliantly from its position in the sky, both illuminating and casting shadow on everything beneath it. The fleet of little wooden boats glided silently along, slicing through the waters. It was quiet, eerily so. Not a sound could be heard, save for the odd whispered conversation breaking out amongst the students, or the splash of a gentle wave lapping the side of the boats in which they resided.
Severus leaned over the edge of his vessel, peering down into the depths of the black waters, his long, dark hair falling into his eyes. He frowned slightly, disappointed; all he could see was his own silhouette, a shadow cast by the moon above. He quickly recoiled as the boat lurched, changing direction as it rounded a bend as though an invisible string pulled it onwards. He was seating himself back safely on the wooden bench when he felt a small tug on his arm.
"Sev, look!" whispered Lily, her voice hushed in awe. Similar gasps and cries began to echo around the lake as the boats glided further around the curve. Severus followed her gaze, looking up just as a magnificent castle came into view. Its turrets and towers pierced the moonlit heavens, and a warm, inviting glow pulsed through the rows of windows lining the stone walls. It loomed nearer and nearer as the boats approached the rocky cliff on which it was perched.
A faint sensation tickled his senses, and as Severus concentrated he recognized the familiar thrum of magic. The place was alive with it, he thought, awestruck. The magic was entwined with the castle, with the grounds, with the very air he breathed. This place was magic. He was magic. Severus was beginning to feel, for the first time in his life, that he belonged. Could this finally be a place he could call home?
Severus looked over at Lily and drew in a sharp breath. Her emerald eyes were wide with wonder as she stared at the fortress before them, and he could see twinkling twin castles reflected in their depths. So immersed was he in the sight that it was a moment before he realized she was talking to him.
"...almost there." Her eyes flicked to him, and for a moment he saw his own image pooled in the shining orbs. "I'm nervous, Sev. Are you nervous?"
He pressed his lips together in a grim smile. "A little," he admitted, his gaze wandering back to the vast castle towering above them.
"Drew, Elizabeth!"
A small, frightened looking girl with masses of honey-blonde curls pushed her way through the crowd and stumbled up to the stool. Placing the hat gingerly onto her head, she seated herself and waited. There was a pause of several seconds as the hat appeared to think, its brow furrowed and the rip near its brim that Severus assumed to be a mouth pursed in ponder. Then -
"HUFFLEPUFF!"
The table on the right broke out into applause, cheering and clapping enthusiastically as Elizabeth took a seat. An expression of relief washed over her features as the older Hufflepuff students clamored to shake her hand.
"It's odd, isn't it?" whispered Lily from her position beside him as "Ellington, Juliet" went up to be sorted. Her breath tickled his ear. "I mean, it's almost as if it's looking into their minds."
He nodded slowly, but inside a jolt of panic shot though him. He didn't like that idea at all. There were things in his past, and even in his present, that he shared with no one, not even Lily. If he was too scared of what she would think, of what kind, sweet Lily would say, how would a Sorting Hat react? What would it find when it looked into his mind?
"I really hope it puts us both in Slytherin," he muttered, casting an anxious glance in her direction. He needed a reassurance. He needed a friend.
But she was not paying attention. "Sure, Sev," she said vaguely, craning her neck to see where "Ervin, Scott" was placed.
"SLYTHERIN!"
Her eyes followed the tall boy as he went to take a seat amid jeers and applause from the occupants of the table.
And Severus did not like how the corners of her lips turned downwards in a frown.
"Evans, Lily!"
She took a deep breath and stepped through the crowd without so much as a backwards glance. Severus watched as she walked to the stool, placing the hat atop her crimson waves, a look of determination fixed across her features. The hat paused for a moment, then -
"GRYFFINDOR!"
An audible groan escaped his lips as he squeezed his eyes shut, not wanting to see a smiling Lily hop off the stool and join the cheering Gryffindor table. He dared to open them again after a few moments, though she was quickly obscured from view as the crowd jostled to make way for "Ferguson, Alisa."
Time blurred as name after name was called and first-years stepped up to be sorted one by one. Severus felt increasingly sick. The crowd was dwindling as "Pettigrew, Peter" scurried up to the stool, followed by the boy with untidy black hair who had tormented him on the train. His own turn was approaching Severus thought, palms growing sweatier by the minute. Where would the Sorting Hat put him? His mother had told him without a shred of doubt that he would be in Slytherin. But then again, he had been so sure that that's where the hat would put Lily. He ached to be with her, to have her familiar face grinning up at him as he took a seat beside her. But this would only come to pass if he was sorted into Gryffindor, the house that valued nerve and chivalry, only taking those with a brave heart. Lily was brave. He wasn't. He possessed none of these qualities. He was just -
"Snape, Severus!"
And he came tumbling back down to reality.
Mouth dry, he walked up to the stool and lifted the hat carefully from its perch. He made to place it on his head, but it slipped from his grasp and tumbled to the floor. Scattered laughter broke out among the students, though it was quickly silenced. But he didn't care. He couldn't think. His fingers shook as he retrieved the disgruntled looking hat and sat down. His eyes instinctively searched for Lily's, and this time they found her. She smiled encouragingly, and with newfound confidence, he put on the hat. Everything went dark as it fell over his eyes, though the image of Lily's face still burned in the forefront of his mind.
He jumped as a small voice sounded in his ear. "You've got a friend in Gryffindor, eh? Hmm...let's see… You have an exceedingly bright mind, yes…no shortage of intelligence and cunning there…and plenty of ambition...but I also sense a great deal of bravery. Perhaps it still lay too far beneath the surface, however... Difficult, difficult..." Detached, incoherent mutterings could be heard for what felt like hours as the hat hemmed and hawed. Severus squeezed his eyes shut and waited, thoughts nervously flitting around, unsure of what to think. The mutterings seemed more decisive now, and he felt the hat jostle as it opened its mouth...
"SLYTHERIN!"
His heart sank.
His whole body felt numb as he made his way over to the Slytherin table. Hands reached out to pull him down onto the bench, clapping him on the back as he sat down next to an older boy with long blonde tresses. He didn't want to look up; he didn't want to see the look of disappointment that would surely show on Lily's face...
Severus began his meal in silence, though not too distracted by his own thoughts to marvel at the vast assortment of food laid out in glorious heaps before him. His dark eyes widened as they took in the sight; Severus had never seen this much food in his life. He tentatively piled some potato on his plate, and when no one objected, he reached over for more.
Conversation among the students had picked up once more, the buzz of hundreds of voices echoing around the hall. The Slytherin table was no exception, and Severus struggled to keep up with the chatter around him, only catching bits and pieces of conversations. A group of first- and second-years nearest him were introducing themselves to one another, and a large boy with chestnut hair nodded over at Severus.
"Hey," he greeted, grasping Severus' hand over the table. His smile did not reach his eyes. "Hunter Manson. Pure-blood. Second-year. And you are..."
"Severus Snape," he said quickly. "This is my first year."
"You don't say!" chuckled the girl beside him, her grey eyes sweeping over his face. "Welcome, by the way, to the noble house of Slytherin."
He tried to nod coolly and managed to drop his fork. The conversation had progressed when he emerged, face flushed, from beneath the table.
"...father's Ministry job," drawled a sharp-featured first-year from his seat beside Hunter. "He'd rather be higher up, of course, in the Ministry rankings, but the pay is...shall we say... above average, and he does get to rub shoulders with the Minister himself..."
"Really?" interjected the older boy on the other side of Severus, his brows raised appraisingly. He wore a prefect's badge, and his immaculate long hair was a shocking white-blonde colour the likes of which Severus had never seen. "Because I was under the impression that the only people your father rubs shoulders with are Muggles. After all," he added as the first-year spluttered angrily, "your father being of such...low ranking, the Muggle relations do fall under his list of duties, do they not?"
The surrounding students roared with laughter. The first-year stared down at his plate, red-faced and slouching in his seat.
The boy tossed her hair back and continued, "...though why anyone would even want relations with the bottom-feeders of the wizarding world is beyond -"
"My dad is a Muggle."
Severus didn't know why he said it. He wasn't at all proud of this fact; his father had never shown him a shred of kindness, preferring to put all his energy into despising everything to do with magic. Including him. His own son.
But the effect this statement had on the group was instantaneous. Everyone froze, various expressions of shock, disbelief, and disgust plastered onto their faces.
A babble of voices broke out as everyone began talking at once.
"Then how did you get into..."
"...you just...defending him?"
"...blurt that out..."
"...aren't you ashamed?"
Hunter's cold voice cut through the others. "So you're a half-blood."
Unable to speak, Severus simply nodded. He cleared his throat and tried again. "I...I didn't know that was..." he trailed off feebly.
The grey-eyed girl snorted. "You're in Slytherin, honey. It matters. I wouldn't just go around announcing that if I were you."
And the conversation moved on, leaving Severus in the dust. No one else talked to him. No one bothered to try.
What made it worse was the view he had from his position at the Slytherin table. Now that the cluster of first-years had all seated themselves, he had a clear view of the Gryffindor table, where Lily was chatting animatedly with the girl beside her. On her other side was the unruly-haired boy Severus recognized from earlier. He would watch her for a while, willing her to look up and give him the same smile that had once filled him to the brim with confidence. But she never did.
The feast drew to a close, and Severus barely registered the headmaster's speech, his thoughts now focused solely on Lily. He was miserable and feeling more isolated than ever; he needed to talk to her, to be with her. He needed her to grab his hand and look him in the eye and tell him that everything was going to be okay; that nothing was going to change.
His head snapped up as students around him began to stir and rise from the benches. The spell that the headmaster seemed to cast over the occupants of the hall broke, and suddenly everyone was on their feet, talking and laughing. The students closest to the exit were going their separate ways, each heading in the direction of their respective common room. This, Severus realized with a jolt, was the last chance he had to see Lily.
Leaping to his feet, he frantically searched the crowd for her familiar ruby hair. He spotted it, vivid and vibrant among the sea of students, and began to jog in her direction. He wasn't able to get far, and he was forced to slow down as he began to push and squeeze his way through the throng.
Catching a glimpse of her, Severus' heart pounded. She was almost near the archway, and appeared to have no intention of turning around. Didn't she want to see him? Was he already forgotten? But no, he needed her; she couldn't slip out of his grasp this time...
"Lily!" he called desperately. "Lily!"
Her crimson head paused, and for one wonderful, fleeting moment he thought she had heard him. His heart soared...and then crashed into splinters as a wave of students pushed her forward, and she continued on her way to the Gryffindor common room.
She left the Great Hall.
And took the first piece of his heart along with her.
