"HARRY?!" Hagrid shouted, as he rampaged into his hut, "HARRY! Where are you?!"
"Hagrid? I'm here!" he heard a voice from under a blanket on his bed.
Hagrid pulled the blanket. Harry was lying there, sweating and panting.
"Don't cover yourself like that!" Hagrid said out loud, "… I'm sorry. I shouldn't scream at you."
And then he kissed Harry's cheek.
"Hagrid… I won't be able to hold much longer…" Harry panted, "The baby… is gonna come out today for sure."
"… now that's not good news."
"Huh?"
Hagrid walked to the window and stared outside for a few seconds.
"The school… they know." Hagrid whispered out.
"Wha-? How?" Harry couldn't believe it.
"I don't know. They must have caught us together somewhere, I'm not sure."
"How did you find out that they know?"
"I noticed their stares, while I was walking through the corridors… as soon as I came out and saw there was nobody around, I ran here as fast as I could."
Hagrid took a deep breath and sat on a chair.
"… what are we going to do now?" Harry said, and the words he spoke were very shaky.
"I'm not completely sure." Hagrid replied, "It might turn out that I will get fired, and you will be grounded."
"They can't fire you!" Harry shouted.
"Believe me, that would be the best case scenario." Hagrid groaned, "… wait… can you hear that?"
He got up and looked through the viewer on his door. He saw a group of people relatively far away from his hut, yet they were heading his way. They were carrying some weird-looking devices…
"Hagrid, what's going on?" Harry asked, "I can hear footsteps of several people somewhere…"
Hagrid stepped away from the door and gasped. He realized what was going on.
"Harry! We don't have much time, we have to run!" he said firmly.
"What's happening?!"
"The students… looks like about thirty of them… they are heading this way, and they're carrying semi-automated rifles!"
"Oh my God, they really went this far?!"
"No time to think about that, we have to run." Hagrid said and grabbed Harry, "We have an advantage. They don't know that we know they're here."
"And how's that gonna help?"
"We'll use the backdoor. Then we'll go through the forbidden forest, the students won't dare to enter it. After we cross the forest, we'll reach the mountains. We can stay there."
"I'm scared!" Harry moaned.
Hagrid strengthened his grip, making Harry more comfortable.
"Don't worry. I'll protect you."
"Oh, Hagrid…"
Hagrid opened the backdoor and sneaked his way into the forbidden forest. It was about twenty meters away. As soon as he stepped his foot into the forest, they heard voices coming from their hut.
"They're not here!"
"The backdoor is open, they must have ran away!"
"Follow them!"
Hagrid gasped and quickly ran through the woods. The pursuers didn't see them. Hagrid was as familiar with the Forbidden Forest as he was with Harry's twink anus.
Soon, the pursuers reached them. It was a surprise to Hagrid that they followed them here, and it was only a matter of time before they caught up to them.
"There they are!" the students shouted, "Aim and shoot!"
Hagrid heard shots, but fortunately, they all missed. Hagrid quickly reached into his pocket and grabbed a potion of super speed. He drank it and then, he was able to run as fast as Sonic the Hedgehog.
After an hour of running, they finally reached the edge of the forest. It was right at the time when the effect of the elixir has worn out.
"We're here…" Hagrid breathed in, "The mountains start here. Now we have to walk up a bit and before the night comes, we'll reach the valley. They will never find us there."
"Hagrid…" Harry moaned.
"What? Oh, the baby!"
Hagrid put Harry down on the ground. Harry couldn't hold it anymore.
"Hagrid… you need to deliver the baby…"
"I'll do what I can." Hagrid said, "I once read a book about World of Warcraft. The level of detail in the descriptions was very high, I felt like I was really in Azeroth when I read that book."
"What does this have to do with labor?"
"Umm… I don't know. I just wanted to add a little goof to this story."
"Hagrid, it's coming out!"
"OH SHIT!"
Then, Hagrid put both of his half-giant arms into Harry's anus, nearly tearing it to shreds, and took the baby out.
This moment was the most beautiful, and yet the most disgusting and painful day in Harry's life.
They cried tears of joy.
But, the students from the school have finally reached their location. They didn't even notice.
"We found you!" one of the students, a really crazy nigga, said out loud, "You will pay for your crimes, Hagrid!"
"Yeah, what were you thinking by dating Harry?!" a girl student asked.
"You're going straight to Azkaban!" said Ron, that fucking ginger, "And YOU, Harry… We're going to send you to an hospital. Neville's parents will have someone to make fun of!"
But then, something really fucking weird happened. The baby turned out to be a doomsday device, planted in Harry's anus by the lord Satan himself. It exploded and destroyed half of the universe. But don't worry, the other half was fine.
THE END
Author's Note: remember guys to always bend your dick down when you're taking a piss in a sitting position. This way the piss won't splash on the wall of the toilet. But, at the same time, watch out to not bend it too much, otherwise you might accidentaly shit on your own balls.
