Author Note:
Hey everyone, and first off, thank you already for even clicking on this. Of course, I hope you find the idea interesting enough to read :) With this being my first fic, I really hope that I can receive a lot of feedback, whether constructive criticism or just about anything else, basically! I would die for a handful of reviews, so please, if this story irks you or intrigues you, or heck, makes you think of any suggestions for future chapter topics, please tell me. Also, apologies in advance for any OOCness, wrong facts, or mechanical errors.
Now, about the story. Obviously, this will be a mulit-chapter Jin/ Tsubaki fic set back in the Academy days, although I haven't yet decided whether or not to set this in an alternate timeline. (As for now, please regard it as if it is set in the current timeline.) Although the first chapter may sound rather bleak, for which I blame Jin's perspective haha, I hope to incorporate some humor into this story as well, rather than just the raw romance. For the multi-chapter bit, I hope to have a total of around 10 chapters to wrap up the story.
An extended version of the summary/ synopsis here:
After being exposed to an ominous dream, Jin begins to question the nature of his relationship with Tsubaki, and what he truly feels for her. Confused and frustrated, he convinces himself that he has no romantic interest in her whatsoever, especially when he remembers the childhood oath that he is bound by. As their days in the Academy together proceed, however, both Jin and Tsubaki find it harder and harder to deny or prolong their true emotions any longer, especially as situations shift for the worse.
Once again, thanks for reading, and I really hope it will be enjoyed!
Chapter 1: Wake-Up Call
It was night, and a comforting breeze wafted in through the open windows to greet the crowd gathered in the grandiose hall. Overhead, the dimmed lights flickered gently, and the crowd moved loosely in relaxation in sync with the serene music of the live orchestra. Pairs of men and women wove along, all wearing the finest of clothes, some dancing along the marble floor. Others dawdled in the corners, watching as they chatted idly with friends and acquaintances. Some instead chose to sample treats off the circular tables overflowing with decoration and platters of the richest cuisine. But one man alone stood in the center, surrounded by the tides of beaming guests in black and white.
Jin Kisaragi, dressed in a black tuxedo, fingered the white rose in his coat pocket in silent speculation. He watched the guests with scrutinizing eyes, only stopping when yet another overly-enthusiastic pair of them proceeded to throttle his hand and wildly congratulate him. For what, Jin did not know, and he did not particularly care. Nor did he show it. He instead continued to glance around, and for a moment he swore he saw a familiar face or two in the dispersed crowd. But the moment was gone, and Jin frowned, all alone once more. Around him, the couples danced and cheered and scurried across the hall in harmony. Jin felt oddly uneasy, as if he was missing something that he desperately needed.
"Looking for somebody?"
Upon hearing the familiar voice, Jin turned, his heart leaping at the sight of the speaker. Behind him stood Tsubaki, her blue eyes dancing with mischievous joy and her lips curving in a gentle smile. Jin couldn't help but stare. Over her stunning scarlet hair was the lightest translucent veil, and her arms she carried a bundle of roses. Tsubaki wore white, completely white, the perfect pure hue of white that dangled from her long gloves and heels to where her long elegant wedding dress hung from her shoulders in glorious beauty.
Jin's breath caught in his throat and he felt the overwhelming sensation of realization catch him fully. The guests' profuse congratulations came back to him now, making utmost and almost blissful sense. He moved forward, albeit shakily, finally understanding what- or rather, who- he had been so luckily gifted with. "Ts-Tsubaki..."
He reached out to take her hand in his, to sweep her fully into his arms, but found that his hand had stopped on its own. Jin looked up, bewildered, and found himself staring as Tsubaki drew someone from behind her. It was a man with an obscured face, one whose qualities Jin could not scrutinize even if he squinted, except for his full, almost eerie, smile.
"Jin," came Tsubaki's voice, and he found with horror that it was in the muffled tone of a kiss. She gasped lightly, held in the embrace of the faceless man, as she gently pulled away from his face with a nervous giggle. Jin's insides heaved; this couldn't be happening. But it was.
"Jin," Tsubaki tried again, her voice still shaky from the kiss, "I'd like you to meet my husband." She turned to the man, pressing her hands against his face. "My love, this is Jin Kisaragi, the big brother I've been telling you all about."
"Nice to meet you," said the man, but all Jin heard were Tsubaki's words, echoing and echoing in his head with merciless force. Husband...Jin...Big brother...
Jin felt the icy pull of numbness, and for a moment he considered fighting the temptation to run, feigning glad acceptance and congratulations just for her sake. But he found that not even one word of small talk could escape his tightly sealed lips, that the ability for small talk, which he had once mastered, had vanished and abandoned him entirely. Before they could react, Jin spun away, sprinting as fast as he could to somehow free himself from the joyous, yet ugly, scene he had just witnessed. He didn't care that he ran into other surprised-looking guests, or that he nearly knocked over a large cask of wine. Jin thought he heard the muted cries of Tsubaki from behind him, but he charged on, fleeing for the door.
He just wanted to- just had to- get away from them, away from their happy flock of guests, away from the celebration, away from their newly united lives, and, most of all, away from that look of pure love, such sick sweet love, on Tsubaki's angelic face...
White, the color of Tsubaki's dress, enveloped Jin and he fought the urge to gasp as he jolted up in bed. Pressing his hand against his clammy forehead, he gingerly untangled himself from the bedsheets in contemplative silence. The world around him was a blur, and Jin hastily snatched up his glasses and rammed them onto his face. "6:00 AM " flashed up at him from where the digital clock sat on his bedside drawer. Breathing a sigh of relief, Jin slid himself out of the plush bed, taking extra care not to wake his roommates as he got up and wearily dressed himself in the blue and white Academy blazer.
Once upon a time, Jin had believed that fear was a physical thing, scarred into the minds of its victims through brute force and threats, but now he was no longer certain. Although he was quite used to horrifying nightmares that mercilessly attacked him in his sleep, this one was unusually disturbing- and in a new sense. Before, Jin's nightmares had been centered on rather simple things, such as the moon and his life back with Brother and the witch of a little girl who he had called his little sister. They had been objects, events that Jin feared and thought about, and not without reason either (although some fools had tried to argue against him about the moon). But this? This was a strange first.
Tsubaki...Of all the females in his life, Jin had to admit that Tsubaki held a special place in his heart. Where there once should have been affection for Saya, perhaps, was now a space occupied by her instead. But even so, Jin felt that Tsubaki was someone beyond a normal sister to him. This feeling could be wrong, however, since his and his blood-sister's relationship had never been a close one, and thus Jin really had no way of knowing what a "normal" sort of big-brother-little-sister bond was supposed to even feel like.
There were reasons behind his prizing of Tsubaki over others, of course, but Jin had never really thought about them. Instead, their bond just fell in place over the years. But now that he pondered back upon it, Tsubaki definitely had specific points that made her unique. She displayed her emotions truthfully and without shame, and in a world cluttered with lies that was infinitely rare and desirable. On top of that, Tsubaki seemed to truly care for his well-being, unlike all other girls he had met at the Academy, with most of them too busy squealing and giggling while he walked by to notice his distaste.
It was partially for her that he set out to erase, to forget, even, his past with Brother and to create a better, kinder Jin Kisaragi. Now that he thought about it, why had he even done such a thing? It was true that they were friends, something that very few had the privilege of becoming, but that was all that Tsubaki was...right? Maybe a little sister in some parts, but certainly nothing more.
Or was Tsubaki something else to him?
The thought was disturbing, and for a moment Jin was furious at himself, but he argued back that he had to acknowledge it at the very least. After all, in his dream- and he, of all people, knew that it was stupid to believe in dreams, but he couldn't resist- Tsubaki had called him a brother. Now that he thought about it, why had he been so set off, so bothered by it? It wasn't as if it was something that Tsubaki wouldn't normally say. Besides, Jin himself had always encouraged others to view their relationship as such, and perhaps had even naturally believed in it himself. There was nothing wrong with Tsubaki calling him a brother, was there?
Remembering the situation, Jin felt anxiety gnaw away at his stomach. It was the situation, he realized. Even though he knew it hadn't been real, Jin still felt amazingly bitter at the dream, at what had happened in the hall. It must have been Tsubaki's wedding, with a man whose face he never came to fully see. And it was under those circumstances that she had called him brother, to a man that was now her husband.
Husband. That word triggered a terrible emotion that Jin had not felt for over six years, since he had joined the Kisaragi family. The sensation brought him back to Brother and Saya, memories that he wished to bury away forever and yet still remember.
Jin was jealous, jealous towards a figment in a dream created by his own deluded unconscious mind.
Knowing that didn't make him feel any better. So he held bitter and raw hatred towards the man by Tsubaki's side, her husband. The realization was stunning, and Jin denied it instantly. He couldn't be jealous! The last time he had been so jealous had been because of her, when she constantly took Brother away from him through her fake sick act. But that had been Brother he had felt for, Brother who he had adored...
This was different, however. This was Tsubaki, the girl who he had befriended as a growing child. Why was he so angry at seeing the man by her side? Maybe he had thought that a man without a visible face hardly deserved her. Perhaps, it was that he would no longer be able to spend as much time with her. Or, had it been that he had wanted to be there, the man by Tsubaki's side, and that man had stolen it all from him?
Jin froze as the thought struck him. Him, wanting to be Tsubaki's husband? It sounded like something out of the ridiculous fairy tales Brother had read to her all those days ago, something so unimaginable that it couldn't possibly be real. But there it was again, and for a second Jin could imagine himself being that man, could almost see him being the one that held Tsubaki in his arms and kissed her...
What was he thinking? Had he gone insane? Jin wanted to slug himself. Tsubaki was nothing more than a childhood friend! Their relationship was merely like that of two unrelated siblings! Besides, there was no way that Tsubaki, dignified, respected, noble-born Tsubaki had ever- would ever- set eyes on him in such a manner. And it wasn't as if she didn't have plenty of potential suitors already. The dream, the events...They were bound to become reality someday. Out of the corner of his mind Jin could see a generic man, holding Tsubaki's arm as she smiled and strode slowly up a majestic hall, and it hurt.
Jin shoved his glasses back up his face, his cheeks heating up uncontrollably and rather uncharacteristically. It was as though two sides of him, each battling fiercely to gain control of his emotions and argue their perspective, now possessed him. The side of him arguing that he cared was now in the lead. Tsubaki, it argued, was a lady, a woman. Perhaps it was time Jin acknowledged it, treated her like a lady instead of a sister. Now that he thought about it, Tsubaki was gorgeous among even the girls he had seen. Before, however, he had never noticed her beauty, had never opened his eyes fully...
The whole idea was stupid. The normal Jin snapped back into control and pressed his palm forcefully against his forehead. It had been a dream. That was all. As for Tsubaki, even if he wanted to- he decided to put off that idea entirely- he would never, ever be with her as a lover anyway. There was something binding him, something that Jin had never expected to lash back at him in such a cruel manner.
It had been meant as a joke, certainly, but now it restrained him entirely. The promise he had made with Tsubaki on the first day they had met, the promise that he would be her "brother" forever... It was so perfectly stupid and childish, and yet Jin felt some sort of odd loyalty to it. Neither of them had truly meant it that day, but nevertheless it was a vow, wasn't it?
Brother...Jin would never have believed that he would despise that word any more than when he had left Ragna. But now, for reasons hardly comprehensible to him, he did.
He had to snap out of it, somehow. Jin rose silently from where he had sat atop his bed and paced the room anxiously. Six-thirty now. He supposed he could go to the student council room if he liked, but that would only remind him more of Tsubaki, perhaps even meet her there. And that was one risk Jin would not take, not now.
"What are you doing?"
One of Jin's two roommates had awoken, and Jin looked up, mildly surprised. Although he hardly cared for his roommates, he had made the effort to be somewhat polite to them. After all, they shared a room until they all got out of the place, and as the student council president Jin had to at least act up to the standards of his position. Putting on a facade of mundane sleepiness, Jin yawned, erasing all the previous frustration from his face.
"I just got up," he said calmly. "There's nothing to do, really."
His roommate yawned as well, stretching and throwing his sheets in a clump near the edge of his bed. "Well, Mr. President, you could always head out for the student council room, right?" The teen grinned. "I'll betcha there'll be loads of cute girls waiting for you there, eh?"
Jin was not in the mood for talking about romance, especially not with his roommate. "Actually," he asserted him, trying his best to smoothly change the subject, "I was thinking of heading out and getting something to eat."
His roommate only chuckled. "Geez, Jin, don't play innocent with me. You know all those girls have the hots for you, right?" A wide, conspiratory smile burst across his face. "Oh, come on, why don't you just pick one already and get it over with? I mean, just about all the cute ladies are taken up with you. Leave some for the rest of us!"
Jin pretended to distractedly adjust his collar while looking in the mirror. Whatever he said, he knew, his roommate would probably be more encouraged than discouraged. Did all these noble-borns from big families have nothing to do other than poke noses into others' business all day?
"Since you're finding it so hard to choose, I'll advise you," continued his roommate, not giving Jin a choice at all. "Let's see...You know that chick Mitsuki? She's a cutie. Oh, and her friend Yuka too." The boy blabbered on, and Jin, sighing, droned him out, occasionally hearing a familiar name or two. "...Ruri...Sami...Asaka...Tsubaki..."
Jin froze, slowly swiveling his head. Did the gossip just say Tsubaki?
More alert than Jin had expected, his chatty roommate did not miss his involuntary action. "Whoa there," he proclaimed gleefully, beaming from ear to ear. "Was that a reaction I saw there? Tsubaki Yayoi? Didn't know you're into red-heads, Jin. Though I have to admit, you-"
"It's not that," Jin cut in crisply, trying his best not to show his irritation. "We knew each other as children. She's more of a sister to me. I was just surprised you mentioned her. That's all." It felt as though Jin was trying to convince himself of the same thing, and to his own surprise he found that he begged himself to believe it.
"Oh." His roommate was silent now, partially disappointed, but also looking slightly hesitant due to Jin's darkened face. Not having the guts to press on, he flopped back upon his bed. "Well, whatever. I'm going back to sleep. Wake me later when class is about to start, 'kay?"
Jin sighed, but nodded. "I'll be back later." Somehow, he had to distract himself from all the disturbing thoughts he was having. He suppose he would follow the spontaneous excuse about going out for breakfast for real. It would help him, after all, get his day back on schedule. As soon as classes started and the mediocre familiarity of a boring school day commenced, he would be fine.
Or so Jin tried to convince himself.
It turned out that school business and classes did nothing to help sort out his feelings. If anything, it exacerbated his emotions by tenfold.
Breakfast had been a lure for him to lower his guard, in which Jin had believed everything to be normal. He had even spied Tsubaki's two friends, the squirrel beastkin and the girl who so closely resembled his despicable sister, blabbering away as they piled on food to bring back to their dorms. Jin honestly had never predicted that he would think such a thing, but luckily, Tsubaki had not been with them. He narrowly dodged a possible catastrophe over breakfast and then hurried back to his dorm, where he found, to his exasperation, that his chatty roommate was still snoring away, oblivious to the world.
The rest of the day, to Jin's frustration, did not go anywhere near as well as breakfast had. His first period, language class, started off with a lengthy analysis of a novel protagonist's romantic feelings for a noble lady. It did not help that this class was shared with his roommate, who sniggered at every mention of "denying his true feelings" and shot a smug, extremely obvious look at Jin. Although he sat on the other side of the classroom and despite his attempts to stay calm, Jin wanted nothing more than to unleash a torrent of Yukianesa's icy deadliness each time the blond glanced cheerfully over.
By the end of the fifty-minute period, Jin stormed off to his next class without a second glance at his roommate. Mathematics and biology- the lecture of the day's topic was the reproductive and endocrine systems, to Jin's horror- sped by and it was soon time for the student council preparation period, the one class that he, for once, dreaded most.
As the president, Jin generally had the power to dictate over the meetings and choose which project to work on. This certain day, however, he was given no such control and instead was informed by the activities coordinator that they would be planning for the upcoming Annual Academy Spring Festival. Mentally fuming, Jin managed to give him a hardly audible "thanks," before slumping down onto his seat in the center of the meeting table. Why was it that everything just happened to be going wrong on this certain day? It was so unpredictable, so nearly impossible probability-wise that it ought to not be happening at all! First the romance analysis, then the human hormones lecture, and now the inability to control his own plans for the student council? The way everything fell into place was almost comical, but there was nothing funny about it at all.
"Jin?"
The voice, despite its well-meaning warmth, send chills and immediate fear down Jin's spine. He snapped out of his thoughts and glanced sharply up, trying his best not to flinch away. Stay calm, he told himself. It was nothing, just a dream.
Tsubaki stood in front of him, crouching down besides him with a smile on her face. Oblivious to his discomfort, she inched closer until they were just an arm-length away from one another.
"Jin, are you feeling alright?" She looked worried now. "You look pale. Did you not get enough sleep?"
"I'm fine," he muttered, sounding unconvincing even to himself. "Don't worry about me so much, Tsubaki. Besides," Jin added, feigning sudden interest in the upcoming festival, "We're working on the plans for the spring festival today, right? You'd best get back to your seat. The meeting's beginning soon."
To his relief, Tsubaki gave him a reassuring smile and hurried back to her spot on the opposite side of the table. Jin then, as promised, commenced with the meeting, guiltily attempting to avoid eye contact with her at all costs. It was longer than most, with far too many disagreements on a theme and what booths to create. In the end, they decided on centering on cherry blossoms, only because, for whatever reason, there happened to be an abundance of them growing in the school greenhouse. The rest of the disputes on booths, Jin decided, could be dealt with the next day, and he adjourned the meeting for lunch as soon as the bell rang.
The rest of the day didn't get any better, and by the time Jin returned to his dorm room to rest his head was spinning with thoughts of all the references of romance he had somehow received that day. His distraction had even affected his ability to fight, it seemed, and had nearly suffered a loss at the hands of a novice, far weaker and less skilled than he. Even Yukianesa seemed put off and annoyed at his lack of concentration, being harder to control than ever.
It all had to stop, Jin realized warily. Maybe it wasn't everything else being warped and coincidentally changing, but him. He was being unreasonable and stupid. Why was he even being so affected by a mere dream? If he continued, there was bound to be nothing but disaster ahead. Somehow, somehow, he had to stop.
He didn't love Tsubaki, Jin decided coldly. They were friends, nothing more, perhaps even less. The only person he had ever cared for was Brother, and that had ended terribly. It was for the best, for both he and her, that they stayed away from one another in romantic aspects. Besides, they had the oath between them to guard them away from the temptation of each other.
He didn't want her whatsoever.
But even as he tried to convince himself that, Jin knew that it was just a lie, a lie devised by himself that would only chain him and entangle him further in this mess.
Preview:
Next up, Chapter 2: "Truth or Dare," in which Tsubaki is forced to play a rather daunting game with her roommates, the easily-intimidated Noel and the devious Makoto, with the latter coincidentally mentioning a certain blond male in their game...
