Surviving
Her world had been thrown into hues of gray, a hopeless place where no warmth existed. Everything had gone so terribly, horribly wrong, there couldn't have possibly been a worse outcome. How was she to have known that her beloved father would despair so strongly over what Kyoko thought was a wonderful miracle. She had been nervous, but excited, when he discovered she was a Magical Girl, a fighter of justice and hope. She had been expecting praise, perhaps worry for her safety. Not this. Never this.
Kyoko shuddered. The world around her mirrored the world in her head, too. The sky was an ocean of steel, minuscule blades falling to crash and pool against the concrete and cobblestone of the streets. Every drop of rain that hit her was the essence of cold, chilling her to the bone and seeping to her very core.
In her hand was her soul gem. Murky and dull, the ruby red egg had lost its shine. She wasn't sure she wanted to cleanse the taint yet. What point was there? She wasn't fighting anything. Her eyelids drooped, her lips set in a grimace.
Her stomach growled.
It was all so hopeless. So dreary and exhausting. All she wanted to do was sulk, and hide away in her little alley.
Time passed. Minutes, then hours, and her thoughts swam, churning and looping. She was drowning in despair, and yet... she did not want to give up.
She couldn't give up.
Damn it, she had come so far. Giving in now, when she had survived? Unacceptable.
Her hands clenched into fists, then released. Sluggishly, Kyoko pushed herself off of the concrete ground, blinking rain from her eyes. Her arm ached, from where she had let her head lay for so long. She rubbed her thigh- the concrete had left an imprint there.
Her movements were stiff and jerky. Automatic, even. She was alive. The pain in her heart, the sting on her skin, the chill the rain cloaked her in. She could feel, she could breathe. The hollow feeling in her stomach worsened. She was alive.
She had lost everything. Her family, her home, and she had rejected her best and only friend in her grief. After all, she had seen the hard truth of the world. There was no justice. Nobody, or at least not enough, cared about her, or Mami, or anyone in need. So many selfish and cruel souls, ignoring her family as she starved, forcing her into the path where nothing went the way it should have gone.
Her grimace became a snarl. She rose to her feet, wobbling slightly. Her grip tightened around her soul gem, and she exhaled sharply. "Damn it..." She ground out through a clenched jaw. She lashed out, and her heel struck a metal garbage can. It clattered across the ground, spilling its contents and noisily banging against the concrete until it rolled against a wall, stilling. Kyoko let out an inarticulate scream of anger, "The hell am I supposed to do!?"
She was freezing, tired, hurting, and so damn hungry. She shoved her hand into her pocket, retrieving her one grief seed. The steel orb glinted in the dim light.
The magical girl stared at it for a moment, rolling it around in her palm. How many people had died to create this? Witches came from Familiars that ate enough people, after all.
...How many of them had deserved to die?
Kyoko tore her gaze away from the grief seed and held it against her soul gem. A weight lifted off her shoulders as the inky darkness cleared away, leaving pristine crimson beneath. Normally, she would feed the grief seed to Kyubey after it had become full of darkness. But the little wish granter was not around, and she didn't particularly care if a Witch was born from it now.
Kyoko tossed the now useless grief seed over her shoulder, listening to it clink against the ground before exiting the alley. She had made quite a ruckus in her anger, and surely someone would come to bother her if she lingered too long.
The rain was not falling so hard anymore, but Kyoko still swept her ponytail over her shoulder and pulled up her hood, for all the good it did to keep the water out of her face- she was already totally drenched in rainwater.
She had to figure out what to do. Her stomach growled again, reminding her of her hunger.
Food. She needed food.
That, she knew how to get. When she had been a normal girl, her family still starving to death, she had begged and stolen for survival.
She was weak then. Now, she was strong. She would not beg.
Her gaze found a small bakery on the corner of the street. Discretely, she changed her soul gem to a ring and slipped it on. She had power now, and so... food was not going to be an issue.
Kyoko strolled through a slim alleyway, a cloth bag dangling from the crook of her elbow, one hand in her jacket pocket, the other holding a sweet butter roll to her mouth as she devoured her loot. The bakery had been run by a balding, fat man who put up no fight when she held a miniature version of her lance to his throat. She swallowed a mouthful of bread, and frowned. She hadn't let him get a good look at her face, but her hair had been visible. Hopefully that wouldn't be an issue.
The rain had stopped now, but as the clouds cleared, night was falling. And Kyoko honestly had no idea where she was. Well, she knew that she was in East City... but it was a big place, so she didn't know where in the city she was. She had gotten here by train, after abandoning her home and doing anything she could to distance herself from the place. In hindsight, that was probably a bad idea, evidence being her current state of being totally lost. Kyoko wasn't really feeling any better, but her mind was in a state of cold clarity that let her, at the very least, think about what she was doing. She licked her lips, and ate the last of her butter roll. The street was getting darker and she really didn't want to get stuck outside all night.
"Now what do I do..." She murmured to herself. She paused to search through her bag, selecting a small muffin wrapped in paper as her next snack. She tore the brown wrapper apart and promptly stuffed half the muffin into her mouth. She was hungry, damn it.
Kyoko considered her options. She could break into a place and hope nobody noticed her. Or, she could mug someone and use their pocket money to get a room semi legally. Both had risks and neither would be simple to do- the odds of getting off easily were really stacked against her if she was caught. She considered the option of using someone's good will to snag a place for the night, but she dismissed that option. A good way to get molested, that was.
She stopped by the corner of a building, and shifted her bag onto her shoulder before shaking her hair into order. She proceeded to wring as much water as she could out of her hair, then her sleeves. Kyoko sighed, her eyebrows knitting together. Splendid idea that was, to sulk in the rain. Her shorts were starting to chafe and her boots squished with every step. A part of her wanted to react with anger, and just discard the soaked items, but... obviously, she could not do that. She forced herself to breathe slowly, and let out a long exhale.
"Calm down, it's just inconvenient." She told herself under her breath. "No big deal..."
She glanced around, examining her surroundings. There wasn't an inn in sight. There was, however, a nice house with no lights turned on, just across the street. Kyoko considered this. She could break in with her magic and stay there, maybe. Big, empty looking houses like that were usually great to hide out in.
Under normal circumstances, she would have been a lot less eager to break into a potentially occupied house. However, she wasn't exactly in the best state of mind, therefore didn't have any qualms about knocking any residents she encountered. Mind set and option selected, Kyoko began to approach the home.
She unlatched the little gate and walked up to the porch, swearing under her breath when the wooden steps creaked loudly. She gave a cautious look over her shoulders, then gripped the door handle. Her soul gem shined within its ring, and with a soft pop, she heard the door unlock. She grinned, and quietly snuck in. Anyone watching shouldn't be too suspicious- she hadn't looked like she was breaking in, after all. Just entering a house.
Inside, Kyoko slipped off her boots by the door, using a small amount of magic to dampen any noises she made. She made a point to look over her surroundings. The house sure was big, and smelled like dust and dogs. The foyer was small, leading into a hallway to the rest of the house.
"Big place." She noted mentally, before setting off to scope out the house. Dark halls, closed doors. A dog toy here and there. Most definitely occupied, though where was the dog?
Kyoko checked each room on the first floor carefully. The living room was dark, the kitchen and dining room empty, a small library in one room... A shiver ran down her spine. The occupants of the house were probably upstairs, then. As she backed out of the small library, which she considered far too eerie and quiet to linger around, a hand gripped her shoulder.
"Hello, there. What do you think you're doing?" A man asked, and Kyoko yelped, jolting. She spun around, knocking the hand off of her shoulder, and backed into the wall. Before her stood an average looking man with a receding hairline and glasses, who seemed to be squinting at her.
Shit, fuck, and damn. She hadn't heard him at all, and how did he hear her? Or, perhaps he had just been walking around his own home. That was plausible too. A million and one thoughts raced through her head, and she almost lunged at the guy before he held his hands up, maybe noticing her panic. She could overpower him, but she hadn't done a fantastic job of covering her tracks. She blandly scolded herself for being so foolish and breaking into a house. As it turned out, it wasn't a good idea.
"Uhhh. I'm... lost." Kyoko offered lamely, watching the man carefully. "And... I didn't want to spend the night outside."
The man quirked a brow, and movement at the end of the hall caught Kyoko's attention. She glanced to the side, and saw a fluffy white dog and a little girl staring at her. She gulped. Oh great, a kid was here. She could get doubly in trouble if the guy claimed she was putting his kid at risk. She looked back to the man as he spoke.
"Lost, huh? I locked the front door. Though, you don't seem to be a thief." He said casually, like there was nothing wrong with some random street urchin creeping around his house.
Kyoko shook her head vigorously. "Not a thief. Look, I'll, uh... I'll just leave. And we can forget all about this, yeah?" She looked down the hallway, towards the front of the house. "I ain't here to mess with anyone."
The man watched her, then looked at her feet. Her steps were wet, socks just as soaked as the rest of her. She was a bit dirty, too. The man sighed, and scratched the back of his head. "You're a kid." He stated.
"...Uh. Yep." Kyoko nodded slowly, unsure of how to respond.
"I'm guessing you have nowhere to go." He correctly deduced next.
Again, Kyoko nodded.
"I won't call the police on you." He told her next.
"Okay... wait, why?" She blinked. This was not how she was expecting things to go down.
"Well, you look more than lost. I have a daughter of my own, and while I'm not too happy about you breaking into my house, you don't seem violent." He said simply. He was sort of right. She wasn't going to be violent here, unless she had to. "How about you stay here for a bit? I can call someone and see about making sure you're taken care of. You don't have to rough it on your own."
There was nothing Kyoko could say to that. Apparently, she had gotten into the home of some do-gooder. It would be a waste to let such an opportunity pass, so, she put on her most grateful, innocent grin, and played the poor, unfortunate child act.
"Are you sure that would be okay?" She feigned worry, bringing her hands over her sternum and blinking. She wondered what kind of food this guy had.
He smiled gently and nodded. "Of course. Now, what's your name?"
"It's... Mami." Kyoko lied. Her family's name could be on the news even here, so she saw no reason to hand out her real name and get turned in for that. She was most certainly going to bolt in the morning, anyway. "Mami Tomoe." She hoped Mami wouldn't mind her using her name. Well, she didn't actually care, but it crossed her mind. "And you, sir?"
"Shou Tucker." He smiled.
As it turned out, the small Tucker family was a nice one. Nina had bounced around her happily, a bundle of innocence and joy. She learned rather quickly that the little tot was four years old, as demonstrated by a show of four fingers and an adorable grin. Kyoko couldn't help but encourage the kid's joyful babbling. A pang of hurt went through her heart, though. Memories of Momo made her eyes water, but she suppressed them and her feelings.
So Kyoko sat at their dining room table with them, a small meal of mashed potatoes, peas, and ham before her. "So, you're a State Alchemist, eh?" Kyoko tilted her head, making sure to swallow her food before she spoke. She was busting out her manners for this gig, no reason to draw any ill will or regret for showing her some kindness. And food. Kyoko was vaguely aware of how this man being a member of the military could be dangerous to her. She hoped he wasn't one of the ones that participated in the Ishvalan war, too. Her hair and skin didn't match, but her eyes were crimson as a result of her heritage. No warning bells went off yet, though, so she let herself relax.
"Yes, though I've only been one for a little over a year now. My title is The Sewing-Life Alchemist." He nodded, his chin resting on his linked fingers, elbows propped on the table.
"Why's your name mommy? Are you a mommy? I miss my mommy." Nina chirped from her seat, looking at Kyoko with big blue eyes.
"Nah, no. It's Mami. M-A-M-I." Kyoko corrected her before shoveling a scoop of potatoes into her mouth. A wave of negative emotion swept over her, abruptly, but she ignored it. She was fine, nothing was wrong, she didn't have to focus on what happened.
"Ah, are you Eastern Xingese?" Shou asked, curious.
"Eh, yeah. Half, anyway. I was born over the border but my-" She paused, frowning. "My parents moved to a city nearby a long time ago." Her eyes stung. Don't think about it, don't think about it, don't think about it.
"I see. Where are they now?" His question was innocent enough, but surely he knew the answer. Or had a guess of it. Goddamn it, why did he have to ask?
"Dead." She forced out, voice flat. "Which is why I'm here and not home. Don't have anywhere else to go."
"Ah. My condolences." Shou seemed apologetic enough.
"Good," She thought bitterly. "Don't ask questions with obvious answers." Maybe it wasn't obvious, but why the hell else would she be all scuffed up and breaking into houses? It crossed her mind that he could just think her to be some vandal, but, it didn't matter.
A heavy silence fell over the table, as Kyoko focused on her food. Shou quietly watched her, and Nina nibbled on her snack- a plate of small cookies. After maybe ten minutes, Kyoko sighed.
"Hey, uh... Don't turn me in, okay? Please?" She stated point-blank, looking at Shou. "I don't want to go into any system."
He quirked a brow. "Why is that?"
She shifted in her seat, frowning. "No point in it. I've got my things to do and I ain't gonna waste time gettin' placed into some other family."
He nodded slowly, calmly. "I'll consider it."
His answer was simple and she couldn't glean anything from it. He was unreadable. How utterly irritating that was. As if she was going to let him decide what she'd do. Kyoko twirled her fork in her hand, and looked at her plate. She'd finished her meal.
Nina piped up, then. "Mami, Mami!" She chanted, and it took Kyoko a moment to realize she was talking to her.
"Eh?" She blinked.
"Wanna play? Let's play!" She cheerfully demanded. The rosy cheeked little squirt seemed absolutely elated to have a visitor, unaware of the circumstances.
"Now, Nina, it's nearly bed time." Shou told his daughter, bringing a pout to her face in the process.
"Wanna play! Pleeeease? Me n' Alexander wanna play!" At the mention of his name, the white dog let out a low, boof and wagged his tail.
Kyoko bit her lip and tapped her foot against the floor. She was vaguely aware of how damp her clothes still were, and how tired she was. So she smiled at Nina, and shrugged. "How about tomorrow?" She offered. If she'd even be there tomorrow.
"Okay!" Nina beamed, and Kyoko sighed. The negative feelings were building up again, swelling up inside her chest and squeezing her heart. She thought of Momo.
That night, Kyoko laid in a comfortable guest bed with her arm draped over her forehead, staring at the ceiling. The room was chilly and smelled of pine and crayons. Her skin was covered in goosebumps, still chilled from earlier, though she was no longer in her soaked clothes. She had been given a nice nightgown that was a bit large for her, but clean and dry, and that's what mattered.
She couldn't sleep. Not now. Not while paranoia lingered over her like a heavy cloud and the agony of loss chewed away at her insides. What a strange way the day had unfolded.
She looked over to the side of the bed. Atop the nightstand was a familiar ruby-eyed little creature, its fluffy tail swishing behind it in a mesmerizing pattern. Like the pendulum of a clock, almost.
"Why're you here?" Kyoko grumbled, looking back at the ceiling.
"Mami wanted me to deliver a message to you." Kyubey said simply.
A humorless laugh escaped her. "What, you're a messenger now?"
"No. But I was going to check on you anyway, so it seemed efficient to carry out her request too." Kyubey replied, lacking emotion as it always did.
"Yeah? I don't wanna hear what she's got to say." Kyoko rolled over, turning her back to the catlike creature.
"She misses you. She wants you to come back, and she'll help you work everything out." Kyubey stated. "You should consider it. Teams are much more effective than solo Magical Girls."
Kyoko scoffed. "Don't care. Leave."
Silence resumed.
Kyoko did not sleep well that night.
