chapter one

I was out of breath by the time I got up to my third favorite secret passageway. (You could only access one during a leap year and I didn't feel like getting my flashlight from my dorm for the second.) I had escaped all the Seventh Graders who had bombarded me with questions like, Was it true you killed someone? And did you or did you not just get back from Bangladesh? And are you dating Zach? I took a deep breath and forced my head into my hands. How on earth was I expected to finish school when I couldn't even keep myself together? I forced myself not to cry in my room, but nothing was holding me back now. Why did everything always happen to me? Why wasn't it Bex? Or Liz? Or Macey? They could surely handle it better than I ever could. I'm the one running away and crying to herself. Throwing herself a pity party. Come on, Cam. Pull yourself together. You could have it worse. I tried to think of everything that could've happened and didn't. But everything I kept thinking of had already happened. I killed a man. I ran away from school and made it worse for everyone else around me-

"Come on Gallagher Girl. Stop beating yourself up."

I should have known Zach would be there. I was being careless again. I had gotten worse at hiding and he had gotten better at seeking.

"How do you know I'm beating myself up? How do you know I'm not just crying because I'm a teenage girl with hormones?"

Zach rolled his eyes. "Because I know you Cam. You'd rather blame yourself than just accept the fact that other people besides yourself make mistakes."

I attempted to shake my head, but Zach just put his arm around me. "You know, you could give me a heads up before you go off and cry to yourself. I could spare you the tears." "What do you-" But before I could ask, he was kissing me. How many times had he done exactly this? Me running off, him following me. Reassuring me, comforting me? Why was I always the broken one? How could he see through me like glass, but he was more difficult?

I broke away.

"Zach?"

I sounded concerned enough for him to listen.

"What? What is it?"

"What's wrong?"

"What do you mean?"

I rolled my eyes. "Come on. There has to be something wrong. You always know when something's wrong with me. How do I never know?"

Zach bit his lip, trying to decide whether or not to say what was on his mind. As if on impulse, he breathed in and whispered,

"I think I'm just better at hiding when I'm hurting. Your brave enough to confront your emotions. I-" He shook his head, and his voice broke. "I just- It's easier for me to just lie to myself then to tell myself the truth."

It was like he was finally falling apart. Of course it was inevitable, but it was like towers crashing down, no one would have saw it coming. Except for me. Cause I knew I knew I had to break him completely so he could be healed completely, and so I knew what I had to do.

"Tell yourself what truth?"

I knew it probably wasn't the best time to ask him this, Zachary Goode was about to cry. But he had to face it. He had to tell himself so he wouldn't lie anymore.

He gulped, and turned to face me.

"Cammie, I- I'm a terrible person."

"What?! No! No you aren't Zach."

He just shook his head, shook it like he was trying to deny something. "You don't know, Cammie. You don't know."

"Know what?"

His eyes crushed me in half. Here was my rock, the only person I could really depend on. The one I knew would be there for me, no matter what. And he was broken. I had to fix him. He had mended me together so many times, I had never guessed that he was secretly teaching me how to do the same.

He took a deep breath, as if he was swimming in his secrets, and he was about to drown in them. I had to keep him above water. Or show him how he could breathe below.

"When I was fourteen, at Blackthorne, my mom had come to visit me." He looked at me desperately, like he was about to lose me, and he added quickly, "This was before I knew, about the Circle, about who she really was." He hesitated before starting up again. "And she came to ask me a favor. There was a job, she said she needed it to be done, in Australia. She wanted me to break into this man's house, and get something. She said-" Zach voice broke, and a tear cut across his perfectly broken cheek. I was afraid of touching him, but I grabbed his hand anyway, and he gripped it like a life line. He started back shakily, "She said, that I could kill him if I had to. And so I did it. I got into his house, -she wanted his computer. I got it-, and I was about to leave, and he pulled a gun on me. But I was already there." His eyes were swimming in them. His secrets. And suddenly I knew I had to save him. I had to be there for him, no matter what he had done.

"I shot him Cammie." He looked down at me like I had been the one he had shot. "Right in the heart. Then another man came down, he was screaming at me. I think he was yelling 'What have you done?!' But I didn't hear him. I didn't hear him at all."

When he realized that he hadn't lost me, he continued. This was the weakest I had ever seen Zach. Ever. He was letting me see a side of him not many, maybe not at all, had seen.

"And you know the worst part?"

He looked at me with a disturbing smile, like it was sickeningly funny. But I still saw a secret. Hidden in his eye. This wasn't over.

"I looked on his computer."

He dropped the act, he now looked, afraid. It was hard to recognize what it was at first, I had hardly seen him look this way. It was the Caves all over again. But something in the back of my mind told me this was worse.

"He had one picture on it. Just one. And-"

He choked, the secrets were streaming out of his eyes. I knew it was easier for him to breathe, but it wasn't over yet.

"And- it was a picture of him, and my mom."

I looked confused, until he added.

"In the hospital. Holding a baby."

His eyes were like I'd never seen them before. The secrets had begun to define him, now that they left, I could almost see Zach for who he really was. But another emotion replaced the secrets he was trying to hide. Broken anger. Plain on his face. I could see it so easily because I had witnessed it first hand more than once.

"It was me, Cammie!"

The yells echoed off the passageway. I could hear every emotion stirring underneath those words, not bothering to hide them.

"I- I shot my own father. And then I left him there to die."

He squeezed my hand so tight, I heard a sickening crack, but all I could feel was the disgusting pain Zach must have felt for five years. So we just sat there, for what seemed like forever, each holding each other together, because we were both so broken. But it was like breaking an arm in some ways. Sometimes they have to break it even more so it can heal right. I had broken Zach so deeply so he could heal completely. But little did he know just how much it broke me in the process.


"Cammie?"

Hours later, still sitting there, holding each other, we were both in considerably better moods. I could already see the light enter Zach's eyes. Zach would never be the same after this. But he's still Zach.

"Hm?"

"Why don't you just leave me here?"

I thought about the question for awhile. Why don't I just leave? I laughed to myself. Because I'm desperately in love with you and there's no place I'd rather be and you always fix me and here's my chance to fix you. But don't worry, I didn't say that.

I nudged him. "You know why."

He shrugged. "You're probably right. I just want to hear you say it."

I smiled. "You first."

"I love you."

"I love you too."


We were still sitting there, hours later, each not wanting to leave. Just wanting to hold each other forever, afraid letting the other go would mean going crazy. Finally, Zach said,

"Cammie! What's wrong with your hand?!"

I looked down, seeing my swollen, purple hand no longer grasped by Zach's perfect one. I shrugged, even though I knew it was probably broken.

Zach spoke, looking slightly amused, but concerned at the same time. "I broke it. Didn't I?" When I refused to answer, he sat up, pulling me up with him. "I need to take you to the infirmary."

"But I don't wanna leave." I almost whimpered.

"You think I do?" He sighed, as if he knew what he should do, and didn't want to. Like a mom telling her son to take out the trash. Except no one was telling him anything.

He picked me up, and carried me out.

"You know its my hand that's broken, not my leg."

He shrugged. "I know, but this is way more heroic."

I just rolled my eyes.


When we finally got out of the hideout, Zach took me straight to the infirmary. I knew everyone would be staring at us. We both had red, puffy eyes, and Zach was carrying me, and I had a swollen purple hand. What's not to stare at? When we finally got there, Mrs. Salus, the nurse on call, barely gave us a glance, like she had seen crazier, which was probably true. She took one look at my hand and said,

"Its broken. You'll have to stay overnight."

I gave Zach a look that said I do not want to do this and this is all your fault and I told you we should have just stayed where we were.

Mrs. Salus took my pulsing hand gently in her cold ones.

"What happened?"

I laughed breathlessly. "Uh... well, Zach kind of broke it. On accident."

She looked from me to Zach as if she knew exactly what had happened, and didn't bother hiding her smirk.

She felt around on my hand, and I winced.

"Well, he broke it enough. May have even fractured it since you didn't come straight to me. Did you?"

We both blushed guiltily.

"Guessed so. Well, you can set her down on that bed over there. I'll have to forge your medical history and take you to the hospital tomorrow since you'll need a cast. I'll let your teachers know, and Zach, will you go get Headmistress Morgan? We'll need to let her know as well."


(3rd Person, Zach's POV)

Zach took a deep breath and knocked on Mrs. Morgan's door.

"What?"

Zach cleared his throat.

"Headmistress Morgan? Its Zach."

Mrs. Morgan came out in a nightgown, with her glasses on. She looked much younger, but concerned.

"I would say its a pleasure Zach, but then I'd be lying."

She looked tired. "Yes ma'am. Isn't much of a pleasure for me either, but Nurse Salus wanted me to get you. Cammie, kind of, broke her hand." A normal mom would be very concerned, but Mrs. Morgan just raised her eyebrows.

"And how did this happen? At-" She glanced at her alarm clock, "3 o'clock in the morning?"

Zach cleared his throat. "It was my fault. We were just talking and-"

"I see-" She said, graciously cutting Zach off.

"Well, I guess I should head down there. Kids these days, no offense."

"None taken."

Not sure where I should stop.. so i figured that would be good! hahaha review! (most, or all, of this will probably be Zammie, cause I LOVE THEM! so ya... ! )

DON'T forget to review! It only will help! Don't be afraid to say what's on your mind!