Log Entry #1

Invader Zim reporting. I've been assigned by the Almighty Tallest to conquer the Earth. Everything has gone wrong since the Great Assigning on Conventia. Whoever finds themselves reading this is most likely aware of the fact that Operation Impending Doom failed horribly and that it was all my fault. Not even putting the fires out would convince the Tallest to let me stick around. They banished me to Foodcourtia, but finding out about Operation Impending Doom 2 encouraged me to finally escape that horrible planet. All I ever wanted was to prove that I could be of service to the Irken Empire. Nothing made me happier than when the Tallest finally saw how deserving I was during the Great Assigning on Conventia. They assigned me to invade a planet so mysterious that those who have ever heard of it dare not speak its name. Shortly afterwards, I received a Standard-issue Information Retrieval Unit and took off in my Voot Cruiser. Month after month of enduring horrible singing (my robot slave likes singing) was simply awful. I wouldn't have come out of that mess with my sanity intact if not for my navigational system informing me that we arrived at our destination. But then I flew straight into an asteroid and that's when everything went wrong. My ship crashed and the first thing I saw was a strange temple. I've been here for less than an hour. Apparently this place is known as Beach City. My portable scanner detects three life forms. Hopefully they aren't hostile. I'll have to find a place to rest for the time being even if sleep is prohibited for an Irken Invader. It's either this or death from exhaustion, so goodbye for now. Invader Zim signing off.

Log Entry #2

Invader Zim reporting. I despise this pitiful speck of a planet. There are Gems living here! Records indicate they were all wiped out ages ago but apparently they're still alive and well. They discovered my ship before I could make repairs. These Gems lost the element of surprise and I attempted to show them the meaning of... superior being. Unfortunately things didn't go so well and they somehow managed to defeat me with their primitive weapons. Even worse is that they imprisoned me. They don't know how lucky they are to have defeated me in my weakened condition. Now let's discuss the "Crystal Gems" as they prefer to be called. The tall one appears to be their leader. That's perfectly understandable all things considered. She's rather straightforward and is in control of everything her subordinates do. Her name is Garnet. The purple one is loud and rude. She also happens to be the shortest and is around my height. That accursed whip she carries around must be destroyed. Her name is Amethyst. And then we have the pointy-nosed one. It's her I hate the most. Believing that Irkens are inferior to Gems. Calling us mindless animals. I'm zealously overconfident according to Pearl, but what does she know? Nothing more than a stupid defective who cries at the mention of a Gem named Rose Quartz. I don't even know who that is, but one of the natives mentioned her and she just started crying. The native knows how to speak basic. He's rather unimpressive. His name is Greg and he appears to be scared of me. The only reason I've been able to record this log entry is because the Crystal Gems left to go do something. I'll need to contact the Almighty Tallest immediately! They'll know what to do! Invader Zim signing off.

Log Entry #3

Invader Zim reporting. The Almighty Tallest have been made aware of my predicament and reinforcements are on their way. Tallest Red and Purple must've been worried sick about where I've been all this time! They just left for vacation and won't be able to answer any of my delightful calls. Well that's just fine because this puny planet will be mine before the armada even gets here! This planet stands no chance against a mighty soldier with my superior training. The biggest threat to my mission would have to be the Crystal Gems. Getting rid of them is my ticket to the quick conquering of the planet Earth. We haven't come into contact with them for thousands of years and we don't know how powerful their empire must be. That must be why Tallest Red and Purple assigned me to conquer the Earth! They really love me... and that's why I can't let them down. My plan is ingenious and there's no chance of failure. Part one involves tricking the Crystal Gems into repairing my ship. I don't know what part two entails, but rest assured it will be magnificent. Now, time to talk about my greatest enemies. They seem to be concerned about someone named "Steven" and this leads me to believe he is somehow a superweapon. Greg also seems to be concerned and brings him up frequently when talking about the one known as Rose Quartz. Steven could wind up being some kind of bio-android who goes on to destroy all their enemies! Hopefully, that's just a theory because that would be positively awful. I don't even know what happened to GIR after the Voot Cruiser crash-landed on the beach, so that would be fighting a losing battle even for someone as amazing as myself. I need to head back out before Amethyst opens the door. I've been in the bathroom for the past ten minutes. This won't end well. Invader Zim signing off.

Log Entry #4

Invader Zim reporting. The mission goes well. You'll never believe what I've just discovered... Steven is a human-alien hybrid. The offspring of Greg Universe and Rose Quartz. Disgusting! How could they possibly reproduce? Humans are such filthy creatures. And Gems must be even more low-class than I thought. Well, at least Pearl has agreed to assist me in repairing my ship. She merely wants to revisit the wonders of the cosmos. What's the harm in taking her up to space as long as it's for the sake of the mission? Anything is better than listening to GIR sing for six months. Now that was awful. I've also located GIR and he's been wreaking havoc at a local amusement park. Something must be done about him. That insane little robot could be the end of me. Almighty Tallest Purple told me that he's advanced, but nothing seems to indicate this. It's entirety possible he could be suffering programming glitches that manifest as personality quirks. But enough about that. Let's talk about something a little more important. The Crystal Gems apparently weren't aware of the progress and expansion of the Irken Empire. They must've been living here for thousands of years! All because they seek to protect this miserable planet. Do they really think anything on Earth is worth saving? Well they're wrong! The Tallest were wise to send me instead of those other less qualified soldiers. The Crystal Gems may be foolish, but this doesn't change the fact that they're strong. Just now, they left to go "bubble" some kind of monster. Hopefully, they all come back in one piece. Not because their well-being is of any concern to me. Repairing the ship would most likely take up too much of my time without any assistance. The Tallest told me to learn about these Crystal Gems. They won't regret sending me to the planet Earth. Invader Zim signing off.