I remember. I know people say stuff like 'it happened so fast…' but not for me, I remember it all, and by god I wish I didn't.
It was a Saturday, it was summer, hot as hell to so I was grateful the air conditioning I was sat under. I held my tongue out as I scribbled away on the paper in front of me, sipping at my juice box as I feel fingers bury into my hair, a figure leaning over with something small and silver glittering light into my eyes "That's beautiful baby."
I smile triumphantly at the drawing as a voice calls "Rose, can I get the check?"
With a kiss on my head she leaves to carry on her shift. I watch her go, to you this woman would seem meager in her ugly mustard uniform, too skinny frame and brown roots among her colored hair, but to me she was an angel, her locks were golden and the roots merely a halo, her smile beamed brighter than any star and her eyes were fire lit sapphires.
But I guess all eight year olds see their moms like that.
We didn't have much, a one bedroom apartment and black and white TV that hardly worked, but we were happy, we window shopped and had tickle fights. That all changed that night…
The bell above the door chimes; I don't look up, too interested in my drawing to care until the new comer screams "Nobody move!"
My small head shoots up to meet my mother as the hooded figure points a gun in her face "you, empty the register"
His hand quivers as my mom hands him all the money in the register, I didn't understand, I was just so scared "Mommy?"
Without warning the man swivels and I'm looking down then end of the barrel "NO"
A loud bang echo's through my ears, the gun lowered by the trembling hand as panic washes over his face, hood fallen… he was just a kid, a teenager. But that didn't matter to me as I saw my mom on the floor, a sticky red staining the mustard dress "Mommy!"
As I run to her the boy runs out, having the nerve to actually take the money as he goes. I kneel next to her, Kevin, her boss, already on the phone as she looks up at me, reaching a hand up to cup my tear stained cheek "mommy you're bleeding"
She sobs as she looks at me with such sadness "I'm so sorry baby…"
"Mommy… don't leave me" I cry, heart in my throat
She cries, matching me tear for tear as her breath quickens to short breaths "I love you Mattiline. Don't, don't ever for-forget that. So much, I love… you"
Her hand falls and eyes wide, glassy. Dead
I shake my head and pull on her dress "no, no mommy, wake up, wake up mommy please"
When she doesn't and Kevin tries to pull me away but I cling to her, after he gives up I lay my head on her shoulder, sobbing without thought as my fingers come to graze the shiny diamond dusted snowflake resting between her breast, I place a kiss on her cheek with silent tears "I love you to mommy"
FIVE YEARS LATER
I'm sat on some lumpy ass chair in the wreck-room, one of the many crappy orphanages I've been to, their all the same really. The door opens and in walks my case worker Gina with her frizzy red hair, I didn't like Gina and she didn't like me, she talked to me like I was stupid so I bit her. With the way she reacted you'd think I was a rabid dog, I didn't even break the skin for fucks sake.
She pushes my sneakers off the table, my feet landing with a heavy thud before she looks down her nose at me "why am I here?"
"Someone wants to meet you, now you're going to be nice and I swear if you hit her or bite her then you'll be losing all your privileges" she warns, heading back to the door as I scoff
As the door opens in walks on old woman; smiling at me like I'm some little china doll "hello, I'm Evelyn"
I don't respond, not until Gina coughs threateningly and I glare with a bitter tone "Mattiline"
I can't help but notice the frown she sends to the redhead whiles I play with the snowflake around my neck
"That's pretty Mattie, do you mind if I call you Mattie?" she smiles, not in the judging way Gina had when she saw it, accused me of stealing it, because orphans didn't have pretty things just shit in a trash-bag
Without thinking I tuck the pendant out of sight, folding my arms with a shrug "So, you like snow?"
I don't respond, Gina nudges me and I turn with a death stare, her wrist twisted painfully in my tiny hand "Lady you touch me again I'm going to crack your fucking skull open"
I push her wrist back and see the rage in her eyes as she goes to speak only for the old lady to stand "Gina, could I have word please?"
As they leave the room I smirk, giving the redhead a wave, the old woman turning back to me with a smile. An actual smile; see now that kind of shocked me
As the door closes I scooter over, my ear to the wood as they speak "Mrs. Mercer, you see how she is… I'm sorry that you wasted your time"
A laugh comes from the old girl, Evelyn? "No need for apologies. I wish to go forward with the adoption"
My eyes widen at that, fear creeping through my veins and I can hear the surprise on the social workers voice "What? Mrs. Mercer this girl is trouble. She has authority, attitude and behavioral issues; she is constantly fighting and set fire to her last foster home… adoption?"
"I'm very aware of all that… now please arrange the paperwork" she says politely, who the hell was this woman?
The drive was quiet; I didn't bother making small talk, what's the point? I'll probably be back at that hellhole by the end of the week anyway.
Eventually we pull up to a worn brick house, turning to me with another light hearted smile she says "here we are, home sweet home"
Getting out I grab the trash bag holding everything I own and follow her up the path, it was snowing. She opens the door and lets me walk in first; I've seen worse "Boy's get in here"
I swallow hard as four guys walk into the living room "Mattie these are my son's Jeremiah…"
The first was a talk skinny boy with dark skin and smiling with big teeth that waved; he looked around nineteen maybe twenty "hey"
"Bobby…" the second guy was white and had a touch of muscle but he was short, taller than me though, but at thirteen everyone was taller than me. I guessed he was at least early twenties, he just nodded
"Angel and Jack, boy's this is your new sister Mattiline" the Angel guy was had muscle and a huge afro to distract from his shiny braces, I'd say about eighteen and the last guy was just plain skinny and damn tall, not much older than me, sixteen maybe
They all look at me expectedly so I just throw out a quick wave as Evelyn sighs "alright let me show you to your room"
I scan over the place quick, the four guys looking at me as I follow her. Almost like they were trying to decipher me, but if a child physiologist and a bunch of adults couldn't get me how could some dudes. I get my own room? First for everything I guess. It's got blue paper on the walls and a small bed, wardrobe and chest of draws "I know it's a little plain but I'm sure we can soon fix it up. What color do you want the walls, pink? Purple?"
I just shrug, dropping the trash bag. Was this woman really talking to me about this? She really thought I'd be sticking around? I think this lady must be nuts or up to something, I haven't decided yet "ok, well when you decide a color we can get it all decorated for you. I'll let you get settled in; dinner will be ready in about an hour. Oh and there's a new toothbrush in the bathroom for you under the sink"
I just nod as she smiles; does this woman ever not smile? She leaves the room and I take a seat on the bed, expecting it to be lumpy and used, but it felt like it had never been slept in. I look to the door and see a lock on the inside of the wooden frame, huh, makes a change I suppose. Kicking off my shoe's I lay down on the fresh scented linens, best to enjoy it while it lasts…
If only I knew then that this place wasn't just another stop to hell, its home.
Hey guys, what do you think? Please review and tell me what you think if you want more. I'm not sure if this will be an M yet so suggestions welcome :)
Thanx JJ
