A/N: This is fun. So I wanted to pursue this topic for a little while, and then came up with the brilliant idea to tell the story in short, comedic parts. There are multiple parts per actual chapter, though each is pretty short by itself.
Also, regular line breaks are boring! So now, the line breaks will actually be little text segments of their own. Each of them will usually be shorter than the regular story parts. The line breaks might have something to do with the plot, or they might not. For example, one might be the main characters recalling an important monster fight, or they might just be playing cards or something stupid.
Neverteless, read the first chapter, and if you make it to the end, I'll see you there. I wish you luck.
Obligatory disclaimer: Obviously I do not own any rights to anything about the source material, obviously.
My Normal Mythological Life - Part 1 (When one's personal space = 10 foot radius)
"... Perseus Jackson!" the booming voice of Zeus called. "For crimes against Olympus, you shall be executed and banished to Tartarus!"
"What?!" two voices shouted at the same time. It was Percy himself and Poseidon who shot to their feet. Percy was obviously surprised and angered, though he didn't know what had triggered this accusation.
Zeus smugly crossed his arms. "You heard me. Percy has been proven guilty of treason during the giant war, as demomstrated by Athena's daughter and Octavian."
Percy whirled around and found himself facing a smirking Annabeth, and he felt his heart shatter. Betrayed by one who calls you a friend. Again. Classic.
Poseidon's eyes flashed an angry dark green, and his trident zipped back into his hand.
Athena stood up, brandishing a spear threateningly. "Quiet, you stupid jellyfish!"
Poseidon looked confused. "... jellyfish?"
Percy whispered. "Dad, jellyfish don't have brains."
Poseidon's eyes widened before he turned back to Athena, who was giggling. Percy glared at Annabeth, who stuck her tongue out at him.
"My son is innocent!" Poseidon shouted. "Circumstantial evidence is not enough to incriminate a person of treason!"
Zeus laughed a booming, wicked laugh that rebounded throughout the hall. "Well, it's not worth the risk keeping him around, is it?"
Percy was about to retort when someone else did for him.
Artemis, of all people, stood up and walked next to Poseidon. "So you would have us destroy a demigod who has served us faithfully for years?"
Apollo's eye twitched. "Is my baby sis actually defending a male?"
Percy winced, as he knew what was coming.
"Do not call me that ridiculous nickname! And I am defending a true hero, not some washed up prideful girl who brings shame to women," she glared at a certain daughter of Athena.
"You dare insult my daughter?!" Athena turned on Artemis, which prompted Apollo to flash next to his sister and glare.
Hermes, the level-headed messenger god, came to Apollo's aid while Ares backed up Athena.
"Ares, don't get within a ten foot radius of me," Athena spoke in a dangerous tone without even a glance at said war god.
Ares backed away slowly and took notice of Aphrodite crying, her favorite ship ruined because of some stupid backstabbing girl. Aphrodite cried and flashed behind Artemis.
"Aphrodite, don't get within a ten foot radius of me," Artemis spoke in a dangerous tone without even a glance at said love goddess.
Hephaestus noticed his wife ignoring her new hotshot boyfriend for once and hurried to support her.
"Hephaestus, don't get within a ten foot radius of me," Aphrodite spoke in a dangerous tone without even a glance at said god of the forge.
Percy winced. Harsh rejection.
Zeus, of course, stood and took Athena's side, along with his wife.
Demeter sat on the ground eating cereal, Hades looked bored munching on popcorn, and the drunk wine god drank more wine.
Percy, as well as Annabeth and all of the other demigod heroes stood in shock. Zeus was facing off against Poseidon and Artemis who was glaring at Athena who was the target of murderous gazes of Apollo and Hermes, who were also facing off against Ares, whose girlfriend was siding with her actual husband against Hera, the goddess of marriage. This left Demeter, Dionysus, and Hades doing nothing while their family squabbled.
Percy would have found the scene funny, but Hestia was desperately jumping up and down to try and calm everyone considering Gaea had just woken up, but eventually she gave up and walked towards Percy.
Percy looked down, until she reached him and tugged his chin up. She gave him a warm smile, and an "I'm sorry..." before she turned back and sat down on the rocks to wait it out.
Percy caught a glimpse of her tears.
Heavens Above (Powerful entity doesn't do anything important)
A being watched the scene, a being so old and powerful not many took into account its continued existence as an all-powerful deity. Obviously the Olympians didn't. The being wondered how they would act if they actually believed that an all-seeing eye was trained on them day and night.
This super powerful god did notice that a few people down in Greece were decent. Some examples were Artemis, Apollo, Hermes, Hestia, and of course, the legendary Perseus Jackson.
The being let out a small chuckle, feeling humor - quite the emotional breakthrough considering that the being had been a stagnant sheet of boredom for the past few hundred years, during which the Olympians failed to uphold their duties as adequate rulers and allowed their children to be sent off like cattle to a slaughterhouse.
Whatever the case, the god watched this particular haphazard collaboration between gods intently. Things were going to get interesting.
My Normal Mythological Life - Part 2 (An entire family consists of idiots)
Percy had graduated from being the subject of admiration from everyone at camp to being the subject of scrutiny from everyone on the Parthenon.
He glanced down. Zeus had won the fight, considering he was the king of the gods and had Athena on his side. She would make an excellent lawyer.
When the final vote came, Zeus, Hera, Athena, Ares, Dionysus, Demeter, Hades, and oddly enough, Hephaestus raised their hands. Apparently Hephaestus wanted to get back at Aphrodite by siding with her boyfriend who was antagonizing her at the moment. Whatever the case, it tipped the scaled towards execution, and Poseidon's face was filled with grief.
Athena and Annabeth were smirking as Poseidon shot them a murderous glare before turning his gaze on Percy. He tried for a smile, but his face conveyed the message 'I'm sorry I cannot do more.'
Apollo and Artemis shared glanced at each other and with Percy, each trying to send smiles of thanks at each other. Apollo smiled at Percy for helping save Olympus twice, Percy smiled at Artemis for allowing the two to become friends, and Artemis didn't smile at Apollo really.
Aphrodite was still bawling her eyes out over the loss of her romance reality tv show. Hephaestus was now feeling guilty for condemning this kid to death, and Hades was frowning as if reconsidering his choices as well. His nephew didn't deserve death unless he was a proven traitor.
Hestia was sharing tears with Poseidon and Percy as well. Her face tried to express her gratitude towards him for restoring her council seat and also to apologize. Percy tried to smile to alleviate any guilt she held. It wasn't her fault Annabeth was a backstabbing, knife wielding, hyper-intelligent jerk.
"Are you people idiots or something?" a feminine voice seemed to reverberate from the ground. "Seriously..." a grassy figure swirled into existence, revealing... Gaea, of course, because everyone forgot that she was actually awake.
Percy's nosebleed intensified.
Gaea had white skin, grassy green eyes, and brown hair. Her attire consisted of green clothing that left little to the imagination.
Hera had to elbow Zeus to break off his spiraling train of thought, and Percy chuckled. Artemis was glancing at her father and brother with distaste, but she saw Percy laughing and gave him an approving nod.
"Why are you being so calm? I am the end of your existence!" Gaea tried to be intimidating. "Um... argh?"
Zeus casually tossed his master bolt at her. It did nothing, and Zeus sighed. "We're all dead, aren't we?"
"Yep," Gaea sighed. "Prepare to die. And nice work, Annabeth."
Annabeth triumphantly walked over and kneeled at Gaea's feet.
"Ha! Yes, I told you my son was innocent!" Poseidon yelled triumphantly.
Gaea frowned. "Is that your most pressing concern? I mean, what about ME, who is about to DESTROY YOU FOREVER?!" She glowed with a greenish hue and rose into the air. The wind picked up, and clouds blew in.
Hestia was in tears, and seeing the rest of her family were blatantly stupid, she decided to spend her last moments with Percy instead.
He was watching Jason and Piper have their last kiss, and Frank, Hazel, and Leo of all people were huddled together. Percy was by himself until Hestia tapped his arm.
He saw her face, and had softened.
"I suppose you demigods put up a fight..."
"I'm sorry," Hestia tried to apologize.
"What for? It's not your fault the Olympians are stupid and won't listen to you..."
"... you gods and goddesses are just stupid..."
Hestia brought him into a loose hug.
Percy sighed. "It was nice knowing you."
"... soon the world will be ashes!" Gaea finished her dramatic speech with a triumphant flourish before summoning a huge earthquake that commenced immediately.
Percy tried to shield Hestia with his body, causing her to smile. "It hardly matters, we're both dead anyways..."
Percy saw a boulder or something smash into Hestia's side, causing him to lose his grip on her. He heard her cry of pain before a rock suddenly decided to dive bomb his head and suddenly, everything was black.
Mothers (aka RIP Olympus (the first time maybe))
When Sally felt the earthquake, she started to cry. She knew what it meant. Her son was probably dead. Olympus was falling. All of humanity was doomed.
When Leto felt the earthquake, she though of her twin children. While the two of them constantly annoyed each other as adults, she wanted to spend her last moments thinking about the memories of Artemis and Apollo's childhood.
When Rhea felt the earthquake, she groaned. Her son had failed again. She did feel sympathy for Hades and Hestia, however. They didn't deserve to die like this. Hestia and Hades were the only two who never really became complete megalomaniacs. Even Poseidon had a sense of pride, while Hades just liked dead people and cash.
When Athena felt the earthquake, she cried for herself, for her father, for Olympus, for the wrongly accused Percy, and for her daughter. Wisdom's daughter walks alone. Again. Annabeth had fallen to greed and hubris. As a result, everyone was going to die. Maybe she knew this and was fine with it, considering she was smiling at all of the Olympians being sucked into the earth, one by one. Athena felt her feet get trapped in the mud. Her legs followed, then her hips, torso, and finally, her head disappeared. She was gone.
My Normal Mythological Life - Part 3 (Time travel is always fun)
Percy blinked. Everything was no longer black. Instead, he realized he was back in his dorm room at Yancy Academy. That means, either something fishy was going on, or he had traveled back in time, which was also something fishy. Nevertheless, he sat up in bed, because he had been sleeping there, and proceeded to notice a letter sitting in his lap.
He opened it. It read:
Dear Perseus Jackson,
That was funny. The Olympians were so stupid back there. Nevertheless, even though it wasn't strictly your fault, you lost the war. You've been transported back in time to see if you can figure out how to save Olympus.
Remember that your biggest advantage lies in your knowledge of the future. Also remember that whatever you do differently in this timeline will have a large effect on future events. It would be best not to change your actions too darastically.
Also, remember to save as many people who died last time as you can, but if a person survives in the previous timeline, do not make an effort to save them as they will be fine. Next, do not trust Annabeth.
Now, every time you die, you will awaken back in this new timeline at a certain spot. If you feel like you screwed up, just kill yourself. It will be fine, and whenever you wake up, you can be sure that up until that point, all of your actions were correct.
Sincerely, the all-powerful god who was previously doing nothing between parts 1 and 2.
Percy was confused by the entire letter, but hid it where he was sure Grover wouldn't find it. If it was true he was in the past and could save everyone, he would need to be very careful and plan every action. Apparently, this person was a super powerful god, a primordial of some sort. Apparently, this primordial thought that life and death were trivial matters given that death was now apparently a minor inconvenience.
He stood up, trying to plan a course of action. He felt small and weak in his twelve year old body. He would have to train to change that.
He still wasn't sure what to do as his next big move, so he decided to ask around for the current date.
It was morning, just a few days before the field trip to the museum.
Time to get ready for school.
Meanwhile on Olympus (Gods argue like babies)
"I am older!"
"No you're not!"
Care to guess which two Olympians shared this particular argument?
That's right. Artemis and Apollo.
"Your poetry sucks!"
"What? No! That's impossible!"
Care to guess which two Olympians shared this particular argument?
That's right. Artemis and Apollo.
"Stop calling me baby sis!"
"But you are my baby sister!"
"No I'm not!"
Care to guess which two Olympians shared this particular argument?
That's right. Hestia and Zeus. Not Artemis and Apollo, though they did frequently argue about a similar topic.
At this moment in time, Hestia was starting to get sick and tired of Zeus treating her like a child. She wasn't a baby anymore- in fact, she was singlehandedly responsible for keeping the Olympians from killing each other... yet.
"Hestia, when are you just going to admit that you're younger than me?"
Hestia growled. "I never said that, though I am older than you! But I'm asking you to stop calling me that ridiculous nickname and to stop calling me a baby!"
"Well, you're the one who hasn't married anyone and refuses to fight!"
Hestia glared and her eyes flashed.
Zeus narrowed his eyes. "Do not push your luck, Hestia. I may be your brother, but I am also the king of the gods, and any disrespect towards Olympians will not go without punishment."
Hestia knew better than to argue when Zeus's voice took that tone, so she instead settled on glancing at the thrones of Artemis and Athena longingly.
My Normal Mythological Life - Part 4 (Rock paper scissors)
It was once again time for the museum field trip. Percy, of course, knew exactly what was going to happen. He had gotten used to talking to Grover again, and considering it had been a while even in the past timeline where the world already ended, a few days was adequate enough for Percy to stop gaping at Grover like he was surprised the satyr was present.
Nevertheless, they were seated next to each other on the bus. Unfortunately, Percy was on the inside, next to the aisle. Nancy Bobofit was across from him.
She was making snarky comments and tossing bits and pieces of her sandwich at Grover. Percy was catching them, and he realized he had half a sandwich in his hands.
"Hey! Stop wasting your lunch," Percy glared.
Nancy laughed. "Like you're one to talk, freak! In fact, your lunch is being wasted on you!"
Some of Nancy's friends snickered. "Oh! Sick burn!"
Grover actually commented. "Yeah, she roasted you with that one, Perce."
Nancy smirked.
Percy rolled his eyes. "Fine. Rock Paper Scissors. If I win, you stop throwing food."
Nancy chuckled and would've rolled up her sleeves if she wasn't wearing a short-sleeved shirt. "Let's go."
Percy chuckled. "I've never lost at this game before."
Nancy smirked. "We'll see about that."
"3... 2... 1... go!"
Nancy had thrown scissors.
Percy wore a triumphant smile on his face. He had thrown rock. "Well... looks like I win."
"Best of three," Nancy challenged.
Percy raised an eyebrow. "Alright."
Nancy was in deep thought. He just played rock, and I just played scissors. He might not play rock again, in which case I should play scissors. But at the same time, he might be trying to trick me into playing scissors or rock, in which case, I should play paper! If he plays rock or paper I win or tie. But he's not going to pick scissors because he wants me to play scissors or rock...
"3... 2... 1... go!"
It was Nancy who won the round, with her paper beating Percy's rock. "Ha!" she grinned.
Percy chuckled. "Last round?"
Nancy frowned and concentrated again. If he's just playing instinctively, there's no way he's gonna pick rock three times in a row. And I just won with paper, so he's probably anticipating I'm going to play paper again, in which case he'll either play scissors or paper. Just to be safe, I should play scissors to tie or win in that scenario.
"3... 2... 1... go!"
Percy chuckled. "Game over." He had played rock three times in a row, and won best of three. Nancy was dumbfounded, having played scissors and lost.
"But... how?" she asked in wonder.
Percy laughed. "I could explain the psychology, but you wouldn't understand."
Grover elbowed him. "How did you win?"
Percy smiled. "Well..."
Nancy tried to eavesdrop on his conversation and caught him talking about how guys usually played rock and girls usually played scissors on their first turn. She was under the impression that she had lost to a genius.
Percy stopped midway through his explanation. "- actually, no. I just picked rock three times for the heck of it."
"What?!" Grover and Nancy both shouted at the same time.
Percy smiled wryly. "Whatever. Thanks for the sandwich, Nancy."
This earned him a stutter, a blush, and a hasty 'your welcome?'.
"... that was unexpected..." Percy muttered. "G-Man, shut up!"
Grover was snickering. Apparently, Nancy had a thing for Percy.
"Well... that was brilliant..." Percy groaned.
Grover was still snickering as the bus slowed and students started to depart.
A/N: Hello! If you're reading this, then you hopefully read the first four parts of the story. Obviously, this is supposed to be relatively funny. If it was, great! If it wasn't, then too bad. Try and laugh.
Whatever the case may be, it was actually pretty brief. I want the parts to describe full scenes in the future, but I was just a little lazy this first chapter. The interludes between parts were all serious this time, and somewhat relevant. If you want to skip over them, fine. But don't blame me if you miss something.
You may also have noticed that I repeat "My Normal Mythological Life" every single part. This is simply to bolster the word count, so just ignore it, please.
So how was it? Tell me in a review. The pairing is also undecided except it won't be Annabeth, so suggest that in a review as well. If you just don't get what's going on, leave a review and I'll maybe try and explain it with a response in the next chapter.
All suggestions are welcome.
Have a nice evening.
