Hey, and welcome to 'An Alternative to Cigarettes'. This is just a short, fun one-shot I wrote up to satisfy my thirst for everyone's favourite Shizuo Heiwajima. I, obviously, don't own any characters besides my own, Kyoko Yayoi. Enjoy

~Dawn Stone Slifer~


"YAYOI!"

The young woman raised an eyebrow at the clearly angered voice, flicking through the magazine in her hands nonchalantly. She wasn't really reading it; she'd picked it up off the coffee table as a distraction. But she was determined to keep up the act of being immersed in the crappy tabloids when a tall figure stomped into the room.

"Kyoko Yayoi!" The voice wasn't impressed in the slightest. With a loud sigh, she rolled her eyes, flipping the magazine closed, before looking up at the owner of the voice.

"My goodness," she began, her voice dripping with sarcasm, "using my full name. I must be in trouble. What have I done wrong now, Shizuo?"

The man above her was practically quivering with rage, and she couldn't help but feel concerned. He was going to pop a blood vessel if he didn't calm down.

Of course, getting the infamous Shizuo Heiwajima to calm down wasn't exactly the easiest thing in the world.

"My cigarettes," he growled out, his fists trembling, "give them back."

"Your what?" she narrowed her eyes at him, before leaning back in her chair, opening the magazine once again and beginning to read, "I don't have your damn cigarettes..."

"You're the only other person who lives in this house. You must have them!" he snapped angrily, digging his nails into his palms. He was trying to keep calm, really, he was. But after going so long without having a cigarette, he was beginning to feel rather uptight.

"Why the hell would I want to take your cigarettes away? I hate the things," she countered, flicking onto another page.

"Exactly," he ground out, "you've been wanting me to quit for weeks. But this," he stabbed his finger in the direction of his pants pocket, "this shit isn't funny..."

"Okay, what shit?" she sighed, once again placing the magazine down in front of her, "enlighten me, Heiwajima."

The young man let out a muffled angry grunt, before reaching into his pocket, and pulling out what looked like a pack of his normal cigarettes. She recognised the crappy brand from a mile away.

"...Am I supposed to be seeing something different here? That's the same brand you usually smoke," she murmured, really not understanding what the problem was.

"It's not the pack," he muttered, shoving the box into her hands and folding his arms across his chest, "it's what's inside the pack."

She raised an eyebrow at him confusedly, before shrugging her shoulders, and opening the pack.

Silence.

And then came the peals upon peals of hysterical laughter. Shizuo could feel his teeth grinding together as he watched her clutch at her stomach, dropping the pack onto the chair beside her magazine.

"Holy shit!" she laughed, inhaling deeply in an attempt to get some air back into her lungs, "I forgot I did that! Holy hell!"

"It's not funny, Kyoko!" he yelled, snatching the pack back from the chair, "give me back my cigarettes now!"

"Oh, relax!" she giggled, finally able to breath, "It was just a joke. Besides, smoking those is definitely a lot healthier than those cancer sticks you usually smoke!"

"I'm not gonna ask again, Yayoi...give me my real cigarettes back," he ground out, flipping open the pack and pulling out a 'fake' cigarette. How he hadn't noticed a lot sooner had baffled her; she'd simply shoved a bunch of plain white candy sticks inside the packet and ran, dumping the real cigarettes in the trash outside. It must've been a while since he'd had his last smoke.

Well, at least he was smoking less. The time it had taken for him to find out about her little trick had proved it.

"Oh, c'mon, Shizuo," she smirked, getting up off the chair and walking towards him, "it was just a joke. A little harmless fun, is all. Besides," she came to a stop in front of him, before taking hold of his waistcoat and pulling him forwards slightly, their chests now touching, "you're a lot more attractive when you're not smoking..."

"I'm aware," he muttered, apparently not amused by her attempts at flirting, "but that still doesn't change the fact that I want them back."

"How about I treat you to dinner to apologise instead?"

"No."

"I'll even buy you desert."

"No means no, Kyoko."

"What about if I let you do whatever you want with me? It's been a while since you've been rough with me, after all..."

"You're not getting laid until I have my cigarettes back."

"Damn it!" she hissed, "I don't have them! I threw them away!"

Yet another moment of silence.

"...You what...?"

His voice was no higher than a whisper, and the woman felt her blood run cold.

"Uh...what I meant to say was...s-smoking's bad for your health, Shizuo! I was only looking out for you!"

"You...threw my cigarettes away?"

"A-And, passive smoking's a killer, y'know, Shizuo...what kind of environment are you trying to bring our future kids up in...?"

"You threw my cigarettes away."

"I c-could've been a lot meaner, y'know! I could've left the box empty, instead of filling it with sweets! You should be thanking-"

She let out a scream as she felt herself being lifted up, and the wind was knocked out of her when she went flopping down against Shizuo's shoulder.

"S-Shizuo! Let me go!" she shrieked, pounding at his back as he began to carry her through the house they shared.

"You want me to be rough with you, right?" his voice was still deathly quiet, but the words he spoke sent a jolt of heat running through her, "well then, prepare yourself, Yayoi. Because you're gonna be begging for mercy by the time I'm finished with you..."

A shiver ran up her spine, and her face lit up in a deep blush. She'd definitely have to steal Shizuo's cigarettes more often.

"And after I'm done, you can go out and buy me more cigarettes."

Okay, maybe she'd have to hold back on the cigarette-snatching. Even if it was just a little bit.

After all, she wasn't even sure she was going to be able to walk after this.