This is proof of how slow a writer I can be! I started writing this after the episode where Cal and Alicia kissed because I was too annoyed at him to write him in 'Trials' where he's being relatively supportive. This was meant to bridge the gap between the two episodes but now it's way past that point and also I got carried away and took this in a completely different direction.
So this is now a ridiculous one shot which I'm not sure whether I'm happy with. Please take heed of warnings for sex, bad language, and an incredibly contrived situation (you'll see what I mean!).
I'd love it if you could let me know what you think.
As sunlight beams through thin curtains and the room comes into focus, Alicia realises she doesn't know where she is. She can sense a body behind her, snug against the curve of her spine. From the fingers lazily tracing her bare ribcage, she can tell the man, whoever he is, has also reached consciousness.
It isn't the first time she's woken like this, disorientated from alcohol and in a bed that isn't hers. Over the past few months it has become almost a habit. She's come so far now from the good girl at University that used to be teased for paying more attention to books than boys. Something inside her has changed and she wouldn't know how to revert even if she wanted to.
Warm lips press against her neck.
"Morning," a voice says.
She squeezes her eyes shut and tries to remember the previous night. Her mouth tastes of tequila. She recalls a pang of rejection but it makes no sense because clearly she wasn't rejected last night. Unless…
She shifts onto her back and lets her head loll on the pillow, confirming the presence next to her in the bed.
Cal. Shit.
"How you feeling?" he asks.
There's many ways she could answer that question but it's not the time or person for a heart to heart. She forces a weak smile. "Hanging."
"Have you heard the best way to cure a hangover?"
She's about to reply but his lips press against hers. It's an instinctive response to kiss him back and she doesn't mind, not really. She feels far safer with him than one of the strangers she's woken up next to.
"I always thought a bacon butty," she says.
His hand reaches her breast. "Maybe later."
She knows where this is going and she considers pushing him away just to prove that she's not automatically his for the taking. But even though she may not remember it, it's clear what they did last night, and it's no surprise he doesn't think he has to work hard to get her.
Besides, his hand has moved elsewhere now and she doesn't see why she should deny something that feels so good, just to make a point.
She raises her head so that their lips meet again. It's not a delicate kiss but she doesn't mind, she's used to the frantic desperation of mouths against mouths now and the instigation is as much hers as his. She grasps his hips as he climbs on top of her. Her skin's sensitive to his touch and she can't silence a moan as he pulls her closer.
"Cal," she gasps.
He takes the hint.
She can't look at him once it's over and instead focuses on their jumbled pile of clothes on the floor, her bra, his boxers. Cal's breaths fall heavily on an otherwise quiet room. She doesn't understand how it's possible to plummet so quickly from a euphoric high to feeling as though she's done something wrong and yet it's always the same afterwards. But she needs to get used to this emotion-free sex because anything is preferable to being alone.
Cal climbs over her again but it's only to get out of bed this time. He stands in front of her, on display, and raises his eyebrows.
"Care to join me in the shower?"
"You're alright," she says. "I'll just grab a few more minutes kip."
"Wore you out, did I?"
"Something like that."
She watches as he pulls a pair of boxers on and waits for him to disappear out of the bedroom, before swinging her legs over the side of the bed. It hits her now, what she's done and with whom. "Shit, shit, shit," she says as she rummages on the floor for her clothing.
She dresses quickly and creeps out the room. She tiptoes down the corridor to the muffled sound of Cal singing in the shower. Although the flat is modest in size, there's numerous doors, all closed, and her hazy memories do not guide her to the exit. She stumbles slightly as she enters the kitchen and her cry alerts the occupant.
As Ethan turns to face her, Alicia wants to cry. The only person in the entire hospital who believes she isn't easy and he's here to witness her crawling out of his brother's bed, hair knotted and skin soiled from early morning sex.
He doesn't look surprised to see her but turns back to his steaming mug of coffee without speaking to add a generous helping of milk.
"Smells good," she says, hoping she sounds breezy. "I'm dying for a cuppa."
He doesn't reply immediately. He stays with his back to her but she hears him sigh. "They, um, do adequate coffees at the hospital, I believe."
Her chest thuds. "Oh, right," she says. She can hear the surprise in her own voice. Ethan was a gentleman and even he wasn't polite enough to pretend to like her.
"Sorry," he says. He turns so he's half facing her. "I didn't- I mean-" He sighs again. "Cal showers relatively quickly, so if you're trying to avoid him, now's your chance to go."
Cal wraps a towel around his hips and saunters back into his bedroom. Last night came as a surprise but he can't deny the party was improved by ending with a pretty girl in his bed. And, even though it would be a waste of a shower, he's hoping Alicia's game for round three.
But his bedroom is empty, both of Alicia and her clothes. He frowns and heads to the kitchen. The only inhabitant is Ethan. Even though their shift is due to start at the same time, his brother is already dressed and preparing his breakfast.
"Alicia gone?" Cal asks.
Ethan ignores him in favour of inserting a slice of bread into the toaster.
"Hey," Cal says. There's no doubt that Ethan heard him for he recognises the deliberate effort his brother is making to continue as normal. "I'm speaking to you."
"Yes, Caleb, she's gone."
"Pity." He re-secures the towel a little higher on his hips now that he's with his brother rather than an attractive woman. "She say why?"
"No doubt there's only so much time she could tolerate in your company."
Cal cocks his head to one side. Even Ethan doesn't usually snap at him this early in the morning. "What have I done this time?" he asks.
He doesn't get a reply from Ethan other than a look of disgust.
"Is this about Alicia?" He waits for a snarky response but Ethan remains mute. "Look, you said you weren't interested."
"No, I said we weren't a good match. I said I wasn't going to the party. I never said- I never said I wasn't interested."
Cal recoils. "I don't get it. If you like her then why didn't you go?"
Ethan looks at Cal as if he's speaking a different language and then sighs deeply and turns back to the toaster.
A rumbling of guilt stirs in the pit of Cal's stomach but he ignores it. Why should he feel bad? It's not his fault his little brother says one thing when he means another. "I didn't think it would upset you," he says, sulkily.
"No, you didn't think. Not with your brain anyway."
"Alicia wasn't complaining."
As Ethan spins around to glower at him, Cal notices the toast pop up in the toaster. He lunges for it and takes a large bite before Ethan has chance to stop him.
"That was mine!"
"But I'm starving," Cal says. "I always am after sex." He takes another bite as he heads for the door. "Better make your breakfast a quick one, Nibbles, don't want to be late for work!"
Ethan can't decide if he's angrier at Cal or himself.
His brother, no stranger to casual hook-ups, could have chosen any of the women in the pub. Yet he'd decided to latch onto the only one that Ethan had feelings for. It was hard to tell whether it was deliberately to hurt him, but he didn't think he'd feel any better even if Cal had meant no harm. He can never be with Alicia now Cal had been.
And yet, he knows at least some of the blame falls with himself. If he'd been braver he'd have gone to the party and then there was at least a small chance Alicia would have kissed him instead of Cal. Or even if he hadn't have got a kiss, he might have been able to distract her from the lure of his brother.
He spreads his replacement toast with a thin layer of jam but he's suddenly lost his appetite. He bins his breakfast and uncharacteristically discards his knife in the sink. There's only just enough time to arrive at work punctually and so he grabs his car keys from their usual home in the kitchen drawer and heads outside.
He's turned on the engine and put the gearstick into first when the passenger door opens and Cal throws himself in.
"Why's everyone disappearing on me today?"
Ethan meticulously puts the gear back to neutral before turning to glare at his brother. All he wanted was a few minutes piece before having to put up with Cal for the whole shift. "I'm not giving you a lift."
"You're going to have to," Cal tells him. "I don't think I'm sober enough to drive."
"Get a cab. Besides, if you are over the limit then you're not fit to work."
Cal shrugs. "Just drive, Nibbles, we can't both be late."
Ethan's tempted to swing for his brother but decides to save his efforts for the next time Cal sleeps with a girl he likes. He shoots Cal with a look of displeasure, but the older brother's already settled into the chair and is gazing out of the window, oblivious.
With a grunt, Ethan releases the handbrake and begins their journey.
At first, neither of them speaks and Ethan can almost pretend he's in the car alone. But once they turn onto a road that's busy enough to prevent Ethan stopping and kicking him out of the car, Cal clears his throat.
"So, you and Alicia," Cal begins. "Was that really going to happen?"
Years of experience have taught Ethan that the best way to rile his brother is by not replying. He focuses on the road instead, but he can't prevent Cal's words from echoing in his mind. He'd thought it was going to happen. There had certainly been enough near kisses and tender moments for it to seem a possibility.
"You said it yourself, you are very different."
Ethan takes a right at the roundabout onto the busy A-road that leads to the hospital. Cal was right, to an extent, he and Alicia had varying ideas of what classed as a good time. However on the occasions it had been just the two of them they'd always found something to talk or joke about.
"I mean, Alicia's bars and prosecco and you're museums and… milky coffee."
Ethan remains mute. There's little he can say to his brother's musings. He assumes Cal's speaking just to wind him up, but he can hear an element of curiously in his brother's voice and wonders if Cal is actually considering who Alicia might like more.
"You missed your chance anyway," Cal says. "She took you back to hers, didn't she? That's what you get for being a gentleman."
"I'm sorry," Ethan says before he can help himself, "since when is being respectful a bad thing?"
"When you don't get laid."
"It's not just about sex, Caleb."
Cal chuckles. "Try telling Alicia that! God, last night, the way she-"
"Stop it!" Ethan snaps. He hates hearing his brother talk about any girl like that, but it's much worse when it's a girl he cares about. "She's a person, Cal, not a piece of meat."
"Someone's touchy-" Cal starts. "Ethan!" he suddenly yells.
The panic in his brother's voice causes Ethan's heart to plummet even before he's digested the situation. The lorry they'd been following is now on its side, spinning across the highway, screeching from the friction with concrete. It grinds to a halt just ahead of them.
Ethan slams his foot flat on the brake but it feels as if they're barely slowing. He braces himself for the crash. But then Cal's hands are in front of him, steering the wheel sharply to the right. The rear of the car swings clockwise but the collision remains unavoidable.
There's a loud bang and a harsh judder as the car smashes against the rear of the lorry. Through his dizziness, Ethan manages to see Cal's body lurch as his side of the car takes the brunt of the impact. He hears his brother cry out in pain. He learns over immediately, arms outstretched, ready to tend to the worst of Cal's injuries. But he's only halfway to him when he's deafened by a screech of tyres and a sickening crunch.
Pain shoots through his head.
There's barely a second before he succumbs to blackness.
Alicia's often grateful that she lives round the corner from the hospital now, usually when it gifts her with an extra twenty minutes in bed before an early shift. But the more practical convenience is that she has the opportunity to pop to the pharmacy without being late for work.
The middle aged woman at the pharmacy purses her lips when Alicia asks for the morning-after-pill. It's not unlikely, Alicia supposes, that she must was the same lady she bought one from last time. And, just possibly, the time before that too. Alicia can't deny the fact that if she'd treated a patient three times for complications surrounding unsafe sex, she'd feel obliged to offer a word of advice, but that doesn't entitle strangers to judge her for doing the same. Better she take the pill now rather than chance a difficult decision further down the line.
To counteract the women's sullenness, she smiles as brightly as her pounding headache will allow as she thanks her for her service.
The server at the café is friendlier, at least, and gives her an extra shot of coffee in her Americano for no extra cost. Her smile is more genuine this time but it's still a struggle as the hospital café reminds her of Ethan's abrupt dismissal. Her shoulders slump and she nearly splashes her drinks onto the floor.
She thought he liked her. She remembers how sweet he was in the cave and then afterwards, in the pub and back at her house. Even now, she's convinced they would have kissed that day had she not got stupidly drunk and thrown up on his shoes. Tears prick at her eyes. No wonder he hadn't come to her party.
Last night, being with Cal had helped soothe the rejection. Not because he was Cal, but because he was someone, and because when they were kissing she felt good about herself. But now the influence of alcohol has passed, she wishes she could turn back time. Even the kindest man on earth won't forgive her for sleeping with his brother.
She swallows the morning-after-pill with a long gulp of coffee and follows it with two paracetamol. The liquid burns her throat on the way down but it's a nice sort of pain, knowing that her headache will soon ease. She drags the back of her hand across each eye and readies herself for the shift.
She's been working for barely thirty minutes when Elle approaches, face contorted by stress.
"Where are Doctor Hardy and Doctor Knight?" she demands.
Alicia jumps at the sound of their names. "What makes you think I know?"
Elle narrows her eyes. "Because they're your work colleagues, Doctor Monroe, and they're rather conspicuous by their absence."
"Right," Alicia says, surprised at how much her heart is pounding. "Well if I see them I'll send them your way."
"Oh, I'll be breathing down their necks as soon as they arrive!"
Alicia exhales as she watches Elle storm back to Resus. People have been talking, she thinks, the gossip has spread already. Why else would she be singled out to explain their whereabouts? She brings her patient's file up to her face and bangs it softly on her forehead.
"Ethan," Cal whimpers. "Say something."
The car jerks again as yet another vehicle thuds into the collision. The movement sends a jolt of pain through his body and he hisses loudly.
"Ethan, please," Cal says.
He shuffles so that he's more upright and tries to ignore the way any movement hurts his arm and his ribs. A brief glance at his arm reveals a trickle of blood stemming from a shard of glass embedded below his shoulder. He's sure he's done a bit of damage but that doesn't matter now. Nothing else matters when his little brother is sprawled next to him unconscious. He reaches out with his good arm and places two fingers flat against the pulse point in Ethan's neck. There's a pulse, strong and steady, and Cal can see a clear rise and full of his brother's chest.
Yet, Ethan isn't waking.
He locates his phone from his jean pocket and hastily dials the three digit code. With his left arm out of action, he tucks the phone under his chin and returns his right hand to Ethan's shoulder, just in case his brother should rouse. The operator informs him the accident has already been logged and help is on its way. He ends the call wordlessly and drops his phone on the floor
"Come on, Ethan."
Cal grunts as he twists his body to face Ethan. A bruise has already formed on his forehead and Cal gently fingers the area to test for severity of the swelling. He can still hear the thud from when his little brothers head had collided with the dashboard.
"Just- just wake up, yeah?"
He cranes his neck, desperately hoping for help, but all he can see outside is vehicles piled up around them. He sees a car behind them with much more damage than theirs. The driver is slumped against the window but it's the sight of a passenger in the back seat that makes him feel sick; a small child, completely immobile, blood creeping down her forehead. It feels wrong, as a doctor, not to get to her and help. But even without considering Ethan's condition, he has no way of escaping the car. Every door is blocked by another vehicle.
Trembling, Cal turns back to Ethan. "I know you're angry at me, but please, you have to wake up." He gently lifts each eyelid to inspect his brother's eyes. He breathes a sigh of relief when he confirms both pupils are equal and reactive.
As he slumps against the backrest of his chair, a wave of pain ricochets through his torso. He uses his good hand to ease his top up his body so he can check the area the pain's the worst. The mottled red bruise on his left ribcage doesn't surprise him. He's sure he's a broken rib or two. He lets the material of his top fall back down and lets one groan escape his lips before he turns back to face his brother.
"Ethan," he tries again. "I am sorry, you know." He waits, eyes fixated on his brother's face in anticipation. "There, I said it." He forces a smile even though Ethan's eyes aren't open to see. "So there's no reason for you not to wake up now. You've scared me into an apology. You've scared me enough now, Ethan. Alright?"
Cal can feel his heart pumping in his chest as he scrutinises for any signs his brother has heard him. He returns his good hand to Ethan's neck and rechecks his pulse. With no medical equipment and an injury himself, there's little more he can do to help.
Cal scrunches his eyes shut. His lips barely part as he speaks. "Come on, Ethan, please."
The faint sound of a murmur causes Cal's eyes to shoot open. He lurches towards his brother and cries out as the pain in his ribs intensifies.
"Ethan?" he says. "I'm here. It's okay. Come on, just speak to me. Please!"
There's nothing.
"Ethan, please! I need you to wake up now." A surge of nausea stirs in Cal's stomach. He doesn't know whether it's as a result of pain from his injuries or fear for his brother. "Just open your eyes for me and I'll let you have Alicia. Alright, Ethan? You can have her."
Cal waits. His view of Ethan begins to blur as his eyes fill with tears. He blinks them away just in time to see his brother's fingers twitch. "Ethan?"
Ethan's hand goes straight to the wound on his head. He gasps as his fingers make contact with the large bruise. His eyes flicker and when they open fully, the gaze is on Cal.
"Say something," Cal says.
"Alicia," Ethan says. "She's not an object. I can't just have her."
Ethan thinks it's strange when Cal releases a breathy laugh. As far as he can see there's nothing to laugh at. He has a pounding headache, the car feels like it's spinning even though he's sure it's stationary, and all he can see out of the windows is wreckage of the crash.
"A deal is a deal," Cal says. "You came round when I said it, so I won't get between you again."
Ethan tries to frown. Only his brother would be focusing on women when they were in the aftermath of an accident. But the movement of his eyebrows causes his injured forehead to sting sharply and he emits a quiet whimper.
"You okay?"
"Yeah," Ethan replies, even though he's not sure it's true. He closes his eyes while he waits for the worst of the pain to subside.
"Ambulance is on the way," Cal tells him. "God knows when they'll get to us though, we seem to be stuck right in the middle."
Ethan murmurs in response but then the words replay themselves in his head. Ambulance. People are injured. He forces his eyes open and looks at his brother in concern. Cal is unnaturally pale and his face is littered with small cuts but it's the state of his arm which makes Ethan's stomach churn. A large piece of glass is sticking out of the top of his brother's arm and a steady trickle of blood has formed a pool at Cal's crooked elbow.
Cal follows his gaze. "It's nothing."
"No, no, you're hurt," Ethan says. He pushes himself into more of a sitting position. "Let me take a look."
"Stay still! You could have a neck or back injury."
Ethan cranes his neck. It feels stiff but okay. "I'm fine. You need treating."
"It doesn't hurt much," Cal says. "You've been unconscious from a bang to the head; I'm more worried about you."
Ethan sighs. He can see from the creases around his brother's eyes that he was lying about not being in much pain, but he knows Cal is stubborn when it comes to accepting help. "Can you move your fingers?"
Cal demonstrates.
"Good," Ethan says slowly. "No compromised movement or sensation. It's unlikely the glass is pressing on a nerve."
"No, it's not. It's just a cut." Cal winces. "And possibly a few broken ribs too, but there's nothing you can do about that."
"They'll give you some pain relief once they get here."
"That'll help the hangover at least."
At the mention of the previous night, Ethan's head sags. The action increases his dizziness and he remains very still as he takes a few deep breaths to try to diminish the nausea that comes with it. Once he feels less sick, a question occurs to him. Perhaps he's more like Cal than he thought, for now it's him that wants to talk about women. One woman, anyway. "Why did you do it?" he asks. "Why did you sleep with her?"
Ethan can't look at his brother as he waits for the response, but from the silence, he assumes Cal's not looking at him either.
Eventually Cal sighs. "I don't know."
"You knew I liked her."
"Yeah," Cal says.
Although there's a dim relief that Cal's not denying responsibility, Ethan feels a familiar twinge of anger that his brother can't even provide a reason for why he betrayed him. "So was it just to hurt me, or-?"
"You got it right earlier when you said I wasn't thinking."
"That doesn't make it okay though, Caleb." He takes another deep breath and finally turns to face his brother. Cal is staring glumly into his own lap with a look of self-loathing that Ethan recognises from every time Cal realises how much he's messed up. That particular vulnerability of his brother is the reason Ethan's forgiven him so many times, but he can't go easy on him now. With his own future mapped out, he needs to know for good whether Cal will let him down. "It's not even about Alicia," Ethan continues. "It's about you. Every time I finally start to believe I can trust you, you do something to prove otherwise."
"I'm sorry," Cal whispers.
"If I can't trust you now, how can I trust you in the future when I-"
"That's different," Cal says, cutting him off before either of them had to hear the name of the disease. "I'll be there for you then, I promise. I'll make it up to you. I will."
"How can I trust you?" Ethan repeats.
"I'm your brother."
Ethan turns away and tries to focus through the incessant throbbing in his head. He wants to believe Cal but his brother can't even provide him with a pertinent reason why he should. If Cal can't even stay away from a girl he likes, how can he expect him to sacrifice his lifestyle to care for him?
A whirling of a siren disturbs the silence.
"Just wait for Iain's face when he sees us," Cal says.
The joke falls flat but Ethan registers his brother's attempt at changing the topic. That's the problem, Ethan thinks, Cal does his best to avoid getting involved in anything difficult even if it's just a serious conversation.
Alicia watches the elderly lady she just discharged leave and files her paperwork with a smile. The woman had attended the emergency department after a slight fall in the shopping centre but had been delighted with Alicia's treatment of her and had told her she'll make a wonderful doctor. Considering all the difficult patients she's experienced, it's a rare treat to get someone so grateful.
She hears her name called and turns to see Elle striding towards her, looking even more stressed than she had done earlier. Alicia does a quick check and realises she still hasn't seen either Ethan or Cal. Presumably Elle's after another explanation of their whereabouts that she cannot give.
"Look," Alicia says, "I honestly have no idea where they are."
"I do," Elle says grimly. She ushers Alicia over to the nurses' station where a group of staff members are huddled. Her hand lingers on Alicia's shoulder before she addresses the group. "Thanks everyone, I'm afraid I have some bad news. I've just heard from Iain. There's been a major RTC with numerous casualties."
Alicia sees Elle's gaze flicker to her and she feels sick, knowing what's coming.
"This may come as a shock," Elle continues. "Doctors Hardy and Knight were involved in the collision. They're both stable but are being brought in for treatment. I'm going to be tied up in Resus with Doctor Keogh so I'd like your full professionalism in treating them. I know it's difficult treating colleagues but please remain calm and efficient; we're going to busy."
As the others disperse, Alicia's frozen to the spot. She grips hold of the desk and slowly counts to ten, her old calming technique from her first placement as a student doctor. She jumps at number seven as a hand touches her back.
She spins around to see Elle and tries to smile at the consultant. "Calm and efficient, that's me," she says.
"I know you're close with both of them."
Alicia cringes. The gossip has definitely spread. "That won't affect my work, Doctor Gardner."
"No, but if you need any support, don't be afraid to ask for it."
Alicia nods. Already she can feel a strain to keep her expression neutral and so she walks away before she can give Elle any reason to doubt her abilities. Her legs are trembling but she brushes it off as part of the hangover; she's yet to stomach any food.
She supposes, after last night, she would have been nervous to see the brothers even if they'd strolled into work completely unharmed. But now she feels sick at the thought of them arriving in the ED. Although she's desperate for both of them to be okay, it's Ethan's face that lingers in her mind.
Cal flinches as Lily examines the foreign body sticking out of his upper arm. She's already confirmed from the X-Ray that it has chipped neither bone nor nerve, so he can't see why she's taking so long to remove the piece of glass. Besides, when she and Charlie are asking him what hurts and whether he can move and if he needs additional pain relief, he can't listen to the conversation in the neighbouring cubicle.
Aside from recognising his brother and Alicia's voices, he's unable to distinguish more than the occasional word. The fact that Ethan's talking has to be a good sign but Cal's desperate to know the prognosis, both medically and for any potential relationship. If Ethan doesn't get together with Alicia, he'll never be absolved for last night's antics.
A sharp pain assaults his arm and he cries out. He glares at Lily.
"I did inform you I was about to administer the local anaesthetic," she tells him. "It'll stop hurting soon."
Cal ignores her and turns to Charlie. "Can you see what's happening with Ethan?"
"Of course," the nurse replies. "Right after we've extracted the glass."
"Get on with it then."
He notices Lily and Charlie exchange a look. He knows he's far from the model patient but there's too much going on in his head to bother with being polite. His colleagues shouldn't expect niceties after he's fallen out with his brother and been involved in a car crash.
"You might feel some slight discomfort," Lily begins, "but it's vital you stay absolutely still."
Cal watches as Lily clamps some forceps on the piece of glass and Charlie exerts some pressure around the laceration. There's a strange sensation as Lily carefully pulls at the glass. The anaesthetic has worked and there's hardly any pain but it feels as if something is crawling under his skin. He knows most patients would look away at this point but he can't take his eyes off the wound.
Lily extracts the shard in one piece but it's followed by a heavy gush of blood. Charlie's quick with a compress of wadding and presses hard on the open wound. Cal squirms away and whimpers as a pain shoots through his ribs. Black spots dance in the foreground of his vision.
"Cal? Okay?" Charlie asks.
"Yeah," he gasps. "Ribs."
"I'll increase your pain relief," Lily says. "And I'm going to write you up a prescription for tramadol for the next few weeks." She turns to Charlie. "Stitch and dress the wound please and then book a repeat X-Ray to ensure I removed all the glass."
Charlie waits until Lily has left before turning back to Cal. "You sure you're okay?"
Cal gives a single nod. He remains silent as he watches the nurse execute four stiches so neat that it's unlikely they'll leave a scar. He allows Charlie to manoeuvre his arm as he secures a dressing and wraps a bandage tightly around the appendage. It's when Charlie starts to gently wipe away dry blood from his arm that he recalls what a good support the nurse has been to him.
He softly sighs. "I messed up again, Charlie."
Charlie meets his gaze but his expression is non-judgmental. "Surely not."
"I always do," Cal says. Tears prick at his eyes but he refuses to cry in front of Charlie yet again. "I had sex with Alicia."
"Spare me the details but I wouldn't have thought that was such a bad thing."
"Ethan likes her."
"Oh," Charlie says, his voice tinged with disappointment.
Cal groans. "What is wrong with me?! I promised myself I wouldn't hurt him again, not now that-" he breaks off as he realises he was about to reveal Ethan's diagnosis. "Well- not again."
Charlie gives him a knowing look. "Ethan's had a pretty rough year."
"Yeah."
"And so have you."
Cal shrugs. It was true. The last twelve months have been the hardest of his life, but none of that compared to the news Ethan had received.
"You need to look after each other," Charlie advises as he leaves to book the X-Ray.
"I'll try," Cal quietly replies.
He hears the curtain between the cubicles being pulled to one side and look sharply to his right. His brother is in the adjacent bed, slumped wearily against the mattress. A deep purple bruise spans his forehead. Ethan manages a weak smile and Cal returns it the best he can.
He moves his focus to Alicia. She's slightly pink and he can tell she's avoiding looking at him. "How is he?" he asks.
"Mildly concussed but he'll be right as rain in no time," she fiddles with her stethoscope. "I, er, I'll leave you to it."
"Alicia, wait," Cal says. Out of the corner of his eye he sees Ethan's expression sour. He waits until Alicia turns back to face him. "Last night…"
"Let's forget it ever happened."
Cal supresses a flinch of indignation for Ethan's sake. "You chose the wrong brother," he says.
Alicia's gaze hits the floor. She doesn't reply but after a few seconds her shoulders start to shake. Cal doesn't fully comprehend that she's crying until she hiccups and swipes furiously at her eyes. Shit, he thinks, that wasn't part of the plan.
Ethan swings his legs over the side of the trolley. The world spins as he gets to his feet but he remains upright as he reaches Alicia's side and puts an arm around her shoulders. Together, they walk back to the bed and sit side by side as she sobs.
Alicia's head is buried against his chest so he's confident she won't notice as he angrily mouths to his brother to apologise.
"Sorry," Cal says robotically. He pauses but there's no indication Alicia has heard. "Actually, I'm not sorry."
Ethan glares at his brother and tightens his hold on Alicia.
"I didn't mean to upset you," Cal continues, "but I meant what I said. It's Ethan you should be with, not me."
Alicia takes a shuddering breath. "I get everything wrong," she says.
Ethan opens his mouth to assure her that her declaration is incorrect, but Cal speaks first.
"Yeah, me too," Cal says. "It's the easy option, isn't it? If you keep everything, or everyone, you care about at a distance then there's less chance of getting hurt. Random flings are easier because there's no emotion involved."
Ethan can feel Alicia nodding her head.
"But some people are worth caring for," Cal says. "My brother's one of them."
Alicia's gone very still against him now and Ethan doesn't quite know what to do. Even Cal seems to have run out of words.
"Is it too late?" Alicia murmurs into his chest.
Ethan's chest throbs. "Oh, um," he says. Even though he's dosed up on painkillers, the ache in his head seems to suddenly increase. He knows his feelings towards Alicia haven't changed but he can't imagine developing a relationship with her knowing that Cal slept with her first. His eyes flicker to his brother, who throws his good hand out in front of him as if to ask what he's hesitating for. "We can… try," he eventually manages.
Alicia wriggles out of his hold. "Try?"
"I-" Ethan stammers. "I just have to get my head around this, around you two, but I do like you Alicia. Really, I do."
"I like you too," she says. "And I'm really sorry. It was a huge mistake." She dabs at her eyes and pulls a face when she sees the tissue has come away covered in black from her make-up. "I'd better go and sort this," she indicates her eyes.
"Alicia," Cal says, preventing her from leaving yet again.
"Yes?"
"You'd better be discharging us soon."
Her smile's fairly genuine. "I'll see what I can do."
Once she's gone, Cal hobbles over to join him on his bed. His movements are stiff and calculated and Ethan winces in sympathy of his brother's pain. Cal groans as he lowers himself to the spot Alicia had been in and Ethan wishes he'd stayed put.
"You seem to attract screw ups, Nibbles," Cal says.
"You're not funny."
"I am sorry though," Cal continues. He starts rubbing at a smear of blood on his hand. "Earlier, you asked how you could trust me. And I don't really have an answer. Not yet. But hopefully, over time, you will start to trust me. I'm trying to change, Ethan, honestly."
Ethan nods but his brow remains creased. "You've said that before," he says, dubiously.
Cal looks him straight in the eye. "When you were out of it earlier- I don't know what I'd do if something happened and our last conversation was when you were mad at me."
"But if we'd been getting on, you'd be fine?"
"No, I-"
Ethan can't remain straight faced for long and he's glad when Cal chuckles too. Despite being bruised in more ways than just physically, he feels a lightness in his chest that wasn't there at the start of the day. Perhaps things would start to become okay.
