This started out as a secret santa gift...

Gail giving a lecture about homicide cases at a conference Holly's attending.

Revelations.

Takes place 14 months after Holly left for San Francisco.

"Gail...Gail, wait up!" Holly called after her retreating form. Gail stopped but didn't turn around. Dropping her head back, deflating her posture like a busted teenager, Fuck, I do not needs this today. Holly jogged up behind her and took hold of Gail's shoulder as she spun round to look at her face, gently running her hand down her arm to her elbow. Steering her out of the way of oncoming delegates exiting the hall.

'I don't have time for this now Doctor Stewart," Gail bit out.

Holly was a bit taken aback at the harshness of Gail using her full name and the glare on her face.

Even when they had fought Gail never looked at her like that.

"Please can we talk. I need to talk to you, I didn't think you were going to be here today, but as you are I would like to spend some time with you, to talk, maybe...I thought Traci, sorry Detective Sergeant Nash was doing the the introduction to the film and answering the questions after." gesturing behind her at the lecture hall... "I was going to call you tomorrow anyway, to see if we could meet up at the weekend but I have to go back the day after tomorrow ...but you're here now,...so, could you make time for me, maybe have a drink, catch up?" Holly went into full on ramble mode. At one time Gail would have thought it was adorable.

Things were different now.

"Its been 14 months, Hol... and nothing. Now you want to talk?" Gail barely controlled her anger, shrugging off Holly's hand. Stepping back to get some much needed space between them, "I've really got to go." Holding her ground now that she was on a more sound foundation of hurt and anger. Her surprise at seeing Holly in the audience earlier had thrown her brain into a turmoil of emotions.

"Ok," she relented.

Holly sighed feeling a little relieved, "What time can you get back here or I could meet you somewhere?"

Gail thought for a moment trying to organize the things she still had to do in her head. Glancing at her watch, "How about 9 ish, I'll come back here."

"Ok, I'll meet you in the bar?"

"No." Gail replied a little too quickly. "I'll come to your room? If that's ok, it'll be quieter and more private. Number?"

"Ok, 1156, see you later," Holly turned and walked back in the direction she had come.

Dangerous territory Peck. Gail thought as she backed away from Holly.

Things are different now.

Holly returned to the conference hall and back to her seat.

"Everything ok?" her colleague inquired. Holly nodded and sat down, her face impassive as she rearranged her notes and stuff for the next lecture. A couple of hours later the lecture was winding down with stupid questions Holly thought why couldn't people just listen carefully then all the questions would have been answered in the actual lecture. Her thoughts drifted back to Gail, she would've rolled her eyes and complained that "these people are idiots, Holly, just idiots," she could hear the tone of her voice in her head. Holly let her mind wander as to why the blonde had been so short with her, she realised it was a lot to ask her to see her again but Holly had regretted letting Gail hit the pause button on their relationship, friends or otherwise.

Declining an offer of a drink in the bar with her colleague Holly headed to her room. She had a couple of hours to kill before Gail would be turning up. She couldn't decide what to do first, shower or work? She settled for showering, long and hot to get rid of the aches of sitting all day. Redressing in comfy yoga pants and an old Toronto PD sweatshirt she settled down at the small table with her laptop to organize the days information and fired off a few quick emails, some work, some personal.

True to her word Gail turned up just before 9 o'clock. Holly opened the door with a big smile on her face, and immediately went in for a hug. Feeling Gail stiffen she relaxed the embrace and kissed her gently on the cheek. "Hey you...You ok?"

"No, not really...it's been a peculiar day." Gail wandered around the room contemplating where to sit. Finally perching on the arm of the small couch.

"You not staying then?" Holly quipped pointing at Gail. "Make yourself comfortable?"

"I can't really stay, Hols..." Gail slipped easily back into the affectionate shortening of her name.

"Why?" Holly inquired doing that adorable head tilt.

"I need to get something to eat, then I've got to get to a meeting." Gail deliberately didn't expand on what kind of meeting.

"Well, we can eat here, downstairs or I can order us some food. I haven't had a chance to eat yet either." Holly moved over to the table to dig out the room service menu from under her pile of papers. Handing it to Gail "See if there's anything you fancy?" Holly busied herself stacking her papers and closing down her laptop, putting both back into the case on the floor. She pulled the table out slightly from the wall so it would be more comfortable for them to eat at.

Gail flipped open the menu quickly scanned the listed items. Looking over to Holly who had just picked up the phone and pressed the room service number, "So, what'll it be Officer?

Gail ignored the intimate intonation of Holly's question, "Chicken salad and some water please."

Things were different now.

"Ok...?" Holly doubled up the order as she spoke adding her room number to the guy on the other end, "Ok 30 minutes that be fine," she replied looking at Gail. She shrugged her shoulders and mouthed ok.

Holly came over and sat beside Gail, "Is this weird for you because its definitely, weird for me...Who are you and what have you done with my ex-girlfriend... See you look the same, but different?... Shock horror Gail Peck has, one," she started to count off on her fingers, "ordered a chicken salad... salad far too healthy and water and not beer. So what gives?"

"Girlfriend, I think that's pushing it a bit, Holly," Gail exclaimed intentionally using her proper name, "I don't think we actually got that far as to call ourselves girlfriends could we?" The question being a rhetorical one. "No, Holly, what we had was an affair or a fling,...yeah a fling, that's probably more like it. Nothing serious right just had some fun, didn't we?" The sarcastic tone wasn't lost on Holly. "So what now, you just wanna be friends or something, like with all your other exes?" Gail just couldn't stop the sarcasm dripping from her tongue.

Holly flinched, ouch that hurt, "No, ...well yes... I just wanted to see you, see how you are, but evidently you don't want to or are not interested in catching up with me." Holly turned away from Gail and her voiced trailed away. "Do you want to tell me why you were doing Traci's job today?"

"Leo's in hospital," Gail blurted out, not that she thought Traci would mind her telling Holly what had happened the night before.

"WHAT?" Holly exclaimed.

"Calm down, nothing too serious, he and Dex were in a minor RTA last night, just some bumps a few bruises from the seat belts, but somehow Leo managed to break his arm so the docs had to pin it. He was kept in overnight and Traci was in no state to do this today so I offered to do it."

"Why? You hate public speaking."

"-Yeah, well, I helped Traci with the case originally. And helped put together the presentation, so it seemed obvious to me to do it, so Oliver didn't have to order me to do it. Much less stressful that way."

A loud knock on the door interrupted the conversation, "I'll get it," Gail said leaping to her feet. Immediately her body language stiffening, Gail checked the peephole, making sure it was the room service guy. Before opening the door, unconsciously her hand hovered over the top of her right hip. Useless of course you idiot remembering she wasn't in uniform.

"Hey, Gail it's ok," Holly soothed softly as she came up behind her. "Go on let him in."

"Good evening, ladies where would you like me set it up?" The fresh faced young man asked, pushing the trolley into the room.

"Can you leave it and we can sort it out ourselves, if that's ok?" Holly replied, Gail not having left her position of holding the door open for the young man.

"Of course ma'am," a slight hint of a southern accent, "When you have finished just leave it in the hall, and if you could call down to room service and it will be collected." The young man bowed slightly and backed away from Holly turning towards Gail, who had not taken her eyes of him since he entered the room.

Holly laid the table up. "Come on, sit down," taking her place at the table. "So, you wanna tell me what's been going on over the last few months?" Ripping the cellophane of the top of the water bottle and pouring out two glasses. Holly knew exactly how many months, weeks, days and hours it had been.

"Few months, Hol, it's been over a year and no, I don't want to talk about it."

"Oh, ok, so is there anything you do want to talk about?"

"Not really," she looked everywhere else in the room except directly at Holly.

"Stop being a brat Gail."

"Fuck off, Holly...You sound like my mother." She stated matter-of-factly. "You know I don't do small talk."

Holly was a bit taken aback by Gail's vehemence.

Things are different now.

Holly took a few moments to compose herself, she didn't want to get into a pissing match with Gail this evening, but this really wasn't going to plan. Time to change direction she thought. So she went into full on ramble mode. About how wonderful her life was in San Francisco how much she loved the city, the apartment she lived in, what a wonderful view of the bay she had. The fact she loved getting her nerd on researching, finding new interns to teach.

Great everything Holly fucking Stewart was just peachy. Gail thought. Makes me want to puke.

Gail used to love hearing Holly talk, she loved with way her dulcet tones soothed the inner voices clattering about in her head. Used to. Before. But not now, this was just too painful to listen to. It wasn't that she was jealous that Holly seemed to have gotten on with her life. More to the fact that she seemed to have gotten over her so quickly. That hurt. Fourteen months later Gail was still trying to piece together the not so broken bits back into place. Holly stopped talking and looked at up into those steely blues, "Hey, you ok?"

Gail stopped playing with her food. She floundered a little, "I can't do this Hol, I thought I could, but I can't. I want to be the bigger person, I really do, but I'm gonna go, ok?" Gail pleaded, placing her cutlery on her plate. Rubbing her hands down the tops of her thighs, pushing herself up off the chair. She didn't want to be here in such an enclosed private space any more.

As Gail came level with her shoulder, Holly reached out and caught hold of her hand, "What's wrong, honey?"

Gail just stared at the hand holding hers, she didn't pull away and yet she didn't respond.

"Come on, talk to me. We used to tell each other stuff, right?...Holly paused and turned towards Gail. "I'm really sorry about Sophie," she flinched, and waited for the fall out, of knowing that bit information.

"How did you know?" Gail asked quietly now gently squeezing her hand.

"I have my ways, you know!" Wiggling her eyebrows, trying to lighten the darkness descending over Gail. Realising she had misjudged the situation she tugged on her arm, "Traci... We had a case just before I left. She need some more information so she emailed me about eight or nine months ago. We had a few telephone conversations. I was determined not to ask about you, because I didn't want to know that you had gone back to Nick."

"What the FUCK, Hol!" Gail wrenched her hand away from Holly. "Why would you say that!" she started pacing around the room.

"Because you have before." Fuck, fuck, shit. She thought as soon as the words were out of her mouth.

"That was really low, Hol... I'm supposed to be the mean and spiteful one... I think we are done now, I am leaving."

"No, no, please don't go, I'm sorry, I...I...just don't go, please?" Holly got up from the table, went over to Gail, "This is not how this was supposed to go, I'm sorry, that was a horrible thing to say. I'm sorry...Please...stay."

"Can I get you a drink? I think I need a drink." Holly gestured towards the mini bar.

"No, thanks, I can't, but don't let me stop you."

Holly raised an eyebrow, but let the subject drop. She helped herself to a glass of wine and sat on the other end of the couch. Feet up. Studying the side of Gail face, she could she the muscles in her cheeks working as she clenched her teeth. Neither spoke for quite sometime. Both lost in their own thoughts. Holly berating herself for being foolish and flippant. Gail thinking about how much she should tell her if anything at all.

"I'm sorry." That's all Holly said. Gail didn't react or moved. She just sat there staring across to the other side of the room. "I'm sorry...for everything... I think I fucked up big time."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Gail turned to look at Holly.

"When I saw you today, it was totally unexpected and it through me off guard." Holly said quietly, suddenly finding her wine glass more interesting. "I wasn't lying earlier. I was going to get in touch with you, I just kept putting it off. Then we were here and you're standing infront of me." She took a sip of the wine, turned and placed it on the table behind her. Pulled her knees close she rested her chin on her hand, elbow on her knee, "I hate it."

"What do you hate, Hol?"

"Just my life!" she smiled shyly and whispered, "I should never have left."

"So, what's happened in the last half an hour, cos to my mind you've just been rubbing my face in the fact that your life is just so fucking wonderful."

Holly paused before answering, "I miss you. I should have fought harder with you, for you. You said that you were an impetuous brat. You maybe the brat, but I've done my fair share of being impetuous...I was the one to run away from us, not you...I'm not good at relationships either Gail. That evening in The Penny with my friends, it was..." she paused to think about how she going to phrase the next sentence. "Before you overheard what Lisa said, you were looking at me like I had just given you everything. I was feeling a little pressured... that I would never be able to live up to everything you needed me to be. So I brushed it of as us having something insignificant. I know we have been through this before but I want say that you changed me, it took me while to figure it out...Seeing you today was unexpected but has cemented in my mind that I want to come home, so I've just quit."

"You've done, what?" Gail exclaimed swinging around to face her. "But... But why?"

"Many reasons, I miss my family, my friends, you... My dad's not been too well recently, so I have been back a couple of times. I wanted to reach out to you but what you said to me before I left played heavily on my mind."

"Oh Hol, I'm sorry about your dad , I know you are quite close to him...But I'm not in a good place either and I think it would be a bad idea for us to do something about it. I mean we fucked up everything before cos of bad timing. What makes you think we could make a go of it now?... Have you been keeping tabs on me?"

"No, why should I have?"

"So you only know about Sophie?"

"I'm really sorry that didn't work out. I know how much you wanted to make it right for her."

Gail pointed her index finger at herself, "I thought I was doing the right thing for both of us. But really Lauralee was right Sophie needed a more solid foundation, more than a single mother. More than being passed from pillar to post... In a way, maybe it was the idea that she could never leave me."

Holly smarted at the tone in Gail's voice. "I begged you to come with me, but I knew that Sophie was more important."

"Don't you dare say that. I didn't know what you were going to do... Look I don't want to get into this again. We've done this all before." Gail's inner voice was going mad, the back and forth of what and how much she needed or wanted to tell Holly. "We are different people now, things are different now...l'm different now." her voice drifted off.

"Ok, so what do I need to know. And I will tell you now, that not much is going to change my mind about you Gail... I've done nothing but think about you ever since I left."

Gail stood and walked over to the window. She could feel the darkness from outside start to seep into her bones, she started slowly and quietly recounting the last year of her life.

"This is gonna be hard, I think, for you to hear."

"It's ok," Holly reassured her, studying her back.

Gail turned around leaving the city lights twinkling behind her, leaning against the windowsill, long fingers gripping the edge,"I'll try and cut a long story short." a brief smile filtered across her face. She dropped her eyes down to study the generic hotel carpet and started her long monologue. "A little while after you left, Steve was arrested."

"What the fu-"

Gail held up both of her hands, "Stop...Please, don't say anything until I have finished otherwise I might never start again."

"Oh... Ok, I won't, I'm sorry I won't interrupt again."

"I was there when he was arrested. I didn't know what to think or what was going on, but we had been investigating the bombing at 15 and it all sort of came out. He had done one fairly innocuous thing to start with, which led to something else etc etc and it snowballed. But by this time my parents were involved too... My father asked, no told me to get on the stand at his prelimary hearing and blatently lie for him. ...I could have done with my real friend that day." Gail looked up directly at Holly who didn't verbally respond. "Anyway with my family falling apart I stepped away from the adoption, but at the end of the day I think, no, I know it was the best thing for Sophie and that is all that matters to me."

Gail took a deep breath and continued, "Going back to when you left, I had started to hit The Penny quite hard but you know me, I can handle my alcohol, yeah, right, so I thought so too. I had quite a few nights were Chris or Dov would take me home and throw me in bed... But hey, I still managed to get up to go to work the next day... God only knows how I was never over the limit to work. Traci called me out on it a couple of times but I just bitched back to her, then after Steve she wasn't speaking to me either."

She started to pace back and forth across the window, Holly never took her eyes of her, trying to read her body language, waiting.

"So after the initial fallout of Steve came the investigation of my parents. Elaine has taken early retirement but Dad, he's been relieved of his duties, has been formerly arrested and is being investigated. He is tagged but at home. Now I have to watch my back, nobody and I mean nobody is going to help me, they think I'm crooked like the rest of them. Which I'm not, by the way, in case you happened to be going there."

She stopped pacing and turned towards the window again, resting her forehead on the cool glass. "Next came Sam and Andy's wedding, which I was so hoping that you would be invited to and obviously fly back to come to a wedding of people you hardly knew. So stupid of me... Any way I got completely trashed, I was gonna say fucked but that was later and with someone I don't even like." She gently knocked her head against the glass, "I was so stupid... I'm sorry Hol...She was on loan from Guns and Gangs, but she's no longer around either, cos being associated with me and having worked with Steve a while before, she was investigated then dismissed... I haven't seen or spoken to her since..."

Holly cleared her throat, "I was... Maybe I shouldn't tell you this but as you are laying it all out for me, I will say I was invited and I declined the invite, making up some bullshit excuse. But in reality I was here, it was one of the times I came back to see my Dad. He was quite poorly at the time and we all thought that it wasn't worth him carrying on with the treatment, but he turned a corner that week and I'm glad that I was there to see it."

Gail continued, trying to ignore the hurt she felt at hearing that bit of information. "You know it will all end in heartbreak anyway. Sam had a child with Marlo a few weeks before they got married and I really don't know how McNally is dealing with it all..."

"Maybe they'll work it out." Holly replied.

"Yeah, maybe... Anyway that's them not me."

"I know I have absolutely no right to ask this... But has there been anyone else?" Holly asked quietly to Gail's back, curiosity taking over her normal level headed self.

"Oh...Holly, I don't know what to say... No, no not like that." She could see the disappointment on Holly's face in the reflection of the glass. "Can I finish please? I will tell you, but it's not something that I'm proud of."

Holly nodded but remained quiet. Gail took that as a sign to carry on. "About a week after Detective Anderson was fired I was called into Oliver's office. As I had already had a suspension in my file as well as a sexual harassment notation, I had to hand over my badge and gun, I was officially now being investigated and put on suspension again, for a minimum of 3 months." Gail heard the drawn out 'shit' from the brunette on the end of the couch. Holly got up and moved over to the mini bar to pour herself more wine and returned to the couch.

"Hang on a minute, back up a bit. Sexual harassment?" Holly spluttered with the sip of wine she had just taken. "What the fuck?.. Gail?"

"It was so, so stupid," Gail hung her head, "I think subliminally, I was already trying to self destruct. I don't know why I did it."

"What did you do? Holly asked in her authoritative voice.

"I literally bumped into Lauralee at the station and accidentally squeezed her ass...But it didn't mean anything, I swear, I just...I didn't..." she huffed out. "I didn't even know she had put in a complaint about it."

Holly looked completely dumbstruck, "I don't quite know what to say to that, ...probably wasn't going to help with the adoption, now was it?" Holly replied tersely.

"Can I continue?"

"Come and sit down?"

"No, I can't continue if I look at you because this is the bit that I am really ashamed of." She clenched and unclenched her hands down by her side then lifted them to the cool glass planting fists next to her head. "So, now I have absolutely nothing to do... So I start to get to know rather intimately Jose, Jack and Jim. There were more than one or two occasions that Chris came home to find me passed out on the couch. Empty bottles discarded on the floor.

Dov, by the way, had moved in with Chloe by this point. Not that I think he wanted to, but more to get away from me, so his name wasn't associated with a Peck.

Chris, bless him, and his big brother ways... Well, I fucked that up too... He had been seeing this woman Jamie, the ex-boss', ex-wife, on and of for ages. She was, no, is a cokehead, and with him trying to keep clean, he would stop seeing her for a while if she got too bad. Anyway I digress, she came over one evening, Chris was working lates that week, so I said she could stay and wait for him. I was already well on the way to getting my tequila buzz on." Gail relaxed her fists and lay her palms on the glass.

"Urmm...do I need to hear anymore, because I think I can guess were this is going?" Holly barely managed to hide the disappointment in her voice.

Things are different now.

"Yes, you do, because you need to know. Before, or even if we meet up again."

"Ok..."

"You know the phrase of having to hit rock bottom before you crawl your way back up again, well I think this was my 'rock bottom'...We were well on the way to finishing the bottle, she was being quite entertaining at the time and I was just being a complete bitch as usual, she was flirting with me a bit and being a bit suggestive. ...Next thing I know..."

"Gail?"

Gail paused trying to figure out the easiest way of telling Holly what happened next. She slapped her palms gently against the glass and turned her head so that her cheek was flush against it. "Next thing I know..." she huffed out a breath, "...is, she...Jamie is cutting coke, I'm pouring more shots, we're getting high... and before I know it ...I'm...we're...fucking on the couch." she closed her eyes as she recounted that evening. "Chris came home and...well...?

"In flagrante delicto?" Holly whispered.

Gail turned to face Holly, covered her face with her hands and nodded. "Chris...he threw me out...of the apartment and I realised that he was the last one looking out for me...So I royally fucked up there, I sobered up a bit and called Traci. She...we hadn't been close since Steve so it was a long shot. But she came and picked up my sorry ass took me to her place, luckily Leo wasn't there. She berated me for a good hour then put me to bed. The horrible thing was she had to tell me everything again the next day."

Holly remained stoic, she didn't speak just took a couple of large swigs of wine. Only now it had taken on a rather bitter and acidic taste. She put the half empty glass down and pushed it away from her.

Gail turned back to look out the window, feeling Holly's eyes boring into her back.

Things are different now.

"Are you getting help?" the words stuck in her throat. She took a few deep breaths, pushed herself up off the couch and walked up behind Gail. Very gently resting her hands on her hips. Gail jumped slightly at the contact. She leaned back as Holly slowly put her arms around her. Gail nodded, tears welling up in her eyes.

"And?"

"Yes, I have started to get my act together, I have been clean for just over 3 months now. Nothing but healthy living for me now." a wry smile on her lips.

"Sucks huh?" resting her chin on her shoulder.

"In a word, yeah, but the thing is... I do love my job but I'm not sure if I can fight everything anymore... I was reinstated 8 weeks ago, but it doesn't feel the same...Oliver's ok, he's been great actually. I could cope with the Peck stuff but the fact I seemed to have fucked over all of my so called friends, I just don't know what to do... I feel like nobody has my back which makes me nervous and that in turn doesn't make me a good partner to be on the streets with."

"It's just a job." Holly stated quietly and calmly. "It's just a job." Turning Gail in her arms, "I'm sorry...Really sorry..."

They stood there for a while. Holly stroking her fingers through the short fine hairs at the back of Gail's neck. "You've stopped bleaching it?"

"I've stopped doing a lot of things!" Gail smiled as she leaned back, "I should go..."

Holly released her and stepped back, "Can we stay in touch this time, please?"

Gail nodded and turned towards the door.

"I'll be back before Christmas, maybe we could..."

At the door Gail turned, placed her palm against Holly's cheek, tears glistening in her blue eyes. She paused before searching deep into those molten chocolate eyes..."You were the one who always had my heart, you know? You were the one, the only one... and you were amazing."

But things are different now.

Holly went to speak but Gail removed her hand and placed a finger on her lips, as to quieten her whilst undoing the door handle with the other. She swiftly turned and walked out the door. Leaving Holly staring at the closing hotel room door... "I'll be home before Christmas..."

TBC...?

A/N The last line of Gail's dialogue is taken from The movie Gia.