I don't understand
"Edward, please… I don't understand," Bella said tentatively. Her hands shaking after his apparent outburst of anger, her tone pleading and so young, so innocent… He couldn't stand the thought of anything happening to her. The one person in this world that he couldn't hear the thoughts of, the one person he had to fight to please, to understand.
"Edward, explain this to me," she would say. Bella could never understand why they hated each other so, him and the werewolf. Why there was no place for friendship, for sharing. And he would sigh and turn as cold as his blood, his skin, eyes showing no passion or glow. But she couldn't comprehend what this meant, why this happened, how it could be happening to her.
"Edward, why are you doing this?" Why was he leaving? He thought many things, and gave different reasons but it left her torn and bleeding inside. Dying. He wanted to protect her, keep her safe but he caused her the most damage and that he would never forgive himself for.
"Edward, don't leave without talking." Bella, his Bella… She would not understand his guilt, his shame, his unforgivable sin. It was written in his eyes, his posture, his smile and yet she was blind, unseeing in her youth and he was condemned in his age and death to remain without being able to tell her those words she needs to hear so.
"Edward, please." And with those few words he realizes he has no answers. He cannot tell her why he hates those werewolves so and why they hate his kind anymore than he can tell her why looking at her causes his heart to tighten and his dead body to crisp and curl as if it were alive. He cannot explain why he left anymore than he can understand why he returned to a life that he had condemned. So he would be still, and look at her with what tenderness he felt but would stay at a safe distance because sometimes he feared those answers she needed and that he didn't hold would be too much for his fragile heart.
