Because Sakumo Hatake had chosen not only his teammates over the mission, but simply both, creating a landslide of events that would all backlash upon one Sakura Haruno.
I was confident in me, I was confident in my goals, I was confident about my IQ score, my memory, and really fucking confident about my judgement of character.
So really, when Inner told me these people were fucking wusses, it's not like it was anything new.
"You could always use them as test subjects for that new genjutsu we sneaked a peek at in the library," Inner suggested cheerfully, having little to no concerns over how that would either land me a severe talk-down from higher-ups, or simple land me in an interrogation room for even knowing about the existence of this certain A-rank genjutsu as a civilian orphan.
'Nah, not worth it.'
"Yeah, they are pretty weak,"
'Said as if we're not still in the academy with them.' With a roll of my eyes, I began to walk away, back to the red lights district.
"Cha, we're so much better that them though. C'mon, admit it Kura-chan, they wouldn't last an hour in our shoes. Especially when it gets dark at night…"
… Not exactly something I could easily argue with …
"Hey, I'm not done talking to you yet Forehead!" An angry voice screamed after me as I picked up the pace.
Annoying little girls had no place in my busy schedule tonight.
"Busy schedule, huh?" Inner snorted. I ignored the voice in my head that almost definitely made me certifiably crazy and continued to watch the streets from my place in the alley behind a dumpster.
'This is the only way I will allow myself to earn money, so yes, I'm busy.' I commented calmly, sparing a glance behind me to watch the backdoor of whatever seedy establishment it belonged to slamming open. Two intoxicated figures stumbled out, helping to 'get the spinach out of each other's teeth' and making extremely disgusting noises as they did so.
Hopefully my target would show up before clothes started coming off.
Sometimes I wonder how things ended up like this. What if my parents had been civilian instead? What if they hadn't gone on a mission that sent them back with enough injuries to last them the rest of their lives, eventually killing my father and turning my mother insane? What if my mother had been stronger, not so much of a coward, what if she hadn't committed suicide, leaving her body to hang from the makeshift execution grounds in our living room? What if the orphanages were kinder to me, kind enough to prevent my mind from splitting and to stop me from running?
The idea of 'What if?' haunted me.
"What if you start paying more attention to our food ticket and go kick some ass?" Inner jolted me out of my musings, albeit in a softer voice than usual. I glanced up, nodding to myself as my hands began to form the needed seals. The faint scar of fingernails along his right hand in a jagged 'x' matched up, along with the description of him being a blond about 5 foot 5.
Without another wasted second, I pounced, hands already slammed into the last hand sign.
"Did you honestly believe you could get away with it?" I spoke with a dry, raspy quality added to my voice with some help from Inner to match my henge of a 6 foot tall, male brunette with a wicked scar crawling down his face, starting just under the left eye and slicing through the cheek to pass lips and curve under the chin.
"W-Wh-" The target stuttered, trying to back away from me. I gripped the front of his shirt, getting right up close to him and snarling.
"The ladies of Saku Hana House weren't pleased with your actions. I've been sent to make sure you recompense them. Do not take it as a warning when I tell you to do this willingly; this is a threat," And now it was the simple matter of getting the amount of ryo the sucker didn't cough up before and returning to my clients so I could get my cut of the money.
As I performed these acts with little awareness for my mission at hand (something I left to Inner for the most part), I sneaked a glance over to the alley I was hiding earlier, confirming my suspicions.
Clothes were most definitely coming off.
"Your runner girl has returned, and your runner girl is starving," I announced, pushing open the back entrance to one of the more respectable brothels in the red light district. This certain door led to the laundry room upon where two girls were in the process of making out on top of the humming dryer. They turned immediately when the telltale creak of the door sounded
"Kiko-nee-san, Ruka-nee-san," I acknowledged with an informal nod.
"Hello Kura-chan. Lily-onee-sama should be in her office. Nice to see you back so soon. Easy run today?" Kiko smiled at me, warm brown eyes somehow managing to still look kindly at me in my hand-me-down hoodie and baggy sweats. She giggled when Ruka smacked a loud and sloppy kiss onto her cheek, resting her head on Kiko's shoulder. Ruka offered me a wave.
"Kura-chan, which ninja moves did you use today? Also, please tell me you got more of those candies," Tucking a lock of her blonde hair behind an ear, she raked blue eyes over the storage scroll in my hand as if she had x-ray vision that could answer her sweet tooth questions.
"No ninja moves beside henge today, it was only a simple supply run and a matter of one target. Besides, how often do I use other 'ninja moves' anyways? The main three I use for targets are the Academy trio," I shrugged, stuffing my free hand in my pocket and leaning back on my heels. Ridiculously soft, silken looking black hair flowed like spilt acid as it tumbled over Kiko's shoulder. She gave me another kind smile.
"Mmm, in any case, I must get ready to go now. You as well Ruka, don't whine or look at me with those puppy eyes. Come on now, besides Kura-chan having to meet with Lily-onee-sama, we have to finish the rest of the laundry load. We'll see you around Kura-chan,"
With a grace I envied deeply, she slid off the dryer top effortlessly. I mainly envied that because of my short legs. Stupid height. I would have had at least a foot until I touched the floor, but noooo, Kiko is a slender beauty whose feet dangles mere inches above the ground from her dryer perch.
I ignored Inner's amused sigh, smiling at the two girls as I passed them on my way up the few stairs to a long hallway. Turning left and walking straight down to reach the office of the Lady of the House, I swiftly began praying to increase my chances on leaving unblemished.
That turned out to be a futile effort as twenty minutes later after emptying the storage scroll of groceries, some pads and tampons, a pair of geta, and the money retrieved from a previous client of the House who didn't pay fully, I exited Lily's office with a bright red lipstick kiss on my right cheek. Whilst I appreciated her giving me this job and enjoyed the affection from time to time, I preferred hugs over such... loud markings.
"Admit it Kura-chan, we're suckers for any kind of nice attention at this point," Inner snickered, practically floating in euphoria as she redirected some memories around of hugs and head pats and fond smiles.
'Yeah, we are. Weird, I feel like crying at the idea.' I sighed quietly, slipping out to the bustling streets of the red light district.
The walk back to my empty, empty apartment was silent.
I don't make friends in class. I tried to, I tried so very hard to in the beginning, all throughout my first year I would play nice and genuinely hope to make a friend so I would feel not-so-alone anymore.
I tried, I failed (jeering playground taunts, cruel kids with sharp words, the little orphan girl who wanted to be a ninja, who had stupid-ugly-gross pink hair and a big forehead, who was unlucky enough to be in the same class as clan heirs and children of legends, she was the target, always the target without fail, vulnerable and weak and-), and I fucking gave up.
Now I walked to school alone, ate lunch alone, and virtually everything I did was by myself.
"You ever look at our life and just feel sad?" Inner remarked, barely veiled conceit in her voice, which isn't saying much seeing as she's a voice in my head, but anyways…
'Yup. Alright, time to actually focus. Spar evaluations today, I think there's a tournament too. Important taijutsu grading for our last exams before graduating.' I smirked, glad I had something to look forward to. Not only was I an excellent paper-ninja (tying with Sasuke Uchiha for top grades, which was also really important for my tentative scholarship at the Academy to begin with), with all the physical work I've done in odd jobs for Lily-san and some other clients, my strength was something to be proud of.
Plus I loved the fact that fighting dirty was an actual style, and damn, I was freaking good at it. Hair pulling, fingernails finding very uncomfortable orifices on faces, dirt thrown up into eyes, and below the belt low shots. The first was extremely effective against many females in my class, as the last was respectively for the males. 'Below the belt' means quite literally for me, right below the belt.
Keeping that in mind, I was merrily waiting for my name to be called up so I could be pitted against another of my female classmates in an extreme show of sexism that had separate tournaments for the genders, leading up to a 'final battle' between winners from each side. Kind of understandable, without some heavy training, there was a snowball's chance in Suna for a girl to win against a boy at this age in a taijutsu spar.
Of course, seeing as I did have some… 'training'...
"Ouch, and Hinata's poke of death just took down Fuyuki, but if we get the Poker later, try for her right and our left, looks less guarded. In the other ring, looks like Kiba managed to down Choji without Akamaru's help. Not as if Akamaru could have helped seeing as technically Kiba's not supposed to bring his ninken in training to the Academy anyways, but you know, there's still a little yappy puppy right there on the sidelines. Mmm, doubt Kiba's actually going to win the whole thing on that side though, it's basically always a fucking coin flip between Naruto and Sasuke," I mentally nodded at Inner's observations whilst making some of my own. I got the feeling Hinata's winning streak would soon be cut off by Ino, and in this elimination style of fighting, I would most likely meet the blonde at the final bracket. I shook myself out of my thoughts as Iruka called me over to fight Ami.
"Ahhhhhh, yes, this will be fun," Inner cackled madly, practically radiating smugness. I almost felt bad for killing her glee.
'Nope, can't go flashy all out until the end. Need to save the stamina. I'm doing this fast.' With a seemingly innocent smile, I held up a hand in the Seal of Confrontation, glad it was Iruka and not Mizuki who was supervising the girls' spars. At least this was a competent teacher who knew to jump back as soon as possible.
Really, you get dirt in the teacher's eyes one time and all of sudden Mizuki's more frosty towards you. His fault for not evading fast enough, and he's somehow a chuunin?
"I'm going to enjoy beating you Forehead-Girl," Ami sneered, tossing back her purple hair. She raised her own hand in the Seal of Confrontation, and we were off with the drop of Iruka's hand.
I was suddenly so, so grateful that these were 'everything taijutsu goes' spars because I had been dying to get my hands on her stupid hair for weeks. The shinobi-wannabe thought she could cut my hair all uneven with a kunai and a planned bathroom ambush, did she now? Ha, she didn't manage to cut anything, and just out of spite, I asked Kiko to give me a haircut the next day (because you do not let Ruka near your hair with scissors, that was a mistake I made once and only once).
Letting her charge me with her fist pulled back, still a good seven feet away, I subtly slid my right foot back, bending my knees. Just as she got close enough to loose her punch, I sprang, shoving my knee into her stomach and greedily fisting my hands into soil after falling back into my previous stance. Not even bothering to aim for her eyes, I simply threw my right hand full of dirt at her, clumps falling around her body. With my left hand still holding another grasp ready, I leapt forwards once more as Ami rapidly went from shock at her dirty figure to rage and a healthy dose of fear across her face as she tried to get into a stance and back away from me at the same time.
It didn't work out for her.
Dirt was rubbed very rigorously into her hair by my left hand as my right hand grasped for only a few strands of her hair, yanking hard. (Because I learned it always hurts more the fewer strands in your grip, how do you think I fucking learned other than experiencing it myself.)
"A-AHHH-" I kneed upwards into her stomach, cutting off her scream into a pitiful gasp for lost air.
"You could always yield now before I decide to end this with your face in the mud puddle Akamaru left by the tree," I murmured just close enough to her ears so she was the only one who heard.
Watching her eyes widen, I released her and jumped backwards to place my hands in my hoodie pocket calmly. I raised an eyebrow, almost smirking at how she flinched. As she stuttered out a surrender, I nonchalantly lifted my hand in the Seal of Reconciliation, waiting for her to complete it. I finally let myself smirk when she flinched again, letting Iruka lead her away and give her permission to find a bathroom to wash up in. Ignoring Iruka's disappointed look at me, I rejoined the rest of my female classmates to watch the next match.
(No, of course he would be the one supervising the girls' spars, Mizuki wouldn't have spared another glance at me, but Iruka is hellbent on values of kindness and comrades and the idea that your genin team will become your second fucking family, what else would he be other than disappointed in me?)
So I lied to myself that I didn't care about never knowing what having a first family was like to start with.
Inner was silent once more as the feeling that made me want to throw up and cry returned.
