Emma accepted the shot of whiskey that Ruby slid across the counter at her. "It's on the house," Ruby winked.
Emma smiled in thanks and downed it, then held out the glass for another. Ruby shook her head. "That bad?"
The sheriff sighed. "I don't want to say that; I'll feel awful if I say that, they're my family. I love them and I never thought I'd have them."
"But…?"
Emma swirled the amber liquid in her glass. "But I wasn't counting on sharing a loft with parents the same age as me and my newborn baby brother. I love them so much but…"
"It's a lot."
Emma nodded and sipped her drink. "And what about Henry? I want him to be able to stay the night when he wants to, and we're pretty much bursting at the seams."
Ruby wiped down the end of the counter. "Your parents must have noticed as well."
"They have. They've talked about finding a larger home for all of us, but…I think I'm the one who should move out. They've got a baby and I've got to figure out things with Henry and…and…"
"And you need space for that."
Emma groaned and put her face in her hands. "Does that make me an awful person?"
"Of course not. Things are complicated for you guys; if you don't do what you need to do to make things right for yourself, you're going to hurt more people in the end."
"I guess I just don't want to hurt Mary Margaret and David again." She took another sip and Ruby put a comforting hand on her arm.
"Hey. They have baby brain right now. They might think they want a huge house with everyone under one roof but really? They want to sleep. They want baby Neal to be ok. And they want to sleep some more. They might protest when you tell them, but they'll be fine."
"You're probably right." Emma sighed and looked at Ruby. "It's ok to say it's weird, right?"
Ruby grinned. "Yup."
"Oh thank god," Emma said. "Because it's weird, Ruby; sometimes it just is."
Ruby topped off her drink. "I'll talk to Granny about a room for you if you'd like; I'm sure we can have something ready for you as soon as you need it."
"I'd appreciate that."
Her friend went off to take care of other customers. As Emma nursed her drink she felt as though she could breathe for the first time in days. Moving out was definitely the right thing to do; her feelings about her family were too complicated, and having a new baby brother named for Henry's father wasn't simplifying anything. Her heart ached when she thought of Neal; she was so grateful that her son was able to meet his father, and that Neal had clearly loved Henry without a second thought. Her mind danced around what could have been if only…well, if only so many different things, really. And what was the use of that kind of thinking? A room at Granny's would help; when these kinds of thoughts entered her mind they appeared on her face, and Mary Margaret couldn't resist asking if Emma was ok, and while she loved her mother she needed space to have her emotions come up without being watched and worried about and analyzed. Sometimes feelings just needed to be felt and allowed to be.
Emma absently registered the sound of the bell on the diner door, signaling the arrival of yet another customer.
"Mom!"
She had barely turned around at her son's voice before he had thrown his arms around her, as though they hadn't just seen each other that morning. She smiled and held him close before noticing Regina standing stiffly behind him; only then did Emma realize there was still an empty shot glass next to her drink.
"We're here for milkshakes," Regina said. "Clearly we've had a better day than you."
Emma's cheeks colored as Henry asked, "Is everything ok? Is Neal sick or something?"
"Everyone's fine," Emma assured him, "Regina just meant that…well…you know what, why don't you tell me about your day with your mom?"
Henry beamed. "It was great. I helped her take care of the apple tree and we spent almost the whole day baking."
"Ah yes, I'd forgotten about Regina's skills in the kitchen. I'm sorry that's something else you missed out on while we were in New York."
"It's ok," Henry said. "We're back now, so I can be at my mom's house whenever I'm not with you guys."
Emma's eyes flew to Regina's. "Henry…maybe we should…"
Regina put a hand on their son's shoulder. "Henry, if you would be so good as to order for us; I need to speak with Emma for a moment."
Henry looked between the two of them and decided not to argue; he went off to a booth as Regina took the stool next to Emma's. Since they had returned to Storybrooke and regained their memories, the two women had not discussed what to do about their son. Emma braced herself; she knew that Regina had raised him, and legally adopted him, and that she was lucky to be in his life at all. But she had also spent the last year believing she had never given him up, and while those memories were false, the feelings were real. When Henry didn't remember Regina, Emma was able to live in their fantasy world awhile longer, but now…
"Regina, I…"
"Please don't take my son from me," Regina whispered.
Emma blinked in surprise. Now she saw the emotions the other woman was struggling to contain, the fear and the worry in her eyes. "What are you talking about?"
"Don't play with me, Emma. I know you want Henry to continue living with you, and I know you're a part of his life now, and I want you to be because it makes him happy, but…" Regina took a breath to calm herself. "But…I miss him. Terribly. Without Henry living with me, my home and my heart are empty. I don't want to lose him, and I don't want to become the 'sometimes' parent. He's all I have."
Emma took a drink, and noticed Henry watching them. She tried to keep her face neutral, even though her heart was aching. "Regina…I'm not going to take him from you. The only reason I've gotten to know him, and love him, and be any kind of a mother to him at all is because of you. I know we didn't expect that when we met, but, it's the truth. I mean, you literally gave me time with him, time that I didn't have." She saw Regina's defenses drop, the other woman's relief apparent. Emma sighed. "But we do need to figure out the best thing for him, not us. And maybe we shouldn't try to do that tonight, when I've been…well." Emma gestured to her drink. "And when your milkshake is waiting for you."
Regina covered Emma's hand with hers in a surprising gesture of warmth. "Thank you."
"You're welcome."
"Would you like to join us? Maybe order something to balance out the whiskey?"
Emma gave a small smile. "That's probably a good idea."
Regina slid into the booth next to Henry while Emma settled across from him; within minutes Ruby had delivered a pile of French fries for the sheriff while the others downed their shakes. Emma cleared her throat. "So kid. The plan is for you to stay with your mom tonight, right?"
"Well yeah," Henry said happily. "If that's ok."
Emma saw Regina's face fall just a little and said, "Hey, you don't ever have to ask if it's ok to stay in your own house with your own mom, Ok?"
"Oh sure, I just thought that with the baby and everything the more people that can help the better!"
"That's really sweet of you Henry. And actually…" she briefly weighed the value of having this conversation with her son before broaching the subject with her parents. "Actually things at your grandparents' apartment are a little complicated and we're going to try to help make it a little better."
Henry's brow furrowed. "What do you mean?"
"Well…I think it's getting a little crowded, which can be more stressful than helpful, so I've talked to Ruby about getting my own place."
"What?"
"With room for you of course," she hurried to say, "For whenever you want to stay with me." In spite of what she had just said to Regina, Emma barreled ahead before she had time to change her mind. "And it's up to you of course, but with so much up in the air, I feel like it would be best for you to go back to living at home with your mom."
Now it was Regina's turn to blink in surprise. "Emma…"
"So," Henry said quietly, "you don't want to live with me anymore?"
"What? No! Henry…" Emma reached out and held his hands. "I really, really do. And so does your mom. You have two moms who love you and want to see you all the time, but right now one of them is prepared to focus on you and what you need, and the other needs just a little more time to actually get settled in Storybrooke. I never really have, you know, and I think it's past time."
Henry nodded. Regina put a tentative hand on his shoulder. "Does that sound ok with you Henry? Would you mind living with me again?"
"Oh mom, of course not." Henry wrapped up his mother in a hug. "I love you. I just wish I could live with you both all the time. Hey!" He sat up straight and beamed at them. "What if Emma comes to live with us?"
Regina almost choked on her milkshake. "What?"
Emma immediately pictured living in a place where she couldn't muss the furniture or leave a toothbrush out or even let her head leave an indentation on the pillow when she slept, not to mention enduring death glares from Regina every time she hugged her own son, since the woman clearly was still insecure about her place in Henry's heart. "Henry…that's maybe not the best…"
"It's perfect," Henry chattered, his milkshake momentarily forgotten. "I'd get to see you both all the time. Mom can make breakfast, and Emma can take me to school in the sheriff's car. I can go to Mom's office and we could swing by the police station on our way home to see if anything exciting happened, and we could all have dinner together."
"Henry," Emma said with a glance at Regina, "your heart's in the right place, but that has the potential to be even more complicated than how we're living now."
Regina finally managed to find her voice. "Sweetheart, that's an awfully large change. Emma just told you she needs to actually settle in Storybrooke, and I…I just got you back. Maybe you're better than us at handling things like this, but Emma and I…"
"…we are two people who handle change really, really badly," Emma finished.
"But," Henry said softly, "we're a family."
"Absolutely," Emma said, "and we want to keep our family intact. Can you honestly imagine me sitting across from your mother over dinner, discussing my workday?"
Her son shrugged and went back to his milkshake. "Not really. No."
Regina leaned over and kissed his head. "You are a better person than all of us, Henry. Adults tend to…overcomplicate things. We'll all be closer, just like you want. It just won't happen by tomorrow."
Emma stared at him with concern. "Did I ruin your evening out?"
Henry shook his head, and Regina shot her a sympathetic glance. "We still have a movie to watch when we get home," she said. "I don't envy you the talk you're going to have with Mary Margaret and David."
Emma groaned and wished she had chosen a more out-of-the-way place to have stopped for a drink.
…
Later that night, Regina stood in her son's bedroom doorway and gently asked if he wanted to talk about what was bothering him. He had barely paid any attention to the movie and hadn't said more than a few words to her. "Are you angry with me?" she asked.
Henry sat up in bed and hugged his knees to his chest. "No."
Regina perched on the end of his bed. "Are you sure?"
"I'm not mad at you Mom," he sighed. "I promise. It's just…for a second, I guess I could imagine you and Emma having dinner together. You don't hate each other anymore, and there aren't any crazy curses going around. Things are quiet. But Emma said no so fast, I guess I was kind of surprised. And hurt, I guess. It's stupid."
He looked so sad, Regina's heart ached for him. At times it seemed like her son was growing up so fast, but then moments like these reminded her that he was still her little boy. "Your feelings aren't stupid, Henry."
"Do you think it was dumb to ask Emma to live here?"
She considered her answer carefully. "No. I think it was kind and thoughtful. But…neither of us shares very well, Henry. And people who can't share shouldn't live together."
He looked puzzled. "But you guys share me."
Regina put a hand on his. "Not well enough. But I promise that it's something Emma and I are going to work on, together. Because we love you." She gave his hand a squeeze. "Do you believe me?"
"Yeah." He suddenly scooted over and threw his arms around her neck. "I missed you, Mom."
Regina closed her eyes against the flood of emotions caused by his simple words; she held him close. "Oh Henry, I missed you too."
An hour later, Henry had finally drifted off to sleep and Regina stared out her front window, glass of wine in hand. She had felt so embarrassed and exposed earlier, essentially begging Emma not to take away her son; her cheeks felt hot with shame when she remembered it. But then Henry had given his other mother the perfect chance to swoop in and interfere with their lives, and Emma didn't take it. Regina sipped her wine. Maybe there was a chance things would be better sooner than she thought.
She frowned at a sudden movement in the bushes out front. She squinted and looked again; someone was definitely out there. She set her glass of wine on a table and opened the front door to get a better look; her eyebrows jumped up in surprise and worry hit her stomach. "Emma? What on earth are you doing here?"
Emma sheepishly came around the corner with her hands in her pockets. She looked disheveled. "I needed to walk. I spoke with my parents, and things went about as well as I expected. They'll be fine, I just…well, I needed to walk. So." She looked up at Regina. "I honestly didn't mean to walk here."
Regina crossed her arms. "I guess I should take some comfort in the fact that you don't appear to have an overnight bag with you."
"Oh, no, of course not! No that's not what I…" Emma ran a hand through her hair. "Ruby already got me set up at Granny's; I can stay there tonight and move my stuff over tomorrow. They work fast. I just didn't like how I left things with you and Henry. Is he all right?"
"He will be." Regina took in the other woman's appearance. "Are you?"
"Not really."
They stood in awkward silence for a while before Regina forced herself to invite the sheriff inside. "I've got a good bottle of wine open and it shouldn't go to waste," she explained.
They sat in the soft light of the kitchen. "Henry is asleep, right?" Emma asked. "I don't want to upset him anymore."
"He is," Regina said as she poured the other woman a glass. She considered her words. "I promised him that we would work on this; he was mostly hurt that we found the idea of the two of us acting like a family to be so ridiculous. We've both learned to be possessive, for very different reasons, and sharing a child is…difficult. We need to be able to trust each other if this is going to work."
"I trust you," Emma insisted.
Regina looked at her, hard. "You do?"
"Well. Most of the time." Emma sipped her wine and took a deep breath. "When it comes to Henry's safety and well-being, then yes. Yes I do."
Regina set her glass down on the counter and looked away. "I suppose I'm afraid that you still expect me to be the evil queen. That at any moment you and our son will decide I'm the bad guy again and…I wouldn't even get to say goodbye."
Emma nodded. "Well then…I'm afraid that your fear will make you vanish with Henry."
They sat contemplating each other in silence then, letting their admissions resonate. Regina thought about her son sleeping upstairs, and how she and Emma were having a discussion just how Henry hoped they would, and they had thought him so foolish for it only hours ago.
"I don't think of you as the evil queen," Emma said quietly. "I'm not going to turn on you, or let our son turn on you. And if you can believe me, then I won't worry about you vanishing with him."
Regina took a deep breath before looking Emma in the eye. "I do. I believe you."
"Ok then." Emma raised her glass. "That's a really good start."
They clinked glasses and drank. Regina felt tears of relief dancing in her eyes but wouldn't let them fall.
Emma sighed. "It's late; I should go."
For half a second Regina considered inviting the other woman to stay in the guest room, but decided that would definitely be confusing for Henry. "Would you like me to drive you back?" she asked.
"No, thank you. The walk will still be good for me." She looked at Regina. "I'm really glad we had this talk."
"Me too." Regina walked her to the door and held it open. Emma hesitated in the doorway as though she were going to say something else. "Yes?"
But she just nodded. "Good night, Regina."
...
A week passed, and so did Mary Margaret's initial outrage at having her family move out. It was apparent that Henry could only benefit from NOT bouncing from home to home, and with a new baby in the house the Charmings had to acknowledge that their baby girl was, well, actually an adult with her own child. Though reluctant at first, they had to admit the change was for the best.
In the meantime, Emma was already feeling the bite of loneliness in her new apartment.
"You could have stayed with me on my ship, lass."
Emma leaned back into Killian's arms; the gentle rocking of the Jolly Roger wasn't devoid of comfort, certainly, but…. "Yes. It's such a great place for my son to live as well."
Killian frowned. "But he's with Regina now. If he's safely tucked away what's stopping you from hopping aboard?"
Emma turned to look at him. "Are you serious? Do you not know what that would look like to a twelve-year-old boy? What it would look like to anyone? Like I moved out of my parents' house and unloaded my son on his other mother so that I could mess around with my boyfriend on his pirate ship." She shook her head and stood up. "I'm trying to be a better mother, Killian. Sharing Henry after this last year with him, knowing it was a year of…of make-believe, is hard enough. I want to do what's right for him without making him think I don't want to be with him every single day."
"That's not what I—"
Emma didn't wait for the rest of it; she stormed up onto the deck, with Killian calling after her.
Should she have put up more of a fight for Henry? Didn't she have the right to raise him too? Would he think she didn't care enough? She leaned over the side of the ship, her stomach in knots. Emma cared so much it made her sick, but…fighting about Henry wouldn't be fighting for him, it would be a fight over him. She couldn't do that to her son, or to Regina for that matter. His adoptive mother wasn't the woman Emma thought she was when they first met. Henry was their son, and they had to agree not only to put him first, but to put each other second. They had to trust each other to keep their complicated little family intact.
Emma took a deep breath, allowing the cold, salty air to calm her. She felt Killian's hand on her own. "I'm sorry," she said.
"I'm the one who needs to apologize, love. You're right. I was being selfish."
Emma held him close. "I do wish I could stay here and be your pirate wench. That would be fun."
He grinned. "In many, many ways."
She smiled, closing her eyes. "Yes. But I've already made all of the mistakes that come with that type of life. I'm not twenty anymore."
"No. But…you're not against visiting, are you?"
She tilted her head back and kissed him lightly. "Certainly not."
"Would you like to continue visiting tonight?"
"Very much so." They started to walk back below decks.
...
"Any chance you'd allow us to walk you back home?" Robin lifted Roland up onto his shoulders, much to his son's delight.
Regina smiled. "How about to the Charmings? I have to pick up Henry—he had dinner with his grandparents tonight."
Robin bowed as best he could and gestured for Regina to lead the way. "You should be commended on your co-parenting skills."
"How do you mean?" she asked as she laced her fingers through his; Robin's other hand was firmly on Roland's leg, keeping him securely in place.
"You've been through so much with your son; you even gave him up for a year. And now you seem to share him so easily…I'm not sure I'd have that kind of strength."
"If it seems easy it's not. And I certainly didn't 'give him up,' I protected him. That's what parents do."
"I didn't mean to offend you. I'm sorry."
She softened. "I know you didn't. I'm still just…waiting for the other shoe to drop, I suppose. I'm so happy to have Henry home, but we have a much larger family now and it's wrong to keep him shut away. I have to trust that he loves me, and trusting isn't my strongest suit."
"But this is Henry you're talking about. Isn't he the truest believer?"
Regina sighed. "He certainly is."
They turned the corner to the Charmings' street. "And isn't Emma supportive of you too?"
"I suppose so, yes." She felt his gaze on her and relented. "Yes. She is."
"And do you trust her? As part of your family?"
"I'm learning to. She's given me every reason to, certainly."
They stopped in front of the Charmings' and Robin stood so he was facing her. "It's ok to be happy, Regina. Really."
She smiled. "I know." She leaned in to kiss him; Roland giggled.
"That's enough out of you," Robin said to his son with mock-seriousness; he gave Regina another brief kiss before saying, "Have a wonderful night, milady."
Regina watched as he walked back the way they'd come, chatting and laughing with Roland. Her heart swelled, but that feeling was quickly followed as it always was with a quiet melancholy: loving people always worked out even worse for them than it did for her. Regina couldn't help but dread the day it would all come crashing down.
"Regina?"
The queen turned to see Mary Margaret in the doorway. "Would you like to come in?"
Regina blinked back to reality. "Yes. Thank you."
"Is everything all right?" Mary Margaret asked gently as they made their way upstairs. "You seem preoccupied."
"No more than usual, I can assure you."
"All right." Snow stopped at the door; she seemed to be searching for the right words. Regina waited, intrigued, until the other woman finally said: "Henry seems really happy to be back home. With you. From a mother to a mother…I thought you'd want to know that."
Regina's eyes welled up unexpectedly and she blinked the tears away. "Thank you," she whispered.
Mary Margaret put a hand on her arm and led her inside.
...
"But why can't I go with you?" the little girl asked.
Her voice was so small, her mother could barely hear her from her place by the hearth. She turned to face her daughter's bed and spoke with warmth. "Because you are sick, my darling."
"But I could ride in the cart with the candles. I can bring lots of blankets. I won't be any trouble."
Her mother sat at the edge of her bed and put her cool hand to the child's feverish forehead. "You are never any trouble. But it's much too cold to risk taking you with me. I don't know what I would do if anything ever happened to you." She tucked the blankets a little tighter. "You will stay here with your grandmother, dry and warm. You'll have broth…and cookies."
The little girl blinked sleepy eyes. "Cookies?"
"Has your grandmother ever forgotten to bring you cookies?"
A tiny smile. "No. Never."
"Never." She leaned over and gave her a kiss. "And when I get back, you'll be all better, and you can help me make the next batch of candles."
"Really? You'll show me how?"
"Yes my love; I think you're old enough now to learn the little bit of magic our family's been blessed with. What do you think?"
The little girl sat up and threw her arms around her mother. "Yes!"
