Hey guyz,

This is my first written fanfic so take pity on me and press the little box at the bottom of the screen and make me happy.

Disclaimer: I do not own CSI NY. Except the villains. *Laughs evilly* But if I did own it. Jess would not have died. Jess and Don would have a happily ever after. Mac and Stella would be together. Danny and Linds are already perfect. So ya that's my version of CSI NY. (Damn writers killed of my fave character and couple) *starts crying*

Trying to Live

Chapter 1: A Life They Never Had.

As the rain falls outside your window panes can you imagine what it's like? At this moment you might be content and happy but for some people it is near to impossible. As each rain drop falls on the ground silently, each drop of water leaves it's own mark on you and this world. It might just be another rainfall to us but to this world it is another step closer to the threats of flooding. The silence is left to be swallowed up by the bustling city. The average person goes around in a daze wondering simple thoughts as to what to do today, what to have for lunch. But if you look beyond the façade and the walls that they have established to protect themselves you can see the bigger worries and troubles and pains they hold.


Don Flack looked out the blurry windows out of his apartment. The thunder rolled out. He heard the sound of rain and the cool mist reached him as he opened the windows. The mist along with a round of rain washed over his clammy skin. He breathed in deeply, the aroma of the fresh rain that fell like teardrops from the heavens, as if they understood his pain. He closed the window, and took a look around his apartment and his eyes rested on a corner of the room.

A large rugged teddy bear sat in the corner. The pink ribbon still hung around it's neck and the bear slouched a little in the corner. Don gave it a sad smile and walked over to the corner and picked up the teddy bear. He walked over to his couch and held the teddy bear tightly to his chest and just under his chin. He shut his eyes to keep out the stinging tears threatening to over flow, but as soon as he shut his eyes the images of horror filled his mind.

He breathed in deeply as the scent of jasmine reached his nostrils. That had been her scent. As he looked over at the wall that held all of his pictures. In two of the pictures he stood there, a winning smile on his face, his six foot 2 inches frame stood tall as his arm wrapped around the woman beside him. She had long brown hair that fell like a waterfall around her face and shoulders, a smile graced her lips as her brown eyes shone brightly. Her name had done grace to her earning the true name of Angell,

Detective Jessica Angell.

Jess had earned a lot of titles over the years she had worked at being a detective. Her titles had earned her a reputation as one of the tough female detectives that stood for no bullshit. But everyone also knew she had a heart of gold, going out of her way to help her friends and always honoring her badge.

The first day she started working there she got partnered with him. Her titles included friend, daughter, sister, detective, fighter and ultimately lover, his lover. How they had gotten there he had no idea. The late night coffee runs, drinks after work, the little bumps at the water cooler, the eye contact and before he knew it she was the one that kept his day going even when the worst times came.

And then one day, that faithful night it all changed when she came to pick him up in the night after he had just witnessed a secret his sister kept from him. Although he appreciated and respected her that night changed everything. It turned his and her world up side down. That one magical kiss was the beginning of the chain of events that lead her up to the title of lover.

It was true, it was a match made in heaven. At first they tried to keep it quiet but after the internal affairs investigation everyone knew. But love is an emotion that makes you a rebel. They continued seeing each other though everyone predicted they could get bored with each other and one would request a transfer. But that never happened. Three words changed their live forever. I Love You.

They had been happy. Everyone would tease them about their relationship but everyone knew they were meant for each other. But came that faithful day when he was the last one who spoke to her. To hear the happiness in her voice, the voice continued talking to him on the phone and he would forever remember her screams as she tried to protect everyone.

Flashback

Flack's phone rang as he sat in the car. Having a conversation with his personal hot tip line Terrence. As he held up a finger to single to stop talking he reached into his jacket and pulled out his cell phone. As he saw the caller id he smiled. Jess A. He loved it whenever she called or when ever she walked into the room his heart skipped a beat. He pressed the phone to his ear he listened to Jess.

"You, me and a bottle of wine and I'll wear that black negligee that you like." She whispered seductively. Even over the phone her voice spread goosebumps over him.

"Mom?" he said jokingly as so Terrence couldn't guess who he was talking to.

There came the sound of a horrific crash. The sickening sound of metal against cement. Screams filled his ears as he pressed the phone to his ear. Then came the sound of Angells voice screaming "Get down, Get down"

Flack yelled to Terrence "Get out" As the sound of burning rubber filled the air.

Over the phone Flack could hear the sounds of gunshots. He prayed to God, Jess would be all right. Then the gun fire ceased.

As they reached Tillery's Diner they saw he was the first one's there, as the sounds of siren's filled the air Flack entered the Diner through the huge gaping hole left there by the black, battered 4 by 4 truck. His eyes scanned over the rubble. He then locked his sights on a single figure on the ground. The female had a mass of brown locks covering her face; she was wearing black stiletto boots with jeans and a tan jacket over a full-sleeved white t-shirt. The same out fit Jess had been wearing that morning.

He rushed over to her and turned her around. The horrific sight almost made him faint. It was Angell, she was bleeding out from a gunshot wound in the abdomen and her shoulder. He took her in his arms and began frantically talking to her all the while scanning the crowd of cops and civilians for an ambulance. "Jess, look at me, look at me. Hey, babe listen everything is gonna be alright." Flack frantically said.

"Where's the ambulance" he shouted.

Turning back to Jess he saw she was steadily losing consciousness. "He began talking to her again "Hey listen, everything is gonna be alright. I Love You."

Deciding he can't waste precious seconds he jumped into a car and told the officer to floor it to the nearest hospital.

End Of Flashback

Flack began crying. Silent tears made their way down his face as he clutched the teddy bear more tightly.

The bear was one of the few things left in his possession that had belonged to her.

He remembered the day he asked her why she had it. She had replied "Oh, just look at it. It's adorable."

He then started to remember the moments in the hospital and that made him cry even harder.

Flashback

A doctor in a long, white lab coat approached him. He jumped up as he said "Family of Det. Angell?"

As the doctor saw his face it was twisted in confusion as to why he was alone, Flack said quickly " Her family is driving in from Queens and the rest of the team is on their way. I am her partner. We are very close." He smiled remembering how close they were.

The doctor in the same steely that you usually hear the robots use in transformers, said "I am very sorry. But Det. Angell suffered from acute blood loss and we were not able to save her. My condolences are with you."

Flack felt like he had been punched in the gut. 'Jess cant be dead. They had a life together. He wanted so many things with her. She was his heart. He loved her. He needed her.' As all these thoughts rushed to his head, tears started pouring from his eyes and he sank down to the floor, sobbing quietly. The doctor quietly left the room as Danny came rushing in. Seeing his best friend sobbing on the floor he rushed over to him. As Flack slowly shook his head, Danny turned around and punched the wall while Flack shed tears for his lover's death.

End OF Flashback

He wiped his red and puffy eyes. And put the teddy down and picked up the open letter addressed to him in Angell's familiar handwriting. He scanned the letter over again.

Dear Don,

I realized that I had a letter for my family, my best friends and all the people that mattered to me before I met you. But as soon as I met you, you became a huge part of my life and I just wanted you to know some things if tomorrow never comes.

Always remember if tomorrow never comes that I always loved you and I will continue loving you forever. Always remember that what ever happened was never your fault. Remember that I don't want you to dwell on the past and I want you to move on and be happy. Don't shed a tear because tomorrow is a new day. I cried while writing this because I never want this day to come when I will have to leave you. Always keep smiling and don't forget that when you wake up in the morning I will be with you and when you lay in bed and go to sleep I will be watching over you and I will lie down next to you.

I will be your guardian angel. And I will always love you.

Love always,

Jess

"How can I be happy without you?" he cried out to the empty air, breaking the still atmosphere.

I know in this chapter Flack was totally unlike himself, but he lost Jess, or he thinks so. Read on and I promise a happy ending (with coughjesscough). I LOVE REVIEWS. They are candy and I also lovee candy. Chocolate rocks.