I Don't Love You

I Don't Love You

Chapter One

Author's Note: This is based off of a challenge I gave a friend, and decided to try for myself. I have another version lined up, but the criteria is as follows:

Pairings: Lily/Remus; Jessi/Sirius; Helena/Regulus; Peter/a rat; James/OC; Snape/OC

Friendships: Jessi/Lily/Snape; Helena/Remus/James/Sirius/OC

Houses: Jessi/Hufflepuff; Helena/Ravenclaw; (James's girl) OC/Gryffindor; (Snape's girl) OC/Slytherin

Quotes:

Anyone: "You know, he's not that bad"; "dun dun dahh!"

Remus: "Chocolate!"

Helena: "Le sigh"

Jessi: "Pepsi!"

James: "Quidditch. Owns!"

Sirius: "Sex, alcohol, and Rock 'n' Roll!"

Snape: "Just… shut up."

Lily: "You think I care? I love you!" (must be to Remus)

Regulus: "I'm not a fucking Death Eater and I'm not going to be, so shut. The fuck. Up, already!!"

Peter: "But look at her nose, it's gorgeous!" (to which someone must say: "Uh… Pete… she's rat."

Either OC: "Pirates OWN!"

Situations: Jessi and Sirius must get locked in a closet by Mulciber; James must be hit with a bludger; Remus and Lily must be locked in the Divination teacher's office over Christmas Holidats; Regulus must be smart, funny, and punk and must have a fanclub, which must make Helena laugh.

Other: can be oneshot or multichapter. Jessi & Helena must be cousins.

How the hell this transpired: Jessi and I are in Algebra 1 together, and she and I were writing notes to each other (we sit next to each other) and I asked who in the Marauder's time did she think we'd fall for, and she said, for her, Sirius, for me, Regulus. And yeah, Helena's kinda me…. Er, yeah, so here goes! This takes place in 1996, not 1979.

A note about the POV: It's generally Helena's, but there are bits which she's not there for, but need to be included, so I'm calling it Helena/General.

-x-X-x-

Helena/General POV

-x-

"I… I don't love him, Helena," Lily said quietly. "And Arwen loves him, and he's probably going to propose to me, and… oh, this is just awful!"

I rolled my eyes. "Well, if my dumb ass of a cousin hadn't been so hardheaded, we wouldn't have this problem."

"He knows I don't care! He knows! And I thought all those secretive looks and glances meant he loved me, too… I don't love James, I mean, I do, but like a brother, and… and I'd never be able to have sex with him or anything…"

"La la la, I'm not listening!"

"Oh, will you shut up?"

I stuck my tongue out at her. "My cousins are coming over. Mikey and Gerard."

"I'm having a crisis here!"

"Tell James, he'll understand."

"You do it!"

I shrugged and Disapparated.

The nineteen-year-old Lily sighed. "Just lovely."

Meanwhile, Arwen Prince was having an episode.

"Merlin, Arwen!" Severus yelled, ducking, "Stop!"

"This is the first time I've ever seen you display fear," Regulus smirked, balancing a nearby chair on its back two legs.

There was a loud crack and I appeared.

"'Ello, all."

"Calm her down!"

"Yes, hello Severus, thanks for letting me talk, I'm doing fine, how about you?"

Regulus laughed.

"Hey, Lena," he grinned.

"'Sup, Reg? Actually, I'm here on official Lily/James business."

Severus and his cousin froze.

"Now you've gone and done it, love," Regulus smirked. "They'll be ready to kill you in about thirty seconds."

"Love? Regulus, last I checked, you and I had no romantic implications whatsoever."

"Yes, yes, well, be thankful everyone here has some intellect."

"Anyway, Lily doesn't love James."

Arwen and Severus both began talking at once.

"Will you two let me finish? I said Lily doesn't love James, but, Severus, she loves my dear cousin Remus."

"The lycanthrope?" Severus asked.

"Yes, that Remus. But, Arwen, that means James is free?"

"Ha!" Severus exclaimed. "There's no chance of that! Potter's–"

"Been after Lily since his first year," Regulus and I chorused. "We know."

"Anyway, I have to go talk to James about it. But, Severus, she still hasn't forgiven you. I can't believe you'd be that stupid…"

Regulus laughed.

"I mean, if you'd called her almost anything else… Gryffindork, goody-goody, et cetera, you would've been fine… but noooo, you need to use the unforgiveable 'M word'."

"Just… shut up. Helena, shut up."

"Anywuggles, my cousins are coming, and I'm dragging Regulus. And Arwen. You might scare them, Severus. Though, they do love vampires. And, in advance, they're Muggles, so no magic. Love ya, bye!'

With a grin, I Disapparated again.

"Did… we just… agree to show a couple of… Muggles around London?" Severus asked.

"Sounds it," Regulus asked, balancing the chair on its two back legs again. "Should be amusing."

-x-

"Soooo, how d'you like London?"

Mikey laughed. "We've been here for a total of fifteen minutes."

"Well… uh… I know a guy who looks just like a vampire, I swear! Oh! Look! It's Regulus!"

"And I'm insane?" Gerard muttered.

"Regulus, where's Sir Sulks-A-Lot?"

He laughed. "Sulking, what else? Arwen's trying to drag him, she was fairing pretty well, until…"

"James! What are you doing here?"

"Going to America." He sniffled dramatically. "My life's over."

"But… you had to have known and they didn't do anything, I mean, come on, now, love, he's Remus…"

"She loves me… like a brother! I don't want to be her fucking brother! Oh, wait, how old are you?"

"Sixteen," Mikey said.

"Well then, I was going to fucking propose to her! Propose! Thank God that you came to talk to me, I was getting ready to buy the ring…"

"Regulus?"

"Hmm?"

"Call your brother, please?"

He rolled his eyes and went to "find a payphone."

More likely than not, he Apparated out of the bathroom.

"So… your friends are full of pep."

I grinned in spite of myself. "Well, you should see James when he's not sulky. And Sirius. Those two were the popular arses."

Gerard raised an eyebrow.

"Do you ever wish you were a vampire?" I asked.

"Everyday."

"Do you have any good horror movies?" Mikey asked.

"Well, duh."

"What about the kid that just went to find a payphone?"

"What about him?"

Gerard hummed the wedding march under his breath.

"Will you shut up?"

Gerard rolled his eyes and began to hum a Misfits song.

"Back!" Regulus called. "Sirius should be here in a few minutes."

"James, I'm curious, what are you going to America to do?"

"Jump off the Empire State Building."

"Don't try it," Gerard began, "They won't let you."

I raised an eyebrow, to which Gerard shrugged.

"Hello all of my lovely people. Motley, how are you this fine morning?"

"It's afternoon, and your best mate is threatening to go to New York City and jump off of the Empire State Building."

"But… James, mate, you've got so much to live for! Let's go to a bar, you're single!"

Regulus buried his face in his hands. "I can't be related to him…"

I restrained from a wise ass comment.

"Or, let's go to London! I know the perfect way to pick up girls!"

"Oh, dear Lord," I groaned.

"Christ," Regulus muttered.

-x-

"So, yeah, where's Brie?" Gerard asked.

"She's in LA at the moment. But, you two unpack, I've got to stop Sirius from getting himself shot."

Mikey laughed and I left.

"Where is he?" I asked Regulus.

"Tottingham Court Road."

"Fucking moron."

Sirius, was indeed on Tottingham Court Road. Keyword: on. He was standing in the middle of the road, singing horribly.

"The Marauders, five close-knit friends, since the first day until the end. PILLAGING! Pranking, fun fun fun. Sneakin' 'round school. There's Prongs, he's the leader, I guess, Jet black hair, has eyes, and glasses. Moony, he's the "sensible" one, but this blue-eyed boy knows how to have fun! Wormtail, he's tryin' to fit in 'cause he's fat. Motley, she's the only girl in the crew, she's punk rock, and hotter than you" Sirius spotted a pretty girl "Oh, except for you- She's as smart as Moony, knows loads of stuff, a wise ass, not afraid to get in trouble. And then the best for last was Padfoot, far hotter than Motley. Gorgeous black hair, sparking grey eyes, muscular, with a charming smile. He's a ladies man, with a lovely voice. There are other people, too: Deputy, Evans, and Black, but they're not important enough to be in the pack!" He waited a few seconds before… "BUH-duhm-PA!"

"I can't be related to him… I can't be."

I laughed.

"Motley, m'love, what do you think?"

"I'd love to meet this Padfoot person."

"I'd love to change my hair and my name and move away."

"That hurt," Sirius sniffled, "right here." He pointed to his heart. "And I am a muscular ladies' man, with gorgeous black hair, sparkling grey eyes, a charming smile, and a lovely voice."

"Mate, that's Regulus. Well… minus the ladies' man bit."

"Nuh-uh!"

"Sirius?" Regulus asked.

"Yep?"

"You've got rolls."

"Nuh-uh!"

"Yes you do," James and I chorused.

"Mate, we love you here, but, you have rolls from eating so much junk. Regulus doesn't," I said.

"And you can't sing. I haven't heard him," James indicated Regulus, "but I bet he's better."

"And as for the 'ladies' man' bit, yes, Sirius, you are indeed a man-whore."

Sirius looked highly offended at the truth. "But… I wanna be a rock star! Sex, alcohol, and rock 'n' roll!"

"You're already a drunken man-whore half the time," I started, "but don't give up your day job."

"But…" Sirius, again, sniffled dramatically.

"Let's get him home, I've got a feeling he's about to embarrass us even more," James muttered.

"I embarrass you?"

"Yes," James, Regulus, and I all chorused.

Sirius gasped. James grabbed his arm and began dragging him away. "I should get paid for this," he muttered.

As we were walking back to my sister's house, Regulus turned to me. "So… I'm muscular, have gorgeous black hair and sparkling grey eyes, a charming smile, and a lovely voice?" he smirked.

"You're on the Ballycastle Bats, you're a fucking Black, so the hair and eyes are pretty much a given, as is the smile, and pretty much anyone can sing better than Sirius. Don't flatter yourself."

He rolled his eyes. "Just admit that you're hopelessly in love with me."

"Nah… I bet Sirius is way better than you."

Regulus's jaw dropped. "You are completely sick."

"And you love me for it."

He muttered something that sounded like, "Yeah… I know."

"You should hear Gerard sing, though. He's really excellent," I said as I opened the door.

"Your mum's a Muggleborn, and his aunt, and doesn't he know…?"

"He knows about magic, yes, but not the full extent of it. So no Apparating, flooing, flying, et cetera. The International Statute of Secrecy comes into play."

"Ah…"

There was a scream of "Pepsi!" and Gerard's exclamation of "What the fuck?"

"Sounds like Jessi's back."

Regulus laughed.

-x-

"Ah, relaxing," Lily sighed. "A weekend without boys…"

"Er, not exactamatactaly," Jessi began.

The doorbell rang.

"I'll get it!" I yelled, standing up.

Remus was at the door.

"Jessica!"

"Well… I invited Ballycastle's newest Seeker, too."

"I'm going to go fucking Crucio on your arse!"

Jessi laughed. "Anywho, I'm staying here."

"Hope you love horror movies. Er, Helena, where's It?" Gerard asked.

"Should be with the other movies."

"Bye, now," Jessi yelled, running out of the door.

"So, Lily, I… I need to talk to you."

Lily nodded. "Right, well, Helena's room's empty, right?

"Yes, Lily."

She and Remus went upstairs.

I wasn't sure if Jessi had really invited Regulus or if she was just trying to piss me off.

As if on cue, an owl came rapping on the window with a note. The note read:

Helena, Lily, and Jessi:

I can't come over to watch movies or anything tonight, our captain's making us do extra practice.

-Regulus

I sighed. "Thank God."

"Motley! Love! Where's the Moonster?"

I jumped. "Sirius, why the fuck did you Apparate in here with no warning?"

"Because I'm just that damn awesome!"

"What's up?"

"A meeting for the Marauders of Awesome."

"Uh… Remus is upstairs… talking to Lily…"

Sirius groaned. "Great. Oi!" he called up the stairs, "Moonster! Get your arse down here! Marauders' Meeting!"

There was no reply.

"Motley, Motley, Motley… get Remus's arse down here!"

I rolled my eyes and slowly made my way up the stairs. I heard arguing in my room. Mikey and Gerard had gotten some popcorn and were sitting outside of the nearly-but-not-quite-shut door. Remus and Lily were, apparently, arguing. I sat down next to my cousins.

"Lily, I'm too damn dangerous! You deserve someone like James. He loves you!"

"Severus loves me, too, but I'm not about to do anything with him!"

"I'm sorry, but I can't do this. James is my best mate, and, I mean, God, Lily, of course I love you, but, he's my friend, and he loves you, too. Plus–"

"You think I care?" she screamed. "I love you! James knows it, and he'll get over me, but, I won't get over you! Fuck, Remus, I'll die an old maid if I can't have you!"

"You don't mean that!"

"Yes, I– oh, fuck it!"

I heard her walk across the room and heard Remus being shoved against a wall. Of course, she was snogging him.

"Hellooo?"

"Fuck," I muttered. Of all times, James had to arrive now. I stood up and rapped on the door.

Remus came to the door, red-faced. "Uh…?"

"Sirius and James are here for a Maruaders' Meeting, I dunno where Pete is."

"Uh… right. Lily… uh… I'll telephone you, okay?"

Lily nodded mutely before shutting the door. There was a crack and I knew she'd Disapparated.

"So… uh, you two can go watch movies or listen to music or whatever, but you can't invade the Marauders' Meetings… ever."

Gerard rolled his eyes. "Yes, Mom."

"Gerard Arthur Way, you keep your damn arse up here or else. I don't care if you fucking blast the Misfits or Morrissey, or blast a horror movie with screams and shit. Just stay up here. Seriously."

"I can do whatever I want?"

"Except going in mine and Jessi's rooms... though I doubt you'd want to enter Jessi's room anyway."

Mikey laughed as Remus and I went downstairs.

"Moonster!"

Remus rolled his eyes and high-fived Sirius.

"Padfoot, can we just get this over with?"

"Where's Wormtail?" I asked.

"He doesn't know. See, this is the problem… he's got this pet rat…"

"What, does he lurve it?" I teased.

"I think so," Padfoot responded seriously.

"Dayum."

"Yeah," Remus said.

"Uh, guys? Can you let me in?"

Speak of the devil.

"Sure, Wormy, have you got your new pet with you?" Sirius asked.

"She's not a pet, she's Barbara!"

I snorted. I mean, who names a rat Barbara?

James rolled his eyes and opened the door.

"How's Barbie?" Sirius asked.

"It's Barbara, and I haven't talked to her today. Here," he set Barbara's cage down and transformed into his Animagus form, a rat.

It took all of my strength not to laugh. I looked over and saw that my fellow Marauders were in similar positions. Minus Peter, of course. He and Barbara were sniffing each other and squeaking.

Ten minutes of nearly dying of suppressed laughter later, Peter turned back into a human.

"She's happy. You know, I've been considering becoming a rat full-time."

"'Scuse me," Sirius gasped, running upstairs, where the sounds of Morrissey would drown out his laughter.

"But look at her nose, it's gorgeous!"

"Uh… Pete… she's rat," James said.

"I need to… music…"

I ran upstairs and into the room Gerard was staying in.

"Dayum, G, you personalized this fast," I said, after I'd laughed.

"What's so funny?"

"Our friend Peter…"

"Not asking," he said shortly, turning the record player up to ear-bleeding level.

I laughed and walked out.

When I got back downstairs, James had left.

"Well, Barbara and I have to be going…" Peter said as he grabbed the cage and left.

"He's probably going to impregnate Barbara," Sirius laughed after Peter had gone.

"Thanks for the mental images, Padfoot. I'm going to go home and try to get them out."

Sirius rolled his eyes as Remus Disapparated.

"I need to talk to you."

"What about?"

"Regulus."

Author's Note: Originally a oneshot, but I had to make it more than one

Check out SnowStorm752's profile to see her version of the challenge