This should be a one shot but I wanted to write a story that would explain why Robin let Barney go. However, she regrets it right away because the Robin Scherbatsky that I knew and love would never let Barney go because of selfish reasons. This would fit with the character developments of both Robin and Barney but this is more of a Robin story. I'm dealing with the Robin part of her POV because she needs to explain a lot of her actions and why she does what she does. She loves too hard and can't let go of Barney and never will. Will Barney take her back and how will she explain to him that she made a decision she regrets making. Also, later there will be some gang interaction but with Marshall and Lily in Italy they all aren't together anymore to have face to face interactions. And, she'll also will have the long talk with Barney that she never had with him on the show. In chapter 2 that is!
I hope you enjoy this one I have so much built up anger with this show now and it's never going away.
She can't fight the feeling that every time she closes her eyes he comes to her mind. She tosses and turns the night after he leaves her. She tells herself it was for a good reason, that the divorce was the right thing for the both of them. When she reads a text message on her phone the next morning it all comes back to her and the tears begin again.
I love you Robin but I just can't have you pick between me and your career. Thanks for loving me, you made me see that someone like me can be loved and I am grateful to you for being that person in my life. I see now that I can move on with my life because even though I thought we can work, I know we can't. Your career will bring you to wherever you want to go but for me I have to stay in New York. Marrying you was the best and smartest decision I ever made and you made me so happy. Happier than anyone has ever, you are my best friend, my best bro and the woman I wanted to share my life with. So, goodbye for now I hope to see you again but I just can't see you cause it hurts too much. I hope you read this by the time I get on my plane. I love you and wish you all the best in the future.
The tears keep coming and soon she feels a rush of something in her stomach. She runs to the bathroom and throws up, she doesn't know what this feeling is but all she knew is that her body just couldn't take anymore heartbreak. Laying on the bathroom floor next to the toilet, she had thrown up four times in the last fifteen minutes it was hopeless when she tried to get up from the floor so she lays down on the rug with her head looking at the sealing. She was still in the hotel in Argentina, thinking about what just happened to her, her whole life flashing before her eyes as she closes them again still laying on the floor.
"Do you want out Barney?" She asks her husband of only three years and hoped it wasn't going to be what she thought was coming next.
"I love you but." He pauses trying to not look directly in her eyes. "I can't do this anymore, your job is clearly more important to you than I am. I get that you love your job but I also know that when I married you I was marrying your career too. So I'm giving you this out because I can see you aren't happy." Those are the last words he had spoke to her and the last thing she remembers.
The tears come again as she opens her eyes still laying on the floor of the bathroom. "Nooooo" she screams out hitting the cold floor beside her with her hand. "I lost him again because of my selfishness, I put my career ahead of him, why do I have to be so selfish and only think of myself all the time. He left me again because he thought I was unhappy and didn't care enough about him to put him first. God, I love this man more than I thought I could love anything or anyone and I gave him the out hoping he wouldn't take it. But he did and now I'm here laying on the floor crying cause I messed up the one thing I've always wanted." She sits up on the floor where she remained a few minutes later rubbing her swollen eyes then standing up.
"God how did I get here again?" She asks herself looking at her reflection in the mirror.
She's so messed up, god she thought she had it all when she finally told herself to stop running from Barney and she meant it then. But, now. How did that all go away? She married him three years ago and that was the best decision she has ever made then. The way Barney loved her and put her wants and needs before his own made her feel something that she had never felt before and she knew in her heart when she asks him for an out that he would say no and they will be fine cause they would work out their problems. She even wanted to ask him to stay and try to work it out but the selfish part of her thought it would be easier to let him go. It wasn't and now only 24 hours later she's staring at her image in the mirror after having a breakdown. How. No why did she ask him that word? OUT: she now hates this word it's nagging her mind, it's eating at her brain, it's weighing down her heart and causing her stomach to do weird things. This word is the worst word she ever heard. It's the word she did not want to hear coming from his mouth. But she did hear it and now she regrets giving him that out.
She thought she could do this alone, she was already independent. That's what she knew about herself and what Barney loved about her but letting him go without telling him what she needed to tell him. No, what she wanted to tell him but now she can't cause he's gone and she threw away the one thing she needed in her life.
After a half hour just staring at her reflection in the bathroom mirror she splashes some cold water on her face then dries it with a towel then leaves the bathroom. As she steps back into the main room of the hotel she looks around noticing that all of Barney's things are gone. He left her, it was the one thing she was terrified of, she ran for so long trying to fight her feelings for him but then he asked her to marry him and she couldn't say no. It's the only thing in her life that she thought could last forever. The one and only man in her life who loved her for HER which meant loving her for being her independent self and for following her dreams. Or, at least she thought supported her career. Maybe the reason he left her was because he thought she wanted her independence back. Maybe she was smothering him or maybe he thought she was unhappy and dragging him all over the world wasn't something he wanted when they married. She got that part but why did he take the out and not say he didn't want to? That's the question she can't help but think about right now.
Did she make the right decision letter him go? No. Was she too scared of the answer he would give next? Yes. Does she regret trying to fix and work out their problems? Yes. Did she do the right thing letting the love of her life go just like that without telling him not to leave her? She told herself yesterday that she did but now that answer is no. She thought she could do this on her own, she thought he'd understand, she wanted him to fight for her, she wanted to fight for him but she was too scared that they wouldn't get passed this.
She liked her new job as foreign correspondent and traveling like she always dreamed of. But that was before she knew that she couldn't live without Barney and accepted to marry him. And now she's alone again sitting on the hotels bed twisting her wedding band between her fingers. She couldn't bring herself to take the ring off until this moment. But it was only for a second before she put it back on her left hand.
"Damn it, I really screwed up again why do I do this? No wonder my father has always been disappointed with me. I can't do anything right. I lost the love of my life for being a coward and not fighting for him... For us, like I should have along time ago. I should have settled down with him when we first dated. God, I knew it then and I knows it now. I love Barney Stinson and will never stop, how can one man do this to me. How can I let him go again when I wanted to be with him forever?" And the tears starts again and she takes off her ring again and throws it across the room where it landed by the trash can, she wanted to throw it inside the can but it didn't land there.
The next thing she knew she was packing up her suitcases and calling her boss telling her he needs to go back to New York. She can't do this job anymore. She leaves the hotel and checks out and hops on the next plane back to where her home is and where her heart lies.
