Chapter One- A Little Change Is Going Do You Good
April 1984
"M-Meghan honey…I know your excited but are you supposed to be calling Daddy at work…t-that's right, not unless its lunch, or an emergency. I know…I know…tell Mommy I-I'll be home in an hour or so…okay…I-I love you too."
Bob sighed and put his head in his hands. He was thankful to finally get off the phone. He was busy writing and Meghan had called him….again. His overly chatty almost-seven-year-old daughter could be exhausting at times, especially since she'd started using the phone a lot. Now that that had happened, he couldn't get her to stop calling while he was at work. And when he was home, he couldn't get her off the phone with her friend Veronica…Bob felt bad getting off the phone so quickly but he had work to do and a deadline to meet.
Things had changed after Lauren's heart surgery: not only was she much healthier but everyone in the house was happier. The stress they were all under when Emily was pregnant with Robbie and Lauren was sick was gone, they'd all adjusted into being a bigger family, and grown into their new house and new life. After Christmas, when Robbie was no longer a newborn, Bob left and went on his book tour; the one he was supposed to go on more than a year before, prior to Lauren's birth. It had gone well and now he was writing a third book.
This was something Bob had always dreamed about, but he never thought it would happen: becoming a well-known author. His first book had been about love and was written when he and Emily had Meghan, the second had been about forgiveness. This one was about friendship and Bob found himself kind of stuck on it. He sighed, throwing down his pen and thinking about the best friend he'd ever had….well, the best guy friend…It had been almost four years now, since he'd seen or heard from Jerry Robinson.
"Bob, I'm going to head home now." Carol said, sticking her head in the door.
"Oh…okay. Carol, you and Larry still coming for dinner next week?" He asked, fishing for something to keep her there a few minutes longer, she hadn't seemed right that day, he knew something was wrong but he couldn't really pinpoint what about her seemed off.
"Yeah, looking forward to it, I asked Meghan to tell her Mom when she called earlier. She's so cute Bob, and growing up so fast!" Carol laughed. Bob and Emily's children were a joy to her and she was close to them. "Anyway, see you Monday Bob…"
"Have a good weekend." She closed the door and Bob returned to his work.
"Can we talk?" She asked, coming in again and closing the door.
"Of course." He smiled. "What's wrong…I've, I've been wondering all week."
"I don't know I…my life is…humdrum…"
"I thought you and Larry were very happy."
"Oh we are!" Carol didn't hesitate to correct him on this. "It isn't Larry, or the job or, or anything like that. It's just that everything's so routine…I want something new in my life Bob. Something unexpected. Since Larry started the new travel agency he's been busier, he's been accomplishing things…Emily's got the kids, you've got the books...I guess I just wish I had something else that was…I don't know…an accomplishment."
"That's very good."
"Huh?...How's that good?" Carol carefully raised an eyebrow.
"Well you know exactly what it is that's bothering you."
"Oh!" She brightened at this.
"Look, the weekend is here…why don't you go home, a-and write down some lists: things you're good at, things that make you happy…things you miss…things you've always wanted to do and see if you don't get any ideas from that."
"Oh Bob, that's wonderful!" Carol smiled. She was excited now. "Bob, you're terrific." Bob only smiled at this. "C-Carol." He stopped her as she went out the door and he turned again to face his desk.
"Yeah Bob?"
"Do you ever miss Jerry?" He asked.
….
"Emily I'm home." Bob called from the foyer.
He removed his coat, put down his umbrella and began to walk toward the kitchen where he knew she'd be. Bob stood there and waited for a moment wondering why at least one of the girls hadn't come to greet him at the door as they usually did, the house was unusually quiet and it was suspicious to say the least.
"Emily!" He called again.
"Oh hi sweetie." Emily walked into the foyer from the kitchen to greet Bob but stopped when she saw him freeze.
"What. Is. That?" He asked, pointing to the baby she was holding.
"Bob that's your son it's Robbie." She said, batting her eyelashes. She hoped that he wasn't loosing his mind and brought the seven-month-old boy closer to her.
"No I mean what is he wearing?" He asked of the pink onesie his infant son was wearing.
"Oh Bob he's been spitting up all day and I had nothing else to put him in, just the girl's old clothes."
"He's sick?!" Bob was immediately concerned. He raised an eyebrow and reached out to touch the baby's forehead.
"I don't know, he's much better now."
"E-Emily he went through that many clothes!"
"I know I was worried too." She admitted. "But I think he's okay…"
"Well, he would've had to have been pretty bad off if you put him in…in pink."
"He's a baby!" Emily laughed. "Its not gonna hurt him putting him in pink!" Emily laughed. "Besides, I told you I couldn't help it all the baby boy clothes are dirty except for ones that are way, way too big for him. Would you rather I'd just let him be naked? Because it makes more sense to put him in the girl's clothes than it does to have him be cold especially when I don't think he's exactly feeling his best."
"Fine I just…don't put him in girly girly clothing next time…"
"Bob it's a onesie…and he went through all of his."
"You're sure he's okay…it sounds like he went through a lot of stuff….Here, let me take him, you must be tired."
"Okay…but what about your shirt; if he starts spitting up again…?" Emily had been through several shirts that day herself, which Bob could tell. He hadn't seen the shirt she was wearing in years and even then she only wore it while cleaning.
"It's okay, Daddy doesn't care about the shirt." Emily smiled.
"Is something bothering you?" She asked, as he followed her back to the kitchen. She'd been able to sense that it was the past couple of days and had planned on asking him about it when he got home.
"Da!" Lauren clapped from her place sitting at the kitchen table.
"Hi sweetheart! How's my baby girl?" He asked, brushing past his wife and going to their daughter.
"Da-da!" She squealed excitedly.
"Hi sweetheart." He smiled, kissing her softly.
Lauren was the apple of his eye and no matter what; he always had to take a second to spend time alone with just her when he got home. Lauren sat in her high chair babbling to herself and smiled up at her father. He was so proud of her. She was so much bigger now, and healthy. She was still tiny for her age, and they were told she always would be. But other than that, everything that had been wrong with her had kind of faded away. She was older now and trying to walk, she had a head full of dark blonde hair that Emily tried to put in little pigtails everyday, trouble was there wasn't quite enough of it to manage that yet.
"Anyway; back to the matter of what's wrong." Emily said, concentrating more on the dinner she was making than on her husband.
"Emily…do you remember Jerry?" He asked, beginning to address her previous question.
"Do I remember Jerry?" She asked laughing. She thought it was a stupid question. "Of course I remember Jerry…Bob I, I know he was your friend more than mine…but sometimes well I-I kind of miss him."
"Yeah me too."
"You know its still such a shock to me that he just up and left everybody like that. Just out of the blue."
"I know I, sometimes I still don't know what to make of it. And that's why I brought him up Emily I…writing this book you know about friends…and I don't know how to do that without my best friend."
"Well you've got me…and Howard." Bob could tell what she really met; she was offended that he didn't consider her his best friend.
Bob put Robbie down in his highchair and smiled as he walked over to his wife, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her into a hug.
"Well there are different kinds of best friends a-and fortunately for me, I have all of them. There's Cliff Murdoch." He could feel Emily almost cringe in annoyance when he brought up Cliff. "He's my best college buddy. Then, then there's you. And fortunately for us all, you're the only one of my best friends who I've ever had the inclination to sweep off her feet." Emily laughed at this. "And then there's…Howard."
"Bob he's family!" She exclaimed, knowing that he was annoyed with him.
Having Howard as a best guy friend wasn't the same and he never said it, but Emily knew it. Sometimes, Howard stressed Bob out more than he could say. He tried to do the kinds of things with Howard that he did with Jerry, problem was, nothing ever worked. Last Christmas, for example, the two had decided to help each other string lights….Bob could remember it very clearly.
He was up on a ladder two floors up, Howard was all the way on the ground, his job was to make sure the ladder stayed and to help Bob by tossing up new strings of lights to him when he asked for them.
"Okay Howard." He'd said. He was tired and had one strand left to go before he finished. "I'm ready….Howard?" Bob raised an eyebrow and looked around, finding that Howard was nowhere to be found. "Howard?" He asked when he heard something wrestling in the bushes. He turned slightly to see what was there and before he knew it he could feel the ladder sliding out from under his feet. Bob quickly grabbed the gutter and held on for dear life, hearing the ladder crash into the grass below with almost a bang.
"Sorry Bob!" Howard called. He came out of the house with a handful of candy and called up from where he'd stopped next to the fallen ladder.
If that weren't bad enough, he had to play golf with Howard too.
Bob rolled his eyes, golf was a leisurely activity for him, or at least it was supposed to be. Howard was so slow a golfer that it made having fun seem nearly impossible. He stood behind him as he attempted to hit the ball.
"Howard, its just one quick swing, don't be so deliberate, just do it!"
Bob stood back, hoping to give his friend adequate room to swing the club. Howard took a deep breath and raised the club back….with a little too much force. Howard let go of the club when he went to swing it behind him and unfortunately, he let go of it, causing it to fly into the air.
"Ooowww!" Bob yelled, quickly grabbing his face when he felt the club bounce off his head. "Howard!"
"Sorry Bob." Howard replied sheepishly.
Bob hadn't done much golfing since then.
Then there was that other time, just a few weeks ago when he'd been attempting to explain a particular type of therapy to Howard, not because he was really all that interested in sharing, but because Howard had asked point blank after dinner one night. For once Bob felt they were actually sharing something, after all, he'd listened to all the things Howard had to say about aerodynamics earlier in the evening… but then Howard stopped replying and began to simply nod very slowly, making it obvious to Bob that he didn't follow any longer.
"You don't understand?" Bob questioned. His five-year-old daughter Bridget had understood this concept perfectly.
"Sorry Bob." He apologized.
"I-I know he's family Emily." Bob acknowledged, turning back to the present. "And he is my friend, and he is my brother-in-law, but…it's not the same. I've never said it, but I know you know it."
"Yeah I-I do." She admitted.
"I think I wanna try to find Jerry. I mean, even though he is the one who didn't keep in touch…with me or with Carol…"
Bob had always harbored this awkward, unfounded suspicion that Jerry felt something more for Carol, something…deeper, if you get what I mean. Bob figured he hadn't stayed in touch because he was hurt. His life and Carol's had changed in big ways, and Jerry's just stood still. Carol married another guy, and he and Emily finally succeeded in making a family…three little girls in three years…both things would make any guy with no family feel left out. Jealous even. In fact, Bob knew, for sure, that that's why he had left and gone to San Francisco to start a new life.
"I'm sure that somehow, sometime you'll find your way back into each other's lives." Emily encouraged.
"I hope so. I-I miss him Emily." He admitted. "Carol does too."
"Oh honey." Emily soothed, kissing his cheek. "It's okay…and if you feel that way that means its time to find him….Speaking of friends don't forget the Carlins are coming over for dinner tomorrow!" Emily reminded. Bob bristled when she said this.
"It's not 'the Carlins'…it's just Mr. Carlin and Michelle…that's it." He insisted. "They're not married, the-they're not getting married just drop the subject Emily."
"Okay Bob." Emily giggled sarcastically. It had been four years and she thought they were an adorable couple.
Bob didn't like to talk about the fact that Mr. Carlin and Michelle were a couple now. The idea was embarrassing to him. They fought all the time, were ill-suited to each other, and met because they were both in therapy with him…it made him look bad as a professional because he was sure it would all crash and burn
sooner rather than later.
"And I know what you're thinking Bob, and they're not a bad couple." Emily
laughed.
Carlin and Michelle's romance had unfolded before his eyes and even at the time, he found it terrifying. Many years ago, they'd gone on a date that hadn't worked out and he had been relieved. Then, just a few years ago, right after Jerry left, he'd taken his groups on another marathon weekend…it was the calamitous one his entire family had been on. The one where Howard had accidently told his pregnant wife (Bob's sister Ellen) that he'd tricked her into marrying him and getting pregnant…it was that same day that someone had first asked Carlin and Michelle if they were a couple and they began to argue about their relationship and that one date they'd been on several years prior. That night's argument had resulted in plans for a second date; which Bob had tried to warn them, was a horrible idea. But surprisingly, Mr. Vikars, (Bob's oldest, most miserable patient who seemed to hate the idea of marriage and children, despite having several wives and at least one greedy son of his own), that:
"You're not the only one who deserves to be happy with a wife and children who love you!" Bob had been waiting for that line ever since he agreed to bring his family up there with all his lonely, single patients.
"Yeah!" Howard had mistakenly agreed.
And so Elliot and Michelle became a couple.
….
"Finally some peace and quiet." Bob sighed, falling into his favorite chair, his youngest daughter in his arms.
Several hours had passed and night had come. The dinner dishes had been put away long ago and all was still and quiet. Meghan, Bridget and Molly had just been tucked in bed, and now only Lauren and Robbie remained awake, waiting for their parents to feed them.
"This is a nice time of night; isn't it?" She asked, holding Robbie close as she sat across from him. "And look, here they are."
"Here who are?" Bob raised an eyebrow.
"The girl for you and the boy for me."
"Oh!" He laughed. "Except, I'm quadrupally lucky Emily, I got four girls."
"I'm glad you see it that way." She smiled.
"Of course I do." He smiled down at Lauren. ""But it's nice to have a boy and a girl the same age, it's a totally different experience. I mean I have always felt our children come in pairs but this is nice."
"I think so too. Happy Anniversary Bob." She said, blowing him a kiss. Their anniversary and their daughter Meghan's seventh birthday were both next Sunday.
"Happy Anniversary to you too honey."
"Who thought this is how we'd spend it after fifteen years huh? Still bottle feeding little people…"
Emily was interrupted when the doorbell rang; she and Bob exchanged perplexed glances.
"Who could that be?" She asked.
"I don't know I guess I better get it before it wakes up the girls." He sighed, upset that he had to get up. He put Lauren back in her arms and went to answer the door, planning on being a little rude to whoever was there.
"Carol, Larry…" He was surprised. "It's kind of late."
"I know and we're sorry Bob." Carol began.
"But we needed help with this fight we're having." Larry explained.
Bob sighed, leaning his head against the door.
"Come in." He relented. He'd been hoping for a quiet evening…he should've known better. He'd spent the entire evening, before this, mediating a fight between Meghan and Bridget that was pretty brutal for a fight between a five year old and a six year old.
"You'll be on my side Bob, I'm sure." Larry assured. "What she's planning on doing it's its just crazy!"
"Crazy!" Carol cried. "I supported you through starting a business!"
"You want to start a business?" Bob was intrigued. He wondered what it was that she wanted to do.
"Yes and I…hi Emily." Carol greeted as Bob took them into the living room where Emily was sitting with Robbie and Lauren.
"Hi guys, well this is a surprise!" She said.
Part of Emily was embarrassed to have them there when she didn't have the house ready for guests, part of her was glad to have random company again as they used to all the time; it made her feel as if things were returning to normal.
"So uh. This argument you're having." Bob said as he took Lauren back from Emily. He wanted to cut to the chase, and moreover, he wanted to know what kind of business Carol was planning on starting.
"Argument?" Emily was concerned.
"You see Bob." Carol began. "A long time ago, I used to dance…I know a lot about it. And I've got friends who dance professionally, see…"
"It's a ridiculous idea!" Larry interjected.
"I want to start a studio, you know, the kind of place where people can teach dance not just to adults, but to little kids…jazz, tap, ballet for girls Meghan and Bridget's age…"
Bob was about to say something but Emily interjected before he could even open his mouth.
"Oh Carol I love it!" Emily said immediately. "When can I sign them up?!"
"See Larry I told you it wasn't a terrible idea." She said.
"Of course its not a terrible idea! I know a lot of people who would be interested. If you like, I can post something at the school about it…"
Bob should've known that Carol's coming over to talk to him would really turn into her talking to Emily, it often did. He felt bad that poor Larry couldn't get a word in edgewise because of Emily's support. Bob understood his concerns and shared some of them even though he didn't agree that it was a terrible idea. There was clearly a market for it, the question was, could she pull it off?
"Oh Bob this is a great idea." Emily squealed, shutting Robbie's door behind her. "They've needed something like this, I want to enroll the girls right away…do you think Molly's too little?"
"I-I think you're getting ahead of yourself Emily I mean…sure it's a good idea, sure it could be fun for the girls, but there's a long way to go, we don't know that its even going to work." He insisted. The two were on their way back downstairs now.
"Of course it'll work!" Emily was aghast and laughed at him a little.
"Well I hope it works, but…"
"Oh no buts….it's a great idea, and you know it."
"Sure it's a good idea, but you tend to get overenthusiastic about things like this…just wait awhile before you tell the girls. I don't want them too excited about…"
"Oh it's going to happen. I promise you that Bob." It was in that moment that Emily decided she'd help it happen.
"This is just like how you think Mr. Carlin and Michelle are a good couple."
"Bob that's because they are!"
"Emily do you remember why they got together?"
"Because of what happened on the marathon and…"
"No. They went on a second date because of the marathon. They stayed together because he insulted her Dad when he met him. That made him feel important and it made her think she fell in love…they're just meeting each other's needs…it's not…"
"Bob. Sometimes that's all you need to be a great couple. Not every one can be us." She kissed his cheek, smiling as she walked back into the kitchen and leaving him alone at the foot of the stairs.
…..
Jerry Robinson sighed. He stood on his rooftop garden, a glass of wine in his hand as he overlooked the city. The city lights sparkled, illuminating the sea of flowing hills that seemed to stretch endlessly into the distance where the moon shone down on the bay. It was picturesque and the perfect place to get away from it all without ever having left home. Looking around it was easy to see why he had come there in the first place.
He was enjoying himself tonight; despite the reason he'd decided not to stay inside he house. The cool spring breeze was pleasant, but a little faster than usual and it served to remind him of home: of Chicago. He couldn't believe he hadn't been back in nearly five years, that he'd changed so much and just abandoned everything of his former life. It was weird to think of sometimes, and as nice as this new life was, he couldn't deny that a part of him was becoming homesick.
"Honey?" His wife asked gently.
"Oh, hi." He turned to greet her and smiled.
"I'm sorry." She said, coming up behind him and wrapping her arms around his chest, she lye her head on his shoulder as she hugged him from behind. "About Cora."
"She hates me, doesn't she?" He asked of his fifteen-year-old stepdaughter.
"No. She doesn't hate you. She just doesn't like being told what to do like any other teenager. It's just a growing up thing."
"I don't know…" Jerry hesitated. He knew very well that Cora did hate him. She had for the three and a half years he'd known her. His attempts to be a Father to her were not only pushed away, they were just flat out crushed. And despite the fact that she hated him, he still cared for and felt responsible for the rebellious young girl. "I just wish there were something I could do to…"
"Is that why you're up here?" She asked. She didn't think he should stay away from the rest of the family because of the fight he'd had with Cora about her going out that night. "I don't know what to do about her either…" Cora's Mother was actually close to giving up on her. "But for now dinner's ready and Daniel and I wouldn't eat without you."
"Okay." He said, taking her hand and squeezing it in his own as she began to pull away. "I'll be down in a minute."
"Honey is something else wrong?" She asked. By this time she was approaching the stairs that led down into the rest of the house and was just staring back at him.
"No, no I…I actually did think of something while I was up here." He said, taking another sip of his wine.
"Oh yeah; what?"
"Maybe it would be good, for Cora if we moved, got her around a new crowd of kids and away from all the memories of her Dad…like if we went back to Chicago."
